Guest guest Posted April 9, 2012 Report Share Posted April 9, 2012 Hi. I used to post here frequently and then quit when I feared relatives were possibly reading this. I have now returned with a completely different username and hope I can gain some insight. After an extended break from nada and counselling, I decided I could handle going back to the family. Basically I was taught to just disregard what she was saying and tell myself, " She is crazy. I am not and I know what is real. " This has worked to some degree, but sometimes I feel that I will explode. Going NC is not an option. She is high functioning enough that I cannot justify it and I fear the damage to my kids would be more than if I stay around. We are separated by a large geographical distance so most of the weirdness falls on me by way of phone calls, etc. Nada's other child is NC with her and the rest of the family. So, what is driving me insane? The revisionist history. The constant sob stories of that Nada never did anything to drive other child (who is not stable) out of the family. The other thing that I simply don't understand is that since Nada has no contact with her other grandchildren, she is treating my children differently as well. She did not get them birthday presents, instead says that she will get a family present later in the year. That is a problem in my eyes because these young children didn't receive anything from their grandmother on their birthdays and that is just so wrong. Also, I fear she will give us a vacation to go on with her and I'm simply not doing it. Going on to Easter-- no phone calls, nothing. Nada claims to be so, so religious and laments the lack of good influence she has on her other NC grandchildren yet doesn't even call the grandchildren (my kids) whom she has contact with. What's the game? I am very fearful about posting here, but the isolation is killing me and I must turn somewhere. When I was NC with nada, much of the extended family had contact with me. When I quit the NC, I explained my counselling and reasons and hoped they would still support me and respect my decision, but they all abandoned me. I know what I'm dealing with, but felt I had to go back. Now I am alone and going crazy and trying to make everything look wonderful for my kids and not vent to my SO too much. Thanks! PC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 9, 2012 Report Share Posted April 9, 2012 Your mother sounds like quite the Narcissist. She may be so busy in her own world that simple things like calling on holidays and making the grandchildren feel special is just not something she intends to stretch herself to do. My own grandmother was like this--she was horrible with remembering dates, being on time. And had some strange attitude that giving a child attention only contributed to spoiling them. Nothing she did benefited others inasmuch as it benefited HER. I know you want to make things perfect for your children. Your mother is bound to confuse and disappoint them. No matter how much you try to compensate for your mother's failings, your children will clue in to them. My way of helping my kids cope with this was to be honest to their questions about Grandma and to allow them to voice any concern. My reasoning was I did not want them to be crippled as I was by the confusion my nada has caused--I wanted them to have validation I did not. > > Hi. I used to post here frequently and then quit when I feared relatives were possibly reading this. I have now returned with a completely different username and hope I can gain some insight. > > After an extended break from nada and counselling, I decided I could handle going back to the family. Basically I was taught to just disregard what she was saying and tell myself, " She is crazy. I am not and I know what is real. " This has worked to some degree, but sometimes I feel that I will explode. > > Going NC is not an option. She is high functioning enough that I cannot justify it and I fear the damage to my kids would be more than if I stay around. We are separated by a large geographical distance so most of the weirdness falls on me by way of phone calls, etc. > > Nada's other child is NC with her and the rest of the family. So, what is driving me insane? The revisionist history. The constant sob stories of that Nada never did anything to drive other child (who is not stable) out of the family. The other thing that I simply don't understand is that since Nada has no contact with her other grandchildren, she is treating my children differently as well. She did not get them birthday presents, instead says that she will get a family present later in the year. That is a problem in my eyes because these young children didn't receive anything from their grandmother on their birthdays and that is just so wrong. Also, I fear she will give us a vacation to go on with her and I'm simply not doing it. > > Going on to Easter-- no phone calls, nothing. Nada claims to be so, so religious and laments the lack of good influence she has on her other NC grandchildren yet doesn't even call the grandchildren (my kids) whom she has contact with. What's the game? > > I am very fearful about posting here, but the isolation is killing me and I must turn somewhere. When I was NC with nada, much of the extended family had contact with me. When I quit the NC, I explained my counselling and reasons and hoped they would still support me and respect my decision, but they all abandoned me. I know what I'm dealing with, but felt I had to go back. Now I am alone and going crazy and trying to make everything look wonderful for my kids and not vent to my SO too much. > > Thanks! > PC > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 9, 2012 Report Share Posted April 9, 2012 Yes, I feel like I have to compensate for everything. SO and I come from families with many splits and divisions that have trickled down. Much of it happened before we were even born, yet the result is that by my childrens' generation almost no one is speaking to anyone. My kids have almost no relatives with contact except for nada and then she doesn't even send a birthday gift. I do feel I have to compensate and be not just the mom, but the grandmother, aunts, uncles, cousins, and more. This is why I way overspent at Christmas and on their birthdays. I can't fix their world though. I don't understand the lack of communication on Easter. Nada has been griping that Easter will be terrible because her other child won't speak to her yet she doesn't call the child who does. I thought I had this BPD craziness figured out and could deal with it, but I just feel like I'm going to explode soon. PC > > > > Hi. I used to post here frequently and then quit when I feared relatives were possibly reading this. I have now returned with a completely different username and hope I can gain some insight. > > > > After an extended break from nada and counselling, I decided I could handle going back to the family. Basically I was taught to just disregard what she was saying and tell myself, " She is crazy. I am not and I know what is real. " This has worked to some degree, but sometimes I feel that I will explode. > > > > Going NC is not an option. She is high functioning enough that I cannot justify it and I fear the damage to my kids would be more than if I stay around. We are separated by a large geographical distance so most of the weirdness falls on me by way of phone calls, etc. > > > > Nada's other child is NC with her and the rest of the family. So, what is driving me insane? The revisionist history. The constant sob stories of that Nada never did anything to drive other child (who is not stable) out of the family. The other thing that I simply don't understand is that since Nada has no contact with her other grandchildren, she is treating my children differently as well. She did not get them birthday presents, instead says that she will get a family present later in the year. That is a problem in my eyes because these young children didn't receive anything from their grandmother on their birthdays and that is just so wrong. Also, I fear she will give us a vacation to go on with her and I'm simply not doing it. > > > > Going on to Easter-- no phone calls, nothing. Nada claims to be so, so religious and laments the lack of good influence she has on her other NC grandchildren yet doesn't even call the grandchildren (my kids) whom she has contact with. What's the game? > > > > I am very fearful about posting here, but the isolation is killing me and I must turn somewhere. When I was NC with nada, much of the extended family had contact with me. When I quit the NC, I explained my counselling and reasons and hoped they would still support me and respect my decision, but they all abandoned me. I know what I'm dealing with, but felt I had to go back. Now I am alone and going crazy and trying to make everything look wonderful for my kids and not vent to my SO too much. > > > > Thanks! > > PC > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 No truer words! Every time I think I have all the bases covered, nada pulls another rug out. One of the reasons I am NC right now is because now matter how hard I plan out all possible nada craziness, she somehow always managers to surprise me. > > I thought I had this BPD craziness figured out and could deal with it, but I just feel like I'm going to explode soon. > > PC > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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