Therapy for KO and for nada/fada?

[Guest guest]

1) Are those of you, KOs (Kid's Of, right?), in therapy pursuing any

specific therapy protocols? Namely Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) --

which seems to be one of the very few successful BPD therapies.

If we KOs suffer some of the same bahaviors (fleas) as our BPD parents,

would/should the therapeutic approach be the same as for BPD itself? Or

have you found that other approaches work?

2) I understand that the BPD/NPD sufferer (nada/fada in our cases) rarely

admits to the symptoms, much less the disorder, so therapy for the sufferer

is not too common. But for any of you who keep tabs (and *you* may not

have a choice in the matter!) on your BPD/NPD parent, are they in therapy

*for* the disorder? If so, what seems to be the therapy protocol (i.e.:

DBT?), and how effective do you feel that it is?

(My nada passed away 10 years ago, without ever having any sort of therapy

other than the " traditional " psychiatrist sits and listens type.)

Thank you!

Dana

[Guest guest]

Hi Dana,

1. I'm not currently in therapy.

2. My nada was in therapy off and on for about 2 years, due to Sister and I

giving her

an ultimatum, but it did absolutely no good whatsoever. Therapy only has the

chance of working if the individual *wants* to change and is *willing and able

to accept personal responsibility for their own behaviors, words*, etc.; neither

of those factors was present with my nada. Nada told Sister she only went

because we forced her to, there was nothing wrong with her and she didn't need

any therapy, that we were the hateful, abusive ones who lied about her, and she

only went to learn how to deal with us.

My Sister went to a psychologist who just happened to have had a mother with

borderline pd also, so he was able to really help my Sister understand and

accept that it was OK to set boundaries, it was OK to not have any guilt about

the need to set boundaries with our nada, that it was OK to detach emotionally

from our nada, who had designated my Sister the " all bad " child even though

Sister was the one spending a great deal of her free time helping nada like a

part-time caregiver.

My Sister went to this psychologist for about 3 years off and on, and feels he

was a great help to her. I have observed that my Sister still has

obsessive-compulsive pd traits but to a much lesser degree, now. She's gotten

more of her childhood memories back, and more of her natural nerve reflexes

back. Sister became less irritable and less short-tempered too, but I think she

had overloaded herself with responsibilities for a long time and that was

contributing to her chronic irritability. But being able to stop feeling that

she (Sister) was responsible for how our nada felt about her and treated her,

was a huge, HUGE factor in helping my Sister be a happier and less stressed-out

person.

I don't know off-hand what type of therapy this psychologist used, for either my

nada or my Sister. I know that at one point he was using a bio-feedback

technique with Sister; she described it to me: a therapy where she was wired to

a machine that displayed her brain waves, and her task was to get her brain

waves to achieve a certain appearance on the monitor that meant she was very,

very relaxed.

-Annie

>

> 1) Are those of you, KOs (Kid's Of, right?), in therapy pursuing any

> specific therapy protocols? Namely Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) --

> which seems to be one of the very few successful BPD therapies.

>

> If we KOs suffer some of the same bahaviors (fleas) as our BPD parents,

> would/should the therapeutic approach be the same as for BPD itself? Or

> have you found that other approaches work?

>

> 2) I understand that the BPD/NPD sufferer (nada/fada in our cases) rarely

> admits to the symptoms, much less the disorder, so therapy for the sufferer

> is not too common. But for any of you who keep tabs (and *you* may not

> have a choice in the matter!) on your BPD/NPD parent, are they in therapy

> *for* the disorder? If so, what seems to be the therapy protocol (i.e.:

> DBT?), and how effective do you feel that it is?

>

> (My nada passed away 10 years ago, without ever having any sort of therapy

> other than the " traditional " psychiatrist sits and listens type.)

>

> Thank you!

>

> Dana

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Dana,

1. I am in therapy and have been for about 5 years. My therapist is not a DBT

therapist and I have found that I do not need DBT skills. She works with me from

both cognitive behavioral (CBT) and a psychodynamic (thats more of the sit and

listen and interpret kind of approach)therapies. I for sure have fleas but have

found that I am slllloooowwwllly getting rid of them by exploring the trauma I

have experienced as a result of my nada's BPD, understanding how it is impacting

my current life, grieving the " loss " of my mother, and learning new ways to be

in my life that are flea free and happy. DBT can be a good idea if you have

difficulties with emotional regulation, impulsivity, self harm, or volatile

relationships. Sometimes I think it is more about having a safe relationship

with a person you trust (the therapist) than it is about the " technique " itself.

When you choose a therapist definitely look for those qualities! Unfortunately,

not all therapists can provide that safe space.

2. My nada would not get near a therapist with a ten foot poll (this has done

wonders for our relationship given that I have become a therapist). Its seems

like ultimatums from a united force seems to be a common way that people finally

get their nadas/fadas to go but they really have to be willing in order for the

therapy to help. I'm not super optimistic that my nada will ever get to this

point. Too bad too, she really needs it!

-Tucket

> >

> > 1) Are those of you, KOs (Kid's Of, right?), in therapy pursuing any

> > specific therapy protocols? Namely Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) --

> > which seems to be one of the very few successful BPD therapies.

> >

> > If we KOs suffer some of the same bahaviors (fleas) as our BPD parents,

> > would/should the therapeutic approach be the same as for BPD itself? Or

> > have you found that other approaches work?

> >

> > 2) I understand that the BPD/NPD sufferer (nada/fada in our cases) rarely

> > admits to the symptoms, much less the disorder, so therapy for the sufferer

> > is not too common. But for any of you who keep tabs (and *you* may not

> > have a choice in the matter!) on your BPD/NPD parent, are they in therapy

> > *for* the disorder? If so, what seems to be the therapy protocol (i.e.:

> > DBT?), and how effective do you feel that it is?

> >

> > (My nada passed away 10 years ago, without ever having any sort of therapy

> > other than the " traditional " psychiatrist sits and listens type.)

> >

> > Thank you!

> >

> > Dana

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I am not a professional, but understanding that:

1)DBT should be fine. CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) also works great. They

are similar. DBT has an extra level added at the beginning that focuses on

suicidal ideation, I think. I don't think you necessarily have to seek out DBT

for yourself, as more clinicians are familiar with CBT.

2) The effectiveness of any therapy is completely dependent on the patient's

willingness to participate and change. Most BPDs don't go to treatment, ever. Of

those who do, many feel " forced " by someone else's ultimatum. Some do seek T but

for the sad fact that everyone else in their life is the problem, and the

higher-functioning ones sometimes find a T they can fool with their false

" public " victim persona. But if someone is truly ready to change, and seeks T

with a qualified professional who is trained in either DBT or CBT, and sticks

with it long-term, they can make positive changes.