NC is broken.....nada is driving me CRAZY!!!!

[Guest guest]

My grandnada is in the hospital, which means that NC has to be broken for me to

go see her. I go and run into my nada and her attitude is super embarassing. She

is in public and in front of people so she is the sweet charming, mom that the

world wants to see. She asks how I have been, whats going on with work, she even

asked about my husband that she can't stand! She asks about a wedding that I

went to recently and i showed her a picture that I took on my phone. Without my

knowledge, she starts flipping through my phone and looking through my other

photos. I get pissed at first, but then I realize that I have nothing to hide

and I want her to see what a FANTASTIC life that I have WITHOUT HER! there are

pics of my nieces, friends, bbq's we had, etc.

After, she pulls me aside to tell me that she is " sorry about everything that

has happened " which is really a manipulative plow to get back into my life. She

tells me that she loves me (whatever) and that is the end of the conversation. I

ask her what she is sorry for, but she wanted to change the subject. Of

course....Now, she is calling me two to three times a day and masking it as " I

want to tell you about grandma.....they cleaned her bedpan today. "

Im ignoring my mom's calls but Im afraid I might have to get nasty.... any

advice????

AJ

[Guest guest]

If its important to you to resume No Contact, then if I was in your place, I'd

let all my calls go to voice mail (NEVER answer an incoming call) then just

erase any messages from your nada without listening to them.

If you can let yourself do that, it gets easier after the first few times. The

first time I just didn't pick up the phone when it was my nada calling, I felt

horribly guilty and bad. But then after I'd done it a few times, I didn't feel

so bad. I felt empowered instead. When I would see my nada's number displayed

on my phones because she'd left a voice message, I'd just erase it/delete it

without listening to it.

You can always just call the hospital yourself to find out how your grandnada is

doing, so you don't need updates from your nada.

I hope that helps.

-Annie

>

> My grandnada is in the hospital, which means that NC has to be broken for me

to go see her. I go and run into my nada and her attitude is super embarassing.

She is in public and in front of people so she is the sweet charming, mom that

the world wants to see. She asks how I have been, whats going on with work, she

even asked about my husband that she can't stand! She asks about a wedding that

I went to recently and i showed her a picture that I took on my phone. Without

my knowledge, she starts flipping through my phone and looking through my other

photos. I get pissed at first, but then I realize that I have nothing to hide

and I want her to see what a FANTASTIC life that I have WITHOUT HER! there are

pics of my nieces, friends, bbq's we had, etc.

>

>

> After, she pulls me aside to tell me that she is " sorry about everything that

has happened " which is really a manipulative plow to get back into my life. She

tells me that she loves me (whatever) and that is the end of the conversation. I

ask her what she is sorry for, but she wanted to change the subject. Of

course....Now, she is calling me two to three times a day and masking it as " I

want to tell you about grandma.....they cleaned her bedpan today. "

>

> Im ignoring my mom's calls but Im afraid I might have to get nasty.... any

advice????

>

> AJ

>

[Guest guest]

It's like she doesn't even see YOU...she is just treating you like a prop or a

mirror. Hugs. I fully endorse you getting as nasty as you have to be, in order

to get your life back. Because it just sounds as if she is using you without

really respecting your personhood at all.

>

> My grandnada is in the hospital, which means that NC has to be broken for me

to go see her. I go and run into my nada and her attitude is super embarassing.

She is in public and in front of people so she is the sweet charming, mom that

the world wants to see. She asks how I have been, whats going on with work, she

even asked about my husband that she can't stand! She asks about a wedding that

I went to recently and i showed her a picture that I took on my phone. Without

my knowledge, she starts flipping through my phone and looking through my other

photos. I get pissed at first, but then I realize that I have nothing to hide

and I want her to see what a FANTASTIC life that I have WITHOUT HER! there are

pics of my nieces, friends, bbq's we had, etc.

>

>

> After, she pulls me aside to tell me that she is " sorry about everything that

has happened " which is really a manipulative plow to get back into my life. She

tells me that she loves me (whatever) and that is the end of the conversation. I

ask her what she is sorry for, but she wanted to change the subject. Of

course....Now, she is calling me two to three times a day and masking it as " I

want to tell you about grandma.....they cleaned her bedpan today. "

>

> Im ignoring my mom's calls but Im afraid I might have to get nasty.... any

advice????

>

> AJ

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks! I actually got nasty with her today. She gave me a 4 digit code to use

for the hospital office staff in case I need to get details of my grandnada's

condition. Afraid that I was going to " share it with the enemy " a.k.a my cousins

and nada's sister, she begged me and called me twice to tell me " Please don't

share the code with anyone else. " Why? Why cant my aunts and uncles call the

hospital to find out about their mother? Whatever.. I let it go.

I call the hospital today (after nada called me 4 more times) and found out that

my nada changed the code!!! The nurse tells me " Well, a female family memeber

has requested that all information go through her so the code is invalid. "

WHAT!!!???? Talk about control!!! i went off! I screamed at her for her control

issues and told her that she bitches about family not being around, but the

reason they aren't around is because of her!!!

Is it wierd that I feel guilty for being nasty? I know my therapist is going to

be so upset with me, but with my nada I have to be nasty. She doesn't respond to

kindness. She sees it as a weakness. Its so sad. I mean, its still my mom, but

this is a woman that abused and raised me in one of the worst ways possible. So

why do I feel like I am the abuser now for jsut standing up for myself?

AJ

> >

> > My grandnada is in the hospital, which means that NC has to be broken for me

to go see her. I go and run into my nada and her attitude is super embarassing.

She is in public and in front of people so she is the sweet charming, mom that

the world wants to see. She asks how I have been, whats going on with work, she

even asked about my husband that she can't stand! She asks about a wedding that

I went to recently and i showed her a picture that I took on my phone. Without

my knowledge, she starts flipping through my phone and looking through my other

photos. I get pissed at first, but then I realize that I have nothing to hide

and I want her to see what a FANTASTIC life that I have WITHOUT HER! there are

pics of my nieces, friends, bbq's we had, etc.

> >

> >

> > After, she pulls me aside to tell me that she is " sorry about everything

that has happened " which is really a manipulative plow to get back into my life.

She tells me that she loves me (whatever) and that is the end of the

conversation. I ask her what she is sorry for, but she wanted to change the

subject. Of course....Now, she is calling me two to three times a day and

masking it as " I want to tell you about grandma.....they cleaned her bedpan

today. "

> >

> > Im ignoring my mom's calls but Im afraid I might have to get nasty.... any

advice????

> >

> > AJ

> >

>

[Guest guest]

oh wow, yeah, she's laying it on thick. It seems like she wants to lull you

into feeling safe, comfy, so she can WHAM you later and punish you appropriately

for the NC.

And good for you, ha ha, that she got to see how fantastic your life is!

I agree, you might have to get ugly/nasty with her. I'm really finding this

" nice " crap is over-rated. I've always been so nice, I was taught to be nice,

always, even if it seemed someone was ripping them off, my parents were always

fake nice/subservient.

One thing my mother told me last week was that she'd rather I tell her things up

front rather than send her letters. I thought, " ooookeydokey, you asked for it!

Up front is what you'll get. "

Good luck!

Fiona

>

> My grandnada is in the hospital, which means that NC has to be broken for me

to go see her. I go and run into my nada and her attitude is super embarassing.

She is in public and in front of people so she is the sweet charming, mom that

the world wants to see. She asks how I have been, whats going on with work, she

even asked about my husband that she can't stand! She asks about a wedding that

I went to recently and i showed her a picture that I took on my phone. Without

my knowledge, she starts flipping through my phone and looking through my other

photos. I get pissed at first, but then I realize that I have nothing to hide

and I want her to see what a FANTASTIC life that I have WITHOUT HER! there are

pics of my nieces, friends, bbq's we had, etc.

>

>

> After, she pulls me aside to tell me that she is " sorry about everything that

has happened " which is really a manipulative plow to get back into my life. She

tells me that she loves me (whatever) and that is the end of the conversation. I

ask her what she is sorry for, but she wanted to change the subject. Of

course....Now, she is calling me two to three times a day and masking it as " I

want to tell you about grandma.....they cleaned her bedpan today. "

>

> Im ignoring my mom's calls but Im afraid I might have to get nasty.... any

advice????

>

> AJ

>

[Guest guest]

Wow. Your nada's need for total, absolute power (in this case, over information

RE your grandnada's medical condition) is breathtaking. I think discovering

that she'd worked the system and then lied about it to maintain that control

would have made me yell also.

Well, as a counter-strategy, perhaps you could get information second-hand from

one of your aunts or uncles instead of from your nada? Cut nada out of your

loop. If asked why, just tell the truth. " I'm upset with my mother and don't

wish to speak to her just now, so, I'd appreciate it if I could call you every

other day or so for an update on grandma. "

Then you could block nada and resume a peaceful No Contact, again, maybe.

-Annie

> > >

> > > My grandnada is in the hospital, which means that NC has to be broken for

me to go see her. I go and run into my nada and her attitude is super

embarassing. She is in public and in front of people so she is the sweet

charming, mom that the world wants to see. She asks how I have been, whats going

on with work, she even asked about my husband that she can't stand! She asks

about a wedding that I went to recently and i showed her a picture that I took

on my phone. Without my knowledge, she starts flipping through my phone and

looking through my other photos. I get pissed at first, but then I realize that

I have nothing to hide and I want her to see what a FANTASTIC life that I have

WITHOUT HER! there are pics of my nieces, friends, bbq's we had, etc.

> > >

> > >

> > > After, she pulls me aside to tell me that she is " sorry about everything

that has happened " which is really a manipulative plow to get back into my life.

She tells me that she loves me (whatever) and that is the end of the

conversation. I ask her what she is sorry for, but she wanted to change the

subject. Of course....Now, she is calling me two to three times a day and

masking it as " I want to tell you about grandma.....they cleaned her bedpan

today. "

> > >

> > > Im ignoring my mom's calls but Im afraid I might have to get nasty.... any

advice????

> > >

> > > AJ

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Standing ovation for Fiona RIGHT HERE!!!!! I LOVE THE ATTITUDE!!! You are

amazing!!!!

On Sun, Aug 14, 2011 at 7:45 AM, anuria67854 wrote:

> **

>

>

> Wow. Your nada's need for total, absolute power (in this case, over

> information RE your grandnada's medical condition) is breathtaking. I think

> discovering that she'd worked the system and then lied about it to maintain

> that control would have made me yell also.

>

> Well, as a counter-strategy, perhaps you could get information second-hand

> from one of your aunts or uncles instead of from your nada? Cut nada out of

> your loop. If asked why, just tell the truth. " I'm upset with my mother and

> don't wish to speak to her just now, so, I'd appreciate it if I could call

> you every other day or so for an update on grandma. "

>

> Then you could block nada and resume a peaceful No Contact, again, maybe.

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> > > >

> > > > My grandnada is in the hospital, which means that NC has to be broken

> for me to go see her. I go and run into my nada and her attitude is super

> embarassing. She is in public and in front of people so she is the sweet

> charming, mom that the world wants to see. She asks how I have been, whats

> going on with work, she even asked about my husband that she can't stand!

> She asks about a wedding that I went to recently and i showed her a picture

> that I took on my phone. Without my knowledge, she starts flipping through

> my phone and looking through my other photos. I get pissed at first, but

> then I realize that I have nothing to hide and I want her to see what a

> FANTASTIC life that I have WITHOUT HER! there are pics of my nieces,

> friends, bbq's we had, etc.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > After, she pulls me aside to tell me that she is " sorry about

> everything that has happened " which is really a manipulative plow to get

> back into my life. She tells me that she loves me (whatever) and that is the

> end of the conversation. I ask her what she is sorry for, but she wanted to

> change the subject. Of course....Now, she is calling me two to three times a

> day and masking it as " I want to tell you about grandma.....they cleaned her

> bedpan today. "

> > > >

> > > > Im ignoring my mom's calls but Im afraid I might have to get

> nasty.... any advice????

> > > >

> > > > AJ

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>