Aargh! Stabbed again. Who took my armor?

[Guest guest]

Typically I'm not an anxious person; I can stay pretty mellow. All my friends

and the people who have worked with me comment on how calm and patient I am. And

I do feel calm and patient around them even when things go wrong. But my nada

just thinks I'm rotten.

I've been feeling a bit off the past 48 hours, hard to describe, maybe just

tired. My husband said he would call nada instead. Apparently she went on about

how wonderful he is, how she's never had a husband like him and if she was

younger, she would love to have someone like him. If I died he could come live

with her. Puke. Then she went on to say how she thinks I'm too angry, that I'm

like her sisters and don't treat him right, that I'm always in a hurry, that if

they were married she would stay home all the time with him.

First off there's no way he would move in with her. Second - we've been married

almost 39 years and still love each other and have fun together. She can't claim

that kind of success in any of the bazillion men she's had in her life. When I'm

around her I stay very calm, I do my best to be positive to balance her

negativity. And if I moved any slower, we'd have to sit down. Just waiting for

her to decide what she wants to eat at Taco Bell takes 15 minutes. Yet I don't

get angry or impatient; I keep steering the conversation back to lunch when she

wanders.

I think it's odd that although I have hundreds of friends that enjoy my company,

a few snotty comments from her really get to me. First I'm annoyed; then I

wonder if I just can't see myself and I really am a rotten woman. I'd rather be

dead than be like her.

On Monday when I went over we sat for a couple of hours and she complained about

her whole life (again). Then she said, " You know, it's all your fault. " I

thought - oh boy, get ready, she's going to say something rotten. I casually

asked, " Oh, what's my fault? " And she said she's been sick the past couple of

months (she had a flare up of colitis) because she's so worried about my health.

LOL She's worried I'll die and won't be there to take care of her. That's what

she's essentially said before. As for my health, it's fine, I go to the doctor

as needed. I have some mild tenderness in my tummy from a surgery I had a few

years ago. They checked it, found nothing. But she nags me to go again and again

to find out what's wrong. I don't handle things the way she does. If they find

nothing wrong, then OK. I'm done with it.

Now I'm all wound up, need to do some cognitive reasoning to get my emotions

back on track. Too bad I don't drink. Hmm, maybe it's a good thing I don't

drink. :-)

Thanks for listening. It feels good to get it out.

[Guest guest]

Hi Irene:

I am too new and still trying to get my arms around all of this myself.

I just wanted to commend you for your calmness. I wish I shared your

temperament.

(I am ALWAYS anxious)

Just wanted to reply.. You sound like you have a good grip. I am sure you

will be just fine after you process things.

Hugs to you

Mihcelle

From: WTOAdultChildren1

[mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of IreneM

Sent: Wednesday, April 11, 2012 8:56 PM

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Subject: Aargh! Stabbed again. Who took my armor?

Typically I'm not an anxious person; I can stay pretty mellow. All my

friends and the people who have worked with me comment on how calm and

patient I am. And I do feel calm and patient around them even when things go

wrong. But my nada just thinks I'm rotten.

I've been feeling a bit off the past 48 hours, hard to describe, maybe just

tired. My husband said he would call nada instead. Apparently she went on

about how wonderful he is, how she's never had a husband like him and if she

was younger, she would love to have someone like him. If I died he could

come live with her. Puke. Then she went on to say how she thinks I'm too

angry, that I'm like her sisters and don't treat him right, that I'm always

in a hurry, that if they were married she would stay home all the time with

him.

First off there's no way he would move in with her. Second - we've been

married almost 39 years and still love each other and have fun together. She

can't claim that kind of success in any of the bazillion men she's had in

her life. When I'm around her I stay very calm, I do my best to be positive

to balance her negativity. And if I moved any slower, we'd have to sit down.

Just waiting for her to decide what she wants to eat at Taco Bell takes 15

minutes. Yet I don't get angry or impatient; I keep steering the

conversation back to lunch when she wanders.

I think it's odd that although I have hundreds of friends that enjoy my

company, a few snotty comments from her really get to me. First I'm annoyed;

then I wonder if I just can't see myself and I really am a rotten woman. I'd

rather be dead than be like her.

On Monday when I went over we sat for a couple of hours and she complained

about her whole life (again). Then she said, " You know, it's all your

fault. " I thought - oh boy, get ready, she's going to say something rotten.

I casually asked, " Oh, what's my fault? " And she said she's been sick the

past couple of months (she had a flare up of colitis) because she's so

worried about my health. LOL She's worried I'll die and won't be there to

take care of her. That's what she's essentially said before. As for my

health, it's fine, I go to the doctor as needed. I have some mild tenderness

in my tummy from a surgery I had a few years ago. They checked it, found

nothing. But she nags me to go again and again to find out what's wrong. I

don't handle things the way she does. If they find nothing wrong, then OK.

I'm done with it.

Now I'm all wound up, need to do some cognitive reasoning to get my emotions

back on track. Too bad I don't drink. Hmm, maybe it's a good thing I don't

drink. :-)

Thanks for listening. It feels good to get it out.

[Guest guest]

Hi Irene,

I'm really sorry to hear that you are having a tough time. First of

all....ewwwww. Holy boundary crossing...she's basically hitting on your husband.

Again...ewww.

Anyway, it sounds like she is projecting a lot onto you that has nothing to do

with you. You are the slow one, you are the angry one, you are the sick

on...when in reality she is all those things. I am only now developing my armor

so I may not be the one to speak but I can only imagine that it is impossible to

keep it on all the time. If it slipped off this time, do the best you can to

take care of yourself. Maybe go LC or NC with her for a little bit until you are

feeling stronger again and you are sure you got the armor back on.

I can really relate to that feeling of wondering if I am the rotten one too. Its

hard when you hear how awful you are all the time from your own nada. Please no

that it is not her, it is you. People have said that to me on this website and I

hold on to it like its gold. It really isn't her, it is you. I dont think there

is any way that so many of us would have such similar experiences with our

nadas/fadas if it was really just about us.

Surround yourself by people that you love and that love you and do whatever you

need to do to heal from your nadas most recent attack. The armor will show up

again :-)

All my best to you.

Tucket

>

> Hi Irene:

>

>

>

> I am too new and still trying to get my arms around all of this myself.

>

> I just wanted to commend you for your calmness. I wish I shared your

> temperament.

>

> (I am ALWAYS anxious)

>

> Just wanted to reply.. You sound like you have a good grip. I am sure you

> will be just fine after you process things.

>

> Hugs to you

>

> Mihcelle

>

>

>

> From: WTOAdultChildren1

> [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of IreneM

> Sent: Wednesday, April 11, 2012 8:56 PM

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Subject: Aargh! Stabbed again. Who took my armor?

>

>

>

>

>

> Typically I'm not an anxious person; I can stay pretty mellow. All my

> friends and the people who have worked with me comment on how calm and

> patient I am. And I do feel calm and patient around them even when things go

> wrong. But my nada just thinks I'm rotten.

>

> I've been feeling a bit off the past 48 hours, hard to describe, maybe just

> tired. My husband said he would call nada instead. Apparently she went on

> about how wonderful he is, how she's never had a husband like him and if she

> was younger, she would love to have someone like him. If I died he could

> come live with her. Puke. Then she went on to say how she thinks I'm too

> angry, that I'm like her sisters and don't treat him right, that I'm always

> in a hurry, that if they were married she would stay home all the time with

> him.

>

> First off there's no way he would move in with her. Second - we've been

> married almost 39 years and still love each other and have fun together. She

> can't claim that kind of success in any of the bazillion men she's had in

> her life. When I'm around her I stay very calm, I do my best to be positive

> to balance her negativity. And if I moved any slower, we'd have to sit down.

> Just waiting for her to decide what she wants to eat at Taco Bell takes 15

> minutes. Yet I don't get angry or impatient; I keep steering the

> conversation back to lunch when she wanders.

>

> I think it's odd that although I have hundreds of friends that enjoy my

> company, a few snotty comments from her really get to me. First I'm annoyed;

> then I wonder if I just can't see myself and I really am a rotten woman. I'd

> rather be dead than be like her.

>

> On Monday when I went over we sat for a couple of hours and she complained

> about her whole life (again). Then she said, " You know, it's all your

> fault. " I thought - oh boy, get ready, she's going to say something rotten.

> I casually asked, " Oh, what's my fault? " And she said she's been sick the

> past couple of months (she had a flare up of colitis) because she's so

> worried about my health. LOL She's worried I'll die and won't be there to

> take care of her. That's what she's essentially said before. As for my

> health, it's fine, I go to the doctor as needed. I have some mild tenderness

> in my tummy from a surgery I had a few years ago. They checked it, found

> nothing. But she nags me to go again and again to find out what's wrong. I

> don't handle things the way she does. If they find nothing wrong, then OK.

> I'm done with it.

>

> Now I'm all wound up, need to do some cognitive reasoning to get my emotions

> back on track. Too bad I don't drink. Hmm, maybe it's a good thing I don't

> drink. :-)

>

> Thanks for listening. It feels good to get it out.

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> I think it's odd that although I have hundreds of friends that >enjoy my

company, a few snotty comments from her really get to me. >First I'm annoyed;

then I wonder if I just can't see myself and I >really am a rotten woman. I'd

rather be dead than be like her.

I don't think it's odd that it bothers you when someone is mean to you. Sounds

pretty normal to me.

Listen, I think a lot of times we get mixed up and think that we are supposed to

be completely invulnerable to pain. That's the part of stuffing down our

feelings we've been trained to do since birth for the sake of our BPD parent.

It's not that we're supposed to be able to just let nasty comments roll off our

shoulders and keep going with a smile and a tra-la-la. Sure, we might work on

not absorbing other people's nastiness as a definition of who we are...but we

don't have to pretend it doesn't bother us. When people say nasty things to us,

if we really value who we are, we'll tell them it's unacceptable. We'll hang up

the phone or leave the room when they do that, because we're not for speaking to

that way.

Your mother is mentally ill. She is not capable of seeing reality objectively.

You cannot trust that she knows the truth about you any more than you would

trust a blind person to tell you what color your eyes are.

You are not a rotten woman. It is not your fault your mother is ill. If she is

sick with worry, it is her job to talk to a doctor or therapist about ways to

overcome that--not to blame you. Your job is to take care of yourself and think

about how to look after your boundaries.

Sveta

[Guest guest]

Irene,

If I were your husband, I would feel a GREAT NEED to shower after talking with

your nada. All I can say about her is IIIIICK! Your husband must be a very

tolerant man to listen to that extremely inappropriate monologue without calling

her on it or just hanging up. But again, Eeeeeew! This Soooo sounds like

something my own nada would do. Except my husband is gone now, so she can't. C

>

> Typically I'm not an anxious person; I can stay pretty mellow. All my friends

and the people who have worked with me comment on how calm and patient I am. And

I do feel calm and patient around them even when things go wrong. But my nada

just thinks I'm rotten.

>

> I've been feeling a bit off the past 48 hours, hard to describe, maybe just

tired. My husband said he would call nada instead. Apparently she went on about

how wonderful he is, how she's never had a husband like him and if she was

younger, she would love to have someone like him. If I died he could come live

with her. Puke. Then she went on to say how she thinks I'm too angry, that I'm

like her sisters and don't treat him right, that I'm always in a hurry, that if

they were married she would stay home all the time with him.

>

> First off there's no way he would move in with her. Second - we've been

married almost 39 years and still love each other and have fun together. She

can't claim that kind of success in any of the bazillion men she's had in her

life. When I'm around her I stay very calm, I do my best to be positive to

balance her negativity. And if I moved any slower, we'd have to sit down. Just

waiting for her to decide what she wants to eat at Taco Bell takes 15 minutes.

Yet I don't get angry or impatient; I keep steering the conversation back to

lunch when she wanders.

>

> I think it's odd that although I have hundreds of friends that enjoy my

company, a few snotty comments from her really get to me. First I'm annoyed;

then I wonder if I just can't see myself and I really am a rotten woman. I'd

rather be dead than be like her.

>

> On Monday when I went over we sat for a couple of hours and she complained

about her whole life (again). Then she said, " You know, it's all your fault. " I

thought - oh boy, get ready, she's going to say something rotten. I casually

asked, " Oh, what's my fault? " And she said she's been sick the past couple of

months (she had a flare up of colitis) because she's so worried about my health.

LOL She's worried I'll die and won't be there to take care of her. That's what

she's essentially said before. As for my health, it's fine, I go to the doctor

as needed. I have some mild tenderness in my tummy from a surgery I had a few

years ago. They checked it, found nothing. But she nags me to go again and again

to find out what's wrong. I don't handle things the way she does. If they find

nothing wrong, then OK. I'm done with it.

>

> Now I'm all wound up, need to do some cognitive reasoning to get my emotions

back on track. Too bad I don't drink. Hmm, maybe it's a good thing I don't

drink. :-)

>

> Thanks for listening. It feels good to get it out.

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, again this sounds like something that happened with my nada.

When I first got married, years before nada started completely hating my DH, she

would casually say things like if she was younger she would be into my DH and

creepy stuff like that. I never confronted her about it, but that was when I

would just ignore the lower level crazy stuff she said.

One of the main reasons I went NC with her was her growing obsession about me

taking care of her in her old age. This obsession started when she was only in

her mid 50s and she would literally pester me about it every single day. One

day, when I really had it with her, I asked her what would she do if I went

first and wasn't there to take care of her? Well...nada quickly told me her plan

and it was NUTTY. She would have to sue my husband for money and all of this

other crazy stuff. It was chilling actually, to have her tell me her plans if I

was dead. She definitely had a plan B!

>

> Typically I'm not an anxious person; I can stay pretty mellow. All my friends

and the people who have worked with me comment on how calm and patient I am. And

I do feel calm and patient around them even when things go wrong. But my nada

just thinks I'm rotten.

>

> I've been feeling a bit off the past 48 hours, hard to describe, maybe just

tired. My husband said he would call nada instead. Apparently she went on about

how wonderful he is, how she's never had a husband like him and if she was

younger, she would love to have someone like him. If I died he could come live

with her. Puke. Then she went on to say how she thinks I'm too angry, that I'm

like her sisters and don't treat him right, that I'm always in a hurry, that if

they were married she would stay home all the time with him.

>

> First off there's no way he would move in with her. Second - we've been

married almost 39 years and still love each other and have fun together. She

can't claim that kind of success in any of the bazillion men she's had in her

life. When I'm around her I stay very calm, I do my best to be positive to

balance her negativity. And if I moved any slower, we'd have to sit down. Just

waiting for her to decide what she wants to eat at Taco Bell takes 15 minutes.

Yet I don't get angry or impatient; I keep steering the conversation back to

lunch when she wanders.

>

> I think it's odd that although I have hundreds of friends that enjoy my

company, a few snotty comments from her really get to me. First I'm annoyed;

then I wonder if I just can't see myself and I really am a rotten woman. I'd

rather be dead than be like her.

>

> On Monday when I went over we sat for a couple of hours and she complained

about her whole life (again). Then she said, " You know, it's all your fault. " I

thought - oh boy, get ready, she's going to say something rotten. I casually

asked, " Oh, what's my fault? " And she said she's been sick the past couple of

months (she had a flare up of colitis) because she's so worried about my health.

LOL She's worried I'll die and won't be there to take care of her. That's what

she's essentially said before. As for my health, it's fine, I go to the doctor

as needed. I have some mild tenderness in my tummy from a surgery I had a few

years ago. They checked it, found nothing. But she nags me to go again and again

to find out what's wrong. I don't handle things the way she does. If they find

nothing wrong, then OK. I'm done with it.

>

> Now I'm all wound up, need to do some cognitive reasoning to get my emotions

back on track. Too bad I don't drink. Hmm, maybe it's a good thing I don't

drink. :-)

>

> Thanks for listening. It feels good to get it out.

>

[Guest guest]

My nada started working as a home health aid in her fifties and also became

obsessed about me moving home to care for her in her old age. She actually raged

about it and yelled at me... " I suppose you are just going to let some STRANGER

take care of me when I am old! " Uh, YEAH!

C

> >

> > Typically I'm not an anxious person; I can stay pretty mellow. All my

friends and the people who have worked with me comment on how calm and patient I

am. And I do feel calm and patient around them even when things go wrong. But my

nada just thinks I'm rotten.

> >

> > I've been feeling a bit off the past 48 hours, hard to describe, maybe just

tired. My husband said he would call nada instead. Apparently she went on about

how wonderful he is, how she's never had a husband like him and if she was

younger, she would love to have someone like him. If I died he could come live

with her. Puke. Then she went on to say how she thinks I'm too angry, that I'm

like her sisters and don't treat him right, that I'm always in a hurry, that if

they were married she would stay home all the time with him.

> >

> > First off there's no way he would move in with her. Second - we've been

married almost 39 years and still love each other and have fun together. She

can't claim that kind of success in any of the bazillion men she's had in her

life. When I'm around her I stay very calm, I do my best to be positive to

balance her negativity. And if I moved any slower, we'd have to sit down. Just

waiting for her to decide what she wants to eat at Taco Bell takes 15 minutes.

Yet I don't get angry or impatient; I keep steering the conversation back to

lunch when she wanders.

> >

> > I think it's odd that although I have hundreds of friends that enjoy my

company, a few snotty comments from her really get to me. First I'm annoyed;

then I wonder if I just can't see myself and I really am a rotten woman. I'd

rather be dead than be like her.

> >

> > On Monday when I went over we sat for a couple of hours and she complained

about her whole life (again). Then she said, " You know, it's all your fault. " I

thought - oh boy, get ready, she's going to say something rotten. I casually

asked, " Oh, what's my fault? " And she said she's been sick the past couple of

months (she had a flare up of colitis) because she's so worried about my health.

LOL She's worried I'll die and won't be there to take care of her. That's what

she's essentially said before. As for my health, it's fine, I go to the doctor

as needed. I have some mild tenderness in my tummy from a surgery I had a few

years ago. They checked it, found nothing. But she nags me to go again and again

to find out what's wrong. I don't handle things the way she does. If they find

nothing wrong, then OK. I'm done with it.

> >

> > Now I'm all wound up, need to do some cognitive reasoning to get my emotions

back on track. Too bad I don't drink. Hmm, maybe it's a good thing I don't

drink. :-)

> >

> > Thanks for listening. It feels good to get it out.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My nada has always been sure she'd end up in a nursing home.

That's not what upsets her. Ever since I was a child, she's

been obsessed with wanting someone to promise to come every day

to shave the hairs off her chin when she's in the nursing home.

She goes on and on about that at times. The reason she gave her

medical power of attorney to my brother despite the fact that he

lives on the other side of the country and is hard to contact is

supposedly because I said I wasn't going to come every day to

shave her chin hairs and my brother promised he would. That's

totally unrealistic on multiple levels. Still, I don't want to

be responsible for her health care if someone needs to be, so if

she wants to make a foolish choice for a foolish reason, that's

her problem, not mine. If the time comes when she needs to be in

a nursing home, my brother can figure out how to deal with it

from 2,500 miles away. I do find the idea that he's somehow

going to shave her chin hairs from across the country to be

rather amusing.

At 09:37 PM 04/14/2012 CmeBfree wrote:

>

>

>My nada started working as a home health aid in her fifties and

>also became obsessed about me moving home to care for her in

>her old age. She actually raged about it and yelled at me... " I

>suppose you are just going to let some STRANGER take care of me

>when I am old! " Uh, YEAH!

>

>C

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Some possible solutions: Now, while she is still able to take care of herself,

give her a really good quality electric men's shaver and teach her to use it,

and/or give her a series of electrolysis treatments. Et Voila: her anxiety over

unsightly chin hair is eliminated. Electric shavers are much easier to use and

safer because they require less skill and steadiness than a safety razor, and

they're less messy, painful and harsh than waxing or bleaching.

But then, my guess is that your nada is probably in denial and just focusing on

this rather easily-solved problem as an indirect way of addressing her real

fear: abandonment. If you give her a good solution to her chin-hair problem,

she'll probably just find another issue to focus on/obsess over that will be her

indirect way of saying that she wants you nearby and available to her 24/7

because she is afraid of being alone, a big fear of those with bpd.

-Annie

>

> My nada has always been sure she'd end up in a nursing home.

> That's not what upsets her. Ever since I was a child, she's

> been obsessed with wanting someone to promise to come every day

> to shave the hairs off her chin when she's in the nursing home.

> She goes on and on about that at times. The reason she gave her

> medical power of attorney to my brother despite the fact that he

> lives on the other side of the country and is hard to contact is

> supposedly because I said I wasn't going to come every day to

> shave her chin hairs and my brother promised he would. That's

> totally unrealistic on multiple levels. Still, I don't want to

> be responsible for her health care if someone needs to be, so if

> she wants to make a foolish choice for a foolish reason, that's

> her problem, not mine. If the time comes when she needs to be in

> a nursing home, my brother can figure out how to deal with it

> from 2,500 miles away. I do find the idea that he's somehow

> going to shave her chin hairs from across the country to be

> rather amusing.

[Guest guest]

I am getting constant pressure that I have to decide where I am going to live so

that nada can move closer to my family so I can take care of her when the need

arises. I feel like I'm smothering.

> >

> > My nada has always been sure she'd end up in a nursing home.

> > That's not what upsets her. Ever since I was a child, she's

> > been obsessed with wanting someone to promise to come every day

> > to shave the hairs off her chin when she's in the nursing home.

> > She goes on and on about that at times. The reason she gave her

> > medical power of attorney to my brother despite the fact that he

> > lives on the other side of the country and is hard to contact is

> > supposedly because I said I wasn't going to come every day to

> > shave her chin hairs and my brother promised he would. That's

> > totally unrealistic on multiple levels. Still, I don't want to

> > be responsible for her health care if someone needs to be, so if

> > she wants to make a foolish choice for a foolish reason, that's

> > her problem, not mine. If the time comes when she needs to be in

> > a nursing home, my brother can figure out how to deal with it

> > from 2,500 miles away. I do find the idea that he's somehow

> > going to shave her chin hairs from across the country to be

> > rather amusing.

>

[Guest guest]

Those are good suggestion, but the problem is that my nada is

obsessed about what is going to happen when she's incapable of

dealing with her chin hairs herself. She's perfectly good at

dealing with them now but she thinks that it would be terrible

to have chin hairs when she's senile and incapable of dealing

with them or asking someone else to deal with them. Personally,

I can't see why hairs matter if you're not aware enough to know

they are there, but she thinks appearances are what matters, so

it seems that her worst fear is that no one will shave her chin

hairs when she's senile. My nada has been known to instantly

dislike women if they have facial hair. There was a woman

involved in an organization that she used to do some volunteer

work for who had three hairs growing out of a mole on her chin

and my mother detested her on sight because of those hairs.

At 10:30 PM 04/14/2012 anuria67854 wrote:

>Some possible solutions: Now, while she is still able to take

>care of herself, give her a really good quality electric men's

>shaver and teach her to use it, and/or give her a series of

>electrolysis treatments. Et Voila: her anxiety over unsightly

>chin hair is eliminated. Electric shavers are much easier to

>use and safer because they require less skill and steadiness

>than a safety razor, and they're less messy, painful and harsh

>than waxing or bleaching.

>

>But then, my guess is that your nada is probably in denial and

>just focusing on this rather easily-solved problem as an

>indirect way of addressing her real fear: abandonment. If you

>give her a good solution to her chin-hair problem, she'll

>probably just find another issue to focus on/obsess over that

>will be her indirect way of saying that she wants you nearby

>and available to her 24/7 because she is afraid of being alone,

>a big fear of those with bpd.

>

>-Annie

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Then, I guess its about getting your nada started with electrolysis treatments

now; electrolysis takes forever, but, its the only way (well, the only way I

know of) to insure permanent hair removal.

But I'm still betting on my theory that obsessing about her chin hair is an

indirect way that your nada has chosen to make it clear that she expects you or

your brother to live near her (when she's in the nursing home).

This is how your nada is dealing with her abandonment fears, in an indirect way.

Now that I recall, when my nada was in what amounts to a nursing home (although

it was called a residential care facility and looked like a large house) there

were beauticians that would come in regularly to provide all kinds of beauty

services to the patients there (for a reduced fee, as I recall).

So, your nada would probably have access to beautician services at her nursing

home, and many assisted living complexes arrange for day-trips for the people

who live there so they can go shopping, to their favorite beauty parlor, etc.

-Annie

> >Some possible solutions: Now, while she is still able to take

> >care of herself, give her a really good quality electric men's

> >shaver and teach her to use it, and/or give her a series of

> >electrolysis treatments. Et Voila: her anxiety over unsightly

> >chin hair is eliminated. Electric shavers are much easier to

> >use and safer because they require less skill and steadiness

> >than a safety razor, and they're less messy, painful and harsh

> >than waxing or bleaching.

> >

> >But then, my guess is that your nada is probably in denial and

> >just focusing on this rather easily-solved problem as an

> >indirect way of addressing her real fear: abandonment. If you

> >give her a good solution to her chin-hair problem, she'll

> >probably just find another issue to focus on/obsess over that

> >will be her indirect way of saying that she wants you nearby

> >and available to her 24/7 because she is afraid of being alone,

> >a big fear of those with bpd.

> >

> >-Annie

>

> --

> Katrina

>