Re : Re: scapegoating

[Guest guest]

Dear T.,

Thank you so much for what you shared.

It really spoke to me, and I read the article you advised.

At the same site I found this article about relationship patterns and I

recognized so much about what I am dealing with, the similarity between the type

of relation we had with nada and then the loving relationships we falled in.

This is the link :

http://www.kellevision.com/kellevision/2010/01/relationship-patterns.html#more

N.

________________________________

De : tessa2717

À : WTOAdultChildren1

Envoyé le : Dimanche 8 avril 2012 18h36

Objet : Re: scapegoating

 

Glad you found it helpful. Yes, I am in the same boat...realizing I'm still

repeating the pattern. But if we were strong enough to survive nada and fada, I

know we are strong enough to break free!

> >

> > Hello All,

> >

> > Was anyone else the scapegoat/identified patient in their house? That was

me; sister was the golden child and I was the crazy wild child who nada and fada

dumped on constantly. According to them, I caused all of their problems. This

has engrained such a warped sense of my own power, even now as an adult.

Actually, I think whether we were the scapegoats or not, when you're raised by a

PD " parent " , you have all the power to (seemingly) destroy your nada or fada,

and at the same time, are powerless: no voice to be heard.

> >

> >

> > So i find myself now fearful of upsetting others. If just the way I happened

to walk into the room as a nine year old could set nada off raging for the next

six hours, who knows what other monstrosities I am capable of?! I witness myself

just being oh-so-agreeable all the freaking time. However, no matter how aware I

am of repeating this pattern, I STILL find myself doing it! I've been in therapy

for a couple years now, and realize so much of it has to do with my low

self-worth, also; that I don't believe I deserve better, so I end up buddying up

with those who are totally comfortable with me believing I don't deserve better

(i.e., narcissists). But...even though I realize this....I still see myself

repeating the pattern! When do we stop repeating the patterns? And stop

attracting narcissists/BPD, etc?

> >

> > Anyway, for anyone who is struggling with the same thing, I came across this

article: " Scapegoats: Stop Telling the Truth " . The tips in here are really

empowering: choosing the truths to tell, deciding for yourself what to point

out, reveal, etc. Sounds like common sense, but for me, it was helpful to read

it. Now if I can just get my unconscious to catch up.

> >

> > Looks like some other interesting articles on this site, too.

> >

> >

http://www.kellevision.com/kellevision/2009/12/scapegoats-stop-telling-the-truth\

..html

> >

> > Enjoy,

> >

> >

> > -T

> >

>