Health Problems because of Childhood Lack of Care

[Guest guest]

If I look at the specifics my health has been in shambles from day one. Nada

didn't realise she was pregnant with me three months into it and from her talks

of it I think she had no idea what to do with me once I was born. I was left in

strange care units for children since I was some three months old. (One of the

crèche owners used to feed indigo to the children to make them fall asleep

quickly). She even forgot to take me for vaccines and immunisations while I was

young. I am really lucky that way that I did not catch any life threatening

disease at that age.

By the age of five, I had had some our hospitalisations for at least a month

each and had a cast on my leg for a month and a half because of over medication.

I can't remember ever having food being served properly in the house, and I have

been severely malnourished all my life. I had started cooking at the age of 7 or

8, mostly as a means of survival - which I gave up eventually because of her

constant berating.

Between then and now, she has coaxed me to try writing when I had fractured my

right hand wrist, to travel on a scooter with my legs folded when I tore my knee

and to drive a scooter when I had a ligament rupture in the leg. The best was

her forcing me to go on a camel ride three days before my exam when I had a cast

around my right hand fracture. After the ride I was not sure whether I was to

laugh or cry over my hard luck. And even after it all she was surprised that I

used a scribe to help me with my exam – was I expected to grow another limb to

write with?

Whenever I was sick her immediate response used to be anger and frustration over

having to take care of me and I used to feel extremely guilty for having fallen

ill. She used to also make me believe that I had fallen ill because I loved her

too much and hence fell ill because I missed her, which she would later

translate into me falling ill to get her attention.

Even as of today when I am recovering from severe haemoglobin deficiency which

can cause fainting if I am pushed too much, her advice to me has been to join an

office to dissipate all the negative energy that is being created and to get my

mind off my illness – as if it's again all in my head.

The worst part is I believe her. Whenever anything goes wrong with my health I

feel I am just faking it for attention, so I ignore it for weeks and months

unless someone else intervenes and asks me to get help.

[Guest guest]

those are horrifying stories. living with the reality of not being worth our own

mother's trouble hurts so much. I too suffered more than I should have when sick

and injured. I have some long time health issues due to stress. one I have had

my whole life and never had proper care for it until I was on my own. My husband

often has to tell me when I am sick because I ignore it until I am too sick to

function, and I STILL feel guilty for not getting the house clean, or doing

enough for everyone else. I am sure I spread disease with all the toughing it

out I do. these things are so hard. I think this guilt we feel is an emotional

flashback of sorts. our nadas made us feel guilty and accused us of " faking it "

so many times it is our default reaction to illness. this same thread comes up

over and over on this message board. Nada's really are so selfish.

Meikjn

>

> If I look at the specifics my health has been in shambles from day one. Nada

didn't realise she was pregnant with me three months into it and from her talks

of it I think she had no idea what to do with me once I was born. I was left in

strange care units for children since I was some three months old. (One of the

crèche owners used to feed indigo to the children to make them fall asleep

quickly). She even forgot to take me for vaccines and immunisations while I was

young. I am really lucky that way that I did not catch any life threatening

disease at that age.

> By the age of five, I had had some our hospitalisations for at least a month

each and had a cast on my leg for a month and a half because of over medication.

I can't remember ever having food being served properly in the house, and I have

been severely malnourished all my life. I had started cooking at the age of 7 or

8, mostly as a means of survival - which I gave up eventually because of her

constant berating.

> Between then and now, she has coaxed me to try writing when I had fractured my

right hand wrist, to travel on a scooter with my legs folded when I tore my knee

and to drive a scooter when I had a ligament rupture in the leg. The best was

her forcing me to go on a camel ride three days before my exam when I had a cast

around my right hand fracture. After the ride I was not sure whether I was to

laugh or cry over my hard luck. And even after it all she was surprised that I

used a scribe to help me with my exam – was I expected to grow another limb to

write with?

> Whenever I was sick her immediate response used to be anger and frustration

over having to take care of me and I used to feel extremely guilty for having

fallen ill. She used to also make me believe that I had fallen ill because I

loved her too much and hence fell ill because I missed her, which she would

later translate into me falling ill to get her attention.

> Even as of today when I am recovering from severe haemoglobin deficiency which

can cause fainting if I am pushed too much, her advice to me has been to join an

office to dissipate all the negative energy that is being created and to get my

mind off my illness – as if it's again all in my head.

> The worst part is I believe her. Whenever anything goes wrong with my health I

feel I am just faking it for attention, so I ignore it for weeks and months

unless someone else intervenes and asks me to get help.

>

[Guest guest]

Welcome to the Group itsagoodday. May I call you " Good " for short?

I hate to say it, but in my opinion the physical abuse and neglect you endured:

the malnutrition and the broken bones and other health issues are alarmingly

frequent and intense, and would probably be considered criminal child

neglect/abuse here in the States.

From what you have described, my opinion is that your mother is actively

sadistic: she is harmful for you to be around. You said that you startle easily

when there is a loud, sudden noise and that your mother deliberately makes loud,

sudden noises near you. That isn't " helping " you, that is torturing you, and

I'm willing to bet that she knows this. Tell her to stop doing that, because

its making your ptsd worse. Having a hyper-sensitive startle reflex is a

symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder; I still have that too, but living

alone and quietly for many years has made it much less

severe.

Unfortunately, as long as you are still living with your abusive mother you are

going to have a much harder time recovering, as you are being subjected to

chronic stress and anxiety by her.

When you start back to college, there are often counselors and therapists

available to the students; perhaps you can arrange for some therapy then. These

boards and support groups are wonderful but they are no substitute for actual

therapy. And maybe the college will be able to help you find living

arrangements with other students, so you don't have to live in your mother's

home any longer.

My best wishes to you, its so sad and frustrating to be physically, or

emotionally, or financially dependent on the person who has damaged you and

continues to do so. I hope you can escape soon.

-Annie

>

> If I look at the specifics my health has been in shambles from day one. Nada

didn't realise she was pregnant with me three months into it and from her talks

of it I think she had no idea what to do with me once I was born. I was left in

strange care units for children since I was some three months old. (One of the

crèche owners used to feed indigo to the children to make them fall asleep

quickly). She even forgot to take me for vaccines and immunisations while I was

young. I am really lucky that way that I did not catch any life threatening

disease at that age.

> By the age of five, I had had some our hospitalisations for at least a month

each and had a cast on my leg for a month and a half because of over medication.

I can't remember ever having food being served properly in the house, and I have

been severely malnourished all my life. I had started cooking at the age of 7 or

8, mostly as a means of survival - which I gave up eventually because of her

constant berating.

> Between then and now, she has coaxed me to try writing when I had fractured my

right hand wrist, to travel on a scooter with my legs folded when I tore my knee

and to drive a scooter when I had a ligament rupture in the leg. The best was

her forcing me to go on a camel ride three days before my exam when I had a cast

around my right hand fracture. After the ride I was not sure whether I was to

laugh or cry over my hard luck. And even after it all she was surprised that I

used a scribe to help me with my exam – was I expected to grow another limb to

write with?

> Whenever I was sick her immediate response used to be anger and frustration

over having to take care of me and I used to feel extremely guilty for having

fallen ill. She used to also make me believe that I had fallen ill because I

loved her too much and hence fell ill because I missed her, which she would

later translate into me falling ill to get her attention.

> Even as of today when I am recovering from severe haemoglobin deficiency which

can cause fainting if I am pushed too much, her advice to me has been to join an

office to dissipate all the negative energy that is being created and to get my

mind off my illness – as if it's again all in my head.

> The worst part is I believe her. Whenever anything goes wrong with my health I

feel I am just faking it for attention, so I ignore it for weeks and months

unless someone else intervenes and asks me to get help.

>

[Guest guest]

itsagoodday, I'm amazed you're a functioning adult.

I am so sorry that your nada neglected you and then made you feel guilty for

being sick.

I wish you the nurturing you didn't receive as a child.

Do you live with her now? You mentioned she still gives you advice.

If you do not live with her, is it possible to take a break from talking to her?

You need space to breathe and to hear and believe healing words, not more

half-truths from the world as she sees it.

Fiona

>

> If I look at the specifics my health has been in shambles from day one. Nada

didn't realise she was pregnant with me three months into it and from her talks

of it I think she had no idea what to do with me once I was born. I was left in

strange care units for children since I was some three months old. (One of the

crèche owners used to feed indigo to the children to make them fall asleep

quickly). She even forgot to take me for vaccines and immunisations while I was

young. I am really lucky that way that I did not catch any life threatening

disease at that age.

> By the age of five, I had had some our hospitalisations for at least a month

each and had a cast on my leg for a month and a half because of over medication.

I can't remember ever having food being served properly in the house, and I have

been severely malnourished all my life. I had started cooking at the age of 7 or

8, mostly as a means of survival - which I gave up eventually because of her

constant berating.

> Between then and now, she has coaxed me to try writing when I had fractured my

right hand wrist, to travel on a scooter with my legs folded when I tore my knee

and to drive a scooter when I had a ligament rupture in the leg. The best was

her forcing me to go on a camel ride three days before my exam when I had a cast

around my right hand fracture. After the ride I was not sure whether I was to

laugh or cry over my hard luck. And even after it all she was surprised that I

used a scribe to help me with my exam – was I expected to grow another limb to

write with?

> Whenever I was sick her immediate response used to be anger and frustration

over having to take care of me and I used to feel extremely guilty for having

fallen ill. She used to also make me believe that I had fallen ill because I

loved her too much and hence fell ill because I missed her, which she would

later translate into me falling ill to get her attention.

> Even as of today when I am recovering from severe haemoglobin deficiency which

can cause fainting if I am pushed too much, her advice to me has been to join an

office to dissipate all the negative energy that is being created and to get my

mind off my illness – as if it's again all in my head.

> The worst part is I believe her. Whenever anything goes wrong with my health I

feel I am just faking it for attention, so I ignore it for weeks and months

unless someone else intervenes and asks me to get help.

>