Guess Nada will always win, no matter how I try

[Guest guest]

It's after 3 am here, I've worked all day on a birthday celebration and then

prepping for Easter dinner. I feel like crying. I think it's FOG, disgust, hurt.

just to clarify the rest here--I went NC with my nada & fada at Christmastime.

My Fada was baptized today. Out of my little family of 4, my daughter was the

only one invited. Neither I nor my son was contacted. Me being ignored I

understand, since I am NC.

My sister was invited, and to my face made a big deal about how she wasn't going

to attend--it was too late at night, nada has been raging, she doesn't do

holidays with the family. But, of course, my daughter says she was there.

Daughter also says at one point in the service my fada whispered to her " Too bad

your mom isn't here. " WTF? I wasn't invited!

So here I am, feeling like odd man out, deserted again. Does my father really

think his bitch of a wife invited me and I am just being difficult? Am I

supposed to be hurt or angry or just not care? I have been pushed into this

corner by lies and propaganda. My sister knows the pattern, she's been the

victim countless times. Perhaps the seductiveness of being nada's right hand

suck up is just too temping to ignore.

I am too tired to cry or be angry. I try to empathize with my son's hurt

feelings but I need to get a grip on just what I am feeling too. My sister was

the only family member left I've been claiming, and I feel like she slit my

throat too.

[Guest guest]

i think your nada is doing an amazing job of working you all against each other.

How slimey of her.

In a way, I feel bad for your sister. As you said, when nada declares you as

golden child and invites her over you, it's very attractive. You feel so singled

out and special. I feel bad b/c (as she surely knows), being anointed by nada

act is simply nada's message to you.

I'm so sorry for the grief and pain she's putting you through, Echo.

>

> It's after 3 am here, I've worked all day on a birthday celebration and then

prepping for Easter dinner. I feel like crying. I think it's FOG, disgust, hurt.

just to clarify the rest here--I went NC with my nada & fada at Christmastime.

>

> My Fada was baptized today. Out of my little family of 4, my daughter was the

only one invited. Neither I nor my son was contacted. Me being ignored I

understand, since I am NC.

>

> My sister was invited, and to my face made a big deal about how she wasn't

going to attend--it was too late at night, nada has been raging, she doesn't do

holidays with the family. But, of course, my daughter says she was there.

>

> Daughter also says at one point in the service my fada whispered to her " Too

bad your mom isn't here. " WTF? I wasn't invited!

>

> So here I am, feeling like odd man out, deserted again. Does my father really

think his bitch of a wife invited me and I am just being difficult? Am I

supposed to be hurt or angry or just not care? I have been pushed into this

corner by lies and propaganda. My sister knows the pattern, she's been the

victim countless times. Perhaps the seductiveness of being nada's right hand

suck up is just too temping to ignore.

>

> I am too tired to cry or be angry. I try to empathize with my son's hurt

feelings but I need to get a grip on just what I am feeling too. My sister was

the only family member left I've been claiming, and I feel like she slit my

throat too.

>

[Guest guest]

The only way to win against a nada is not to play.

I'm sorry that your FOO is so good at upsetting you. Trying to

drive a wedge between siblings is common nada & fada behavior.

Invite one but don't invite the other. Give things to one but

not the other. Praise one in front of the other. Let the hurt

and jealousy do the work of driving people apart. Perhaps your

sister thought that bitching to you about it beforehand was

showing her support for you. Some people have really mistaken

ideas about how to do that. Perhaps she really felt that way but

then decided to give in and go. Refusing an invitation from a

nada tends to have unpleasant consequences. If you're trying to

maintain a relationship, sometimes it is easier to just go and

suffer through the event even if you don't want to go.

Did you really want to be there? If not, why let your nada &

fada cause you to feel hurt over it? Enjoy your Easter dinner.

Living a good life and enjoying yourself is one of the best ways

of not letting them win.

At 03:51 AM 04/08/2012 echobabe_is_free wrote:

>It's after 3 am here, I've worked all day on a birthday

>celebration and then prepping for Easter dinner. I feel like

>crying. I think it's FOG, disgust, hurt. just to clarify the

>rest here--I went NC with my nada & fada at Christmastime.

>

>My Fada was baptized today. Out of my little family of 4, my

>daughter was the only one invited. Neither I nor my son was

>contacted. Me being ignored I understand, since I am NC.

>

>My sister was invited, and to my face made a big deal about how

>she wasn't going to attend--it was too late at night, nada has

>been raging, she doesn't do holidays with the family. But, of

>course, my daughter says she was there.

>

>Daughter also says at one point in the service my fada

>whispered to her " Too bad your mom isn't here. " WTF? I wasn't

>invited!

>

>So here I am, feeling like odd man out, deserted again. Does my

>father really think his bitch of a wife invited me and I am

>just being difficult? Am I supposed to be hurt or angry or just

>not care? I have been pushed into this corner by lies and

>propaganda. My sister knows the pattern, she's been the victim

>countless times. Perhaps the seductiveness of being nada's

>right hand suck up is just too temping to ignore.

>

>I am too tired to cry or be angry. I try to empathize with my

>son's hurt feelings but I need to get a grip on just what I am

>feeling too. My sister was the only family member left I've

>been claiming, and I feel like she slit my throat too.

>

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Agreed. In Nada s world, family is only supposed to get alone on her

terms.

It is painful, but at some point you have to come to terms with the

truth of nada. You can t win. So you dont play. Think of her as a 3

year old. A 3 year old my cheat on games. We understand that, and

teach them that no, that s not how you play. YOu have to take your turn,

and do what the dice roll. But nada is a 50 year old who still

functions as a 3 year old, cheats at games, and expects everyone to

celebrate her win.

If a 3 year old is still cheating on games when they are 6, no one will

play with them.

So, we come to the place of not playing. I told people who confronted

me or asked " My mom is mentally ill. I do what I have to do in

dealing with that. If you choose to do something different, that is

your business. Good luck. ( Meaning, she will screw with you

eventually. ) But my relationship with my Mom is none of your

business. "

That sometimes means collateral damage. I may lose people who are still

caught up in her circle of manipulation by choosing not to be. Part of

the cost. But I had to do it. BP is very destructive. It destroys ALL

of her relationships, and many of people who try to have one with her.

An old saying goes, I dont cuss or smoke or drink or chew, or hang about

with them what do.

Thus it is with nada. I don t let her manipulate me, or spend time with

those who do. One way she hurts me directly. The other indirectly.

Putting nada at a safe distance may mean we push away a dozen people

with her. Often they come back when they are burned enough.

Meanwhile, start with you, healthy and sane, and those who will share

that choice with you. And build a healthy life outward from there.

Doug

> >It's after 3 am here, I've worked all day on a birthday

> >celebration and then prepping for Easter dinner. I feel like

> >crying. I think it's FOG, disgust, hurt. just to clarify the

> >rest here--I went NC with my nada & fada at Christmastime.

> >

> >My Fada was baptized today. Out of my little family of 4, my

> >daughter was the only one invited. Neither I nor my son was

> >contacted. Me being ignored I understand, since I am NC.

> >

> >My sister was invited, and to my face made a big deal about how

> >she wasn't going to attend--it was too late at night, nada has

> >been raging, she doesn't do holidays with the family. But, of

> >course, my daughter says she was there.

> >

> >Daughter also says at one point in the service my fada

> >whispered to her " Too bad your mom isn't here. " WTF? I wasn't

> >invited!

> >

> >So here I am, feeling like odd man out, deserted again. Does my

> >father really think his bitch of a wife invited me and I am

> >just being difficult? Am I supposed to be hurt or angry or just

> >not care? I have been pushed into this corner by lies and

> >propaganda. My sister knows the pattern, she's been the victim

> >countless times. Perhaps the seductiveness of being nada's

> >right hand suck up is just too temping to ignore.

> >

> >I am too tired to cry or be angry. I try to empathize with my

> >son's hurt feelings but I need to get a grip on just what I am

> >feeling too. My sister was the only family member left I've

> >been claiming, and I feel like she slit my throat too.

> >

>

> --

> Katrina

>

[Guest guest]

You guys are just gems--you keep me sane! I needed validation (thanks Fiona), I

needed to hear a less damning take on my sister's behavior (thank you Katrina).

And Doug, I really, really needed to read about my nada compared to a 3 year old

card cheater! LMAO!

Sometimes I think the only thing that has saved me from suicide over the years

is having the ability to find humor in the absurd, and compassion in the face of

suffering.

> > >It's after 3 am here, I've worked all day on a birthday

> > >celebration and then prepping for Easter dinner. I feel like

> > >crying. I think it's FOG, disgust, hurt. just to clarify the

> > >rest here--I went NC with my nada & fada at Christmastime.

> > >

> > >My Fada was baptized today. Out of my little family of 4, my

> > >daughter was the only one invited. Neither I nor my son was

> > >contacted. Me being ignored I understand, since I am NC.

> > >

> > >My sister was invited, and to my face made a big deal about how

> > >she wasn't going to attend--it was too late at night, nada has

> > >been raging, she doesn't do holidays with the family. But, of

> > >course, my daughter says she was there.

> > >

> > >Daughter also says at one point in the service my fada

> > >whispered to her " Too bad your mom isn't here. " WTF? I wasn't

> > >invited!

> > >

> > >So here I am, feeling like odd man out, deserted again. Does my

> > >father really think his bitch of a wife invited me and I am

> > >just being difficult? Am I supposed to be hurt or angry or just

> > >not care? I have been pushed into this corner by lies and

> > >propaganda. My sister knows the pattern, she's been the victim

> > >countless times. Perhaps the seductiveness of being nada's

> > >right hand suck up is just too temping to ignore.

> > >

> > >I am too tired to cry or be angry. I try to empathize with my

> > >son's hurt feelings but I need to get a grip on just what I am

> > >feeling too. My sister was the only family member left I've

> > >been claiming, and I feel like she slit my throat too.

> > >

> >

> > --

> > Katrina

> >

>