Re : Re: scapegoating

[Guest guest]

I think the thing that resonated with me about this was the being the truth

teller. my family dynamic was that we had a nasty pecking order. I was the

youngest in my family. so basically my siblings ganged up on me,left me out,

called me whatever names they wanted, blamed me when they did bad things, had

weird " rules " for games we played that excluded me, and made it ok to cheat

against me, and made crewel sarcastic " jokes " and accused me of having no sense

of humor when I didn't laugh at them. I equate it to " lord of the flies " with

adult supervision.

I tried to discuss this with the sister just older than me recently and she

accused me of being mean too becasue I Used to try to get them in trouble. which

while true, was only part of the story. how that went was that nada would get

upset at me and tell me in a fake nurturing voice that I had a : " chip on my

shoulder " was " out to lunch " " just sensitive " " over-reacting " " reacting

wrong " ... she even went as far as to accuse me of disrupting the harmony of our

home, and being unforgiving, and sinful. her short response was " I'm not

fighting your battles " or " I'm not getting involved " To this day she believes

this was the entire problem of our perfect home (toxic dysfunctional and fake)

this is largely why she discredits all of the bullying I went through. she

thinks a couple things happened, and that I was so " sensitive " I imagined the

rest.

I think the loving thing fits. I was so accepting and forgiving. I wanted to be

loved and included, and accepted so much I put up with all of that just to be

part of things. But sometimes between the daily bullying at school, and the

siblings bullying and the abuse I acted out by being upset and hurt out loud.

because of that I am the cause of all of the " contention " according to Nada.

it is wonderful now to have relationships where I am allowed to be displeased

with things and can state it without being ignored, and accused of " evil. "

conflict resolution is not " contention " it is healthy.

Meikjn

> > >

> > > Hello All,

> > >

> > > Was anyone else the scapegoat/identified patient in their house? That was

me; sister was the golden child and I was the crazy wild child who nada and fada

dumped on constantly. According to them, I caused all of their problems. This

has engrained such a warped sense of my own power, even now as an adult.

Actually, I think whether we were the scapegoats or not, when you're raised by a

PD " parent " , you have all the power to (seemingly) destroy your nada or fada,

and at the same time, are powerless: no voice to be heard.

> > >

> > >

> > > So i find myself now fearful of upsetting others. If just the way I

happened to walk into the room as a nine year old could set nada off raging for

the next six hours, who knows what other monstrosities I am capable of?! I

witness myself just being oh-so-agreeable all the freaking time. However, no

matter how aware I am of repeating this pattern, I STILL find myself doing it!

I've been in therapy for a couple years now, and realize so much of it has to do

with my low self-worth, also; that I don't believe I deserve better, so I end up

buddying up with those who are totally comfortable with me believing I don't

deserve better (i.e., narcissists). But...even though I realize this....I still

see myself repeating the pattern! When do we stop repeating the patterns? And

stop attracting narcissists/BPD, etc?

> > >

> > > Anyway, for anyone who is struggling with the same thing, I came across

this article: " Scapegoats: Stop Telling the Truth " . The tips in here are really

empowering: choosing the truths to tell, deciding for yourself what to point

out, reveal, etc. Sounds like common sense, but for me, it was helpful to read

it. Now if I can just get my unconscious to catch up.

> > >

> > > Looks like some other interesting articles on this site, too.

> > >

> > >

http://www.kellevision.com/kellevision/2009/12/scapegoats-stop-telling-the-truth\

..html

> > >

> > > Enjoy,

> > >

> > >

> > > -T

> > >

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