Re : My personal favorite Nada one liners.

[Guest guest]

Dear Alice and Operamaestro,

I am not english native, but if I translate my nada's favourite sentences, it

would be something like this :

" I know what you think ! "

" I won't discuss with you because it is impossible to discuss with you because

anyway you are always right ! " (THE excuse not to explain anything when I was a

child or a young adult and she had been unfair with me and I was asking her to

talk together).

(When I told her a news about something she was supposed not to know) " I knew it

! " ( " -How could you have known about this ? " ) " -I know it and that's all ! "

(always keeping lot of mystery about herself).

" I will trust you only if you could prove to me that you can do what I am asking

you to do ! " (I was 8 years old but this one has stayed printed in my mind

since).

And the sentences my Grand-Mother was telling me so many times in my childhood

like a mantra like to try to convince me (and her ?) :

" You mother loves you ! " .... (really ? )

" You mother is doing all her best for you ! " .... (really ??)

Personnally I call all these sentences I heard during my childhood " the killers

sentences " = " les phrases assassines " = the sentences which are somehow

destroying you inside, empeaching any kind of healthy boudaries to be built, the

sentences that are the " keys " to nada's doors !

________________________________

De : Alice Spiedon

À : " WTOAdultChildren1 " <WTOAdultChildren1 >

Envoyé le : Vendredi 13 avril 2012 22h54

Objet : Re: My personal favorite Nada one liners.

 

LOL @ #3! Oh how often I've heard that - when SHE'S the one who can't deal with

the truth. I still remember one scene with an ex-boyfriend where she was

grilling him about something, calling him a liar, etc. because WE ALL KNOW that

EVERYONE lies all the time EXCEPT nada! And he got all Jack Nicholson on her.

" You want the truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! " It probably would've been

funny if it hadn't been so traumatizing ... 

One of my favorites? " I just want what's best for you. " Almost always parroted

by fada and nada's mother. Because she loves me so much, knows me so well, and

SHE knows what's best for me when I don't have a clue!

And a couple of others: 

" Blah, blah, blah (fill in controlling, manipulative statement here) ... But I

don't want to say that because that's too controlling. " (insert exasperated eye

roll). 

Or ... " We'll talk about this when you're not angry. " (emphasis mine)

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Friday, April 13, 2012 3:47 PM

Subject: My personal favorite Nada one liners.

 

Here is a collection of my favorite Nada one liners that send shivers down my

spine when I hear them. Would love to hear some of yours.

1. " That is such a cop-out! " Usually given after a lengthy diatribe of her

feelings and how everyone in the family has repeatedly disappointed her over and

over again, when one of us might try to relate how we feel or defend ourselves

in some way.

2. " I know you better than you know yourself. " Actually my personal favorite.

This is used to turn anything we might say back around on us. If we try to

explain ourselves or have a rational conversation with her she tells us we are

full of crap and uses this well oiled phrase. In other words " anything you say

to me is a lie because I know you better than you know yourself. "

3. " You just can't take my honesty. " This is used after telling us something

really hurtful or after several minutes of guilt trips having to do with her

list of everything she has purchased for us in our lives, and her list of

everything we have ever done in our lives to hurt her feelings or disappoint

her. Last time she used it she was trying to tell me that my 4 year old

daughter was cute, BUT MY SON, wow! He is exceptional! She was trying to set

my son up as her favorite grandchild because he bonded with her faster than my

daughter did (She didn't meet them until they were 2 & 3.) This one liner

justifies every hurtful thing she says.

4. " Nothing gets past me. " Since her paranoia makes her believe that anything

we say or do is some kind of a manipulation, she likes to " catch us in it. "

Usually we are dumbfounded by what she comes up with as a manipulation on our

part. I don't know how she can take snippets of conversation and warp them to

what she believes we are saying, but she does it masterfully.

5. " I don't keep score, but if I did... I would win. " This is because of the

extensive list of things she has cataloged in her mind of what she has done and

sacrificed for us, or bought for us throughout our lives (she remembers every

gift) that we have not returned in kind with the Brady Bunch kind of family she

dreams of. Whenever I call her on the fact that she throws all this in my face

whenever she feels threatened and that she keeps score, this is the line I get

back.

6. " I see how my friend Ellen's daughter is with her. She knows how to treat

her mother. " This has been used with several people throughout my brother's and

my life. Just once I would like to say " That's because Ellen's daughter knows

that Ellen is not a manipulative, narcissistic, crazy, freak. " but I always

hold my tongue.

7. " Nothing... sigh... " Always given for at least 3 full days whenever anyone

asks what is wrong with her. When my brother was 17 he asked her this for 3

days and she played what we called the " Nothing " game with him. Finally without

warning she came downstairs from working and yelled " Do you really want to know

what's wrong?! " His reply was, " I did 3 days ago. Now I don't give a shit. "

She kicked him out of the house. He went to live with a neighbor and never

returned. The neighbor is still my brother's closest friend. My Mom in a fury

after finding out that this very nice man took my brother in, accused my brother

of being gay, and that this older man was a sexual predator. Neither was true,

but it damaged my brother quite a bit. He of course " Could not take her

honesty. "

[Guest guest]

Natacha, you may not have English as a first language but you communicated this

excellently. I LOVE " les phrases assassines. " What came back to me when I read

your post is a friend of Nadas who always took great pains to tell me what a

good person Nada was. She pretended to be my friend, but was really Nada's

friend first. What complicated it was that she and Nada were work colleagues. I

was young, and couldn't put together that maybe this " friend " was not exactly

agenda-free. Anyway, I sure " got " your post about the brainwashing from

Grandma. Thank you.

AFB