My personal favorite Nada one liners.

[Guest guest]

Here is a collection of my favorite Nada one liners that send shivers down my

spine when I hear them. Would love to hear some of yours.

1. " That is such a cop-out! " Usually given after a lengthy diatribe of her

feelings and how everyone in the family has repeatedly disappointed her over and

over again, when one of us might try to relate how we feel or defend ourselves

in some way.

2. " I know you better than you know yourself. " Actually my personal favorite.

This is used to turn anything we might say back around on us. If we try to

explain ourselves or have a rational conversation with her she tells us we are

full of crap and uses this well oiled phrase. In other words " anything you say

to me is a lie because I know you better than you know yourself. "

3. " You just can't take my honesty. " This is used after telling us something

really hurtful or after several minutes of guilt trips having to do with her

list of everything she has purchased for us in our lives, and her list of

everything we have ever done in our lives to hurt her feelings or disappoint

her. Last time she used it she was trying to tell me that my 4 year old

daughter was cute, BUT MY SON, wow! He is exceptional! She was trying to set

my son up as her favorite grandchild because he bonded with her faster than my

daughter did (She didn't meet them until they were 2 & 3.) This one liner

justifies every hurtful thing she says.

4. " Nothing gets past me. " Since her paranoia makes her believe that anything

we say or do is some kind of a manipulation, she likes to " catch us in it. "

Usually we are dumbfounded by what she comes up with as a manipulation on our

part. I don't know how she can take snippets of conversation and warp them to

what she believes we are saying, but she does it masterfully.

5. " I don't keep score, but if I did... I would win. " This is because of the

extensive list of things she has cataloged in her mind of what she has done and

sacrificed for us, or bought for us throughout our lives (she remembers every

gift) that we have not returned in kind with the Brady Bunch kind of family she

dreams of. Whenever I call her on the fact that she throws all this in my face

whenever she feels threatened and that she keeps score, this is the line I get

back.

6. " I see how my friend Ellen's daughter is with her. She knows how to treat

her mother. " This has been used with several people throughout my brother's and

my life. Just once I would like to say " That's because Ellen's daughter knows

that Ellen is not a manipulative, narcissistic, crazy, freak. " but I always

hold my tongue.

7. " Nothing... sigh... " Always given for at least 3 full days whenever anyone

asks what is wrong with her. When my brother was 17 he asked her this for 3

days and she played what we called the " Nothing " game with him. Finally without

warning she came downstairs from working and yelled " Do you really want to know

what's wrong?! " His reply was, " I did 3 days ago. Now I don't give a shit. "

She kicked him out of the house. He went to live with a neighbor and never

returned. The neighbor is still my brother's closest friend. My Mom in a fury

after finding out that this very nice man took my brother in, accused my brother

of being gay, and that this older man was a sexual predator. Neither was true,

but it damaged my brother quite a bit. He of course " Could not take her

honesty. "

[Guest guest]

I would like to add....

You just don't know how to take what I am saying right. (this one after she says

something highly offensive or insulting)

and Oh just don't pay attention to anything I say, you know I was upset. (this

one is as close to an apology as you can get from my nada)

BTW, Kudos to your brother for calling her on her crap all those years ago. Not

many 17 year olds would have that kind of nerve.

>

> Here is a collection of my favorite Nada one liners that send shivers down my

spine when I hear them. Would love to hear some of yours.

>

> 1. " That is such a cop-out! " Usually given after a lengthy diatribe of her

feelings and how everyone in the family has repeatedly disappointed her over and

over again, when one of us might try to relate how we feel or defend ourselves

in some way.

>

> 2. " I know you better than you know yourself. " Actually my personal

favorite. This is used to turn anything we might say back around on us. If we

try to explain ourselves or have a rational conversation with her she tells us

we are full of crap and uses this well oiled phrase. In other words " anything

you say to me is a lie because I know you better than you know yourself. "

>

> 3. " You just can't take my honesty. " This is used after telling us something

really hurtful or after several minutes of guilt trips having to do with her

list of everything she has purchased for us in our lives, and her list of

everything we have ever done in our lives to hurt her feelings or disappoint

her. Last time she used it she was trying to tell me that my 4 year old

daughter was cute, BUT MY SON, wow! He is exceptional! She was trying to set

my son up as her favorite grandchild because he bonded with her faster than my

daughter did (She didn't meet them until they were 2 & 3.) This one liner

justifies every hurtful thing she says.

>

> 4. " Nothing gets past me. " Since her paranoia makes her believe that

anything we say or do is some kind of a manipulation, she likes to " catch us in

it. " Usually we are dumbfounded by what she comes up with as a manipulation on

our part. I don't know how she can take snippets of conversation and warp them

to what she believes we are saying, but she does it masterfully.

>

> 5. " I don't keep score, but if I did... I would win. " This is because of

the extensive list of things she has cataloged in her mind of what she has done

and sacrificed for us, or bought for us throughout our lives (she remembers

every gift) that we have not returned in kind with the Brady Bunch kind of

family she dreams of. Whenever I call her on the fact that she throws all this

in my face whenever she feels threatened and that she keeps score, this is the

line I get back.

>

> 6. " I see how my friend Ellen's daughter is with her. She knows how to treat

her mother. " This has been used with several people throughout my brother's and

my life. Just once I would like to say " That's because Ellen's daughter knows

that Ellen is not a manipulative, narcissistic, crazy, freak. " but I always

hold my tongue.

>

> 7. " Nothing... sigh... " Always given for at least 3 full days whenever

anyone asks what is wrong with her. When my brother was 17 he asked her this

for 3 days and she played what we called the " Nothing " game with him. Finally

without warning she came downstairs from working and yelled " Do you really want

to know what's wrong?! " His reply was, " I did 3 days ago. Now I don't give a

shit. " She kicked him out of the house. He went to live with a neighbor and

never returned. The neighbor is still my brother's closest friend. My Mom in a

fury after finding out that this very nice man took my brother in, accused my

brother of being gay, and that this older man was a sexual predator. Neither

was true, but it damaged my brother quite a bit. He of course " Could not take

her honesty. "

>

[Guest guest]

I have 2:

A) " That's your opinion! " as retorted when she is questioned about

terrible things she has said or done. There is NO recognition that what she

said was hurtful or hateful. The problem is with YOU because YOU took it

that way.

Screaming with eyes closed and waiving head " Guilty Conscience! that

sounds like a guilty conscience! " usually also retorted when attempts to

bargain for a compromise or peace in a situation.

ARRGGG!!!!

From: WTOAdultChildren1

[mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of Dallas

Sent: Friday, April 13, 2012 3:48 PM

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Subject: My personal favorite Nada one liners.

Here is a collection of my favorite Nada one liners that send shivers down

my spine when I hear them. Would love to hear some of yours.

1. " That is such a cop-out! " Usually given after a lengthy diatribe of her

feelings and how everyone in the family has repeatedly disappointed her over

and over again, when one of us might try to relate how we feel or defend

ourselves in some way.

2. " I know you better than you know yourself. " Actually my personal

favorite. This is used to turn anything we might say back around on us. If

we try to explain ourselves or have a rational conversation with her she

tells us we are full of crap and uses this well oiled phrase. In other words

" anything you say to me is a lie because I know you better than you know

yourself. "

3. " You just can't take my honesty. " This is used after telling us something

really hurtful or after several minutes of guilt trips having to do with her

list of everything she has purchased for us in our lives, and her list of

everything we have ever done in our lives to hurt her feelings or disappoint

her. Last time she used it she was trying to tell me that my 4 year old

daughter was cute, BUT MY SON, wow! He is exceptional! She was trying to set

my son up as her favorite grandchild because he bonded with her faster than

my daughter did (She didn't meet them until they were 2 & 3.) This one liner

justifies every hurtful thing she says.

4. " Nothing gets past me. " Since her paranoia makes her believe that

anything we say or do is some kind of a manipulation, she likes to " catch us

in it. " Usually we are dumbfounded by what she comes up with as a

manipulation on our part. I don't know how she can take snippets of

conversation and warp them to what she believes we are saying, but she does

it masterfully.

5. " I don't keep score, but if I did... I would win. " This is because of the

extensive list of things she has cataloged in her mind of what she has done

and sacrificed for us, or bought for us throughout our lives (she remembers

every gift) that we have not returned in kind with the Brady Bunch kind of

family she dreams of. Whenever I call her on the fact that she throws all

this in my face whenever she feels threatened and that she keeps score, this

is the line I get back.

6. " I see how my friend Ellen's daughter is with her. She knows how to treat

her mother. " This has been used with several people throughout my brother's

and my life. Just once I would like to say " That's because Ellen's daughter

knows that Ellen is not a manipulative, narcissistic, crazy, freak. " but I

always hold my tongue.

7. " Nothing... sigh... " Always given for at least 3 full days whenever

anyone asks what is wrong with her. When my brother was 17 he asked her this

for 3 days and she played what we called the " Nothing " game with him.

Finally without warning she came downstairs from working and yelled " Do you

really want to know what's wrong?! " His reply was, " I did 3 days ago. Now I

don't give a shit. " She kicked him out of the house. He went to live with a

neighbor and never returned. The neighbor is still my brother's closest

friend. My Mom in a fury after finding out that this very nice man took my

brother in, accused my brother of being gay, and that this older man was a

sexual predator. Neither was true, but it damaged my brother quite a bit. He

of course " Could not take her honesty. "

[Guest guest]

LOL @ #3! Oh how often I've heard that - when SHE'S the one who can't deal with

the truth. I still remember one scene with an ex-boyfriend where she was

grilling him about something, calling him a liar, etc. because WE ALL KNOW that

EVERYONE lies all the time EXCEPT nada! And he got all Jack Nicholson on her.

" You want the truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! " It probably would've been

funny if it hadn't been so traumatizing ... 

One of my favorites? " I just want what's best for you. " Almost always parroted

by fada and nada's mother. Because she loves me so much, knows me so well, and

SHE knows what's best for me when I don't have a clue!

And a couple of others: 

" Blah, blah, blah (fill in controlling, manipulative statement here) ... But I

don't want to say that because that's too controlling. " (insert exasperated eye

roll). 

Or ... " We'll talk about this when you're not angry. " (emphasis mine)

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Friday, April 13, 2012 3:47 PM

Subject: My personal favorite Nada one liners.

 

Here is a collection of my favorite Nada one liners that send shivers down my

spine when I hear them. Would love to hear some of yours.

1. " That is such a cop-out! " Usually given after a lengthy diatribe of her

feelings and how everyone in the family has repeatedly disappointed her over and

over again, when one of us might try to relate how we feel or defend ourselves

in some way.

2. " I know you better than you know yourself. " Actually my personal favorite.

This is used to turn anything we might say back around on us. If we try to

explain ourselves or have a rational conversation with her she tells us we are

full of crap and uses this well oiled phrase. In other words " anything you say

to me is a lie because I know you better than you know yourself. "

3. " You just can't take my honesty. " This is used after telling us something

really hurtful or after several minutes of guilt trips having to do with her

list of everything she has purchased for us in our lives, and her list of

everything we have ever done in our lives to hurt her feelings or disappoint

her. Last time she used it she was trying to tell me that my 4 year old

daughter was cute, BUT MY SON, wow! He is exceptional! She was trying to set

my son up as her favorite grandchild because he bonded with her faster than my

daughter did (She didn't meet them until they were 2 & 3.) This one liner

justifies every hurtful thing she says.

4. " Nothing gets past me. " Since her paranoia makes her believe that anything

we say or do is some kind of a manipulation, she likes to " catch us in it. "

Usually we are dumbfounded by what she comes up with as a manipulation on our

part. I don't know how she can take snippets of conversation and warp them to

what she believes we are saying, but she does it masterfully.

5. " I don't keep score, but if I did... I would win. " This is because of the

extensive list of things she has cataloged in her mind of what she has done and

sacrificed for us, or bought for us throughout our lives (she remembers every

gift) that we have not returned in kind with the Brady Bunch kind of family she

dreams of. Whenever I call her on the fact that she throws all this in my face

whenever she feels threatened and that she keeps score, this is the line I get

back.

6. " I see how my friend Ellen's daughter is with her. She knows how to treat

her mother. " This has been used with several people throughout my brother's and

my life. Just once I would like to say " That's because Ellen's daughter knows

that Ellen is not a manipulative, narcissistic, crazy, freak. " but I always

hold my tongue.

7. " Nothing... sigh... " Always given for at least 3 full days whenever anyone

asks what is wrong with her. When my brother was 17 he asked her this for 3

days and she played what we called the " Nothing " game with him. Finally without

warning she came downstairs from working and yelled " Do you really want to know

what's wrong?! " His reply was, " I did 3 days ago. Now I don't give a shit. "

She kicked him out of the house. He went to live with a neighbor and never

returned. The neighbor is still my brother's closest friend. My Mom in a fury

after finding out that this very nice man took my brother in, accused my brother

of being gay, and that this older man was a sexual predator. Neither was true,

but it damaged my brother quite a bit. He of course " Could not take her

honesty. "

[Guest guest]

OMG I can't een count how many times I have heard all of these! It's eerie!

Most recent (after I couldn't summon the energy to help hr with a crisis FAST

enough for her becasue, guess what? I have my own life!)

" I am so sick of hearing how important it is for you to take care of yourself.

What about ME? I'm your mother, you need to take care of ME, too!'

WTF? ARGHHHHH

NCO going on a week-what a difference it makes to not have to cave, or even

listen to, her FOG.

>

> LOL @ #3! Oh how often I've heard that - when SHE'S the one who can't deal

with the truth. I still remember one scene with an ex-boyfriend where she was

grilling him about something, calling him a liar, etc. because WE ALL KNOW that

EVERYONE lies all the time EXCEPT nada! And he got all Jack Nicholson on her.

" You want the truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! " It probably would've been

funny if it hadn't been so traumatizing ...Â

>

> One of my favorites? " I just want what's best for you. " Almost always parroted

by fada and nada's mother. Because she loves me so much, knows me so well, and

SHE knows what's best for me when I don't have a clue!

>

> And a couple of others:Â

>

> " Blah, blah, blah (fill in controlling, manipulative statement here) ... But I

don't want to say that because that's too controlling. " (insert exasperated eye

roll).Â

>

> Or ... " We'll talk about this when you're not angry. " (emphasis mine)

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Friday, April 13, 2012 3:47 PM

> Subject: My personal favorite Nada one liners.

>

>

> Â

> Here is a collection of my favorite Nada one liners that send shivers down my

spine when I hear them. Would love to hear some of yours.

>

> 1. " That is such a cop-out! " Usually given after a lengthy diatribe of her

feelings and how everyone in the family has repeatedly disappointed her over and

over again, when one of us might try to relate how we feel or defend ourselves

in some way.

>

> 2. " I know you better than you know yourself. " Actually my personal

favorite. This is used to turn anything we might say back around on us. If we

try to explain ourselves or have a rational conversation with her she tells us

we are full of crap and uses this well oiled phrase. In other words " anything

you say to me is a lie because I know you better than you know yourself. "

>

> 3. " You just can't take my honesty. " This is used after telling us something

really hurtful or after several minutes of guilt trips having to do with her

list of everything she has purchased for us in our lives, and her list of

everything we have ever done in our lives to hurt her feelings or disappoint

her. Last time she used it she was trying to tell me that my 4 year old

daughter was cute, BUT MY SON, wow! He is exceptional! She was trying to set

my son up as her favorite grandchild because he bonded with her faster than my

daughter did (She didn't meet them until they were 2 & 3.) This one liner

justifies every hurtful thing she says.

>

> 4. " Nothing gets past me. " Since her paranoia makes her believe that

anything we say or do is some kind of a manipulation, she likes to " catch us in

it. " Usually we are dumbfounded by what she comes up with as a manipulation on

our part. I don't know how she can take snippets of conversation and warp them

to what she believes we are saying, but she does it masterfully.

>

> 5. " I don't keep score, but if I did... I would win. " This is because of

the extensive list of things she has cataloged in her mind of what she has done

and sacrificed for us, or bought for us throughout our lives (she remembers

every gift) that we have not returned in kind with the Brady Bunch kind of

family she dreams of. Whenever I call her on the fact that she throws all this

in my face whenever she feels threatened and that she keeps score, this is the

line I get back.

>

> 6. " I see how my friend Ellen's daughter is with her. She knows how to treat

her mother. " This has been used with several people throughout my brother's and

my life. Just once I would like to say " That's because Ellen's daughter knows

that Ellen is not a manipulative, narcissistic, crazy, freak. " but I always

hold my tongue.

>

> 7. " Nothing... sigh... " Always given for at least 3 full days whenever

anyone asks what is wrong with her. When my brother was 17 he asked her this

for 3 days and she played what we called the " Nothing " game with him. Finally

without warning she came downstairs from working and yelled " Do you really want

to know what's wrong?! " His reply was, " I did 3 days ago. Now I don't give a

shit. " She kicked him out of the house. He went to live with a neighbor and

never returned. The neighbor is still my brother's closest friend. My Mom in a

fury after finding out that this very nice man took my brother in, accused my

brother of being gay, and that this older man was a sexual predator. Neither

was true, but it damaged my brother quite a bit. He of course " Could not take

her honesty. "

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> " I am so sick of hearing how important it is for you to take care of yourself.

What about ME? I'm your mother, you need to take care of ME, too!'Â <

Wow! I don't hear this because I don't ever express that need to nada, but I can

so imagine her saying this if I ever got the nerve to stand up to her in that

way.Â

No matter what I'm going through, she's ALWAYS sicker, ALWAYS more tired, ALWAYS

in more pain, ALWAYS the VICTIM and ALWAYS needs to be taken care of like a

baby. Â

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Saturday, April 14, 2012 6:04 AM

Subject: Re: My personal favorite Nada one liners.

Â

OMG I can't een count how many times I have heard all of these! It's eerie!

Most recent (after I couldn't summon the energy to help hr with a crisis FAST

enough for her becasue, guess what? I have my own life!)

" I am so sick of hearing how important it is for you to take care of yourself.

What about ME? I'm your mother, you need to take care of ME, too!'

WTF? ARGHHHHH

NCO going on a week-what a difference it makes to not have to cave, or even

listen to, her FOG.

>

> LOL @ #3! Oh how often I've heard that - when SHE'S the one who can't deal

with the truth. I still remember one scene with an ex-boyfriend where she was

grilling him about something, calling him a liar, etc. because WE ALL KNOW that

EVERYONE lies all the time EXCEPT nada! And he got all Jack Nicholson on her.

" You want the truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! " It probably would've been

funny if it hadn't been so traumatizing ...ÂÂ

>

> One of my favorites? " I just want what's best for you. " Almost always parroted

by fada and nada's mother. Because she loves me so much, knows me so well, and

SHE knows what's best for me when I don't have a clue!

>

> And a couple of others:ÂÂ

>

> " Blah, blah, blah (fill in controlling, manipulative statement here) ... But I

don't want to say that because that's too controlling. " (insert exasperated eye

roll).ÂÂ

>

> Or ... " We'll talk about this when you're not angry. " (emphasis mine)

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Friday, April 13, 2012 3:47 PM

> Subject: My personal favorite Nada one liners.

>

>

> ÂÂ

> Here is a collection of my favorite Nada one liners that send shivers down my

spine when I hear them. Would love to hear some of yours.

>

> 1. " That is such a cop-out! " Usually given after a lengthy diatribe of her

feelings and how everyone in the family has repeatedly disappointed her over and

over again, when one of us might try to relate how we feel or defend ourselves

in some way.

>

> 2. " I know you better than you know yourself. " Actually my personal

favorite. This is used to turn anything we might say back around on us. If we

try to explain ourselves or have a rational conversation with her she tells us

we are full of crap and uses this well oiled phrase. In other words " anything

you say to me is a lie because I know you better than you know yourself. "

>

> 3. " You just can't take my honesty. " This is used after telling us something

really hurtful or after several minutes of guilt trips having to do with her

list of everything she has purchased for us in our lives, and her list of

everything we have ever done in our lives to hurt her feelings or disappoint

her. Last time she used it she was trying to tell me that my 4 year old

daughter was cute, BUT MY SON, wow! He is exceptional! She was trying to set

my son up as her favorite grandchild because he bonded with her faster than my

daughter did (She didn't meet them until they were 2 & 3.) This one liner

justifies every hurtful thing she says.

>

> 4. " Nothing gets past me. " Since her paranoia makes her believe that

anything we say or do is some kind of a manipulation, she likes to " catch us in

it. " Usually we are dumbfounded by what she comes up with as a manipulation on

our part. I don't know how she can take snippets of conversation and warp them

to what she believes we are saying, but she does it masterfully.

>

> 5. " I don't keep score, but if I did... I would win. " This is because of

the extensive list of things she has cataloged in her mind of what she has done

and sacrificed for us, or bought for us throughout our lives (she remembers

every gift) that we have not returned in kind with the Brady Bunch kind of

family she dreams of. Whenever I call her on the fact that she throws all this

in my face whenever she feels threatened and that she keeps score, this is the

line I get back.

>

> 6. " I see how my friend Ellen's daughter is with her. She knows how to treat

her mother. " This has been used with several people throughout my brother's and

my life. Just once I would like to say " That's because Ellen's daughter knows

that Ellen is not a manipulative, narcissistic, crazy, freak. " but I always

hold my tongue.

>

> 7. " Nothing... sigh... " Always given for at least 3 full days whenever

anyone asks what is wrong with her. When my brother was 17 he asked her this

for 3 days and she played what we called the " Nothing " game with him. Finally

without warning she came downstairs from working and yelled " Do you really want

to know what's wrong?! " His reply was, " I did 3 days ago. Now I don't give a

shit. " She kicked him out of the house. He went to live with a neighbor and

never returned. The neighbor is still my brother's closest friend. My Mom in a

fury after finding out that this very nice man took my brother in, accused my

brother of being gay, and that this older man was a sexual predator. Neither

was true, but it damaged my brother quite a bit. He of course " Could not take

her honesty. "

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Oh ya! I forgot one.

" I don't lie about anything, so I can't lie about my feelings either. " This is

after several hours of " mood stalking " . Whenever she gets into one of her black

moods, no matter where you are in the house she will continually try and figure

out how to put herself in your area. (I made the mistake of working for Nada

for a while). She is not happy until you are in the same dark mood that she is.

Finally, just like a long car ride game I decided to play " count the sighs. "

In the course of one 15 minute space of time she sighed 27 times before giving

up and heading back up to her computer. That is almost 2 per minute. She also

always says " I have an artistic personality. So I feel things more deeply than

other people do. "

> > " I am so sick of hearing how important it is for you to take care of

yourself. What about ME? I'm your mother, you need to take care of ME, too!' <

>

> Wow! I don't hear this because I don't ever express that need to nada, but I

can so imagine her saying this if I ever got the nerve to stand up to her in

that way.

>

> No matter what I'm going through, she's ALWAYS sicker, ALWAYS more tired,

ALWAYS in more pain, ALWAYS the VICTIM and ALWAYS needs to be taken care of like

a baby.

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Saturday, April 14, 2012 6:04 AM

> Subject: Re: My personal favorite Nada one liners.

>

>

>

> OMG I can't een count how many times I have heard all of these! It's eerie!

>

> Most recent (after I couldn't summon the energy to help hr with a crisis FAST

enough for her becasue, guess what? I have my own life!)

>

> " I am so sick of hearing how important it is for you to take care of yourself.

What about ME? I'm your mother, you need to take care of ME, too!'

>

> WTF? ARGHHHHH

>

> NCO going on a week-what a difference it makes to not have to cave, or even

listen to, her FOG.

>

>

> >

> > LOL @ #3! Oh how often I've heard that - when SHE'S the one who can't deal

with the truth. I still remember one scene with an ex-boyfriend where she was

grilling him about something, calling him a liar, etc. because WE ALL KNOW that

EVERYONE lies all the time EXCEPT nada! And he got all Jack Nicholson on her.

" You want the truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! " It probably would've been

funny if it hadn't been so traumatizing ...Â

> >

> > One of my favorites? " I just want what's best for you. " Almost always

parroted by fada and nada's mother. Because she loves me so much, knows me so

well, and SHE knows what's best for me when I don't have a clue!

> >

> > And a couple of others:Â

> >

> > " Blah, blah, blah (fill in controlling, manipulative statement here) ... But

I don't want to say that because that's too controlling. " (insert exasperated

eye roll).Â

> >

> > Or ... " We'll talk about this when you're not angry. " (emphasis mine)

> >

> > ________________________________

> >

> > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > Sent: Friday, April 13, 2012 3:47 PM

> > Subject: My personal favorite Nada one liners.

> >

> >

> > Â

> > Here is a collection of my favorite Nada one liners that send shivers down

my spine when I hear them. Would love to hear some of yours.

> >

> > 1. " That is such a cop-out! " Usually given after a lengthy diatribe of her

feelings and how everyone in the family has repeatedly disappointed her over and

over again, when one of us might try to relate how we feel or defend ourselves

in some way.

> >

> > 2. " I know you better than you know yourself. " Actually my personal

favorite. This is used to turn anything we might say back around on us. If we

try to explain ourselves or have a rational conversation with her she tells us

we are full of crap and uses this well oiled phrase. In other words " anything

you say to me is a lie because I know you better than you know yourself. "

> >

> > 3. " You just can't take my honesty. " This is used after telling us something

really hurtful or after several minutes of guilt trips having to do with her

list of everything she has purchased for us in our lives, and her list of

everything we have ever done in our lives to hurt her feelings or disappoint

her. Last time she used it she was trying to tell me that my 4 year old daughter

was cute, BUT MY SON, wow! He is exceptional! She was trying to set my son up as

her favorite grandchild because he bonded with her faster than my daughter did

(She didn't meet them until they were 2 & 3.) This one liner justifies every

hurtful thing she says.

> >

> > 4. " Nothing gets past me. " Since her paranoia makes her believe that

anything we say or do is some kind of a manipulation, she likes to " catch us in

it. " Usually we are dumbfounded by what she comes up with as a manipulation on

our part. I don't know how she can take snippets of conversation and warp them

to what she believes we are saying, but she does it masterfully.

> >

> > 5. " I don't keep score, but if I did... I would win. " This is because of the

extensive list of things she has cataloged in her mind of what she has done and

sacrificed for us, or bought for us throughout our lives (she remembers every

gift) that we have not returned in kind with the Brady Bunch kind of family she

dreams of. Whenever I call her on the fact that she throws all this in my face

whenever she feels threatened and that she keeps score, this is the line I get

back.

> >

> > 6. " I see how my friend Ellen's daughter is with her. She knows how to treat

her mother. " This has been used with several people throughout my brother's and

my life. Just once I would like to say " That's because Ellen's daughter knows

that Ellen is not a manipulative, narcissistic, crazy, freak. " but I always hold

my tongue.

> >

> > 7. " Nothing... sigh... " Always given for at least 3 full days whenever

anyone asks what is wrong with her. When my brother was 17 he asked her this for

3 days and she played what we called the " Nothing " game with him. Finally

without warning she came downstairs from working and yelled " Do you really want

to know what's wrong?! " His reply was, " I did 3 days ago. Now I don't give a

shit. " She kicked him out of the house. He went to live with a neighbor and

never returned. The neighbor is still my brother's closest friend. My Mom in a

fury after finding out that this very nice man took my brother in, accused my

brother of being gay, and that this older man was a sexual predator. Neither was

true, but it damaged my brother quite a bit. He of course " Could not take her

honesty. "

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I remember one that always blew my mind. I was home from college, but before my

marriage. I came out of the bathroom, and my stepnada told me that I was going

to the bathroom out of habit, not because I really needed to. I look back on

that now and think, " how did she know whether I needed to use the bathroom or

not? Was she living in my body? " I look back on things like that she said and

can't even follow her line of thinking!

Janet

  Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own

understanding.

  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

  Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.

  It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.

Proverbs 3:5-8

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Saturday, April 14, 2012 8:03 AM

Subject: Re: My personal favorite Nada one liners.

Oh ya! I forgot one.

" I don't lie about anything, so I can't lie about my feelings either. " This is

after several hours of " mood stalking " . Whenever she gets into one of her black

moods, no matter where you are in the house she will continually try and figure

out how to put herself in your area. (I made the mistake of working for Nada

for a while). She is not happy until you are in the same dark mood that she is.

Finally, just like a long car ride game I decided to play " count the sighs. " In

the course of one 15 minute space of time she sighed 27 times before giving up

and heading back up to her computer. That is almost 2 per minute. She also

always says " I have an artistic personality. So I feel things more deeply than

other people do. "

> > " I am so sick of hearing how important it is for you to take care of

yourself. What about ME? I'm your mother, you need to take care of ME, too!' <

>

> Wow! I don't hear this because I don't ever express that need to nada, but I

can so imagine her saying this if I ever got the nerve to stand up to her in

that way.

>

> No matter what I'm going through, she's ALWAYS sicker, ALWAYS more tired,

ALWAYS in more pain, ALWAYS the VICTIM and ALWAYS needs to be taken care of like

a baby.

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Saturday, April 14, 2012 6:04 AM

> Subject: Re: My personal favorite Nada one liners.

>

>

>

> OMG I can't een count how many times I have heard all of these! It's eerie!

>

> Most recent (after I couldn't summon the energy to help hr with a crisis FAST

enough for her becasue, guess what? I have my own life!)

>

> " I am so sick of hearing how important it is for you to take care of yourself.

What about ME? I'm your mother, you need to take care of ME, too!'

>

> WTF? ARGHHHHH

>

> NCO going on a week-what a difference it makes to not have to cave, or even

listen to, her FOG.

>

>

> >

> > LOL @ #3! Oh how often I've heard that - when SHE'S the one who can't deal

with the truth. I still remember one scene with an ex-boyfriend where she was

grilling him about something, calling him a liar, etc. because WE ALL KNOW that

EVERYONE lies all the time EXCEPT nada! And he got all Jack Nicholson on her.

" You want the truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! " It probably would've been

funny if it hadn't been so traumatizing ...Â

> >

> > One of my favorites? " I just want what's best for you. " Almost always

parroted by fada and nada's mother. Because she loves me so much, knows me so

well, and SHE knows what's best for me when I don't have a clue!

> >

> > And a couple of others:Â

> >

> > " Blah, blah, blah (fill in controlling, manipulative statement here) ... But

I don't want to say that because that's too controlling. " (insert exasperated

eye roll).Â

> >

> > Or ... " We'll talk about this when you're not angry. " (emphasis mine)

> >

> > ________________________________

> >

> > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > Sent: Friday, April 13, 2012 3:47 PM

> > Subject: My personal favorite Nada one liners.

> >

> >

> > Â

> > Here is a collection of my favorite Nada one liners that send shivers down

my spine when I hear them. Would love to hear some of yours.

> >

> > 1. " That is such a cop-out! " Usually given after a lengthy diatribe of her

feelings and how everyone in the family has repeatedly disappointed her over and

over again, when one of us might try to relate how we feel or defend ourselves

in some way.

> >

> > 2. " I know you better than you know yourself. " Actually my personal

favorite. This is used to turn anything we might say back around on us. If we

try to explain ourselves or have a rational conversation with her she tells us

we are full of crap and uses this well oiled phrase. In other words " anything

you say to me is a lie because I know you better than you know yourself. "

> >

> > 3. " You just can't take my honesty. " This is used after telling us something

really hurtful or after several minutes of guilt trips having to do with her

list of everything she has purchased for us in our lives, and her list of

everything we have ever done in our lives to hurt her feelings or disappoint

her. Last time she used it she was trying to tell me that my 4 year old daughter

was cute, BUT MY SON, wow! He is exceptional! She was trying to set my son up as

her favorite grandchild because he bonded with her faster than my daughter did

(She didn't meet them until they were 2 & 3.) This one liner justifies every

hurtful thing she says.

> >

> > 4. " Nothing gets past me. " Since her paranoia makes her believe that

anything we say or do is some kind of a manipulation, she likes to " catch us in

it. " Usually we are dumbfounded by what she comes up with as a manipulation on

our part. I don't know how she can take snippets of conversation and warp them

to what she believes we are saying, but she does it masterfully.

> >

> > 5. " I don't keep score, but if I did... I would win. " This is because of the

extensive list of things she has cataloged in her mind of what she has done and

sacrificed for us, or bought for us throughout our lives (she remembers every

gift) that we have not returned in kind with the Brady Bunch kind of family she

dreams of. Whenever I call her on the fact that she throws all this in my face

whenever she feels threatened and that she keeps score, this is the line I get

back.

> >

> > 6. " I see how my friend Ellen's daughter is with her. She knows how to treat

her mother. " This has been used with several people throughout my brother's and

my life. Just once I would like to say " That's because Ellen's daughter knows

that Ellen is not a manipulative, narcissistic, crazy, freak. " but I always hold

my tongue.

> >

> > 7. " Nothing... sigh... " Always given for at least 3 full days whenever

anyone asks what is wrong with her. When my brother was 17 he asked her this for

3 days and she played what we called the " Nothing " game with him. Finally

without warning she came downstairs from working and yelled " Do you really want

to know what's wrong?! " His reply was, " I did 3 days ago. Now I don't give a

shit. " She kicked him out of the house. He went to live with a neighbor and

never returned. The neighbor is still my brother's closest friend. My Mom in a

fury after finding out that this very nice man took my brother in, accused my

brother of being gay, and that this older man was a sexual predator. Neither was

true, but it damaged my brother quite a bit. He of course " Could not take her

honesty. "

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Really creepy how I've heard every one of these! My personal favorites:

" I did it for you kids... " Generally this is stated with a quivering lip in

" waif " mode, or with a haughty incredulous bravado. And it's always an

explanation for something risky she did that didn't quite work out - like

picking up two kids and moving across country to live in hotels until she could

be " discovered " .

" That's not the way WE operate! " Always when explaining to someone else that she

wouldn't do whatever they just described having done. An example: a friend

describing tearfully how she had to put her 20 year old cat with terminal cancer

to sleep recently. She throws her arm around me inclusively and exclaims: " Oh,

WE never put our animals to sleep no matter what. That's just NOT how WE

operate! " Note: generally whatever she's claiming is right opposite of how I

actually operate . And don't get me started on her crushing abuse of her pets

when they are at the end of life and agonal, just because she cannot accept that

death is an inescapable part of life. In her mind, they don't die eventually

because they have an incurable fatal disease - the vet killed them, or it was my

fault, or something.

" Oh you DO NOT.... " I was diagnosed with Lupus some years ago. Still, to this

day when I'm feeling fatigued or whatever and she seems appalled and shocked and

wants to know " What is the matter with you, now? " , I have to remind her: " Mom, I

have Lupus - sometimes I just get tired and achy. " She still responds with " Oh

you DO NOT have Lupus! " in that exasperated " here she goes again! " tone. Or,

another good version of this one - " Why are you buying blue cheese? You HATE

blue cheese!! " " No mom, YOU hate blue cheese. I love the stuff. " " Oh you DO NOT!

I raised you, for god's sake, don't you think I would know if you like it? "

My ALL TIME FAVORITE (because it's so perfectly backwards) - " Well, you know

your sister - it's all about her! " LOL

Jesus, I don't know whether to laugh or cry .

> >

> > LOL @ #3! Oh how often I've heard that - when SHE'S the one who can't deal

with the truth. I still remember one scene with an ex-boyfriend where she was

grilling him about something, calling him a liar, etc. because WE ALL KNOW that

EVERYONE lies all the time EXCEPT nada! And he got all Jack Nicholson on her.

" You want the truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! " It probably would've been

funny if it hadn't been so traumatizing ...ÂÂ

> >

> > One of my favorites? " I just want what's best for you. " Almost always

parroted by fada and nada's mother. Because she loves me so much, knows me so

well, and SHE knows what's best for me when I don't have a clue!

> >

> > And a couple of others:ÂÂ

> >

> > " Blah, blah, blah (fill in controlling, manipulative statement here) ... But

I don't want to say that because that's too controlling. " (insert exasperated

eye roll).ÂÂ

> >

> > Or ... " We'll talk about this when you're not angry. " (emphasis mine)

> >

> > ________________________________

> > From: Dallas <operamaestro@>

> > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > Sent: Friday, April 13, 2012 3:47 PM

> > Subject: My personal favorite Nada one liners.

> >

> >

> > ÂÂ

> > Here is a collection of my favorite Nada one liners that send shivers down

my spine when I hear them. Would love to hear some of yours.

> >

> > 1. " That is such a cop-out! " Usually given after a lengthy diatribe of her

feelings and how everyone in the family has repeatedly disappointed her over and

over again, when one of us might try to relate how we feel or defend ourselves

in some way.

> >

> > 2. " I know you better than you know yourself. " Actually my personal

favorite. This is used to turn anything we might say back around on us. If we

try to explain ourselves or have a rational conversation with her she tells us

we are full of crap and uses this well oiled phrase. In other words " anything

you say to me is a lie because I know you better than you know yourself. "

> >

> > 3. " You just can't take my honesty. " This is used after telling us

something really hurtful or after several minutes of guilt trips having to do

with her list of everything she has purchased for us in our lives, and her list

of everything we have ever done in our lives to hurt her feelings or disappoint

her. Last time she used it she was trying to tell me that my 4 year old

daughter was cute, BUT MY SON, wow! He is exceptional! She was trying to set

my son up as her favorite grandchild because he bonded with her faster than my

daughter did (She didn't meet them until they were 2 & 3.) This one liner

justifies every hurtful thing she says.

> >

> > 4. " Nothing gets past me. " Since her paranoia makes her believe that

anything we say or do is some kind of a manipulation, she likes to " catch us in

it. " Usually we are dumbfounded by what she comes up with as a manipulation on

our part. I don't know how she can take snippets of conversation and warp them

to what she believes we are saying, but she does it masterfully.

> >

> > 5. " I don't keep score, but if I did... I would win. " This is because of

the extensive list of things she has cataloged in her mind of what she has done

and sacrificed for us, or bought for us throughout our lives (she remembers

every gift) that we have not returned in kind with the Brady Bunch kind of

family she dreams of. Whenever I call her on the fact that she throws all this

in my face whenever she feels threatened and that she keeps score, this is the

line I get back.

> >

> > 6. " I see how my friend Ellen's daughter is with her. She knows how to

treat her mother. " This has been used with several people throughout my

brother's and my life. Just once I would like to say " That's because Ellen's

daughter knows that Ellen is not a manipulative, narcissistic, crazy, freak. "

but I always hold my tongue.

> >

> > 7. " Nothing... sigh... " Always given for at least 3 full days whenever

anyone asks what is wrong with her. When my brother was 17 he asked her this

for 3 days and she played what we called the " Nothing " game with him. Finally

without warning she came downstairs from working and yelled " Do you really want

to know what's wrong?! " His reply was, " I did 3 days ago. Now I don't give a

shit. " She kicked him out of the house. He went to live with a neighbor and

never returned. The neighbor is still my brother's closest friend. My Mom in a

fury after finding out that this very nice man took my brother in, accused my

brother of being gay, and that this older man was a sexual predator. Neither

was true, but it damaged my brother quite a bit. He of course " Could not take

her honesty. "

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

The one that absolutely makes me want to break every window in the house is " I

don't know if you are mature enough to handle this. " This will be followed by

some kind of " constructive " criticism. So if you get mad, it just proves you

aren't mature enough. Aargh.

PC

>

> Here is a collection of my favorite Nada one liners that send shivers down my

spine when I hear them. Would love to hear some of yours.

>

> 1. " That is such a cop-out! " Usually given after a lengthy diatribe of her

feelings and how everyone in the family has repeatedly disappointed her over and

over again, when one of us might try to relate how we feel or defend ourselves

in some way.

>

> 2. " I know you better than you know yourself. " Actually my personal

favorite. This is used to turn anything we might say back around on us. If we

try to explain ourselves or have a rational conversation with her she tells us

we are full of crap and uses this well oiled phrase. In other words " anything

you say to me is a lie because I know you better than you know yourself. "

>

> 3. " You just can't take my honesty. " This is used after telling us something

really hurtful or after several minutes of guilt trips having to do with her

list of everything she has purchased for us in our lives, and her list of

everything we have ever done in our lives to hurt her feelings or disappoint

her. Last time she used it she was trying to tell me that my 4 year old

daughter was cute, BUT MY SON, wow! He is exceptional! She was trying to set

my son up as her favorite grandchild because he bonded with her faster than my

daughter did (She didn't meet them until they were 2 & 3.) This one liner

justifies every hurtful thing she says.

>

> 4. " Nothing gets past me. " Since her paranoia makes her believe that

anything we say or do is some kind of a manipulation, she likes to " catch us in

it. " Usually we are dumbfounded by what she comes up with as a manipulation on

our part. I don't know how she can take snippets of conversation and warp them

to what she believes we are saying, but she does it masterfully.

>

> 5. " I don't keep score, but if I did... I would win. " This is because of

the extensive list of things she has cataloged in her mind of what she has done

and sacrificed for us, or bought for us throughout our lives (she remembers

every gift) that we have not returned in kind with the Brady Bunch kind of

family she dreams of. Whenever I call her on the fact that she throws all this

in my face whenever she feels threatened and that she keeps score, this is the

line I get back.

>

> 6. " I see how my friend Ellen's daughter is with her. She knows how to treat

her mother. " This has been used with several people throughout my brother's and

my life. Just once I would like to say " That's because Ellen's daughter knows

that Ellen is not a manipulative, narcissistic, crazy, freak. " but I always

hold my tongue.

>

> 7. " Nothing... sigh... " Always given for at least 3 full days whenever

anyone asks what is wrong with her. When my brother was 17 he asked her this

for 3 days and she played what we called the " Nothing " game with him. Finally

without warning she came downstairs from working and yelled " Do you really want

to know what's wrong?! " His reply was, " I did 3 days ago. Now I don't give a

shit. " She kicked him out of the house. He went to live with a neighbor and

never returned. The neighbor is still my brother's closest friend. My Mom in a

fury after finding out that this very nice man took my brother in, accused my

brother of being gay, and that this older man was a sexual predator. Neither

was true, but it damaged my brother quite a bit. He of course " Could not take

her honesty. "

>

[Guest guest]

What a fantastic thread!

My favorites would have to include;

" You're not going to want to hear this, but I'm going to tell you anyway .

.. . " (fill in with crushing lie of your choice)

" You need to hear this, whether you want to, or not . . . "

" I haven't told you everything about them, just like I haven't told them

everything about you! "

" Well' so and so ( select one of the people who means the most to you)

said .....(add the most devastatingly crushing, personal, and ugly lie you

can think of. ) but they meant it to help you. I'm only telling you to help

you see . . . "

" Well, my therapist and friends all say its your problem! "

" You're my best friend! "

" you don't know everything you think you know "

" You don't remember everything you think you do! "

" No one knows / understands me the way you do! "

" You're the best psychologist in the family! "

" You're paranoid! "

" Your soooooo sensitive "

" What would you recommend / suggest? "

" I don't have to love you! "

" I can walk away from you anytime! "

" Your always such a F********* princess, when do I get to be the

F********princess? "

" I don't need you! "

" I just can't do this anymore! "

" You think you have it so F********** hard . . . . .?

" You miserable little bitch. . . "

" What are you sulking about now! "

And, the single-most terrifying phrase of my childhood, " Well, why don't

you just tell me about it. . . . " implying that I had been thinking, or

plotting something against her, when in fact I was usually just reading a

book, working on a craft, or just daydreaming.

I think I'm going to go scream into my pillow for a while now.

Warm Regards, Sunspot

> **

>

>

> Really creepy how I've heard every one of these! My personal favorites:

>

> " I did it for you kids... " Generally this is stated with a quivering lip

> in " waif " mode, or with a haughty incredulous bravado. And it's always an

> explanation for something risky she did that didn't quite work out - like

> picking up two kids and moving across country to live in hotels until she

> could be " discovered " .

>

> " That's not the way WE operate! " Always when explaining to someone else

> that she wouldn't do whatever they just described having done. An example:

> a friend describing tearfully how she had to put her 20 year old cat with

> terminal cancer to sleep recently. She throws her arm around me inclusively

> and exclaims: " Oh, WE never put our animals to sleep no matter what. That's

> just NOT how WE operate! " Note: generally whatever she's claiming is right

> opposite of how I actually operate . And don't get me started on her

> crushing abuse of her pets when they are at the end of life and agonal,

> just because she cannot accept that death is an inescapable part of life.

> In her mind, they don't die eventually because they have an incurable fatal

> disease - the vet killed them, or it was my fault, or something.

>

> " Oh you DO NOT.... " I was diagnosed with Lupus some years ago. Still, to

> this day when I'm feeling fatigued or whatever and she seems appalled and

> shocked and wants to know " What is the matter with you, now? " , I have to

> remind her: " Mom, I have Lupus - sometimes I just get tired and achy. " She

> still responds with " Oh you DO NOT have Lupus! " in that exasperated " here

> she goes again! " tone. Or, another good version of this one - " Why are you

> buying blue cheese? You HATE blue cheese!! " " No mom, YOU hate blue cheese.

> I love the stuff. " " Oh you DO NOT! I raised you, for god's sake, don't you

> think I would know if you like it? "

>

> My ALL TIME FAVORITE (because it's so perfectly backwards) - " Well, you

> know your sister - it's all about her! " LOL

>

> Jesus, I don't know whether to laugh or cry .

>

>

>

> > >

> > > LOL @ #3! Oh how often I've heard that - when SHE'S the one who can't

> deal with the truth. I still remember one scene with an ex-boyfriend where

> she was grilling him about something, calling him a liar, etc. because WE

> ALL KNOW that EVERYONE lies all the time EXCEPT nada! And he got all Jack

> Nicholson on her. " You want the truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! " It

> probably would've been funny if it hadn't been so traumatizing ...ÂÂ

>

> > >

> > > One of my favorites? " I just want what's best for you. " Almost always

> parroted by fada and nada's mother. Because she loves me so much, knows me

> so well, and SHE knows what's best for me when I don't have a clue!

> > >

> > > And a couple of others:ÂÂ

> > >

> > > " Blah, blah, blah (fill in controlling, manipulative statement here)

> ... But I don't want to say that because that's too controlling. " (insert

> exasperated eye roll).ÂÂ

>

> > >

> > > Or ... " We'll talk about this when you're not angry. " (emphasis mine)

> > >

> > > ________________________________

> > > From: Dallas <operamaestro@>

> > > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > > Sent: Friday, April 13, 2012 3:47 PM

> > > Subject: My personal favorite Nada one liners.

> > >

> > >

> > > ÂÂ

> > > Here is a collection of my favorite Nada one liners that send shivers

> down my spine when I hear them. Would love to hear some of yours.

> > >

> > > 1. " That is such a cop-out! " Usually given after a lengthy diatribe of

> her feelings and how everyone in the family has repeatedly disappointed her

> over and over again, when one of us might try to relate how we feel or

> defend ourselves in some way.

> > >

> > > 2. " I know you better than you know yourself. " Actually my personal

> favorite. This is used to turn anything we might say back around on us. If

> we try to explain ourselves or have a rational conversation with her she

> tells us we are full of crap and uses this well oiled phrase. In other

> words " anything you say to me is a lie because I know you better than you

> know yourself. "

> > >

> > > 3. " You just can't take my honesty. " This is used after telling us

> something really hurtful or after several minutes of guilt trips having to

> do with her list of everything she has purchased for us in our lives, and

> her list of everything we have ever done in our lives to hurt her feelings

> or disappoint her. Last time she used it she was trying to tell me that my

> 4 year old daughter was cute, BUT MY SON, wow! He is exceptional! She was

> trying to set my son up as her favorite grandchild because he bonded with

> her faster than my daughter did (She didn't meet them until they were 2 &

> 3.) This one liner justifies every hurtful thing she says.

> > >

> > > 4. " Nothing gets past me. " Since her paranoia makes her believe that

> anything we say or do is some kind of a manipulation, she likes to " catch

> us in it. " Usually we are dumbfounded by what she comes up with as a

> manipulation on our part. I don't know how she can take snippets of

> conversation and warp them to what she believes we are saying, but she does

> it masterfully.

> > >

> > > 5. " I don't keep score, but if I did... I would win. " This is because

> of the extensive list of things she has cataloged in her mind of what she

> has done and sacrificed for us, or bought for us throughout our lives (she

> remembers every gift) that we have not returned in kind with the Brady

> Bunch kind of family she dreams of. Whenever I call her on the fact that

> she throws all this in my face whenever she feels threatened and that she

> keeps score, this is the line I get back.

> > >

> > > 6. " I see how my friend Ellen's daughter is with her. She knows how to

> treat her mother. " This has been used with several people throughout my

> brother's and my life. Just once I would like to say " That's because

> Ellen's daughter knows that Ellen is not a manipulative, narcissistic,

> crazy, freak. " but I always hold my tongue.

> > >

> > > 7. " Nothing... sigh... " Always given for at least 3 full days whenever

> anyone asks what is wrong with her. When my brother was 17 he asked her

> this for 3 days and she played what we called the " Nothing " game with him.

> Finally without warning she came downstairs from working and yelled " Do you

> really want to know what's wrong?! " His reply was, " I did 3 days ago. Now I

> don't give a shit. " She kicked him out of the house. He went to live with a

> neighbor and never returned. The neighbor is still my brother's closest

> friend. My Mom in a fury after finding out that this very nice man took my

> brother in, accused my brother of being gay, and that this older man was a

> sexual predator. Neither was true, but it damaged my brother quite a bit.

> He of course " Could not take her honesty. "

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Sunspot!!! OMG!!! So many of these I have heard too. I am sorry if my thread

makes you scream into a pillow!!! I love the " You probably don't want to hear

this... " One, I can't believe I forgot that one.

> I remember one that always blew my mind. I was home from college, but before

my marriage. I came out of the bathroom, and my stepnada told me that I was

going to the bathroom out of habit, not because I really needed to. I look back

on that now and think, " how did she know whether I needed to use the bathroom or

not? Was she living in my body? " I look back on things like that she said and

can't even follow her line of thinking!

> Janet

>

> Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own

understanding.

> In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

> Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.

> It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.

> Proverbs 3:5-8

>

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Saturday, April 14, 2012 8:03 AM

> Subject: Re: My personal favorite Nada one liners.

>

> Oh ya! I forgot one.

>

> " I don't lie about anything, so I can't lie about my feelings either. " This

is after several hours of " mood stalking " . Whenever she gets into one of her

black moods, no matter where you are in the house she will continually try and

figure out how to put herself in your area. (I made the mistake of working for

Nada for a while). She is not happy until you are in the same dark mood that

she is. Finally, just like a long car ride game I decided to play " count the

sighs. " In the course of one 15 minute space of time she sighed 27 times before

giving up and heading back up to her computer. That is almost 2 per minute.

She also always says " I have an artistic personality. So I feel things more

deeply than other people do. "

>

>

>

> > > " I am so sick of hearing how important it is for you to take care of

yourself. What about ME? I'm your mother, you need to take care of ME, too!' <

> >

> > Wow! I don't hear this because I don't ever express that need to nada, but I

can so imagine her saying this if I ever got the nerve to stand up to her in

that way.

> >

> > No matter what I'm going through, she's ALWAYS sicker, ALWAYS more tired,

ALWAYS in more pain, ALWAYS the VICTIM and ALWAYS needs to be taken care of like

a baby.

> >

> > ________________________________

> >

> > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > Sent: Saturday, April 14, 2012 6:04 AM

> > Subject: Re: My personal favorite Nada one liners.

> >

> >

> >

> > OMG I can't een count how many times I have heard all of these! It's eerie!

> >

> > Most recent (after I couldn't summon the energy to help hr with a crisis

FAST enough for her becasue, guess what? I have my own life!)

> >

> > " I am so sick of hearing how important it is for you to take care of

yourself. What about ME? I'm your mother, you need to take care of ME, too!'

> >

> > WTF? ARGHHHHH

> >

> > NCO going on a week-what a difference it makes to not have to cave, or even

listen to, her FOG.

> >

> >

> > >

> > > LOL @ #3! Oh how often I've heard that - when SHE'S the one who can't deal

with the truth. I still remember one scene with an ex-boyfriend where she was

grilling him about something, calling him a liar, etc. because WE ALL KNOW that

EVERYONE lies all the time EXCEPT nada! And he got all Jack Nicholson on her.

" You want the truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! " It probably would've been

funny if it hadn't been so traumatizing ...Â

> > >

> > > One of my favorites? " I just want what's best for you. " Almost always

parroted by fada and nada's mother. Because she loves me so much, knows me so

well, and SHE knows what's best for me when I don't have a clue!

> > >

> > > And a couple of others:Â

> > >

> > > " Blah, blah, blah (fill in controlling, manipulative statement here) ...

But I don't want to say that because that's too controlling. " (insert

exasperated eye roll).Â

> > >

> > > Or ... " We'll talk about this when you're not angry. " (emphasis mine)

> > >

> > > ________________________________

> > >

> > > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > > Sent: Friday, April 13, 2012 3:47 PM

> > > Subject: My personal favorite Nada one liners.

> > >

> > >

> > > Â

> > > Here is a collection of my favorite Nada one liners that send shivers down

my spine when I hear them. Would love to hear some of yours.

> > >

> > > 1. " That is such a cop-out! " Usually given after a lengthy diatribe of her

feelings and how everyone in the family has repeatedly disappointed her over and

over again, when one of us might try to relate how we feel or defend ourselves

in some way.

> > >

> > > 2. " I know you better than you know yourself. " Actually my personal

favorite. This is used to turn anything we might say back around on us. If we

try to explain ourselves or have a rational conversation with her she tells us

we are full of crap and uses this well oiled phrase. In other words " anything

you say to me is a lie because I know you better than you know yourself. "

> > >

> > > 3. " You just can't take my honesty. " This is used after telling us

something really hurtful or after several minutes of guilt trips having to do

with her list of everything she has purchased for us in our lives, and her list

of everything we have ever done in our lives to hurt her feelings or disappoint

her. Last time she used it she was trying to tell me that my 4 year old daughter

was cute, BUT MY SON, wow! He is exceptional! She was trying to set my son up as

her favorite grandchild because he bonded with her faster than my daughter did

(She didn't meet them until they were 2 & 3.) This one liner justifies every

hurtful thing she says.

> > >

> > > 4. " Nothing gets past me. " Since her paranoia makes her believe that

anything we say or do is some kind of a manipulation, she likes to " catch us in

it. " Usually we are dumbfounded by what she comes up with as a manipulation on

our part. I don't know how she can take snippets of conversation and warp them

to what she believes we are saying, but she does it masterfully.

> > >

> > > 5. " I don't keep score, but if I did... I would win. " This is because of

the extensive list of things she has cataloged in her mind of what she has done

and sacrificed for us, or bought for us throughout our lives (she remembers

every gift) that we have not returned in kind with the Brady Bunch kind of

family she dreams of. Whenever I call her on the fact that she throws all this

in my face whenever she feels threatened and that she keeps score, this is the

line I get back.

> > >

> > > 6. " I see how my friend Ellen's daughter is with her. She knows how to

treat her mother. " This has been used with several people throughout my

brother's and my life. Just once I would like to say " That's because Ellen's

daughter knows that Ellen is not a manipulative, narcissistic, crazy, freak. "

but I always hold my tongue.

> > >

> > > 7. " Nothing... sigh... " Always given for at least 3 full days whenever

anyone asks what is wrong with her. When my brother was 17 he asked her this for

3 days and she played what we called the " Nothing " game with him. Finally

without warning she came downstairs from working and yelled " Do you really want

to know what's wrong?! " His reply was, " I did 3 days ago. Now I don't give a

shit. " She kicked him out of the house. He went to live with a neighbor and

never returned. The neighbor is still my brother's closest friend. My Mom in a

fury after finding out that this very nice man took my brother in, accused my

brother of being gay, and that this older man was a sexual predator. Neither was

true, but it damaged my brother quite a bit. He of course " Could not take her

honesty. "

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Wow! Sunspot, you made me remember a few I had forgotten:

so and so said about you

you don't remember things the way you think you do

i didn't do that

i only married him to give you a father (super whiny waify voice)

(about a man she knew from hs and married after one trip to la and then moved

down to live with him, who never paid any attention to me whatsoever and later

participated in scapegoating me with her as a teenager, so next time consult me

please)

how are you going to do that?

who do you think you are?

because I'm your mother!

did you get a job?

when are you moving out?

you can go live with your alcoholic father then! (a man who ruined her life and

almost destroyed her according to her, but sure, go ahead and send me to him)

whose going to pay for that?

don't yell at me! (this at about 300 decibels from her)

your just like my sister! (her most hated promiscuous self)

have you finished your chores? (as if we lived on little house on the prairie,

she would extend chores into two syllables and all the more so after i expressed

a distaste for that word not used in conjunction with milking cows; folding the

laundry, washing the dishes, vacuuming, etc etc were not chore-es, but tasks).

I feel like I have an angry teen lit book inside of me now coughing all this

stuff up.

SR

> > > >

> > > > LOL @ #3! Oh how often I've heard that - when SHE'S the one who can't

> > deal with the truth. I still remember one scene with an ex-boyfriend where

> > she was grilling him about something, calling him a liar, etc. because WE

> > ALL KNOW that EVERYONE lies all the time EXCEPT nada! And he got all Jack

> > Nicholson on her. " You want the truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! " It

> > probably would've been funny if it hadn't been so traumatizing ...ÂÂ

> >

> > > >

> > > > One of my favorites? " I just want what's best for you. " Almost always

> > parroted by fada and nada's mother. Because she loves me so much, knows me

> > so well, and SHE knows what's best for me when I don't have a clue!

> > > >

> > > > And a couple of others:ÂÂ

> > > >

> > > > " Blah, blah, blah (fill in controlling, manipulative statement here)

> > ... But I don't want to say that because that's too controlling. " (insert

> > exasperated eye roll).ÂÂ

> >

> > > >

> > > > Or ... " We'll talk about this when you're not angry. " (emphasis mine)

> > > >

> > > > ________________________________

> > > > From: Dallas <operamaestro@>

> > > > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > > > Sent: Friday, April 13, 2012 3:47 PM

> > > > Subject: My personal favorite Nada one liners.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > ÂÂ

> > > > Here is a collection of my favorite Nada one liners that send shivers

> > down my spine when I hear them. Would love to hear some of yours.

> > > >

> > > > 1. " That is such a cop-out! " Usually given after a lengthy diatribe of

> > her feelings and how everyone in the family has repeatedly disappointed her

> > over and over again, when one of us might try to relate how we feel or

> > defend ourselves in some way.

> > > >

> > > > 2. " I know you better than you know yourself. " Actually my personal

> > favorite. This is used to turn anything we might say back around on us. If

> > we try to explain ourselves or have a rational conversation with her she

> > tells us we are full of crap and uses this well oiled phrase. In other

> > words " anything you say to me is a lie because I know you better than you

> > know yourself. "

> > > >

> > > > 3. " You just can't take my honesty. " This is used after telling us

> > something really hurtful or after several minutes of guilt trips having to

> > do with her list of everything she has purchased for us in our lives, and

> > her list of everything we have ever done in our lives to hurt her feelings

> > or disappoint her. Last time she used it she was trying to tell me that my

> > 4 year old daughter was cute, BUT MY SON, wow! He is exceptional! She was

> > trying to set my son up as her favorite grandchild because he bonded with

> > her faster than my daughter did (She didn't meet them until they were 2 &

> > 3.) This one liner justifies every hurtful thing she says.

> > > >

> > > > 4. " Nothing gets past me. " Since her paranoia makes her believe that

> > anything we say or do is some kind of a manipulation, she likes to " catch

> > us in it. " Usually we are dumbfounded by what she comes up with as a

> > manipulation on our part. I don't know how she can take snippets of

> > conversation and warp them to what she believes we are saying, but she does

> > it masterfully.

> > > >

> > > > 5. " I don't keep score, but if I did... I would win. " This is because

> > of the extensive list of things she has cataloged in her mind of what she

> > has done and sacrificed for us, or bought for us throughout our lives (she

> > remembers every gift) that we have not returned in kind with the Brady

> > Bunch kind of family she dreams of. Whenever I call her on the fact that

> > she throws all this in my face whenever she feels threatened and that she

> > keeps score, this is the line I get back.

> > > >

> > > > 6. " I see how my friend Ellen's daughter is with her. She knows how to

> > treat her mother. " This has been used with several people throughout my

> > brother's and my life. Just once I would like to say " That's because

> > Ellen's daughter knows that Ellen is not a manipulative, narcissistic,

> > crazy, freak. " but I always hold my tongue.

> > > >

> > > > 7. " Nothing... sigh... " Always given for at least 3 full days whenever

> > anyone asks what is wrong with her. When my brother was 17 he asked her

> > this for 3 days and she played what we called the " Nothing " game with him.

> > Finally without warning she came downstairs from working and yelled " Do you

> > really want to know what's wrong?! " His reply was, " I did 3 days ago. Now I

> > don't give a shit. " She kicked him out of the house. He went to live with a

> > neighbor and never returned. The neighbor is still my brother's closest

> > friend. My Mom in a fury after finding out that this very nice man took my

> > brother in, accused my brother of being gay, and that this older man was a

> > sexual predator. Neither was true, but it damaged my brother quite a bit.

> > He of course " Could not take her honesty. "

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

Killer Thread !

This thread has made me laugh and cry, and remember so many, many things!

Most importantly though, It has shown me, so clearly, just how many of us

there are out there, who share the same experiences.

For me, this thread has been a very important healing tool, during a

very difficult time. It is one I am keeping!

I only wish we could somehow " psychically " transmit the looks on their

faces as they deliver their one liners. I'm betting they also have similar

facial affect and expressions! Creepy!

All the Best! Sunspot

> **

>

>

> Wow! Sunspot, you made me remember a few I had forgotten:

>

> so and so said about you

>

> you don't remember things the way you think you do

>

> i didn't do that

>

> i only married him to give you a father (super whiny waify voice)

> (about a man she knew from hs and married after one trip to la and then

> moved down to live with him, who never paid any attention to me whatsoever

> and later participated in scapegoating me with her as a teenager, so next

> time consult me please)

>

> how are you going to do that?

>

> who do you think you are?

>

> because I'm your mother!

>

> did you get a job?

>

> when are you moving out?

>

> you can go live with your alcoholic father then! (a man who ruined her

> life and almost destroyed her according to her, but sure, go ahead and send

> me to him)

>

> whose going to pay for that?

>

> don't yell at me! (this at about 300 decibels from her)

>

> your just like my sister! (her most hated promiscuous self)

>

> have you finished your chores? (as if we lived on little house on the

> prairie, she would extend chores into two syllables and all the more so

> after i expressed a distaste for that word not used in conjunction with

> milking cows; folding the laundry, washing the dishes, vacuuming, etc etc

> were not chore-es, but tasks).

>

> I feel like I have an angry teen lit book inside of me now coughing all

> this stuff up.

>

> SR

>

>

>

> > > > >

> > > > > LOL @ #3! Oh how often I've heard that - when SHE'S the one who

> can't

> > > deal with the truth. I still remember one scene with an ex-boyfriend

> where

> > > she was grilling him about something, calling him a liar, etc. because

> WE

> > > ALL KNOW that EVERYONE lies all the time EXCEPT nada! And he got all

> Jack

> > > Nicholson on her. " You want the truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! " It

> > > probably would've been funny if it hadn't been so traumatizing ...ÂÂ

> > >

> > > > >

> > > > > One of my favorites? " I just want what's best for you. " Almost

> always

> > > parroted by fada and nada's mother. Because she loves me so much,

> knows me

> > > so well, and SHE knows what's best for me when I don't have a clue!

> > > > >

> > > > > And a couple of others:ÂÂ

> > > > >

> > > > > " Blah, blah, blah (fill in controlling, manipulative statement

> here)

> > > ... But I don't want to say that because that's too controlling. "

> (insert

> > > exasperated eye roll).ÂÂ

> > >

> > > > >

> > > > > Or ... " We'll talk about this when you're not angry. " (emphasis

> mine)

> > > > >

> > > > > ________________________________

> > > > > From: Dallas <operamaestro@>

> > > > > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > > > > Sent: Friday, April 13, 2012 3:47 PM

> > > > > Subject: My personal favorite Nada one liners.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > ÂÂ

> > > > > Here is a collection of my favorite Nada one liners that send

> shivers

> > > down my spine when I hear them. Would love to hear some of yours.

> > > > >

> > > > > 1. " That is such a cop-out! " Usually given after a lengthy

> diatribe of

> > > her feelings and how everyone in the family has repeatedly

> disappointed her

> > > over and over again, when one of us might try to relate how we feel or

> > > defend ourselves in some way.

> > > > >

> > > > > 2. " I know you better than you know yourself. " Actually my personal

> > > favorite. This is used to turn anything we might say back around on

> us. If

> > > we try to explain ourselves or have a rational conversation with her

> she

> > > tells us we are full of crap and uses this well oiled phrase. In other

> > > words " anything you say to me is a lie because I know you better than

> you

> > > know yourself. "

> > > > >

> > > > > 3. " You just can't take my honesty. " This is used after telling us

> > > something really hurtful or after several minutes of guilt trips

> having to

> > > do with her list of everything she has purchased for us in our lives,

> and

> > > her list of everything we have ever done in our lives to hurt her

> feelings

> > > or disappoint her. Last time she used it she was trying to tell me

> that my

> > > 4 year old daughter was cute, BUT MY SON, wow! He is exceptional! She

> was

> > > trying to set my son up as her favorite grandchild because he bonded

> with

> > > her faster than my daughter did (She didn't meet them until they were

> 2 &

> > > 3.) This one liner justifies every hurtful thing she says.

> > > > >

> > > > > 4. " Nothing gets past me. " Since her paranoia makes her believe

> that

> > > anything we say or do is some kind of a manipulation, she likes to

> " catch

> > > us in it. " Usually we are dumbfounded by what she comes up with as a

> > > manipulation on our part. I don't know how she can take snippets of

> > > conversation and warp them to what she believes we are saying, but she

> does

> > > it masterfully.

> > > > >

> > > > > 5. " I don't keep score, but if I did... I would win. " This is

> because

> > > of the extensive list of things she has cataloged in her mind of what

> she

> > > has done and sacrificed for us, or bought for us throughout our lives

> (she

> > > remembers every gift) that we have not returned in kind with the Brady

> > > Bunch kind of family she dreams of. Whenever I call her on the fact

> that

> > > she throws all this in my face whenever she feels threatened and that

> she

> > > keeps score, this is the line I get back.

> > > > >

> > > > > 6. " I see how my friend Ellen's daughter is with her. She knows

> how to

> > > treat her mother. " This has been used with several people throughout my

> > > brother's and my life. Just once I would like to say " That's because

> > > Ellen's daughter knows that Ellen is not a manipulative, narcissistic,

> > > crazy, freak. " but I always hold my tongue.

> > > > >

> > > > > 7. " Nothing... sigh... " Always given for at least 3 full days

> whenever

> > > anyone asks what is wrong with her. When my brother was 17 he asked her

> > > this for 3 days and she played what we called the " Nothing " game with

> him.

> > > Finally without warning she came downstairs from working and yelled

> " Do you

> > > really want to know what's wrong?! " His reply was, " I did 3 days ago.

> Now I

> > > don't give a shit. " She kicked him out of the house. He went to live

> with a

> > > neighbor and never returned. The neighbor is still my brother's closest

> > > friend. My Mom in a fury after finding out that this very nice man

> took my

> > > brother in, accused my brother of being gay, and that this older man

> was a

> > > sexual predator. Neither was true, but it damaged my brother quite a

> bit.

> > > He of course " Could not take her honesty. "

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

[Guest guest]

Oh, someone has already mentioned this one, " I know you better than you know

yourself. " My nada used that one on me until I distanced myself from her in

college.

My nada also likes to say, " I would have raised you differently if I knew you

were going to take all the goodies and run, when you turned eighteen. "

Goodies? Like trick or treat? Hmm. Like my chipped tooth? The crazy-making

denigrations? Bloody noses? Being beaten with a broom?

My nada used to say, " You always just want to have FUNNNNN. " It made her mad

that I found pleasant humor in the blackest of situations. Oh well, her loss. I

have sanity because I can laugh at myself.

And my nada is stuck in the past. My favorite one liner that has me roaring

whenever I think about it is: " The only reason your husband got his job at ____

Ivy League College is because he mentioned Dad. " Huh! Is that ever

self-delusion! My dad got an undergraduate degree from this Ivy League College

in 1953. I doubt he gave to his Alma mater. (Parents are cheapskates.) My

husband got a post-doctoral position by talking to people in his field at a

conference, in 1991 and that referrel ended up in a job being created for him in

the same department my dad graduated from. The people that my dad knew would

have been long gone... forty years later.

My nada also has some funny ways of not seeing that others have relationships

with her siblings that have nothing to do with her. She will tell me " Those are

my sisters and brothers. They are nothing to you. " When I tell her, they are my

aunts and uncles, and that their children are my cousins, she will echo me as if

I am the one from Mars. " Your cousins? What are they to ME? "

That is when I pinch myself and say, Thank God I am three thousand miles and 35

light years away from this insanity!

Oh and the meanest one liner is the one my mom uttered a year ago when she told

me, " Your father doesn't like to talk to you on the phone.... I guess he finds

you.... " Long long pause... " ...boring! "

Yes, my nada has what I call reverse intution. She knows where it will hurt and

she takes great pride in coming at me from left field.

Looking for the good in my life, and getting past the worst ... with laughter.

Thanks for this topic.

[Guest guest]

That is a HUGE hurdle for a lot of us KOs: to stop taking what our bpd parent

says to us seriously or personally, as though their opinion of us is useful,

insightful, valid and conveyed to us out of love or out of a selfless desire to

help us achieve growth or success.

It is none of those things, most of the time, if you have a parent with bpd.

When we are very little we have no way of comprehending this concept: that our

own mommy or daddy is actually severely mentally ill and resents us or despises

us, or feels we are an emotionless thing that s/he owns, or believes that we are

his or her parent or spouse. Instead we as babies and children are hardwired

to look up to our parents as our protectors, we look to our mother and father to

define us, tell us who we are in this world and help us figure out how to *be*

in the world, because they cherish us and wish us well.

So it takes a monumental paradigm shift in our thinking to comprehend and accept

that this person to whom we were born, and who our society/culture believes

naturally loves us, nourishes us and guides us out of parental love actually

does not have our best interest at heart, and may, perhaps, even wish us ill.

Society in general is not prepared to validate those of us who, instead of a

parent, got an " anti-parent " .

So, yes, if humor helps, then go for humor. Humor helped me survive.

-Annie

>

> Oh, someone has already mentioned this one, " I know you better than you know

yourself. " My nada used that one on me until I distanced myself from her in

college.

>

> My nada also likes to say, " I would have raised you differently if I knew you

were going to take all the goodies and run, when you turned eighteen. "

> Goodies? Like trick or treat? Hmm. Like my chipped tooth? The crazy-making

denigrations? Bloody noses? Being beaten with a broom?

>

> My nada used to say, " You always just want to have FUNNNNN. " It made her mad

that I found pleasant humor in the blackest of situations. Oh well, her loss. I

have sanity because I can laugh at myself.

>

> And my nada is stuck in the past. My favorite one liner that has me roaring

whenever I think about it is: " The only reason your husband got his job at ____

Ivy League College is because he mentioned Dad. " Huh! Is that ever

self-delusion! My dad got an undergraduate degree from this Ivy League College

in 1953. I doubt he gave to his Alma mater. (Parents are cheapskates.) My

husband got a post-doctoral position by talking to people in his field at a

conference, in 1991 and that referrel ended up in a job being created for him in

the same department my dad graduated from. The people that my dad knew would

have been long gone... forty years later.

>

> My nada also has some funny ways of not seeing that others have relationships

with her siblings that have nothing to do with her. She will tell me " Those are

my sisters and brothers. They are nothing to you. " When I tell her, they are my

aunts and uncles, and that their children are my cousins, she will echo me as if

I am the one from Mars. " Your cousins? What are they to ME? "

>

> That is when I pinch myself and say, Thank God I am three thousand miles and

35 light years away from this insanity!

>

> Oh and the meanest one liner is the one my mom uttered a year ago when she

told me, " Your father doesn't like to talk to you on the phone.... I guess he

finds you.... " Long long pause... " ...boring! "

>

> Yes, my nada has what I call reverse intution. She knows where it will hurt

and she takes great pride in coming at me from left field.

>

> Looking for the good in my life, and getting past the worst ... with laughter.

>

> Thanks for this topic.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Here's my " favorite " ...

" I'm not your mother anymore " or variations including " go live with you father "

or " so and so can be your mother now. "

What about...

" you think your pretty smart don't you? "

or, after being sent to speak to my father to try to " fix " their failing

marriage...

" tell me exactly what you said " or " well, obviously you didn't try hard enough "

The most recent broken record varies on the theme of...

" you are so selfish " or " you just go where the money is "

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh

> >

> > Oh, someone has already mentioned this one, " I know you better than you

know yourself. " My nada used that one on me until I distanced myself from her

in college.

> >

> > My nada also likes to say, " I would have raised you differently if I knew

you were going to take all the goodies and run, when you turned eighteen. "

> > Goodies? Like trick or treat? Hmm. Like my chipped tooth? The crazy-making

denigrations? Bloody noses? Being beaten with a broom?

> >

> > My nada used to say, " You always just want to have FUNNNNN. " It made her

mad that I found pleasant humor in the blackest of situations. Oh well, her

loss. I have sanity because I can laugh at myself.

> >

> > And my nada is stuck in the past. My favorite one liner that has me roaring

whenever I think about it is: " The only reason your husband got his job at ____

Ivy League College is because he mentioned Dad. " Huh! Is that ever

self-delusion! My dad got an undergraduate degree from this Ivy League College

in 1953. I doubt he gave to his Alma mater. (Parents are cheapskates.) My

husband got a post-doctoral position by talking to people in his field at a

conference, in 1991 and that referrel ended up in a job being created for him in

the same department my dad graduated from. The people that my dad knew would

have been long gone... forty years later.

> >

> > My nada also has some funny ways of not seeing that others have

relationships with her siblings that have nothing to do with her. She will tell

me " Those are my sisters and brothers. They are nothing to you. " When I tell

her, they are my aunts and uncles, and that their children are my cousins, she

will echo me as if I am the one from Mars. " Your cousins? What are they to ME? "

> >

> > That is when I pinch myself and say, Thank God I am three thousand miles and

35 light years away from this insanity!

> >

> > Oh and the meanest one liner is the one my mom uttered a year ago when she

told me, " Your father doesn't like to talk to you on the phone.... I guess he

finds you.... " Long long pause... " ...boring! "

> >

> > Yes, my nada has what I call reverse intution. She knows where it will hurt

and she takes great pride in coming at me from left field.

> >

> > Looking for the good in my life, and getting past the worst ... with

laughter.

> >

> > Thanks for this topic.

> >

> >

> >

> >