Guest guest Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 My nada called today, sounding worried, and asked whether my sister was all right. Her explanation for this was that she'd had a dream that something bad happened to her. Does this mean that she thinks her dreams are prophetic now? My sister hasn't had any contact with her since she graduated from college in 2005. She joined the military and never told nada how to get in touch with her so nada has no way of reaching her except through me and no way of finding out anything about her unless some relative tells her. I don't tell her much at all and no one else who might talk to her is within 2,500 miles so they don't exactly have much firsthand information to pass on. If this dream business was a way to try to extract information from me, it failed. What it did accomplish was to annoy me. -- Katrina Knight kk1raven@... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 Oh yeah, I get that bs too. I don't call for 4 days and I get " I was so worried about you! " When I remind nada that I am almost 40, with my own family and career, and that I needn't check in with her every damn day the story becomes " don't you care how lonely I am? I have no friends! " When I enforce my boundaries " I am not your friend, I am not your counselor or your social planner, I am your daughter " , her irrational rage emerges and we go NC. There have been 3 similar cycles in 3 months, after 2 yrs of relatively peaceful relations. You're totally right, they never give up. I've been NC before for years: years in my teens (emancipated thank god) and yearsI in my 20s, then again for 3 yrs in my early thirties. Now that I am a parent, I am leaning toward permanent NC. I see her manipulation of my son and I can't allow it. One less grandparent is better than 10 abusive ones. The emotional manipulation will never cease. Good for you for recognizing it and enforcing your boundaries. Best > > My nada called today, sounding worried, and asked whether my > sister was all right. Her explanation for this was that she'd > had a dream that something bad happened to her. Does this mean > that she thinks her dreams are prophetic now? My sister hasn't > had any contact with her since she graduated from college in > 2005. She joined the military and never told nada how to get in > touch with her so nada has no way of reaching her except through > me and no way of finding out anything about her unless some > relative tells her. I don't tell her much at all and no one else > who might talk to her is within 2,500 miles so they don't > exactly have much firsthand information to pass on. If this > dream business was a way to try to extract information from me, > it failed. What it did accomplish was to annoy me. > > -- > Katrina Knight > kk1raven@... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2012 Report Share Posted April 11, 2012 Maybe time for a boundary that you don't discuss Sister at all? If sister wanted her to know things about her life, she'd tell your mother herself. Sveta Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 13, 2012 Report Share Posted April 13, 2012 I've been thinking about this. I've decided that if she does something like this one more time, that's it. Trying to ban her from asking about my sister at all would be a huge battle that I'd rather not have to engage in if it isn't necessary. (Some things are easier to put up with than they are to try to change.) She's already been banned from bad-mouthing my sister, and from excess whining about my sister's lack of contact, which does cause me to have to abruptly end conversations with her every so often. She's also been shown repeatedly that I won't give her much information beyond " she's fine " . There are a few bits and pieces of general information that my sister and I decided I can tell her if she asks directly. If she doesn't ask directly, I'm not volunteering anything. Luckily it doesn't seem to have occurred to her to try to extract contact information from our brother. I don't know what he'd do if asked for that information. At 12:05 PM 04/11/2012 svaktshka wrote: >Maybe time for a boundary that you don't discuss Sister at all? > > >If sister wanted her to know things about her life, she'd tell >your mother herself. > >Sveta > -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 13, 2012 Report Share Posted April 13, 2012 My brother is NC with our nada and I need to reinforce the no talking about him boundary again. I've been kind of lax on those things lately and need to get my crap together again. Thanks for this post, Katrina. C > >Maybe time for a boundary that you don't discuss Sister at all? > > > > > >If sister wanted her to know things about her life, she'd tell > >your mother herself. > > > >Sveta > > > > -- > Katrina > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 13, 2012 Report Share Posted April 13, 2012 I understand what you mean about there being one more thing to battle over and understand if that's not worth it to you. Maybe you can just redirect her focus. " I'm not going to talk to you about Sister. But if you are so worried about her that you are feeling sick, maybe it would be helpful for you to talk to a professional therapist about it. " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 13, 2012 Report Share Posted April 13, 2012 Good point! " She's fine, but if you're having nightmares about it, perhaps you should see a professional who can teach you how to deal with your fears. " Oh yes, the thought of saying that is pleasing. I'm sure the reality would be far less pleasing, but the thought is satisfying. Mostly, what I do when she presses the subject of my sister is point out that she's the one who kicked my sister out at 2 AM with just the clothes on her back and her purse and no transportation other than her feet. Her response to that is always to deny having done it but when I point out that I saw the letter she wrote telling my sister not to come back, there's not much more she can say, and if she keeps trying, that counts as violating my boundaries. I just hope she doesn't repeat this nonsense of calling me about her bad dreams. I'm really not feeling very tolerant right now. At 03:13 PM 04/13/2012 svaktshka wrote: >I understand what you mean about there being one more thing to >battle over and understand if that's not worth it to you. > >Maybe you can just redirect her focus. " I'm not going to talk >to you about Sister. But if you are so worried about her that >you are feeling sick, maybe it would be helpful for you to talk >to a professional therapist about it. " -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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