new here - living with nada!

[Guest guest]

Hi, I've suddenly gotten into the position of living for 3 months with nada.

It's unexpected and unfortunate, but while my husband looks for work in another

country, we have no other choice. I will be needing support, advice, and just

people who understand, so hello, and thank you all for being here.

A little background: Nada was diagnosed BPD in the early 70's, when it wasn't

well known, but she has never admitted that anything is wrong with her (no

surprise there).

She suspected something was different about herself, of course, and decided

she's an alcoholic. Having a " disease " makes her not responsible for all the

horrible things she's done. Incidentally, she never drank much, yet she still

goes to AA meetings, getting the admiration of people who really do have a

problem for her amazing strength, getting over 30 years sober.

She's been in therapy for 5 years after being reminded that she was sexually

abused as a child. It has helped a bit, although she doesn't know she's BPD,

because it is cognitive-behavioral therapy. I don't know whether her therapist

knows she has BPD or not.

Her main traits have been: rages, extremely controlling, no boundaries, and

hypochondria. I was NC from the time I was pregnant until my son was 2. I have

lived across the country and across the world for my entire adult life, which

made LC easier.

So here I am living in her house. It's been 4 days. My 5 year old son is here

with me. I am not allowed to eat beef unless it is a certain expensive kind and

cooked in a laboratory-type way, because she is so afraid of contracting mad-cow

disease, even though she's a vegetarian. She thinks a prion might stick to a

plate that's been through the dishwasher and get into her tofu-burger. You get

the picture, it's all about ways of controlling others.

She's coming in now, so I'll sign off.

Thanks for reading!

[Guest guest]

welcome to the group! Hope you use this group as a support system while you are

there, just so you can get through it sanely. That is amazing she was diagnosed

that long ago, it makes me wonder if it was so radical that there was no denying

it, lol. That is interesting about what you said about her sobriety, wow. I have

never heard of someone doing it but I am sure anything is possible...I have

known friends who were not alcoholic and had only been drunk a time or two if at

all call themselves alcoholics and work that program just because they did not

feel at home in narcotics anonymous so I guess whatever works. Do you think that

the AA meetings have affected her in a positive way? I am curious. It would

seem hard for someone to change for the better if they can't find the fault they

need to within themselves, so they would at least know what to change.

>

> Hi, I've suddenly gotten into the position of living for 3 months with nada.

It's unexpected and unfortunate, but while my husband looks for work in another

country, we have no other choice. I will be needing support, advice, and just

people who understand, so hello, and thank you all for being here.

>

> A little background: Nada was diagnosed BPD in the early 70's, when it wasn't

well known, but she has never admitted that anything is wrong with her (no

surprise there).

>

> She suspected something was different about herself, of course, and decided

she's an alcoholic. Having a " disease " makes her not responsible for all the

horrible things she's done. Incidentally, she never drank much, yet she still

goes to AA meetings, getting the admiration of people who really do have a

problem for her amazing strength, getting over 30 years sober.

>

> She's been in therapy for 5 years after being reminded that she was sexually

abused as a child. It has helped a bit, although she doesn't know she's BPD,

because it is cognitive-behavioral therapy. I don't know whether her therapist

knows she has BPD or not.

>

> Her main traits have been: rages, extremely controlling, no boundaries, and

hypochondria. I was NC from the time I was pregnant until my son was 2. I have

lived across the country and across the world for my entire adult life, which

made LC easier.

>

> So here I am living in her house. It's been 4 days. My 5 year old son is here

with me. I am not allowed to eat beef unless it is a certain expensive kind and

cooked in a laboratory-type way, because she is so afraid of contracting mad-cow

disease, even though she's a vegetarian. She thinks a prion might stick to a

plate that's been through the dishwasher and get into her tofu-burger. You get

the picture, it's all about ways of controlling others.

>

> She's coming in now, so I'll sign off.

> Thanks for reading!

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Kitty,

Welcome to the group! Sorry to hear you and your son have to live with nada.

Maybe you can find ways to avoid her, that is, work around her schedule so you

and your son aren't affected too much by all the negativity and craziness.

Anytime you need to share, unload, vent, etc., we're here and we get it!!

Best wishes,

fiona

>

> Hi, I've suddenly gotten into the position of living for 3 months with nada.

It's unexpected and unfortunate, but while my husband looks for work in another

country, we have no other choice. I will be needing support, advice, and just

people who understand, so hello, and thank you all for being here.

>

> A little background: Nada was diagnosed BPD in the early 70's, when it wasn't

well known, but she has never admitted that anything is wrong with her (no

surprise there).

>

> She suspected something was different about herself, of course, and decided

she's an alcoholic. Having a " disease " makes her not responsible for all the

horrible things she's done. Incidentally, she never drank much, yet she still

goes to AA meetings, getting the admiration of people who really do have a

problem for her amazing strength, getting over 30 years sober.

>

> She's been in therapy for 5 years after being reminded that she was sexually

abused as a child. It has helped a bit, although she doesn't know she's BPD,

because it is cognitive-behavioral therapy. I don't know whether her therapist

knows she has BPD or not.

>

> Her main traits have been: rages, extremely controlling, no boundaries, and

hypochondria. I was NC from the time I was pregnant until my son was 2. I have

lived across the country and across the world for my entire adult life, which

made LC easier.

>

> So here I am living in her house. It's been 4 days. My 5 year old son is here

with me. I am not allowed to eat beef unless it is a certain expensive kind and

cooked in a laboratory-type way, because she is so afraid of contracting mad-cow

disease, even though she's a vegetarian. She thinks a prion might stick to a

plate that's been through the dishwasher and get into her tofu-burger. You get

the picture, it's all about ways of controlling others.

>

> She's coming in now, so I'll sign off.

> Thanks for reading!

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you both for the welcome. I'm realizing it will be hard to find a private

moment to even come on this board, but I'll participate as much as I can manage.

To answer about the AA, I don't think it helped at all. She uses it not to make

positive changes, but to justify her behavior. All the rages we lived with were

" the alcoholism " , and now that she has worked the steps, she's perfect, in her

opinion. Therefore her current rages are the fault of whoever crosses her.

For example, when I was a child, whenever I was so awful as to not have my

chores done to her OCD standard, she would rage and " have to go to a meeting "

and storm out, and she would be gone so long my sister and I would think she was

dead.

And later in life, when she wanted me to go to her former AA-oriented counselor

with her for family therapy, I said no, so she exploded with " well he says I've

DONE all my work and so if we went together he'd tell you that YOU are the whole

problem. "

OK that was a wordy answer. I don't want anyone to think I'm putting down others

who attend AA or have addictions, and I'm sure that many people with borderline

parents end up dependent on substances as a way to cope. It's just that she

didn't actually drink much, maybe one a night. Not every night.

I haven't had a private time to be able to read other people's stories, but I

wonder if this is a common phenomenon. Will read more to get to know you all

when she stops hovering!

-Kitty

>

> Hi, I've suddenly gotten into the position of living for 3 months with nada.

It's unexpected and unfortunate, but while my husband looks for work in another

country, we have no other choice. I will be needing support, advice, and just

people who understand, so hello, and thank you all for being here.

>

> A little background: Nada was diagnosed BPD in the early 70's, when it wasn't

well known, but she has never admitted that anything is wrong with her (no

surprise there).

>

> She suspected something was different about herself, of course, and decided

she's an alcoholic. Having a " disease " makes her not responsible for all the

horrible things she's done. Incidentally, she never drank much, yet she still

goes to AA meetings, getting the admiration of people who really do have a

problem for her amazing strength, getting over 30 years sober.

>

> She's been in therapy for 5 years after being reminded that she was sexually

abused as a child. It has helped a bit, although she doesn't know she's BPD,

because it is cognitive-behavioral therapy. I don't know whether her therapist

knows she has BPD or not.

>

> Her main traits have been: rages, extremely controlling, no boundaries, and

hypochondria. I was NC from the time I was pregnant until my son was 2. I have

lived across the country and across the world for my entire adult life, which

made LC easier.

>

> So here I am living in her house. It's been 4 days. My 5 year old son is here

with me. I am not allowed to eat beef unless it is a certain expensive kind and

cooked in a laboratory-type way, because she is so afraid of contracting mad-cow

disease, even though she's a vegetarian. She thinks a prion might stick to a

plate that's been through the dishwasher and get into her tofu-burger. You get

the picture, it's all about ways of controlling others.

>

> She's coming in now, so I'll sign off.

> Thanks for reading!

>

[Guest guest]

BPs need support and AA is a great place to get support. However, the 12 steps

do not treat BPD. I have frequented AA and can attest that there are a lot of

people there that need more that just the 12 steps, they need more that a

drug/alcohol counselor, they need more than a meeting; they need a well trained

and experienced mental health professional. Unfortunately, AA lulls them into

thinking that they are doing what they need to do because they do the 12 steps.

Very few people in AA talk about the importance of mental health professionals.

A lot of people in AA need mental health services.

> >

> > Hi, I've suddenly gotten into the position of living for 3 months with nada.

It's unexpected and unfortunate, but while my husband looks for work in another

country, we have no other choice. I will be needing support, advice, and just

people who understand, so hello, and thank you all for being here.

> >

> > A little background: Nada was diagnosed BPD in the early 70's, when it

wasn't well known, but she has never admitted that anything is wrong with her

(no surprise there).

> >

> > She suspected something was different about herself, of course, and decided

she's an alcoholic. Having a " disease " makes her not responsible for all the

horrible things she's done. Incidentally, she never drank much, yet she still

goes to AA meetings, getting the admiration of people who really do have a

problem for her amazing strength, getting over 30 years sober.

> >

> > She's been in therapy for 5 years after being reminded that she was sexually

abused as a child. It has helped a bit, although she doesn't know she's BPD,

because it is cognitive-behavioral therapy. I don't know whether her therapist

knows she has BPD or not.

> >

> > Her main traits have been: rages, extremely controlling, no boundaries, and

hypochondria. I was NC from the time I was pregnant until my son was 2. I have

lived across the country and across the world for my entire adult life, which

made LC easier.

> >

> > So here I am living in her house. It's been 4 days. My 5 year old son is

here with me. I am not allowed to eat beef unless it is a certain expensive kind

and cooked in a laboratory-type way, because she is so afraid of contracting

mad-cow disease, even though she's a vegetarian. She thinks a prion might stick

to a plate that's been through the dishwasher and get into her tofu-burger. You

get the picture, it's all about ways of controlling others.

> >

> > She's coming in now, so I'll sign off.

> > Thanks for reading!

> >

>