Re: Medical Issues NOW bc of years of verbal & emotional abuse, both past & present

April 4, 2012

It's not you its them! I hope you can find a way to escape them. Welcome!

On Wed, Apr 4, 2012 at 12:14 AM, gofruitflygo wrote:

> **

>

> Hello, I'm a newbie who's found your forum/posts to be very informative

> and enlightening. Both my grandmother and mother have this malady. I've

> been subjected to their respective wraths since birth; emotionally

> torturing me on a daily basis now without seeing anything they do as wrong

> or hurtful.

> I've had to move in with my grandmother for health and financial reasons.

> To make it worse, my mother lives just 5 doors down. (I used to support

> both of them, financially and emotionally.) They have a terrible

> relationship. I'm often put in the middle (always have been) or else they

> gang up on me. Well, I used to be able to " deal " with them bc I kept

> everything in but I can no longer take it. The stress has gotten to be

> wayyyyy too much. My body physically crumbles. Intense pain and horrible

> tingling/squeezing pressure overcome me to the point where I pass out from

> it or can't even get out of bed for weeks on end (depending on intensity)

> bc of the overall pain. I can't even function like a normal human being

> doing the very basics like washing clothes, making food, etc. They don't

> see how badly they hurt me no matter how many times I have tried to talk

> with them. Even several doctors have tried to reason with them that they

> need to calm down in order to help limit my stress. Just today, my mother

> all of a sudden got up and stormed out in tears on my doctor and I. She

> claimed afterward, after me having to pull it out of her and her getting

> heated, that the doctor was putting her down and that I was lying to him

> about things she's done- things which she jokes about with the neighbors or

> even prides herself on having done. She then told me that I forget a lot of

> stuff (everything's my fault) and that she's thru with being put down by

> everyone and trying to have a relationship with me; that I can't let go of

> the past (even if it was just yesterday that she did it) and she's tired of

> being the victim. She warned me to stop talking about it before she " really

> started going off on me " . Then said she is not going to be the victim for

> anyone any longer and that she is now the Victor bc she won't tolerate the

> abuse. Anyway, back at the office after she left, the doctor hugged me and

> told me she/they are not AT ALL good for my health, are contributing to the

> problems, and that I'll never get better whilst being around them. He

> advised that I should find a new place to live as soon as possible if I

> want to get better. (Funny, many others have told me to leave them behind

> for many, many years even before I became ill.)

> I ask you, am I crazy for thinking they're normal and I'm the problem?

> I've been told for years by them that I'm wrong, been called names, and

> that I need to change bc I'm too hard to get along with. What can I do to

> handle them better? How can I ease my stress while being there for however

> long? My health Really depends on this!!

> Thank you,

> GFG

>

April 4, 2012

>

> I ask you, am I crazy for thinking they're normal and I'm the problem? I've

been told for years by them that I'm wrong, been called names, and that I need

to change bc I'm too hard to get along with. What can I do to handle them

better? How can I ease my stress while being there for however long? My health

Really depends on this!!

> Thank you,

> GFG

>

Yep. But to be fair you and I and so many on this board have been brainwashed

since birth to accept whatever our FOO (family of origin) does as normal and

problems are our fault. In psychoanalysis they call it the moral defense.

Basically as kids we blame ourselves as being the problem because the idea that

our caretakers are batshit crazy and we are totally dependent on them is too

terrifying. It sounds like you have an awesome doctor and I hope you can find

a way to find independent housing and living from your mother and grandmother.

You do not need or deserve this. For managing while you are still there you

might find the " medium chill " technique helpful - you can find past posts about

it if you search this forum on the web page. It's a way of disengaging and not

joining them in their craziness. One suggestion too...your mother shouldn't be

with you in your doctor's appointment, let that be the private confidential

interaction it should be.

Good luck and hugs

Eliza

April 4, 2012

Welcome to the Group GFG,

I'm so sorry you are living in such an abusive household, my heart goes out to

you.

Your situation seems to me to have similarities to classic domestic violence

cases: the battered woman syndrome. Its similar to the Stockholm Syndrome: in

such cases the victim becomes a champion of and fiercely loyal to the very

person or persons who kidnapped her, held her a prisoner, isolated her from any

means of rescue, and threatened her life and/or raped her daily for years. If

the imprisoned victim is isolated long enough to lose all hope of rescue and is

made to be totally dependent on her tormentors, then Stockholm Syndrome can kick

in as an automatic, subconscious survival mechanism. When Stockholm Syndrome

kicks in, the prisoner doesn't try to escape even when the opportunity arises;

their minds have been " broken " , like brainwashing: their survival instinct has

been squashed.

In your case, the emotional battering from your mother and grandmother is

seriously endangering your health. You wrote that you have been advised over

the years from several sources, including your medical doctor, that you need to

get away from your mother and grandmother, and yet you haven't yet been able or

willing to take self-protective steps in that direction.

So my suggestion, and I am just giving my own opinion as a fellow KO, is that

you could benefit from seeking out a psychologist who specializes in trauma

recovery. You are sort of like a P.O.W or like a cult member raised inside

some crazy mini-cult compound, and you need a trauma-recovery specialist to

help reorient you back into the real world outside your prison/cult.

So, I hope you will at least think about that as an option. If you have the

freedom and ability to go see a medical doctor, perhaps you can also go see a

psychologist whose specialty is trauma recovery or a therapist who counsels the

victims of domestic violence.

I hope that helps.

-Annie

>

> Hello, I'm a newbie who's found your forum/posts to be very informative and

enlightening. Both my grandmother and mother have this malady. I've been

subjected to their respective wraths since birth; emotionally torturing me on a

daily basis now without seeing anything they do as wrong or hurtful.

> I've had to move in with my grandmother for health and financial reasons. To

make it worse, my mother lives just 5 doors down. (I used to support both of

them, financially and emotionally.) They have a terrible relationship. I'm often

put in the middle (always have been) or else they gang up on me. Well, I used to

be able to " deal " with them bc I kept everything in but I can no longer take it.

The stress has gotten to be wayyyyy too much. My body physically crumbles.

Intense pain and horrible tingling/squeezing pressure overcome me to the point

where I pass out from it or can't even get out of bed for weeks on end

(depending on intensity) bc of the overall pain. I can't even function like a

normal human being doing the very basics like washing clothes, making food, etc.

They don't see how badly they hurt me no matter how many times I have tried to

talk with them. Even several doctors have tried to reason with them that they

need to calm down in order to help limit my stress. Just today, my mother all of

a sudden got up and stormed out in tears on my doctor and I. She claimed

afterward, after me having to pull it out of her and her getting heated, that

the doctor was putting her down and that I was lying to him about things she's

done- things which she jokes about with the neighbors or even prides herself on

having done. She then told me that I forget a lot of stuff (everything's my

fault) and that she's thru with being put down by everyone and trying to have a

relationship with me; that I can't let go of the past (even if it was just

yesterday that she did it) and she's tired of being the victim. She warned me to

stop talking about it before she " really started going off on me " . Then said she

is not going to be the victim for anyone any longer and that she is now the

Victor bc she won't tolerate the abuse. Anyway, back at the office after she

left, the doctor hugged me and told me she/they are not AT ALL good for my

health, are contributing to the problems, and that I'll never get better whilst

being around them. He advised that I should find a new place to live as soon as

possible if I want to get better. (Funny, many others have told me to leave them

behind for many, many years even before I became ill.)

> I ask you, am I crazy for thinking they're normal and I'm the problem? I've

been told for years by them that I'm wrong, been called names, and that I need

to change bc I'm too hard to get along with. What can I do to handle them

better? How can I ease my stress while being there for however long? My health

Really depends on this!!

> Thank you,

> GFG

>

April 12, 2012

Hi Eliza,

Thank you for your helpful response! Yes, the brainwashing did begin at

birth...or at least their attempt. My nada and grandnada are both nutjobs!!

From when I was in the crib they began scheming. I would get up from a nap,

they'd be in the other room and hear me but wouldn't come, and then they'd wait

for me to call out. They would laugh after I said Mommy the first few times,

then Mom a couple times, then Mother, and lastly I would scream bloody murder

for " her name " !! I could hear them laughing the whole time, but they would

ignore me bc they thought it was funny; funny that I would call out and they

wouldn't come even though I kept calling out, it was just hilarious to them that

I'd get so " worked up " , and even funnier when I'd call my mother (ha) by her

first name! (I walked and talked at 9/10 months, so I'm being serious when I say

" It started in the crib " ...probably before.)

I've employed " The Medium Chill Technique " on and off for years; unbeknownst to

me. At times, it is very difficult. Many of the things they say go against my

moral fiber and it takes every itty bitty cell of my being to refrain from

saying something. Since I've always held steadfast to my convictions, been

outspoken, let honesty, integrity, and virtue guide me, dealing with them has

been Extremely challenging. However, now that I am sick, I find that on the

outside I am using the Medium Chill technique more and more. I remain silent,

vacant at times, to nada's & gnada's utterings. That's on the outside. On the

inside, it's a different story...it's a raging inferno. They are Nuts and I

can't take it anymore!!

Like I said before, I have to be here living with gnada. I need help. I can't

drive to doctor's appts at times (my close friends work or live out of the

area), let alone do the daily tasks of life...which only once in a great while,

when it's convenient or they're in the mood, they do some, but with a caveat.

Inevitably I end up having to do something or give them something to repay for

their services rendered...which they also feel the need to " remind " me

about...yet I am not like them and do not take people nor things for granted.

??? It kills me to be here! The very second I get some relief, feel better, I

get dressed and leave. Problem is, more times than not, halfway between getting

dressed and out the door the pain intensifies and back in bed I go. My Dr.

attributes much of my pain to the lifetime of emotional stress and mistreatment

from Them. My entire life I've surrounded myself with people who are the

complete antithesis of them, which has lead me to some wonderful people, great

achievements, and to overcoming many hurdles with knowledge and grace. But now,

as " the rug of life " has been yanked out from under me, I've been hurled back

into the lion's den. I'm torn bc I'm thankful for having a place to live, but

at what price...

Thanks again for your help and kindness! I really appreciate it!!

G =)

> >

> > I ask you, am I crazy for thinking they're normal and I'm the problem? I've

been told for years by them that I'm wrong, been called names, and that I need

to change bc I'm too hard to get along with. What can I do to handle them

better? How can I ease my stress while being there for however long? My health

Really depends on this!!

> > Thank you,

> > GFG

> >

>

> Yep. But to be fair you and I and so many on this board have been brainwashed