Nada's having an episode again

[Guest guest]

My mom suffers from BPD, I've known that for many years now. She gets in these

weird moods sometimes, yesterday she got upset because I told her that once she

turns old enough to retire she may need to work a little on the side to

supplement her income. I suggested that she work as an interpreter because she

can work as little or as much as she wants and the pay is very good. She kept on

making excuses about being too old to work, yadda, yadda. Then she says she'd

like to travel all over the place...are you kidding me? She's barely going to

get 800-900 USD per month! Other than half of the family home and a little

property in Mexico she doesn't have a lot in the bank. She's been a housewife

for most of her life and my dad isn't exactly swimming in money either. He has

traveled abroad a few times but only because he roughs it in hostels, my mom

didn't care for that type of travel so she didn't go. She periodically goes to

the little property she has south of the border, problem is that last time she

was there it was dusty and she came down with chronic sinusitis. It got so bad

that we had to rush her to the ER a day after she got here!

About a week ago her sinusitis came back with a vengeance and now she's got a

bad case of pink eye as well. She's got a good health insurance and when I asked

her if she'd made an appointment so the doctor can put her on antibiotics she

snapped at me. She said she would make one tommorrow despite the fact that she's

not getting better. My dad said she told him she felt like going back to her

property in Mexico, which is fucking nuts. I mean, that's where she got sick in

the first place! It's in a perpetual state of disrepair since she is not very

good at getting a major project like that done on her own. I know we all have

our difference but it's not like we don't put up with her issues as well.

Sometimes I feel like tearing my hair out after trying to reason with her.

[Guest guest]

> Sometimes I feel like tearing my hair out after trying to reason with her.

>

That's understandable. It sounds like you are expecting your mother to be

someone she is not.

She is not someone who can assess reality and respond to reason. Her feelings

become facts for her. You will never be able to convince her to see things

logically.

It will help you a lot once you realize this. You will stop arguing with her and

trying to fix her and trying to make her understand. You will see that she is

what she is and that she does not want to change that.

" Yes. It sure would be nice to travel all over the place when you retire. That's

an excellent goal to talk about with your financial planner. "

Sveta

[Guest guest]

The best advice I ever got was from someone who had bpd and was in therapy for

it so they really understood what I was goin through with my nada. He said

" you keep expecting her to act reasonably, like a normal person. Snap out of

it, she's not normal, will never be normal and will never act reasonably. Just

expect she's going to act crazy and you'll be able to deal with it so much

easier. Lower your expections.

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Friday, March 30, 2012 6:57 PM

Subject: Re: Nada's having an episode again

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> Sometimes I feel like tearing my hair out after trying to reason with her.

>

That's understandable. It sounds like you are expecting your mother to be

someone she is not.

She is not someone who can assess reality and respond to reason. Her feelings

become facts for her. You will never be able to convince her to see things

logically.

It will help you a lot once you realize this. You will stop arguing with her and

trying to fix her and trying to make her understand. You will see that she is

what she is and that she does not want to change that.

" Yes. It sure would be nice to travel all over the place when you retire. That's

an excellent goal to talk about with your financial planner. "

Sveta