Guest guest Posted February 26, 2003 Report Share Posted February 26, 2003 LOL....I have to say Greggory will do the same thing. I am afraid that they are already getting to the age where mom is just a bother sometimes and way too nosey! ugh. Jacquie H WHY? went to an indoor playground for his school elective last Wednesday. He's going again today. Last Wednesday, when I asked him what he did, he muttered something I could barely understand about the climbers. When I asked another question, he yelled, " I ALREADY TOLD YOU ABOUT IT!!!! " and then he growled at me. So that was that. WHY, then, WHY did he sit on the phone with my mom this morning and tell her ALL ABOUT the indoor playground and what he did there!?!?!?!?! It was only by eavesdropping on that conversation that I learned anything about that trip! WHY? Jacquie moderator, 's mom " To be or not to be -- those are the parameters. " --Unknown Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 26, 2003 Report Share Posted February 26, 2003 You asked him the same day when he was already stressed internally from his school day. Today when he talked to his Grandma he was telling her about something that he did and he wasn't stressed from the same days events. Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 26, 2003 Report Share Posted February 26, 2003 Because he had already TOLD you...he HADN'T told Grandma yet. Penny WHY? went to an indoor playground for his school elective last Wednesday. He's going again today. Last Wednesday, when I asked him what he did, he muttered something I could barely understand about the climbers. When I asked another question, he yelled, " I ALREADY TOLD YOU ABOUT IT!!!! " and then he growled at me. So that was that. WHY, then, WHY did he sit on the phone with my mom this morning and tell her ALL ABOUT the indoor playground and what he did there!?!?!?!?! It was only by eavesdropping on that conversation that I learned anything about that trip! WHY? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 27, 2003 Report Share Posted February 27, 2003 > He went there again yesterday, and mom called this morning to ask about it > and he completely shut her down. > > I must admit, I felt smug and vindicated! :-P > > Jacquie hahaahaahaaha :-) At least now you don't feel singled out! Believe me BTDT. Sometimes I find out about things so much later, that I have no idea when they happeded! His version of yesterday, or a week ago have nothing to do with the actual time frame, you know? Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 28, 2003 Report Share Posted February 28, 2003 > You asked him the same day when he was already stressed internally from his > school day. Today when he talked to his Grandma he was telling her about > something that he did and he wasn't stressed from the same days events. > Sue He went there again yesterday, and mom called this morning to ask about it and he completely shut her down. I must admit, I felt smug and vindicated! :-P Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 30, 2012 Report Share Posted March 30, 2012 A question that I keep asking myself is WHY!!! Why are NADAs so hostile? Mine has a favorite. " JESUS, MARY, and JOSHEPH!!! " screamed at least 36 times a day. I have been hearing that, and a slam, for 45 years! What about BPD specifically makes them so angry and hostile? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 30, 2012 Report Share Posted March 30, 2012 This is just my take on the matter. I think they feel hostile and angry (at least in part) because they view the world as a very threatening place. Things that you and I regard as normal feel like threats and attacks to them. In addition to feeling attacked, they take things way out of proportion and place huge amounts of importance on things that have no real importance. For example, my nada seems to feel like anyone who doesn't agree with her opinions is actively attacking her. In one instance she asked me if I thought the blue or the green rug at the store would look better in her living room. The one I chose wasn't the one she preferred. To her, my failure to have the same preference was like me saying that she was wrong and I was right and that was an attack on her. Because she felt attacked, she got angry with me and pitched a fit once we were out of the store. I find that it helps to think of them as emotionally like toddlers. You've probably seen how two and three-year-olds react to not getting their way about even minor things? That's how nadas behave. Their emotions run out of control. They can't feel mildly annoyed or upset. Their feelings are either on or off. All of this comes back to their inability to regulate their emotions. I think some of them also feel like we're obstacles to them getting what they want and that can contribute to their hostility too. It isn't uncommon for them to feel that having a baby then a growing child to take care of crimped their style and interfered with their lives. They expect us to feel like we owe them for raising us and do whatever they want even when we're adults. The fact that we don't adds to their angry and hostile feelings. At 07:37 PM 03/30/2012 Manning wrote: >A question that I keep asking myself is WHY!!! > >Why are NADAs so hostile? > >Mine has a favorite. " JESUS, MARY, and JOSHEPH!!! " screamed at >least 36 >times a day. > >I have been hearing that, and a slam, for 45 years! > >What about BPD specifically makes them so angry and hostile? > > > > -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 30, 2012 Report Share Posted March 30, 2012 Did you grow up under my bed? All I heard all my life was what I burden I was. She used to count down on all my birthdays.. " 6 more years till' you are 18 and I am FREE " etc. One of the hardest parts of this for me is that NO MATTER WHAT I DO FOR HER IT IS NOT ENOUGH!!! I have waited on her hand and foot when she took the heart attack and I still get BITCHED at for leaving a spot of water on the counter.. And I don't mean a little annoyance. I mean off the hook " JESUS, MARY, and JOSHEPH's with the inevitable following SLAM!!! " Thank goodness for this group. you have all given me much insight that no alanon / alateen group has ever given to me. Thank you! M- From: WTOAdultChildren1 [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of Katrina Sent: Friday, March 30, 2012 7:57 PM To: WTOAdultChildren1 Subject: Re: Why? This is just my take on the matter. I think they feel hostile and angry (at least in part) because they view the world as a very threatening place. Things that you and I regard as normal feel like threats and attacks to them. In addition to feeling attacked, they take things way out of proportion and place huge amounts of importance on things that have no real importance. For example, my nada seems to feel like anyone who doesn't agree with her opinions is actively attacking her. In one instance she asked me if I thought the blue or the green rug at the store would look better in her living room. The one I chose wasn't the one she preferred. To her, my failure to have the same preference was like me saying that she was wrong and I was right and that was an attack on her. Because she felt attacked, she got angry with me and pitched a fit once we were out of the store. I find that it helps to think of them as emotionally like toddlers. You've probably seen how two and three-year-olds react to not getting their way about even minor things? That's how nadas behave. Their emotions run out of control. They can't feel mildly annoyed or upset. Their feelings are either on or off. All of this comes back to their inability to regulate their emotions. I think some of them also feel like we're obstacles to them getting what they want and that can contribute to their hostility too. It isn't uncommon for them to feel that having a baby then a growing child to take care of crimped their style and interfered with their lives. They expect us to feel like we owe them for raising us and do whatever they want even when we're adults. The fact that we don't adds to their angry and hostile feelings. At 07:37 PM 03/30/2012 Manning wrote: >A question that I keep asking myself is WHY!!! > >Why are NADAs so hostile? > >Mine has a favorite. " JESUS, MARY, and JOSHEPH!!! " screamed at >least 36 >times a day. > >I have been hearing that, and a slam, for 45 years! > >What about BPD specifically makes them so angry and hostile? > > > > -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 30, 2012 Report Share Posted March 30, 2012 I think they are angry because they have a lot of unacknowledged rage and grief that they suppress and that then outs in different ways at innocent victims. ie US. Also, if you have a bpd that puts on a pleasant front to the world, well they are putting on an act, and that anger will also out against innocent victims. It's hard to suck it up all the time for the world. We should know. Luckily by being here on this board we are able to change, something our BPD loved ones are incapable of for the most part. That's why I wouldn't trade places with them for the world. That and the whole karma thing. SR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 31, 2012 Report Share Posted March 31, 2012 BPD diagnostic criteria #8: " Inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights). " I've heard bpd described as having " no emotional skin " ; like a burn victim who perceives even the slightest touch as excruciatingly painful, the person with bpd perceives even mildly annoying events as horribly hurtful, horribly aggravating, rage-inducing, etc. They lack the ability to perceive anything as " gray " , so to speak; an event or a person is perceived as " black " or " white " , as " all good " or " all bad " ; nothing is ever just mildly annoying, just a little aggravating or bothersome, its a *catastrophe*, its the *worst ever* and unendurable. Also, those with bpd seem to love drama and may even generate drama to get attention. Bpds who also have narcissistic pd traits ( " Queen " bpds) need a lot of attention, so if they discover that being VERY UPSET or VERY ANGRY tends to gain them attention and soothing by others, they'll do it more often. A hallmark characteristic of bpd is a lack of ability to regulate their emotions, so, once they perceive something as aggravating/irritating, as an insult or slight, as frightening, or as rejection or abandonment by others, their emotions cascade out of control and they are hurtled directly into EXTREME rage (or extreme fear, or extreme despair, etc.) with no shifting of gears, or no brakes, so to speak. (I've read that the up-side of this is that the person with bpd can also be hurtled directly into extreme sexual passion, so, the spouses and partners of those with bpd have at least some benefit to the relationship.) I think my own nada would build up a repressed wad of rage and frustration, and then when she was in the privacy of her own home or her own car, she would unleash it at us kids and at dad and relieve herself of this built-up, constipated rage and frustration. I think her screaming melt-down rages were a release for her; she usually felt much better after a really volcanic screaming rage-tantrum, and she either had no clue or simply did not care that venting her rage and frustration at her husband or at us kids was making us terrified of her and not wanting to be around her AT ALL. -Annie > > A question that I keep asking myself is WHY!!! > > Why are NADAs so hostile? > > Mine has a favorite. " JESUS, MARY, and JOSHEPH!!! " screamed at least 36 > times a day. > > I have been hearing that, and a slam, for 45 years! > > What about BPD specifically makes them so angry and hostile? > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 4, 2012 Report Share Posted April 4, 2012 Hello, Oh the yelling and slamming... does it bring memories...:-) It was just part of my everyday life. I think all that anger is an anger and a hatred that they feel toward *themselves*, at a deep level, and that is being redirected to others around. I have very rarely seen my mother happy. C- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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