Guest guest Posted August 15, 2011 Report Share Posted August 15, 2011 It was my Birthday two days ago... My nada insisted I go have lunch at her assisted living dining room ,which was very nice ,but always makes me fearful of the possibilities of her outbursts,so I invited two close friends of mine to come and act as buffers( I did tell her,of course) Well, she did not disapoint! A young waitress was there on her first day and forgot Nada' salad dressing. You would have thought it was the beginning of World war !!!. She called her terrible names ,insulted her so loudly that the whole dining room could hear.The poor girl was near tears and my guests terribly embarassed.I kept begging her to PLEASE not do that on my Birthday,nothing worked. What is this need that they have to belittle others? Do they feel more important for it or is it simply that they thrive on drama ? Is this a need to feel they are at the center of the world ,like small children who crave attention albeit negative attention? My reactions to her rages have diminished and I am much more able to handle them ,but to see her insult innocent bystanders upsets me so much. Could you please suggest some ways to handle these situations ,besides apologizing to the insulted party? I am so frustrated that this happens all the time,whether at the doctor's office, the grocery store,the pharmacy and I am the only one who will take her to do her errands. Please send some ideas, I am at the end of my rope! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 15, 2011 Report Share Posted August 15, 2011 My suggestion won't be easy to implement; in fact it will probably be very difficult. And if your nada is suffering from dementia, then, she's not really capable of learning. But still, here is my suggestion: Its similar to the way you handle a small child having a temper tantrum in public; with a small child who is screaming for candy or a toy, you gently, calmly, and firmly remove the object from the child and gently but firmly pick up the flailing, shrieking child and take her back to the car, and take her home. The child eventually learns that only big boys and big girls who don't act out get to go shopping with mommy, and that screaming and pitching a fit in public does not get them what they want. So, even if you have taken the time and effort to pick up your mother to take her to a doctor's appointment, if she begins emotionally abusing you or a stranger, and refuses to calm down or apologize, you calmly, gently, and firmly take her back home. Or if she already is home, you simply leave. " Mom, I won't listen to you when you scream at me (the nurse, my friend) call me names, and abuse me like that. Its not OK. I'm taking you home now/I'm leaving now. We can do this some other time when you are feeling calmer. " So, at the lunch with your friends at her assisted living home dining room, when your nada began abusing the waitress and would not stop, not calm down and refused to apologize, you would have just calmly folded your napkin and said something like, " Its not OK to be verbally abusive to other people like that, mom. I'm going now, and I'll see you some other time when you are calmer. 'bye. " And you and your friends leave and go have lunch together somewhere else. The manipulative child or bpd person will probably test this new boundary a lot, but when it finally gets through to them that the result of their negative, acting out behavior is ALWAYS being taken back home or being left alone and is never, ever rewarded, if they are NEVER allowed to get away with the bad behavior, then the unwanted behavior should peter out. Like I said, this will be hard on you and you *have to* be consistent, otherwise it won't work, but I think that if you can stick with it the resulting improvement in behavior will be worthwhile. -Annie > > It was my Birthday two days ago... My nada insisted I go have lunch at her assisted living dining room ,which was very nice ,but always makes me fearful of the possibilities of her outbursts,so I invited two close friends of mine to come and act as buffers( I did tell her,of course) Well, she did not disapoint! A young waitress was there on her first day and forgot Nada' salad dressing. You would have thought it was the beginning of World war !!!. > She called her terrible names ,insulted her so loudly that the whole dining room could hear.The poor girl was near tears and my guests terribly embarassed.I kept begging her to PLEASE not do that on my Birthday,nothing worked. > What is this need that they have to belittle others? Do they feel more important for it or is it simply that they thrive on drama ? Is this a need to feel they are at the center of the world ,like small children who crave attention albeit negative attention? > My reactions to her rages have diminished and I am much more able to handle them ,but to see her insult innocent bystanders upsets me so much. Could you please suggest some ways to handle these situations ,besides apologizing to the insulted party? > I am so frustrated that this happens all the time,whether at the doctor's office, the grocery store,the pharmacy and I am the only one who will take her to do her errands. > Please send some ideas, I am at the end of my rope! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 15, 2011 Report Share Posted August 15, 2011 I would probably just limit my contact with her - no public places - no restaurants - no waitresses etc etc. . . On Mon, Aug 15, 2011 at 2:36 PM, anuria67854 wrote: > ** > > > My suggestion won't be easy to implement; in fact it will probably be very > difficult. And if your nada is suffering from dementia, then, she's not > really capable of learning. But still, here is my suggestion: > > Its similar to the way you handle a small child having a temper tantrum in > public; with a small child who is screaming for candy or a toy, you gently, > calmly, and firmly remove the object from the child and gently but firmly > pick up the flailing, shrieking child and take her back to the car, and take > her home. The child eventually learns that only big boys and big girls who > don't act out get to go shopping with mommy, and that screaming and pitching > a fit in public does not get them what they want. > > So, even if you have taken the time and effort to pick up your mother to > take her to a doctor's appointment, if she begins emotionally abusing you or > a stranger, and refuses to calm down or apologize, you calmly, gently, and > firmly take her back home. Or if she already is home, you simply leave. > " Mom, I won't listen to you when you scream at me (the nurse, my friend) > call me names, and abuse me like that. Its not OK. I'm taking you home > now/I'm leaving now. We can do this some other time when you are feeling > calmer. " > > So, at the lunch with your friends at her assisted living home dining room, > when your nada began abusing the waitress and would not stop, not calm down > and refused to apologize, you would have just calmly folded your napkin and > said something like, " Its not OK to be verbally abusive to other people like > that, mom. I'm going now, and I'll see you some other time when you are > calmer. 'bye. " And you and your friends leave and go have lunch together > somewhere else. > > The manipulative child or bpd person will probably test this new boundary a > lot, but when it finally gets through to them that the result of their > negative, acting out behavior is ALWAYS being taken back home or being left > alone and is never, ever rewarded, if they are NEVER allowed to get away > with the bad behavior, then the unwanted behavior should peter out. > > Like I said, this will be hard on you and you *have to* be consistent, > otherwise it won't work, but I think that if you can stick with it the > resulting improvement in behavior will be worthwhile. > > -Annie > > > > > > > It was my Birthday two days ago... My nada insisted I go have lunch at > her assisted living dining room ,which was very nice ,but always makes me > fearful of the possibilities of her outbursts,so I invited two close friends > of mine to come and act as buffers( I did tell her,of course) Well, she did > not disapoint! A young waitress was there on her first day and forgot Nada' > salad dressing. You would have thought it was the beginning of World war > !!!. > > She called her terrible names ,insulted her so loudly that the whole > dining room could hear.The poor girl was near tears and my guests terribly > embarassed.I kept begging her to PLEASE not do that on my Birthday,nothing > worked. > > What is this need that they have to belittle others? Do they feel more > important for it or is it simply that they thrive on drama ? Is this a need > to feel they are at the center of the world ,like small children who crave > attention albeit negative attention? > > My reactions to her rages have diminished and I am much more able to > handle them ,but to see her insult innocent bystanders upsets me so much. > Could you please suggest some ways to handle these situations ,besides > apologizing to the insulted party? > > I am so frustrated that this happens all the time,whether at the doctor's > office, the grocery store,the pharmacy and I am the only one who will take > her to do her errands. > > Please send some ideas, I am at the end of my rope! > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 15, 2011 Report Share Posted August 15, 2011 My nada loves to make a scene, not quite as angry as your nada but mine will still do horrible inappropriate things. When I was younger, I would cringe, practically crawl under a table and wish she would shut up. Now I realize her behavior is a reflection on her, not me. She's making an ass out of herself when she gets upset about the most basic things or when she lifts her blouse in public or farts real loud in the store. I sit back and watch the sick entertainment. If someone is being yelled at, they usually look at me for rescue. I just smile, subtly shake my head as if to say, " Don't take it seriously; leave if you want because I understand. " They usually get the message and walk away. That makes my nada even more angry but I don't care. I don't try to explain how unreasonable she is. I just let her complain. She eventually winds down. > > It was my Birthday two days ago... My nada insisted I go have lunch at her assisted living dining room ,which was very nice ,but always makes me fearful of the possibilities of her outbursts,so I invited two close friends of mine to come and act as buffers( I did tell her,of course) Well, she did not disapoint! A young waitress was there on her first day and forgot Nada' salad dressing. You would have thought it was the beginning of World war !!!. > She called her terrible names ,insulted her so loudly that the whole dining room could hear.The poor girl was near tears and my guests terribly embarassed.I kept begging her to PLEASE not do that on my Birthday,nothing worked. > What is this need that they have to belittle others? Do they feel more important for it or is it simply that they thrive on drama ? Is this a need to feel they are at the center of the world ,like small children who crave attention albeit negative attention? > My reactions to her rages have diminished and I am much more able to handle them ,but to see her insult innocent bystanders upsets me so much. Could you please suggest some ways to handle these situations ,besides apologizing to the insulted party? > I am so frustrated that this happens all the time,whether at the doctor's office, the grocery store,the pharmacy and I am the only one who will take her to do her errands. > Please send some ideas, I am at the end of my rope! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 15, 2011 Report Share Posted August 15, 2011 This makes me think of when my dad was alive, my nada would complain that my dad wouldn't argue with her. She still mentions it at least once when we spend any amount of time together (several hours). I believe she really liked to argue and it bothered her that he wouldn't. (Boy do I know why!) Now that he is gone and she misses him terribly, she will sometimes say things like, " Now I win all the arguments " but then will follow with, " No, he is winning them all now " and looks up. It is really sad, but also odd to me that she still brings this up. > > > > It was my Birthday two days ago... My nada insisted I go have lunch at her assisted living dining room ,which was very nice ,but always makes me fearful of the possibilities of her outbursts,so I invited two close friends of mine to come and act as buffers( I did tell her,of course) Well, she did not disapoint! A young waitress was there on her first day and forgot Nada' salad dressing. You would have thought it was the beginning of World war !!!. > > She called her terrible names ,insulted her so loudly that the whole dining room could hear.The poor girl was near tears and my guests terribly embarassed.I kept begging her to PLEASE not do that on my Birthday,nothing worked. > > What is this need that they have to belittle others? Do they feel more important for it or is it simply that they thrive on drama ? Is this a need to feel they are at the center of the world ,like small children who crave attention albeit negative attention? > > My reactions to her rages have diminished and I am much more able to handle them ,but to see her insult innocent bystanders upsets me so much. Could you please suggest some ways to handle these situations ,besides apologizing to the insulted party? > > I am so frustrated that this happens all the time,whether at the doctor's office, the grocery store,the pharmacy and I am the only one who will take her to do her errands. > > Please send some ideas, I am at the end of my rope! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2011 Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 Only take her to the doctor. She can make a list for other stuff - if she won't or starts using the list as a manipulative tool, then stop doing that, too. Your mother is a real nutter! But you don't have to be a nutter and give her opportunities to torment you. So she " insists " - let her " insist " away that you eat lunch on your birthday with her or whatever. I like to " insist " that I am four inches taller, thirty pounds slimmer and look fabulous in a bikini...but it hasn't made anyone offer to put my photo in Sports Illustrated's swimsuit issue. > > > > It was my Birthday two days ago... My nada insisted I go have lunch at her assisted living dining room ,which was very nice ,but always makes me fearful of the possibilities of her outbursts,so I invited two close friends of mine to come and act as buffers( I did tell her,of course) Well, she did not disapoint! A young waitress was there on her first day and forgot Nada' salad dressing. You would have thought it was the beginning of World war !!!. > > She called her terrible names ,insulted her so loudly that the whole dining room could hear.The poor girl was near tears and my guests terribly embarassed.I kept begging her to PLEASE not do that on my Birthday,nothing worked. > > What is this need that they have to belittle others? Do they feel more important for it or is it simply that they thrive on drama ? Is this a need to feel they are at the center of the world ,like small children who crave attention albeit negative attention? > > My reactions to her rages have diminished and I am much more able to handle them ,but to see her insult innocent bystanders upsets me so much. Could you please suggest some ways to handle these situations ,besides apologizing to the insulted party? > > I am so frustrated that this happens all the time,whether at the doctor's office, the grocery store,the pharmacy and I am the only one who will take her to do her errands. > > Please send some ideas, I am at the end of my rope! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2011 Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 You just can't win! I refuse to see my nada in private because she becomes so combative. So you would think the restaurant idea is aces. Yet I found that going to the local restaurant in town backfires. We live in a small town, and if nada sees someone who she believes 'slighted' her at one point (half the town!) she starts talking about them LOUDLY in the restaurant. It is mortifying. I think duct tape is the only real control available. Oh, shoot, we'd get in trouble for that ;-) > > It was my Birthday two days ago... My nada insisted I go have lunch at her assisted living dining room ,which was very nice ,but always makes me fearful of the possibilities of her outbursts,so I invited two close friends of mine to come and act as buffers( I did tell her,of course) Well, she did not disapoint! A young waitress was there on her first day and forgot Nada' salad dressing. You would have thought it was the beginning of World war !!!. > She called her terrible names ,insulted her so loudly that the whole dining room could hear.The poor girl was near tears and my guests terribly embarassed.I kept begging her to PLEASE not do that on my Birthday,nothing worked. > What is this need that they have to belittle others? Do they feel more important for it or is it simply that they thrive on drama ? Is this a need to feel they are at the center of the world ,like small children who crave attention albeit negative attention? > My reactions to her rages have diminished and I am much more able to handle them ,but to see her insult innocent bystanders upsets me so much. Could you please suggest some ways to handle these situations ,besides apologizing to the insulted party? > I am so frustrated that this happens all the time,whether at the doctor's office, the grocery store,the pharmacy and I am the only one who will take her to do her errands. > Please send some ideas, I am at the end of my rope! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2011 Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 I would tell her that you will not tolerate any more of her outbursts. Anytime she starts an outburst, you will immediately remove her and take her home. She will challenge you, so you had better be ready to follow though. I would not invite her to another family get together. Not unless she starts honoring your no outburst edict. If she is going to ruin events, she can stay home and miss them. Like a child, if they can't behave, then they have to miss out on the party & cake. > > It was my Birthday two days ago... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2011 Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 I agree w/Anuria, because I have first hand knowledge of it working. Nada & fada were living w/ my husband & I last year temporarily. Nada started taking swings at me, kicking me and shoving me as she verbally bashed me.......fada did nothing. So, one day she took a swing at me, and I warned her " one more time, and we're taking a ride to the hospital to get you sedatives. " She swung, hit me, and I said " ok, I warned you.....let's go! " I proceeded to walk her out to the car, drove her to the hospital ER, got her registered and after sitting in the waiting room for about an hour, I asked her " so you ready to behave yourself now? " She said " yes, but I still don't know why I'm here.... " . We drove home and she tamed her behavior with me. For whatever its worth, I think taking IMMEDIATE action when an incident happens makes a bigger impression on the person.......also, they are usually embarrassed by it and won't want to be put in that position again. Laurie In a message dated 8/16/2011 12:23:52 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, karentrue13@... writes: This makes me think of when my dad was alive, my nada would complain that my dad wouldn't argue with her. She still mentions it at least once when we spend any amount of time together (several hours). I believe she really liked to argue and it bothered her that he wouldn't. (Boy do I know why!) Now that he is gone and she misses him terribly, she will sometimes say things like, " Now I win all the arguments " but then will follow with, " No, he is winning them all now " and looks up. It is really sad, but also odd to me that she still brings this up. > > > > It was my Birthday two days ago... My nada insisted I go have lunch at her assisted living dining room ,which was very nice ,but always makes me fearful of the possibilities of her outbursts,so I invited two close friends of mine to come and act as buffers( I did tell her,of course) Well, she did not disapoint! A young waitress was there on her first day and forgot Nada' salad dressing. You would have thought it was the beginning of World war !!!. > > She called her terrible names ,insulted her so loudly that the whole dining room could hear.The poor girl was near tears and my guests terribly embarassed.I kept begging her to PLEASE not do that on my Birthday,nothing worked. > > What is this need that they have to belittle others? Do they feel more important for it or is it simply that they thrive on drama ? Is this a need to feel they are at the center of the world ,like small children who crave attention albeit negative attention? > > My reactions to her rages have diminished and I am much more able to handle them ,but to see her insult innocent bystanders upsets me so much. Could you please suggest some ways to handle these situations ,besides apologizing to the insulted party? > > I am so frustrated that this happens all the time,whether at the doctor's office, the grocery store,the pharmacy and I am the only one who will take her to do her errands. > > Please send some ideas, I am at the end of my rope! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2011 Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 In a somewhat similar way, my Sister had to use this " hardball " technique with our nada, and she only had to do it once. Our nada was in the habit of criticizing my Sister in front of my Sister's child (and our nada would make really ugly, hateful remarks, not just mild suggestions) particularly Sister's parenting decisions. Sister kept asking nada to not do that, that if nada disagreed with some parenting choice my Sister had made, to discuss it with her privately, not in front of her little boy. Nada kept ignoring Sister's very reasonable request, repeatedly. It was very disrespectful to Sister and it confused her little son as to who was in charge. So one time when Sister was driving nada somewhere, with my little nephew in the back seat, nada did it again. Sister had had enough, so she pulled over to the side of the road and said very seriously that if nada could not follow this request, she could walk the rest of the way home. They were only a few miles from nada's house and although it was not too dangerous to walk along a country highway on a summer's day, the idea of being ejected from the car to walk home by herself upset nada badly enough to make an impression on her that Sister really meant it. This wasn't a request, this was a rule, and there were real consequences for breaking the rule. " Playing hard ball " worked for my Sister, at least in that situation. -Annie > > > > > > It was my Birthday two days ago... My nada insisted I go have lunch at > her assisted living dining room ,which was very nice ,but always makes me > fearful of the possibilities of her outbursts,so I invited two close > friends of mine to come and act as buffers( I did tell her,of course) Well, she > did not disapoint! A young waitress was there on her first day and forgot > Nada' salad dressing. You would have thought it was the beginning of World > war !!!. > > > She called her terrible names ,insulted her so loudly that the whole > dining room could hear.The poor girl was near tears and my guests terribly > embarassed.I kept begging her to PLEASE not do that on my Birthday,nothing > worked. > > > What is this need that they have to belittle others? Do they feel more > important for it or is it simply that they thrive on drama ? Is this a > need to feel they are at the center of the world ,like small children who > crave attention albeit negative attention? > > > My reactions to her rages have diminished and I am much more able to > handle them ,but to see her insult innocent bystanders upsets me so much. > Could you please suggest some ways to handle these situations ,besides > apologizing to the insulted party? > > > I am so frustrated that this happens all the time,whether at the > doctor's office, the grocery store,the pharmacy and I am the only one who will > take her to do her errands. > > > Please send some ideas, I am at the end of my rope! > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2011 Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 Hi All, It's good to be back. A friend of mine through work, whose 74 yr. old Nadas' public scenes are spectacular, epic, and so bad they have actually gotten them banned from a few local stores and restaurants, has humorously handled the situation by having tshirts printed in bold letters, with the logos saying " Pray for me, she's off her meds " on the front, with her name, his name, and " In case of emergency, or if I am rendered unconscious, call . . " with his brothers name and phone number on the back Now, if she starts to misbehave, he unbuttons his shirt to display the front, and indicates his willingness to remove it altogether, if she continues. This measure was prompted after an absolutely jaw dropping hissie fit prompted by his taking her to a restaurant near her Drs. office, (It's kind of a favorite hangout (the restaurant, I mean) for those of us in the arts here, which is how I got to see the whole mess) instead of her favorite restaurant-of-the-moment, which was across town. After the food was served, she shoved everything, food, plates, etc. off the table while screaming that the food was " fetid rancid filth she wouldn't feed a starving dog, " and threw dinner rolls, her purse, wig, and shoes at the waitress whose crime was a " snotty, superior, and officious attitude. " Still screaming, she heaved herself out of the booth, fell to the floor, where she rolled around gasping that she was having a heart attack and threatened sue the establishment. Meanwhile, the police and emergency med services have arrived. When the police come in, she accused her son of kidnapping her, and trying to force her to withdraw all of her money from the bank, etc., and bringing her to this " filthy hole in order to poison her " While sitting in the police cruiser (she refused to go to the hospital in the ambulance) as her son tried to explain her issues to the cops, she played the waif to the hilt, crying that she was confused and afraid, that her sons never came to see her, ( my friend actually *lived* with her,) and calling out for her dead husband. She also wet herself, and the seat of the cruiser. Understandably, the cops were glad to get her out of their car and remand her to my buddies care, admonishing him to get some help for his mom. Happily sitting on a thick layer of newspapers on the front seat of her sons van, with a icy cold coca cola brought to her by a concerned bystander, she laughed about showing the " bitch waitress a thing or two, " and how she bet the cops were sorry they'd put her in their " f*cking car, " and that she hoped the pee stain wouldn't come out. She also said she guessed they would go to her restaurant of choice next time. Although I'd heard stories about her machinations from all three of her sons, I'd always thought they were somewhat exaggerated. I would never have believed her capable ( I had only met her incidentally, and thought she was sweet, and kind of cute) of this much malice and evil behavior if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. After this event, my buddy had the tshirts printed, and wore one the next time he *had* to take her out. Now, for the time being at least, if her behavior becomes edgy, she checks herself. and tells him to " Keep his f*cking shirt on. " He is sure this won't be the end of it, and I'm sure he's right. But for now it's a small victory! I wonder if we could get a discount on tshirts if we ordered them in bulk? My Best to All! Sunspot On Mon, Aug 15, 2011 at 6:26 PM, Girlscout Cowboy < girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote: > I would probably just limit my contact with her - no public places - no > restaurants - no waitresses etc etc. . . > > On Mon, Aug 15, 2011 at 2:36 PM, anuria67854 <anuria-67854@... > >wrote: > > > ** > > > > > > My suggestion won't be easy to implement; in fact it will probably be > very > > difficult. And if your nada is suffering from dementia, then, she's not > > really capable of learning. But still, here is my suggestion: > > > > Its similar to the way you handle a small child having a temper tantrum > in > > public; with a small child who is screaming for candy or a toy, you > gently, > > calmly, and firmly remove the object from the child and gently but firmly > > pick up the flailing, shrieking child and take her back to the car, and > take > > her home. The child eventually learns that only big boys and big girls > who > > don't act out get to go shopping with mommy, and that screaming and > pitching > > a fit in public does not get them what they want. > > > > So, even if you have taken the time and effort to pick up your mother to > > take her to a doctor's appointment, if she begins emotionally abusing you > or > > a stranger, and refuses to calm down or apologize, you calmly, gently, > and > > firmly take her back home. Or if she already is home, you simply leave. > > " Mom, I won't listen to you when you scream at me (the nurse, my friend) > > call me names, and abuse me like that. Its not OK. I'm taking you home > > now/I'm leaving now. We can do this some other time when you are feeling > > calmer. " > > > > So, at the lunch with your friends at her assisted living home dining > room, > > when your nada began abusing the waitress and would not stop, not calm > down > > and refused to apologize, you would have just calmly folded your napkin > and > > said something like, " Its not OK to be verbally abusive to other people > like > > that, mom. I'm going now, and I'll see you some other time when you are > > calmer. 'bye. " And you and your friends leave and go have lunch together > > somewhere else. > > > > The manipulative child or bpd person will probably test this new boundary > a > > lot, but when it finally gets through to them that the result of their > > negative, acting out behavior is ALWAYS being taken back home or being > left > > alone and is never, ever rewarded, if they are NEVER allowed to get away > > with the bad behavior, then the unwanted behavior should peter out. > > > > Like I said, this will be hard on you and you *have to* be consistent, > > otherwise it won't work, but I think that if you can stick with it the > > resulting improvement in behavior will be worthwhile. > > > > -Annie > > > > > > > > > > > > It was my Birthday two days ago... My nada insisted I go have lunch at > > her assisted living dining room ,which was very nice ,but always makes me > > fearful of the possibilities of her outbursts,so I invited two close > friends > > of mine to come and act as buffers( I did tell her,of course) Well, she > did > > not disapoint! A young waitress was there on her first day and forgot > Nada' > > salad dressing. You would have thought it was the beginning of World war > > !!!. > > > She called her terrible names ,insulted her so loudly that the whole > > dining room could hear.The poor girl was near tears and my guests > terribly > > embarassed.I kept begging her to PLEASE not do that on my > Birthday,nothing > > worked. > > > What is this need that they have to belittle others? Do they feel more > > important for it or is it simply that they thrive on drama ? Is this a > need > > to feel they are at the center of the world ,like small children who > crave > > attention albeit negative attention? > > > My reactions to her rages have diminished and I am much more able to > > handle them ,but to see her insult innocent bystanders upsets me so much. > > Could you please suggest some ways to handle these situations ,besides > > apologizing to the insulted party? > > > I am so frustrated that this happens all the time,whether at the > doctor's > > office, the grocery store,the pharmacy and I am the only one who will > take > > her to do her errands. > > > Please send some ideas, I am at the end of my rope! > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2011 Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 Hi again, Ooops..... I just realized I didn't make it clear that my friend wears a button front shirt *over *the tshirt, and took it off to display the tshirts logo, which is an important point, other wise, I made it seem as though he was taking the tshirt off .... Sunspot > Hi All, > > It's good to be back. > > A friend of mine through work, whose 74 yr. old Nadas' public scenes > are spectacular, epic, and so bad they have actually gotten them banned from > a few local stores and restaurants, has humorously handled the situation by > having tshirts printed in bold letters, with the logos saying " Pray for > me, she's off her meds " on the front, with her name, his name, and " In case > of emergency, or if I am rendered unconscious, call . . " with his brothers > name and phone number on the back > Now, if she starts to misbehave, he unbuttons his shirt to display the > front, and indicates his willingness to remove it altogether, if she > continues. > This measure was prompted after an absolutely jaw dropping hissie fit > prompted by his taking her to a restaurant near her Drs. office, (It's kind > of a favorite hangout (the restaurant, I mean) for those of us in the arts > here, which is how I got to see the whole mess) instead of her favorite > restaurant-of-the-moment, which was across town. After the food was served, > she shoved everything, food, plates, etc. off the table while screaming that > the food was " fetid rancid filth she wouldn't feed a starving dog, " and > threw dinner rolls, her purse, wig, and shoes at the waitress whose crime > was a " snotty, superior, and officious attitude. " Still screaming, she > heaved herself out of the booth, fell to the floor, where she rolled around > gasping that she was having a heart attack and threatened sue the > establishment. Meanwhile, the police and emergency med services have > arrived. When the police come in, she accused her son of kidnapping her, and > trying to force her to withdraw all of her money from the bank, etc., and > bringing her to this " filthy hole in order to poison her " > While sitting in the police cruiser (she refused to go to the hospital > in the ambulance) as her son tried to explain her issues to the cops, she > played the waif to the hilt, crying that she was confused and afraid, that > her sons never came to see her, ( my friend actually *lived* with her,) > and calling out for her dead husband. She also wet herself, and the seat of > the cruiser. > Understandably, the cops were glad to get her out of their car and remand > her to my buddies care, admonishing him to get some help for his mom. > Happily sitting on a thick layer of newspapers on the front seat of her > sons van, with a icy cold coca cola brought to her by a concerned bystander, > she laughed about showing the " bitch waitress a thing or two, " and how she > bet the cops were sorry they'd put her in their " f*cking car, " and that she > hoped the pee stain wouldn't come out. She also said she guessed they would > go to her restaurant of choice next time. > Although I'd heard stories about her machinations from all three of her > sons, I'd always thought they were somewhat exaggerated. I would never have > believed her capable ( I had only met her incidentally, and thought she was > sweet, and kind of cute) of this much malice and evil behavior if I hadn't > seen it with my own eyes. > After this event, my buddy had the tshirts printed, and wore one the > next time he *had* to take her out. Now, for the time being at least, if > her behavior becomes edgy, she checks herself. and tells him to " Keep his > f*cking shirt on. " He is sure this won't be the end of it, and I'm sure he's > right. But for now it's a small victory! > I wonder if we could get a discount on tshirts if we ordered them in > bulk? > > My Best to All! Sunspot > > On Mon, Aug 15, 2011 at 6:26 PM, Girlscout Cowboy < > girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote: > >> I would probably just limit my contact with her - no public places - no >> restaurants - no waitresses etc etc. . . >> >> On Mon, Aug 15, 2011 at 2:36 PM, anuria67854 <anuria-67854@... >> >wrote: >> >> > ** >> > >> > >> > My suggestion won't be easy to implement; in fact it will probably be >> very >> > difficult. And if your nada is suffering from dementia, then, she's not >> > really capable of learning. But still, here is my suggestion: >> > >> > Its similar to the way you handle a small child having a temper tantrum >> in >> > public; with a small child who is screaming for candy or a toy, you >> gently, >> > calmly, and firmly remove the object from the child and gently but >> firmly >> > pick up the flailing, shrieking child and take her back to the car, and >> take >> > her home. The child eventually learns that only big boys and big girls >> who >> > don't act out get to go shopping with mommy, and that screaming and >> pitching >> > a fit in public does not get them what they want. >> > >> > So, even if you have taken the time and effort to pick up your mother to >> > take her to a doctor's appointment, if she begins emotionally abusing >> you or >> > a stranger, and refuses to calm down or apologize, you calmly, gently, >> and >> > firmly take her back home. Or if she already is home, you simply leave. >> > " Mom, I won't listen to you when you scream at me (the nurse, my friend) >> > call me names, and abuse me like that. Its not OK. I'm taking you home >> > now/I'm leaving now. We can do this some other time when you are feeling >> > calmer. " >> > >> > So, at the lunch with your friends at her assisted living home dining >> room, >> > when your nada began abusing the waitress and would not stop, not calm >> down >> > and refused to apologize, you would have just calmly folded your napkin >> and >> > said something like, " Its not OK to be verbally abusive to other people >> like >> > that, mom. I'm going now, and I'll see you some other time when you are >> > calmer. 'bye. " And you and your friends leave and go have lunch together >> > somewhere else. >> > >> > The manipulative child or bpd person will probably test this new >> boundary a >> > lot, but when it finally gets through to them that the result of their >> > negative, acting out behavior is ALWAYS being taken back home or being >> left >> > alone and is never, ever rewarded, if they are NEVER allowed to get away >> > with the bad behavior, then the unwanted behavior should peter out. >> > >> > Like I said, this will be hard on you and you *have to* be consistent, >> > otherwise it won't work, but I think that if you can stick with it the >> > resulting improvement in behavior will be worthwhile. >> > >> > -Annie >> > >> > >> > >> > > >> > > It was my Birthday two days ago... My nada insisted I go have lunch at >> > her assisted living dining room ,which was very nice ,but always makes >> me >> > fearful of the possibilities of her outbursts,so I invited two close >> friends >> > of mine to come and act as buffers( I did tell her,of course) Well, she >> did >> > not disapoint! A young waitress was there on her first day and forgot >> Nada' >> > salad dressing. You would have thought it was the beginning of World war >> > !!!. >> > > She called her terrible names ,insulted her so loudly that the whole >> > dining room could hear.The poor girl was near tears and my guests >> terribly >> > embarassed.I kept begging her to PLEASE not do that on my >> Birthday,nothing >> > worked. >> > > What is this need that they have to belittle others? Do they feel more >> > important for it or is it simply that they thrive on drama ? Is this a >> need >> > to feel they are at the center of the world ,like small children who >> crave >> > attention albeit negative attention? >> > > My reactions to her rages have diminished and I am much more able to >> > handle them ,but to see her insult innocent bystanders upsets me so >> much. >> > Could you please suggest some ways to handle these situations ,besides >> > apologizing to the insulted party? >> > > I am so frustrated that this happens all the time,whether at the >> doctor's >> > office, the grocery store,the pharmacy and I am the only one who will >> take >> > her to do her errands. >> > > Please send some ideas, I am at the end of my rope! >> > > >> > >> > >> > >> >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2011 Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 Just.... wow. That incident takes the term " drama queen " to a whole new level. And, in such cases I guess a sense of humor is about as good a way of handling it as any if it works for you. Trying to use humor with my nada never worked, though. She was always highly reactive to perceived disrespect, jokes at her expense, & was easily bruised. Very one-way-street, in that respect. She could make jokes at other's expense, but never the other way around. And another side-bar: my nada could not tell jokes, and usually didn't get jokes. Just, its like she didn't get humor. But that is such an amazing story you shared and I love it that her son was able to use humor to diffuse his mother's acting-out behaviors. -Annie > >> > > > >> > > It was my Birthday two days ago... My nada insisted I go have lunch at > >> > her assisted living dining room ,which was very nice ,but always makes > >> me > >> > fearful of the possibilities of her outbursts,so I invited two close > >> friends > >> > of mine to come and act as buffers( I did tell her,of course) Well, she > >> did > >> > not disapoint! A young waitress was there on her first day and forgot > >> Nada' > >> > salad dressing. You would have thought it was the beginning of World war > >> > !!!. > >> > > She called her terrible names ,insulted her so loudly that the whole > >> > dining room could hear.The poor girl was near tears and my guests > >> terribly > >> > embarassed.I kept begging her to PLEASE not do that on my > >> Birthday,nothing > >> > worked. > >> > > What is this need that they have to belittle others? Do they feel more > >> > important for it or is it simply that they thrive on drama ? Is this a > >> need > >> > to feel they are at the center of the world ,like small children who > >> crave > >> > attention albeit negative attention? > >> > > My reactions to her rages have diminished and I am much more able to > >> > handle them ,but to see her insult innocent bystanders upsets me so > >> much. > >> > Could you please suggest some ways to handle these situations ,besides > >> > apologizing to the insulted party? > >> > > I am so frustrated that this happens all the time,whether at the > >> doctor's > >> > office, the grocery store,the pharmacy and I am the only one who will > >> take > >> > her to do her errands. > >> > > Please send some ideas, I am at the end of my rope! > >> > > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > >> > >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2011 Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 Sunspot - LOVE the Tshirt Idea - and yes, we could save money on bulk orders. (Come to think of it - you artistic types - wouldn't this be a great idea for little kids - a write-on, wipe-off surface where you could write the parent's cellphone number in case they wander off? Or in adult sizes for Alzheimer's and other dementia patients? A quick way to get visible ID info when making a field trip, or a run to the store.) Anyway - Jocelyn - my mom is also in assisted living. She has her own room, but spends a lot of time out in the common dining room and parlors. This last visit, I was hauling some stuff she'd requested (sodas, summer clothing, toiletries, etc.) and needed to take it to her room. Once we were in there, it wasn't ten minutes before she launched a verbal attack, filled with re-invented history. I grabbed my keys, said, " Ohhhh-kay... " and left. I know you said your mom's outburst was in the dining room - I think my mother might still behave better in that public venue, so next time I visit her I'm going to drop off the supplies then insist we " visit " in the dining room. But I agree with the other posters - we can't reenforce bad behavior by sitting there and putting up with it. We have to just get up and leave. Eventually, it may sink in (or not!) that if they want the distraction of a visit, they're going to have to be civil to us. My mother was behaving herself just fine when I walked in, so she could bloody well continue to behave while I was there. It wasn't an " uncontrollable " attack. She knew what she was doing. When I got home, I emailed a close friend who's known Nada and her tricks for years - " Buying supplies for my mother - $XX.00; paying her rent at assisted living, $XXXX.00; being able to get in the car and leave her there - PRICELESS. " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2011 Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 Hi Annie, It was horrible, and yet impossible not to watch, kind of like a train wreck in slow motion. When I reread the event, it seems humorous, and yet, to see it firsthand, it was horrible, embarrassing, bewildering, and very, very, scary. My friend and his brothers have spent a lifetime being embarrassed and humiliated by her antics, and at this late date seem pretty much immune to it, yet I know the toll this has exacted on their lives. All three dropped out of school, to join the military, or, in one case, to live on the streets, none has had a satisfactory long-term relationship, two are extreme hoarders, all have attempted suicide at some point.....And yet all three are very creative, compassionate, good-natured, humorous, resourceful and kind. All three deeply grieve the lives they might have had, and the men they might have become. I am deeply touched, bewildered, and more than just amazed that they continue to " tag-team " this strange and toxic creature who gave birth to them, with good humor and grace. I don't think I could do it with an entire bowling teams worth of siblings. I think it helps that her behavior was so consistently and indiscriminatly outlandish and invasive that the boys could not be successfully split into golden child(ren) vs dung child(ren). They say that, much to the credit of the eldest brother, they bonded to each other as more of a pack, than to her individually. As she has become older, her behavior has become more publicly absurd, wearing plastic ziploc bags on her hands when she leaves the house, aluminum foil or plastic clingfilm beneath her wig, and so on. I can't claim to know her diagnosis would* be* BPD, the boys say that she has been diagnosed with an entire smorgasbord of DSM criteria, everything from schizophrenia to bipolar disorder to antisocial personality disorder to borderline personality disorder, and so on,depending upon which part of the legal or social services system had ahold of her. Most recently they are adding senile dementia to the list. The guys say she is just, and I quote " nucking futts. " She has been jettisoned from two elder-care facilities for her incalculably bizarre, abrasive, invasive behaviors, so the guys are trying to care for her, with some inhome healthcare help, and a whole lot of humor. .. My Nada is more like yours, Annie, no sense of humor, hypersensitive to any possible hint of criticism, disrespect, etc. If I'd *ever *done anything like the tshirt stunt, or even *thought* about such a thing I'd have been praying for a swift death before suppertime. My Nada too, could make jokes at others expense, usually something nasty about thier sexuality, cleanliness, or character. The more spiteful and inflammatory, the more it satisfies her. Some things just aren't funny. Even living 1200 miles away from her, I still get a knot in my chest when my doorbell chimes, my phone rings, or the mailman comes. I wish I had the kahones to wear such a tshirt. Best Wishes, Sunspot On Tue, Aug 16, 2011 at 3:54 PM, anuria67854 wrote: > ** > > > Just.... wow. That incident takes the term " drama queen " to a whole new > level. And, in such cases I guess a sense of humor is about as good a way of > handling it as any if it works for you. > > Trying to use humor with my nada never worked, though. She was always > highly reactive to perceived disrespect, jokes at her expense, & was easily > bruised. Very one-way-street, in that respect. She could make jokes at > other's expense, but never the other way around. And another side-bar: my > nada could not tell jokes, and usually didn't get jokes. Just, its like she > didn't get humor. > > But that is such an amazing story you shared and I love it that her son was > able to use humor to diffuse his mother's acting-out behaviors. > > -Annie > > > > > >> > > > > >> > > It was my Birthday two days ago... My nada insisted I go have > lunch at > > >> > her assisted living dining room ,which was very nice ,but always > makes > > >> me > > >> > fearful of the possibilities of her outbursts,so I invited two close > > >> friends > > >> > of mine to come and act as buffers( I did tell her,of course) Well, > she > > >> did > > >> > not disapoint! A young waitress was there on her first day and > forgot > > >> Nada' > > >> > salad dressing. You would have thought it was the beginning of World > war > > >> > !!!. > > >> > > She called her terrible names ,insulted her so loudly that the > whole > > >> > dining room could hear.The poor girl was near tears and my guests > > >> terribly > > >> > embarassed.I kept begging her to PLEASE not do that on my > > >> Birthday,nothing > > >> > worked. > > >> > > What is this need that they have to belittle others? Do they feel > more > > >> > important for it or is it simply that they thrive on drama ? Is this > a > > >> need > > >> > to feel they are at the center of the world ,like small children who > > >> crave > > >> > attention albeit negative attention? > > >> > > My reactions to her rages have diminished and I am much more able > to > > >> > handle them ,but to see her insult innocent bystanders upsets me so > > >> much. > > >> > Could you please suggest some ways to handle these situations > ,besides > > >> > apologizing to the insulted party? > > >> > > I am so frustrated that this happens all the time,whether at the > > >> doctor's > > >> > office, the grocery store,the pharmacy and I am the only one who > will > > >> take > > >> > her to do her errands. > > >> > > Please send some ideas, I am at the end of my rope! > > >> > > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > >> > > >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2011 Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 Hi , You know, I think your write-on wipe-off tshirt concept has merit, especially for Alzheimers/dementia patients! My state has terribly cold and prolonged winters, and each year we loose several such people, when they wander away, to the elements. If a tshirt or sweatshirt, with a " first call " message and number was worn, they might be identified and returned more quickly. Great idea ! Best Regards, Sunspot On Tue, Aug 16, 2011 at 5:36 PM, shirleyspawn wrote: > ** > > > Sunspot - LOVE the Tshirt Idea - and yes, we could save money on bulk > orders. (Come to think of it - you artistic types - wouldn't this be a great > idea for little kids - a write-on, wipe-off surface where you could write > the parent's cellphone number in case they wander off? Or in adult sizes for > Alzheimer's and other dementia patients? A quick way to get visible ID info > when making a field trip, or a run to the store.) > > Anyway - Jocelyn - my mom is also in assisted living. She has her own room, > but spends a lot of time out in the common dining room and parlors. This > last visit, I was hauling some stuff she'd requested (sodas, summer > clothing, toiletries, etc.) and needed to take it to her room. Once we were > in there, it wasn't ten minutes before she launched a verbal attack, filled > with re-invented history. I grabbed my keys, said, " Ohhhh-kay... " and left. > I know you said your mom's outburst was in the dining room - I think my > mother might still behave better in that public venue, so next time I visit > her I'm going to drop off the supplies then insist we " visit " in the dining > room. But I agree with the other posters - we can't reenforce bad behavior > by sitting there and putting up with it. We have to just get up and leave. > Eventually, it may sink in (or not!) that if they want the distraction of a > visit, they're going to have to be civil to us. My mother was behaving > herself just fine when I walked in, so she could bloody well continue to > behave while I was there. It wasn't an " uncontrollable " attack. She knew > what she was doing. > > When I got home, I emailed a close friend who's known Nada and her tricks > for years - " Buying supplies for my mother - $XX.00; paying her rent at > assisted living, $XXXX.00; being able to get in the car and leave her there > - PRICELESS. " > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2011 Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 I agree, particularly for those who have chosen to care for an elderly, dementia-patient parent at home. That's one of the main reasons my nada had to be quickly relocated into a residential care home that has a complex specifically for Alzheimer's patients: she began wandering. She can't see well anyway, and there is a steep-walled ravine bordering the property of the regular apartment complex she used to live in. When the manager there told Sister that our mother was seen on TWO different nights wandering around the grounds alone in her nightgown, Sister acted swiftly. A T-shirt that has the patient's name, a brief description ( " Alzheimer patient " ) and an If found please call: phone number is a good idea. -Annie > > > ** > > > > > > Sunspot - LOVE the Tshirt Idea - and yes, we could save money on bulk > > orders. (Come to think of it - you artistic types - wouldn't this be a great > > idea for little kids - a write-on, wipe-off surface where you could write > > the parent's cellphone number in case they wander off? Or in adult sizes for > > Alzheimer's and other dementia patients? A quick way to get visible ID info > > when making a field trip, or a run to the store.) > > > > Anyway - Jocelyn - my mom is also in assisted living. She has her own room, > > but spends a lot of time out in the common dining room and parlors. This > > last visit, I was hauling some stuff she'd requested (sodas, summer > > clothing, toiletries, etc.) and needed to take it to her room. Once we were > > in there, it wasn't ten minutes before she launched a verbal attack, filled > > with re-invented history. I grabbed my keys, said, " Ohhhh-kay... " and left. > > I know you said your mom's outburst was in the dining room - I think my > > mother might still behave better in that public venue, so next time I visit > > her I'm going to drop off the supplies then insist we " visit " in the dining > > room. But I agree with the other posters - we can't reenforce bad behavior > > by sitting there and putting up with it. We have to just get up and leave. > > Eventually, it may sink in (or not!) that if they want the distraction of a > > visit, they're going to have to be civil to us. My mother was behaving > > herself just fine when I walked in, so she could bloody well continue to > > behave while I was there. It wasn't an " uncontrollable " attack. She knew > > what she was doing. > > > > When I got home, I emailed a close friend who's known Nada and her tricks > > for years - " Buying supplies for my mother - $XX.00; paying her rent at > > assisted living, $XXXX.00; being able to get in the car and leave her there > > - PRICELESS. " > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2011 Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 My jaw dropped when I read this story. I am speechless. A special place in heaven, and yes on the bulk tees! > > > > > > > > It was my Birthday two days ago... My nada insisted I go have lunch at > > > her assisted living dining room ,which was very nice ,but always makes me > > > fearful of the possibilities of her outbursts,so I invited two close > > friends > > > of mine to come and act as buffers( I did tell her,of course) Well, she > > did > > > not disapoint! A young waitress was there on her first day and forgot > > Nada' > > > salad dressing. You would have thought it was the beginning of World war > > > !!!. > > > > She called her terrible names ,insulted her so loudly that the whole > > > dining room could hear.The poor girl was near tears and my guests > > terribly > > > embarassed.I kept begging her to PLEASE not do that on my > > Birthday,nothing > > > worked. > > > > What is this need that they have to belittle others? Do they feel more > > > important for it or is it simply that they thrive on drama ? Is this a > > need > > > to feel they are at the center of the world ,like small children who > > crave > > > attention albeit negative attention? > > > > My reactions to her rages have diminished and I am much more able to > > > handle them ,but to see her insult innocent bystanders upsets me so much. > > > Could you please suggest some ways to handle these situations ,besides > > > apologizing to the insulted party? > > > > I am so frustrated that this happens all the time,whether at the > > doctor's > > > office, the grocery store,the pharmacy and I am the only one who will > > take > > > her to do her errands. > > > > Please send some ideas, I am at the end of my rope! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2011 Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 Thank you all for the great advice. It is so good to be validated by people who " have been there " . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2011 Report Share Posted August 17, 2011 HOLY MOLY!!!!! Peeing your pants over a restaurant???? OMG!!!! I'll take 10 shirts! On Tue, Aug 16, 2011 at 12:39 PM, anuria67854 wrote: > ** > > > In a somewhat similar way, my Sister had to use this " hardball " technique > with our nada, and she only had to do it once. > > Our nada was in the habit of criticizing my Sister in front of my Sister's > child (and our nada would make really ugly, hateful remarks, not just mild > suggestions) particularly Sister's parenting decisions. Sister kept asking > nada to not do that, that if nada disagreed with some parenting choice my > Sister had made, to discuss it with her privately, not in front of her > little boy. Nada kept ignoring Sister's very reasonable request, repeatedly. > It was very disrespectful to Sister and it confused her little son as to who > was in charge. > > So one time when Sister was driving nada somewhere, with my little nephew > in the back seat, nada did it again. Sister had had enough, so she pulled > over to the side of the road and said very seriously that if nada could not > follow this request, she could walk the rest of the way home. They were only > a few miles from nada's house and although it was not too dangerous to walk > along a country highway on a summer's day, the idea of being ejected from > the car to walk home by herself upset nada badly enough to make an > impression on her that Sister really meant it. > > This wasn't a request, this was a rule, and there were real consequences > for breaking the rule. " Playing hard ball " worked for my Sister, at least in > that situation. > > -Annie > > > > > > > > > > It was my Birthday two days ago... My nada insisted I go have lunch > at > > her assisted living dining room ,which was very nice ,but always makes me > > > fearful of the possibilities of her outbursts,so I invited two close > > friends of mine to come and act as buffers( I did tell her,of course) > Well, she > > did not disapoint! A young waitress was there on her first day and forgot > > > Nada' salad dressing. You would have thought it was the beginning of > World > > war !!!. > > > > She called her terrible names ,insulted her so loudly that the whole > > dining room could hear.The poor girl was near tears and my guests > terribly > > embarassed.I kept begging her to PLEASE not do that on my > Birthday,nothing > > worked. > > > > What is this need that they have to belittle others? Do they feel > more > > important for it or is it simply that they thrive on drama ? Is this a > > need to feel they are at the center of the world ,like small children who > > > crave attention albeit negative attention? > > > > My reactions to her rages have diminished and I am much more able to > > handle them ,but to see her insult innocent bystanders upsets me so much. > > > Could you please suggest some ways to handle these situations ,besides > > apologizing to the insulted party? > > > > I am so frustrated that this happens all the time,whether at the > > doctor's office, the grocery store,the pharmacy and I am the only one who > will > > take her to do her errands. > > > > Please send some ideas, I am at the end of my rope! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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