bad dream panic attack

[Guest guest]

Holy crap! I just woke up from the worst nightmare of my adult life, I think.

Total anxiety dream, and I woke up with heart pounding, had to get the lights

on, get some water, get back to reality and sort it out a bit. Here's the dream:

I just recently started a new job that I moved across country for. I have a

six-month probation period, which, to me, seems excessive. I've never had a

six-month probation period before, always just three months. So it's very weird

to me to be on probation for half a year. For half a year they can just fire me

for no reason (although they can do that anyway since employment is at will).

Recently a co-worker who had been there just under the probation period was

fired. Apparently he was not getting work done. That is not the case with me,

but I found the whole thing unsettling.

So I had this dream that I was hard at work (and working late) when this Star

Trek character (who in my dream apparently works there and whom earlier in the

day I have a conversation with about people being fired) comes in. For some

reason it's pitch black like the power is out or something but he is wearing a

headlamp. He starts talking to me and tells me that it's ironic that we had this

conversation earlier because they have to let me go. Apparently I've been there

three weeks and brought in any money (I work in fundraising). I demand to talk

to the director. I agree with this guy about the results I've seen over the last

few weeks (for a dream, I'm strangely coherent and in control of my

actions--which is very weird. No paralysis and I remember everything I've

done--like everything I have actually worked on in real life!).

So the Star Trek guy tells me that the director is in some event. I'm like, I

will wait. He is going to come out and talk to me now. So I'm waiting to talk to

him, I try to force my way in, but I'm asked to wait outside. Outside is some

kind of garden party where old co-workers of mine are wandering around wearing

stylish clothes and hob-knobbing with rich people (in my old job I worked at a

high profile museum). My old VP is there too as is an old dance instructor. I go

to my former VP and explain the situation and ask her who would expect results

in 3 weeks, and she agrees that this is crazy. She validates that I am a superb

fundraiser and that the director is being too demanding.

For awhile I sit at this picnic table alone until I notice something kicking my

leg under the table. I look over and see that the director is sitting at the end

of the table and sort of playing footsies with me to get my attention.

I turn to him, and I'm very blunt. He says I haven't brought in any money yet. I

say, that's not so. I point out the three grants I have successfully navigated

in the past few weeks and how he threw them on the desk the moment I walked in

the door AND that they were late too. Only someone with my skills could have

managed that situation. They had waited until the last minute to get those

proposals out the door, and I managed to turn them around in a day (I hate doing

that--always work on those for a few weeks at least to give plenty of time). I

pointed out that all the people who were supposed to be around to give me

guidance and training on the way the organization works had basically left me to

fend for myself and gone on vacation, including himself, who had just been gone

for two weeks.

Basically, I stood up for myself and in the end he agreed he was wrong, (and

then I woke up sweating bullets).

I was proud of my assertiveness but very concerned that I would have this dream.

I am having severe anxiety about my job right this minute, that I was not having

before. I'm going to start being more assertive though. I feel like I'm just

smiling and saying " sure, I can get this all done " instead of pointing out the

reality that they are doing everything last minute and it is going to make my

job more difficult and less successful/less revenue if they don't do something

about that.

Thoughts, anyone. I hate late night anxiety attacks.

[Guest guest]

Which star trek guy was it?

Sounds like an episode of next generation set on the holideck! But with real

life worries.

I used to have work place anxiety like that constantly - non stop. The

belief that I was worthless as an employee to and stability was the only

important thing (not the ability to be myself) was passed down to me from

fada. I've gotten more assertive and it does help.

> **

>

>

> Holy crap! I just woke up from the worst nightmare of my adult life, I

> think. Total anxiety dream, and I woke up with heart pounding, had to get

> the lights on, get some water, get back to reality and sort it out a bit.

> Here's the dream:

>

> I just recently started a new job that I moved across country for. I have a

> six-month probation period, which, to me, seems excessive. I've never had a

> six-month probation period before, always just three months. So it's very

> weird to me to be on probation for half a year. For half a year they can

> just fire me for no reason (although they can do that anyway since

> employment is at will). Recently a co-worker who had been there just under

> the probation period was fired. Apparently he was not getting work done.

> That is not the case with me, but I found the whole thing unsettling.

>

> So I had this dream that I was hard at work (and working late) when this

> Star Trek characterWhich (who in my dream apparently works there and whom

> earlier in the day I have a conversation with about people being fired)

> comes in. For some reason it's pitch black like the power is out or

> something but he is wearing a headlamp. He starts talking to me and tells me

> that it's ironic that we had this conversation earlier because they have to

> let me go. Apparently I've been there three weeks and brought in any money

> (I work in fundraising). I demand to talk to the director. I agree with this

> guy about the results I've seen over the last few weeks (for a dream, I'm

> strangely coherent and in control of my actions--which is very weird. No

> paralysis and I remember everything I've done--like everything I have

> actually worked on in real life!).

>

> So the Star Trek guy tells me that the director is in some event. I'm like,

> I will wait. He is going to come out and talk to me now. So I'm waiting to

> talk to him, I try to force my way in, but I'm asked to wait outside.

> Outside is some kind of garden party where old co-workers of mine are

> wandering around wearing stylish clothes and hob-knobbing with rich people

> (in my old job I worked at a high profile museum). My old VP is there too as

> is an old dance instructor. I go to my former VP and explain the situation

> and ask her who would expect results in 3 weeks, and she agrees that this is

> crazy. She validates that I am a superb fundraiser and that the director is

> being too demanding.

>

> For awhile I sit at this picnic table alone until I notice something

> kicking my leg under the table. I look over and see that the director is

> sitting at the end of the table and sort of playing footsies with me to get

> my attention.

>

> I turn to him, and I'm very blunt. He says I haven't brought in any money

> yet. I say, that's not so. I point out the three grants I have successfully

> navigated in the past few weeks and how he threw them on the desk the moment

> I walked in the door AND that they were late too. Only someone with my

> skills could have managed that situation. They had waited until the last

> minute to get those proposals out the door, and I managed to turn them

> around in a day (I hate doing that--always work on those for a few weeks at

> least to give plenty of time). I pointed out that all the people who were

> supposed to be around to give me guidance and training on the way the

> organization works had basically left me to fend for myself and gone on

> vacation, including himself, who had just been gone for two weeks.

>

> Basically, I stood up for myself and in the end he agreed he was wrong,

> (and then I woke up sweating bullets).

>

> I was proud of my assertiveness but very concerned that I would have this

> dream. I am having severe anxiety about my job right this minute, that I was

> not having before. I'm going to start being more assertive though. I feel

> like I'm just smiling and saying " sure, I can get this all done " instead of

> pointing out the reality that they are doing everything last minute and it

> is going to make my job more difficult and less successful/less revenue if

> they don't do something about that.

>

> Thoughts, anyone. I hate late night anxiety attacks.

>

>

>

>

>