Re: Classic

April 4, 2012

Good for your daughter! I'm glad to hear that she was able to

stand up for herself. Have you made the school aware of the

situation with your parents? If not, I'd recommend doing so. It

wouldn't surprise me if your parents started trying to get the

school to pass messages to your daughters or started hanging

around outside the school in hopes of getting to talk to them.

Nadas and fadas can make stalking into a fine art and are often

good at telling convincing lies and half-truths to officials

when caught.

At 10:20 AM 04/04/2012 writermanque wrote:

>So, for whatever reason my parents have kicked it up a notch in

>recent weeks. A quick recap: it's been 4.5 years since I've had

>any semblance of a relationship with my parents, after I found

>out they were making disparaging comments about my kids to

>their faces and when I confronted them with this information,

>they made made fun of me for it, to oversimplify the situation

>greatly. Anyhoo, out of the blue, two weeks ago my mom calls me

>at work (called the main switchboard, patched through by an

>administrative assistant who assumed she was sane) and

>blathered on and on about how she didn't understand why I

>wasn't speaking to her, she never did anything, blah blah blah,

>and I hung up on her. Ten seconds later she calls my secretary

>and leaves a message inviting me to lunch the following Sunday.

>The following week, my dad decides to drop in unannounced at my

>office. Fortunately I was in a meeting so he was sent away.

>Later that week my oldest daughter (age 12) is in a musical

>performance. Don't know how they found out about it but my

>parents are in the audience. It's open to the public, so not

>much I can do about that. After the performance, I wait with my

>10 year old daughter for them to leave, only to find them

>milling about in the lobby looking for us. As I am steering my

>10 year old away without acknowledging their presence, my dad

>makes a beeline for us, reaches across my body to grab my

>daughter's shoulder and tries to strike up a conversation with

>her. I swat his hand away, put a finger right up to his face

>and say very firmly, " No. " I swear in that instant I felt like

>I was trying to train a very stubborn dog, except for the fact

>that I actually like dogs quite a bit. I later discover that

>while I was waiting in the auditorium, my mother had gone

>backstage (not open to the public, BTW) to find my twelve year

>old. My daughter sees her and just starts saying, " Leave me

>alone, " but had to say it about five times before she actually

>complied. So yeah, super creepy (and documented if we decide to

>pursue legal action).

>

>But the icing on the cake is that yesterday was my birthday,

>and my husband's, as well. My parents sent us birthday cards.

>My husband's arrives just fine; mine arrives with a stamp from

>the postal service " postage due " . Instead of a stamp they had

>put some sort of square sticker (an Easter seal, maybe?) and

>they didn't put a return address on the envelope. I tossed it

>back in the mailbox with " Delivery refused " written on it.

>

>The silver lining to all of this: my twelve year old actually

>felt very empowered by the backstage episode. She enforced her

>boundaries and made a grown-up go away. Too bad it had to

>happen this way, but at least she knows how to stand up for

>herself.

>

>Grrrrrrr.

>

--

Katrina

April 4, 2012

I concur with Katrina--if you haven't already, let the school know about

the situation.

I couldn't help but feel so amazed and happy for you and your daughter for

being able to keep boundaries! It is a bit like training a stubborn dog,

isn't it? Good for you and your daughter

Holly

> **

>

> Good for your daughter! I'm glad to hear that she was able to

> stand up for herself. Have you made the school aware of the

> situation with your parents? If not, I'd recommend doing so. It

> wouldn't surprise me if your parents started trying to get the

> school to pass messages to your daughters or started hanging

> around outside the school in hopes of getting to talk to them.

> Nadas and fadas can make stalking into a fine art and are often

> good at telling convincing lies and half-truths to officials

> when caught.

>

> At 10:20 AM 04/04/2012 writermanque wrote:

> >So, for whatever reason my parents have kicked it up a notch in

> >recent weeks. A quick recap: it's been 4.5 years since I've had

> >any semblance of a relationship with my parents, after I found

> >out they were making disparaging comments about my kids to

> >their faces and when I confronted them with this information,

> >they made made fun of me for it, to oversimplify the situation

> >greatly. Anyhoo, out of the blue, two weeks ago my mom calls me

> >at work (called the main switchboard, patched through by an

> >administrative assistant who assumed she was sane) and

> >blathered on and on about how she didn't understand why I

> >wasn't speaking to her, she never did anything, blah blah blah,

> >and I hung up on her. Ten seconds later she calls my secretary

> >and leaves a message inviting me to lunch the following Sunday.

> >The following week, my dad decides to drop in unannounced at my

> >office. Fortunately I was in a meeting so he was sent away.

> >Later that week my oldest daughter (age 12) is in a musical

> >performance. Don't know how they found out about it but my

> >parents are in the audience. It's open to the public, so not

> >much I can do about that. After the performance, I wait with my

> >10 year old daughter for them to leave, only to find them

> >milling about in the lobby looking for us. As I am steering my

> >10 year old away without acknowledging their presence, my dad

> >makes a beeline for us, reaches across my body to grab my

> >daughter's shoulder and tries to strike up a conversation with

> >her. I swat his hand away, put a finger right up to his face

> >and say very firmly, " No. " I swear in that instant I felt like

> >I was trying to train a very stubborn dog, except for the fact

> >that I actually like dogs quite a bit. I later discover that

> >while I was waiting in the auditorium, my mother had gone

> >backstage (not open to the public, BTW) to find my twelve year

> >old. My daughter sees her and just starts saying, " Leave me

> >alone, " but had to say it about five times before she actually

> >complied. So yeah, super creepy (and documented if we decide to

> >pursue legal action).

> >

> >But the icing on the cake is that yesterday was my birthday,

> >and my husband's, as well. My parents sent us birthday cards.

> >My husband's arrives just fine; mine arrives with a stamp from

> >the postal service " postage due " . Instead of a stamp they had

> >put some sort of square sticker (an Easter seal, maybe?) and

> >they didn't put a return address on the envelope. I tossed it

> >back in the mailbox with " Delivery refused " written on it.

> >

> >The silver lining to all of this: my twelve year old actually

> >felt very empowered by the backstage episode. She enforced her

> >boundaries and made a grown-up go away. Too bad it had to

> >happen this way, but at least she knows how to stand up for

> >herself.

> >

> >Grrrrrrr.

> >

>

> --

> Katrina

>

April 4, 2012

Wow, your pd parents were super-aggressive to physically show up at your place

of business like that, and at your child's recital, physically pushing past you

to get to your 10 year old child and physically approaching your older girl

without your knowledge. Just, wow.

You were in true " mother bear " mode protecting your 10-year-old, and that is

just so awesome. And I am SO impressed that your 12-year-old felt empowered to

hold her ground like that and tell her grand-nada to go away, that is just epic!

You are my hero! What an incredibly valuable life-lesson for your kids, that

its OK to stand up for yourself and protect yourself and others if confronted by

a bully. And that's what your pd parents were doing, in my opinion: they were

trying to drive a Sherman tank over your boundary using physical intimidation.

You rock!

-Annie

>

> So, for whatever reason my parents have kicked it up a notch in recent weeks.

A quick recap: it's been 4.5 years since I've had any semblance of a

relationship with my parents, after I found out they were making disparaging

comments about my kids to their faces and when I confronted them with this

information, they made made fun of me for it, to oversimplify the situation

greatly. Anyhoo, out of the blue, two weeks ago my mom calls me at work (called

the main switchboard, patched through by an administrative assistant who assumed

she was sane) and blathered on and on about how she didn't understand why I

wasn't speaking to her, she never did anything, blah blah blah, and I hung up on

her. Ten seconds later she calls my secretary and leaves a message inviting me

to lunch the following Sunday. The following week, my dad decides to drop in

unannounced at my office. Fortunately I was in a meeting so he was sent away.

Later that week my oldest daughter (age 12) is in a musical performance. Don't

know how they found out about it but my parents are in the audience. It's open

to the public, so not much I can do about that. After the performance, I wait

with my 10 year old daughter for them to leave, only to find them milling about

in the lobby looking for us. As I am steering my 10 year old away without

acknowledging their presence, my dad makes a beeline for us, reaches across my

body to grab my daughter's shoulder and tries to strike up a conversation with

her. I swat his hand away, put a finger right up to his face and say very

firmly, " No. " I swear in that instant I felt like I was trying to train a very

stubborn dog, except for the fact that I actually like dogs quite a bit. I later

discover that while I was waiting in the auditorium, my mother had gone

backstage (not open to the public, BTW) to find my twelve year old. My daughter

sees her and just starts saying, " Leave me alone, " but had to say it about five

times before she actually complied. So yeah, super creepy (and documented if we

decide to pursue legal action).

>

> But the icing on the cake is that yesterday was my birthday, and my husband's,

as well. My parents sent us birthday cards. My husband's arrives just fine; mine

arrives with a stamp from the postal service " postage due " . Instead of a stamp

they had put some sort of square sticker (an Easter seal, maybe?) and they

didn't put a return address on the envelope. I tossed it back in the mailbox

with " Delivery refused " written on it.

>

> The silver lining to all of this: my twelve year old actually felt very

empowered by the backstage episode. She enforced her boundaries and made a

grown-up go away. Too bad it had to happen this way, but at least she knows how

to stand up for herself.

>

> Grrrrrrr.

>

April 4, 2012

Yes, all of my kids' schools are aware of my situation, as are my sitters, my

coworkers, and my neighbors. I've actually thought that it would be kind of

hilarious if I made a huge sign with their pictures on it with the phrase " These

people are not welcome here " and posted it in my yard, except for the fact that

I'd have to see their faces every day. But they would absolutely freak out!