what incan we do???

August 14, 2011

Ilel just pointed out to me that the fact that I have built a creative life

for myself speaks volumes to my recovery as a KO. COOOOOOOL!!!! So many

things I have done in spite of my nada, maybe some of it specifically to

spite her. What have you done? What would you like to do? I suspect I may

live to be a very old woman - imagine all the things I can still learn to

do!!!

Here' s my list

Things I can do:

Cook (quite well)

Homemaking - from personal finance to low skill level home improvement

projects

Public speaking

Teaching

Leadership

Organizing (people not things. I'm very good at organizing people, terrible

at organizing items)

Earn a modest living

Raise a puppy

Be a leader in my little community

Things I can make

Theatrical performances

Gallery shows

Costumes

Historical textiles (like my pioneer ancestors would have made)

Dye fabrics and yarn

I can sew, but not as well as I would like

Embroidery

Friends!

Recipes

Make-up looks (but not as well as I would like)

Crocheted patterns

Things I would like to learn

Acting

Photography

Stage hair

Stage makeup

Sewing

More advanced dance techniques

Don't judge me - but modeling - for a person of advanced age and not a size

2

Millnery (this is hat making)

Cobblering (ha ha or however you say it, but I have an idea to make shoes or

decorate existing shoes)

Pattern making (for fashion design)

OK just how about fashion design school

Psychology (I want to go back and get a PhD in this. I got shot down last

year, but I think I will apply again in a few years. Or perhaps it would be

easier to get into art school. But I've always always always dreamed of

being a doctor)

Group dynamics, boundaries etc (I've come a long way, but more to go)

As a kid all I wanted was to be a musician. I don't mean to brag but I was

blessed with a nak for the performing arts, so I think this would have been

well within my reach if I'd had parental support. From age 3 to age 21 it

was all I ever wanted and I worked hard on it. However, nada was VERY VERY

jealous of my dreams - she played piano too and god forbid I grow better at

it than she - and I think I was better by age 17 or so. I wanted to be a

classical pianist and guitarist, and play in string quartets etc etc etc. .

.. I don't think they could even envision a life like that for me -

traveling, working nights, wearing black dresses and playing in a symphony.

I was in a lot of music bands - all were either classical or traditional

folk music - not like I was a punk musician, but so what if I was! I even

built my own instruments. It's hard to explain but I know you guys will

understand that they threw up enough barriers that I changed my major

to public health. They also threw up barriers when I went on to my master's

in public health (PS I do love life science. Science plus human behavior

plus statistics equals public health). So weird to me - if my kid wanted to

do any of those things and had an apptitude and a work ethic I would do

anything I could to make it possible. Besides, dreaming of playing Spanish

guitar in an orchestra. . . . its not like I thought I was brittany

spears!!!! Even my piano teacher played cello in a symphony - - - this

probably really could have happened!

I didn't even start to dance until my late 20s. My nada enrolled me in

ballet in grade school and things but poked fun at me, mocked me, the other

little girls were mean and they all told me I was fat. Nada considered

herself quite the dancer by the way. After my divorce at age 28 and about

the same time I went NC I was invited to take a belly dance class. Lots of

mean girls in belly dance, but I've done it ever since and even started my

own company now. My choreography is awesome (in my opinion). My costumes are

unique and strong. And ha ha ha I'm really good at choosing and mixing my

own music because I know so much about rhythm!!! Teaching belly dance is

almost exactly like teaching someone to play piano with their hips!!!!! (I

did teach piano when I was in high school).

Anyway - thats my success story. And I know I've shared this before but

during my NC with nada and leading up to my NC with fada, fada asked me to

quit belly dance to go cowboy with him and do outdoors stuff. He didn't even

say can you take a day off, he said just quit doing it all together. DICK!

Yeah, I had the tomboy shiz forced on me from birth - 3 decades of being

daddy's little cowgirl was enough. I'm a girly girl, duh fada!!!! Can't you

identify someone who is great with theater, performing arts, music,

directing etc when you see it fada????? No, I guess not because that was

never part of your world. But hell, if I had a kid who was great at math I'd

support him or her - even though its outside my ability to comprehend. Plus

I'm from a culture that REALLY emphasizes performing arts (I bet a lot of

you guys didn't know that about the LDS/Mormon culture). Every Mormon kid

speaks, sings, plays an instrument, helps put on plays, writes poetry. gets

involved in drama etc etc etc. So the opportunity should have been there for

me. I really need to work on getting past my rage that I was never ever ever

encouraged to persue my talents. . .

UGH. But I'm doiing it now and that's Ilel's whole point.

So here' s my question - what can you do that nada told you you couldn't do?

I bet the answer is TONS, DUUUUH

August 15, 2011

Hi. Thank you for sharing so much of your life with this community. You have

accomplished some amazing things and have so much richness in your life because

of your passion and drive. And you did it all without your parents as positive

mirrors for you....but you found other mirrors and championed yourself - a

survivor who flourished and is sharing for others to get strength. Thank you.

Your posting really got to me. It made me look at myself and realize that I too

have some anger inside of me that I surpress most of the time. I feel as if my

nada pegs people as one thing or another and if you are not among the chosen

ones - you are on your own - it is an uphill battle and having lost my father

this past year, the one who silently was in my corner - I feel more alone than

ever in my family of origin. I am searching to find my way out of the haze of

feeling

" stuck " , just " treading water " not sure of what direction I wish to go in next -

I have always struggled with this and now feel it is because I was always trying

to please others and keep things okay...so something had to give - turned out I

chose to put me on the back burner. I am blessed with an informed, supportive

and loving husband and two adult children, but often feel as if I myself don't

acknowledge my own accomplishments, goodness and strengths. I don't always hold

up those positive mirrors to myself to keep me going.Your posting reminds me I

need to do just that.

And now I am feeling a bit sorry for myself and mourning the loss of my dad and

of the mom I now realize I thought I had, but didn't, but still love her and

want her to be who I imagined. Geez I sound like a big baby, but I do feel

abandoned in a way, and scared that I could be so fooled and out of touch with

reality for so long. So many people adore my nada and admire her. They see a bit

of the queen and think she is assertive and independent and a spitfire. They

would see the queen as what she is if her focus , criticism, bristeling and

poking was on them. I know because I didn't see it for so long, so very, very

long, but now do. She has the queen and a bit of the witch (when drinking) and

some of the waif. It has been a roller coaster ride this year and your posting

just resonated with me so much. I truly need to keep " my house in order " and

remember that what I value and feel good about is important and hold those

mirrors up.

Sometimes I just get a bit overwhelmed with the negative and how much work it

all is. And I really resent that this takes up so much of my psyche.

Thanks for listening,

>

> Ilel just pointed out to me that the fact that I have built a creative life

> for myself speaks volumes to my recovery as a KO. COOOOOOOL!!!! So many

> things I have done in spite of my nada, maybe some of it specifically to

> spite her. What have you done? What would you like to do? I suspect I may

> live to be a very old woman - imagine all the things I can still learn to

> do!!!

>

> Here' s my list

> Things I can do:

> Cook (quite well)

> Homemaking - from personal finance to low skill level home improvement

> projects

> Public speaking

> Teaching

> Leadership

> Organizing (people not things. I'm very good at organizing people, terrible

> at organizing items)

> Earn a modest living

> Raise a puppy

> Be a leader in my little community

>

> Things I can make

> Theatrical performances

> Gallery shows

> Costumes

> Historical textiles (like my pioneer ancestors would have made)

> Dye fabrics and yarn

> I can sew, but not as well as I would like

> Embroidery

> Friends!

> Recipes

> Make-up looks (but not as well as I would like)

> Crocheted patterns

>

> Things I would like to learn

> Acting

> Photography

> Stage hair

> Stage makeup

> Sewing

> More advanced dance techniques

> Don't judge me - but modeling - for a person of advanced age and not a size

> 2

> Millnery (this is hat making)

> Cobblering (ha ha or however you say it, but I have an idea to make shoes or

> decorate existing shoes)

> Pattern making (for fashion design)

> OK just how about fashion design school

> Psychology (I want to go back and get a PhD in this. I got shot down last

> year, but I think I will apply again in a few years. Or perhaps it would be

> easier to get into art school. But I've always always always dreamed of

> being a doctor)

> Group dynamics, boundaries etc (I've come a long way, but more to go)

>

> As a kid all I wanted was to be a musician. I don't mean to brag but I was

> blessed with a nak for the performing arts, so I think this would have been

> well within my reach if I'd had parental support. From age 3 to age 21 it

> was all I ever wanted and I worked hard on it. However, nada was VERY VERY

> jealous of my dreams - she played piano too and god forbid I grow better at

> it than she - and I think I was better by age 17 or so. I wanted to be a

> classical pianist and guitarist, and play in string quartets etc etc etc. .

> . I don't think they could even envision a life like that for me -

> traveling, working nights, wearing black dresses and playing in a symphony.

> I was in a lot of music bands - all were either classical or traditional

> folk music - not like I was a punk musician, but so what if I was! I even

> built my own instruments. It's hard to explain but I know you guys will

> understand that they threw up enough barriers that I changed my major

> to public health. They also threw up barriers when I went on to my master's

> in public health (PS I do love life science. Science plus human behavior

> plus statistics equals public health). So weird to me - if my kid wanted to

> do any of those things and had an apptitude and a work ethic I would do

> anything I could to make it possible. Besides, dreaming of playing Spanish

> guitar in an orchestra. . . . its not like I thought I was brittany

> spears!!!! Even my piano teacher played cello in a symphony - - - this

> probably really could have happened!

>

> I didn't even start to dance until my late 20s. My nada enrolled me in

> ballet in grade school and things but poked fun at me, mocked me, the other

> little girls were mean and they all told me I was fat. Nada considered

> herself quite the dancer by the way. After my divorce at age 28 and about

> the same time I went NC I was invited to take a belly dance class. Lots of

> mean girls in belly dance, but I've done it ever since and even started my

> own company now. My choreography is awesome (in my opinion). My costumes are

> unique and strong. And ha ha ha I'm really good at choosing and mixing my

> own music because I know so much about rhythm!!! Teaching belly dance is

> almost exactly like teaching someone to play piano with their hips!!!!! (I

> did teach piano when I was in high school).

>

> Anyway - thats my success story. And I know I've shared this before but

> during my NC with nada and leading up to my NC with fada, fada asked me to

> quit belly dance to go cowboy with him and do outdoors stuff. He didn't even

> say can you take a day off, he said just quit doing it all together. DICK!

> Yeah, I had the tomboy shiz forced on me from birth - 3 decades of being

> daddy's little cowgirl was enough. I'm a girly girl, duh fada!!!! Can't you

> identify someone who is great with theater, performing arts, music,

> directing etc when you see it fada????? No, I guess not because that was

> never part of your world. But hell, if I had a kid who was great at math I'd

> support him or her - even though its outside my ability to comprehend. Plus

> I'm from a culture that REALLY emphasizes performing arts (I bet a lot of

> you guys didn't know that about the LDS/Mormon culture). Every Mormon kid

> speaks, sings, plays an instrument, helps put on plays, writes poetry. gets

> involved in drama etc etc etc. So the opportunity should have been there for

> me. I really need to work on getting past my rage that I was never ever ever

> encouraged to persue my talents. . .

>

> UGH. But I'm doiing it now and that's Ilel's whole point.

>

> So here' s my question - what can you do that nada told you you couldn't do?

> I bet the answer is TONS, DUUUUH

>

August 15, 2011

- it doesn't sound like a pity party to me at all! It sounds like you

are just grieving what could have been. Give yourself time. And I think

grief follows you for a lifetime really - you can even do great with it for

years at a time and then suddenly it hits you like a tidal wave. . . I say

grieve. And then try something new

> **

>

> Hi. Thank you for sharing so much of your life with this community. You

> have accomplished some amazing things and have so much richness in your life

> because of your passion and drive. And you did it all without your parents

> as positive mirrors for you....but you found other mirrors and championed

> yourself - a survivor who flourished and is sharing for others to get

> strength. Thank you.

>

> Your posting really got to me. It made me look at myself and realize that I

> too have some anger inside of me that I surpress most of the time. I feel as

> if my nada pegs people as one thing or another and if you are not among the

> chosen ones - you are on your own - it is an uphill battle and having lost

> my father this past year, the one who silently was in my corner - I feel

> more alone than ever in my family of origin. I am searching to find my way

> out of the haze of feeling

> " stuck " , just " treading water " not sure of what direction I wish to go in

> next - I have always struggled with this and now feel it is because I was

> always trying to please others and keep things okay...so something had to

> give - turned out I chose to put me on the back burner. I am blessed with an

> informed, supportive and loving husband and two adult children, but often

> feel as if I myself don't acknowledge my own accomplishments, goodness and

> strengths. I don't always hold up those positive mirrors to myself to keep

> me going.Your posting reminds me I need to do just that.

>

> And now I am feeling a bit sorry for myself and mourning the loss of my dad

> and of the mom I now realize I thought I had, but didn't, but still love her

> and want her to be who I imagined. Geez I sound like a big baby, but I do

> feel abandoned in a way, and scared that I could be so fooled and out of

> touch with reality for so long. So many people adore my nada and admire her.

> They see a bit of the queen and think she is assertive and independent and a

> spitfire. They would see the queen as what she is if her focus , criticism,

> bristeling and poking was on them. I know because I didn't see it for so

> long, so very, very long, but now do. She has the queen and a bit of the

> witch (when drinking) and some of the waif. It has been a roller coaster

> ride this year and your posting just resonated with me so much. I truly need

> to keep " my house in order " and remember that what I value and feel good

> about is important and hold those mirrors up.

>

> Sometimes I just get a bit overwhelmed with the negative and how much work

> it all is. And I really resent that this takes up so much of my psyche.

>

> Thanks for listening,

>

> >

> > Ilel just pointed out to me that the fact that I have built a creative

> life

> > for myself speaks volumes to my recovery as a KO. COOOOOOOL!!!! So many

> > things I have done in spite of my nada, maybe some of it specifically to

> > spite her. What have you done? What would you like to do? I suspect I may

> > live to be a very old woman - imagine all the things I can still learn to

> > do!!!

> >

> > Here' s my list

> > Things I can do:

> > Cook (quite well)

> > Homemaking - from personal finance to low skill level home improvement

> > projects

> > Public speaking

> > Teaching

> > Leadership

> > Organizing (people not things. I'm very good at organizing people,

> terrible

> > at organizing items)

> > Earn a modest living

> > Raise a puppy

> > Be a leader in my little community

> >

> > Things I can make

> > Theatrical performances

> > Gallery shows

> > Costumes

> > Historical textiles (like my pioneer ancestors would have made)

> > Dye fabrics and yarn

> > I can sew, but not as well as I would like

> > Embroidery

> > Friends!

> > Recipes

> > Make-up looks (but not as well as I would like)

> > Crocheted patterns

> >

> > Things I would like to learn

> > Acting

> > Photography

> > Stage hair

> > Stage makeup

> > Sewing

> > More advanced dance techniques

> > Don't judge me - but modeling - for a person of advanced age and not a

> size

> > 2

> > Millnery (this is hat making)

> > Cobblering (ha ha or however you say it, but I have an idea to make shoes

> or

> > decorate existing shoes)

> > Pattern making (for fashion design)

> > OK just how about fashion design school

> > Psychology (I want to go back and get a PhD in this. I got shot down last

> > year, but I think I will apply again in a few years. Or perhaps it would

> be

> > easier to get into art school. But I've always always always dreamed of

> > being a doctor)

> > Group dynamics, boundaries etc (I've come a long way, but more to go)

> >

> > As a kid all I wanted was to be a musician. I don't mean to brag but I

> was

> > blessed with a nak for the performing arts, so I think this would have

> been

> > well within my reach if I'd had parental support. From age 3 to age 21 it

> > was all I ever wanted and I worked hard on it. However, nada was VERY

> VERY

> > jealous of my dreams - she played piano too and god forbid I grow better

> at

> > it than she - and I think I was better by age 17 or so. I wanted to be a

> > classical pianist and guitarist, and play in string quartets etc etc etc.

> .

> > . I don't think they could even envision a life like that for me -

> > traveling, working nights, wearing black dresses and playing in a

> symphony.

> > I was in a lot of music bands - all were either classical or traditional

> > folk music - not like I was a punk musician, but so what if I was! I even

> > built my own instruments. It's hard to explain but I know you guys will

> > understand that they threw up enough barriers that I changed my major

> > to public health. They also threw up barriers when I went on to my

> master's

> > in public health (PS I do love life science. Science plus human behavior

> > plus statistics equals public health). So weird to me - if my kid wanted

> to

> > do any of those things and had an apptitude and a work ethic I would do

> > anything I could to make it possible. Besides, dreaming of playing

> Spanish

> > guitar in an orchestra. . . . its not like I thought I was brittany

> > spears!!!! Even my piano teacher played cello in a symphony - - - this

> > probably really could have happened!

> >

> > I didn't even start to dance until my late 20s. My nada enrolled me in

> > ballet in grade school and things but poked fun at me, mocked me, the

> other

> > little girls were mean and they all told me I was fat. Nada considered

> > herself quite the dancer by the way. After my divorce at age 28 and about

> > the same time I went NC I was invited to take a belly dance class. Lots

> of

> > mean girls in belly dance, but I've done it ever since and even started

> my

> > own company now. My choreography is awesome (in my opinion). My costumes

> are

> > unique and strong. And ha ha ha I'm really good at choosing and mixing my

> > own music because I know so much about rhythm!!! Teaching belly dance is

> > almost exactly like teaching someone to play piano with their hips!!!!!

> (I

> > did teach piano when I was in high school).

> >

> > Anyway - thats my success story. And I know I've shared this before but

> > during my NC with nada and leading up to my NC with fada, fada asked me

> to

> > quit belly dance to go cowboy with him and do outdoors stuff. He didn't

> even

> > say can you take a day off, he said just quit doing it all together.

> DICK!

> > Yeah, I had the tomboy shiz forced on me from birth - 3 decades of being

> > daddy's little cowgirl was enough. I'm a girly girl, duh fada!!!! Can't

> you

> > identify someone who is great with theater, performing arts, music,

> > directing etc when you see it fada????? No, I guess not because that was

> > never part of your world. But hell, if I had a kid who was great at math

> I'd

> > support him or her - even though its outside my ability to comprehend.

> Plus

> > I'm from a culture that REALLY emphasizes performing arts (I bet a lot of

> > you guys didn't know that about the LDS/Mormon culture). Every Mormon kid

> > speaks, sings, plays an instrument, helps put on plays, writes poetry.

> gets

> > involved in drama etc etc etc. So the opportunity should have been there

> for

> > me. I really need to work on getting past my rage that I was never ever

> ever

> > encouraged to persue my talents. . .

> >

> > UGH. But I'm doiing it now and that's Ilel's whole point.

> >

> > So here' s my question - what can you do that nada told you you couldn't

> do?

> > I bet the answer is TONS, DUUUUH

> >

August 15, 2011

Thanks for the feedback and support. Just still digesting my reality and hard to

grapple with the fact I didn't recognize what was going on - shakes your sense

of self awareness and reality. Makes you wonder what else you've been

misinterpreting!And then there is the loss and grief. I agree with you - this

must ebb and flow throughout your life. Just never ends but sometimes worse than

others, sometimes better.

> > >

> > > Ilel just pointed out to me that the fact that I have built a creative

> > life

> > > for myself speaks volumes to my recovery as a KO. COOOOOOOL!!!! So many

> > > things I have done in spite of my nada, maybe some of it specifically to

> > > spite her. What have you done? What would you like to do? I suspect I may

> > > live to be a very old woman - imagine all the things I can still learn to

> > > do!!!

> > >

> > > Here' s my list

> > > Things I can do:

> > > Cook (quite well)

> > > Homemaking - from personal finance to low skill level home improvement

> > > projects

> > > Public speaking

> > > Teaching

> > > Leadership

> > > Organizing (people not things. I'm very good at organizing people,

> > terrible

> > > at organizing items)

> > > Earn a modest living

> > > Raise a puppy

> > > Be a leader in my little community

> > >

> > > Things I can make

> > > Theatrical performances

> > > Gallery shows

> > > Costumes

> > > Historical textiles (like my pioneer ancestors would have made)

> > > Dye fabrics and yarn

> > > I can sew, but not as well as I would like

> > > Embroidery

> > > Friends!

> > > Recipes

> > > Make-up looks (but not as well as I would like)

> > > Crocheted patterns

> > >

> > > Things I would like to learn

> > > Acting

> > > Photography

> > > Stage hair

> > > Stage makeup

> > > Sewing

> > > More advanced dance techniques

> > > Don't judge me - but modeling - for a person of advanced age and not a

> > size

> > > 2

> > > Millnery (this is hat making)

> > > Cobblering (ha ha or however you say it, but I have an idea to make shoes

> > or

> > > decorate existing shoes)

> > > Pattern making (for fashion design)

> > > OK just how about fashion design school

> > > Psychology (I want to go back and get a PhD in this. I got shot down last

> > > year, but I think I will apply again in a few years. Or perhaps it would

> > be

> > > easier to get into art school. But I've always always always dreamed of

> > > being a doctor)

> > > Group dynamics, boundaries etc (I've come a long way, but more to go)

> > >

> > > As a kid all I wanted was to be a musician. I don't mean to brag but I

> > was

> > > blessed with a nak for the performing arts, so I think this would have

> > been

> > > well within my reach if I'd had parental support. From age 3 to age 21 it

> > > was all I ever wanted and I worked hard on it. However, nada was VERY

> > VERY

> > > jealous of my dreams - she played piano too and god forbid I grow better

> > at

> > > it than she - and I think I was better by age 17 or so. I wanted to be a

> > > classical pianist and guitarist, and play in string quartets etc etc etc.

> > .

> > > . I don't think they could even envision a life like that for me -

> > > traveling, working nights, wearing black dresses and playing in a

> > symphony.

> > > I was in a lot of music bands - all were either classical or traditional

> > > folk music - not like I was a punk musician, but so what if I was! I even

> > > built my own instruments. It's hard to explain but I know you guys will

> > > understand that they threw up enough barriers that I changed my major

> > > to public health. They also threw up barriers when I went on to my

> > master's

> > > in public health (PS I do love life science. Science plus human behavior

> > > plus statistics equals public health). So weird to me - if my kid wanted

> > to

> > > do any of those things and had an apptitude and a work ethic I would do

> > > anything I could to make it possible. Besides, dreaming of playing

> > Spanish

> > > guitar in an orchestra. . . . its not like I thought I was brittany

> > > spears!!!! Even my piano teacher played cello in a symphony - - - this

> > > probably really could have happened!

> > >

> > > I didn't even start to dance until my late 20s. My nada enrolled me in

> > > ballet in grade school and things but poked fun at me, mocked me, the

> > other

> > > little girls were mean and they all told me I was fat. Nada considered

> > > herself quite the dancer by the way. After my divorce at age 28 and about

> > > the same time I went NC I was invited to take a belly dance class. Lots

> > of

> > > mean girls in belly dance, but I've done it ever since and even started

> > my

> > > own company now. My choreography is awesome (in my opinion). My costumes

> > are

> > > unique and strong. And ha ha ha I'm really good at choosing and mixing my

> > > own music because I know so much about rhythm!!! Teaching belly dance is

> > > almost exactly like teaching someone to play piano with their hips!!!!!

> > (I

> > > did teach piano when I was in high school).

> > >

> > > Anyway - thats my success story. And I know I've shared this before but

> > > during my NC with nada and leading up to my NC with fada, fada asked me

> > to

> > > quit belly dance to go cowboy with him and do outdoors stuff. He didn't

> > even

> > > say can you take a day off, he said just quit doing it all together.

> > DICK!

> > > Yeah, I had the tomboy shiz forced on me from birth - 3 decades of being

> > > daddy's little cowgirl was enough. I'm a girly girl, duh fada!!!! Can't

> > you

> > > identify someone who is great with theater, performing arts, music,

> > > directing etc when you see it fada????? No, I guess not because that was

> > > never part of your world. But hell, if I had a kid who was great at math

> > I'd

> > > support him or her - even though its outside my ability to comprehend.

> > Plus

> > > I'm from a culture that REALLY emphasizes performing arts (I bet a lot of

> > > you guys didn't know that about the LDS/Mormon culture). Every Mormon kid

> > > speaks, sings, plays an instrument, helps put on plays, writes poetry.

> > gets

> > > involved in drama etc etc etc. So the opportunity should have been there

> > for

> > > me. I really need to work on getting past my rage that I was never ever

> > ever

> > > encouraged to persue my talents. . .

> > >

> > > UGH. But I'm doiing it now and that's Ilel's whole point.

> > >

> > > So here' s my question - what can you do that nada told you you couldn't

> > do?

> > > I bet the answer is TONS, DUUUUH

> > >

August 16, 2011

what a great list. I hope everyone posts on here what they can do...it is so

inspiring to me to know that they didn't murder us, because right now in my life

I am feeling very murdered. Not as in physically dead, but as in my potential to

be a full human being and have a full life, was totally murdered by their

attacks on my self esteem.

I LOVE the entry about the historical fabrics, that sounds fascinating, I love

stuff like that.

My list is pretty short, I can

draw passably

write poems

I grow passionflowers

I recycle, not a talent but I am proud of the lenghts I go to

I am kind to animals and have 4 of my own and take care of three of my parents

I am a great aunt

i am frugal.

that's all I can think of, I wish the list was a lot longer, maybe some day it

will be.