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What it REALLY REALLY REALLY Means

"What did I do this time?" REALLY MEANS, "What did you catch me doing?" "She's one of the rabid feminists," REALLY MEANS, "She refused to make my coffee." "I heard you," REALLY MEANS, "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me." "You really look terrific in that outfit," REALLY MEANS, "Please don't try on another outfit. I'm starving." "I missed you," REALLY MEANS, "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper." "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are," REALLY MEANS, "No one will ever see us alive again." "We share the housework," REALLY MEANS, "I make the messes. She cleans them up." "I don't need to read the instructions," REALLY MEANS, "I am perfectly capable of messing it up without printed help."

What it REALLY REALLY Means

"We're going to be late," REALLY MEANS, "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac." "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard, "REALLY MEANS, "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner." "That's interesting, dear," REALLY MEANS, "Are you still talking?" "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love, REALLY MEANS, "I forgot our anniversary again." "It's really a good movie," REALLY MEANS, "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and good looking women." "You know how bad my memory is," REALLY MEANS, "I remember the words to the theme song of "F Troop", the address of the first girl I kissed, the Vehicle Identification Number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday." "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself. It's no big deal," REALLY MEANS, "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt." "I do help around the house," REALLY MEANS, "I once threw a dir ty towel near the laundry basket."

What it REALLY means

"I can't find it," REALLY MEANS, "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless." "That's women's work," REALLY MEANS, "It's dirty, difficult and thankless." "Will you marry me?" REALLY MEANS, "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter." "It's a guy thing," REALLY MEANS, "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical." "Can I help with dinner?" REALLY MEANS, "Why isn't it already on the table?" "It would take too long to explain, "REALLY MEANS, "I have no idea how it works." "I'm getting more exercise lately," REALLY MEANS, "The batteries in the remote are dead."

Little ny's Candy Bars

Little ny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the sixth one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat." Little ny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat six candy bars at a time?" Little ny answered, "No, he minded his own business!"

Little ny's Aching Side

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little ny seemed especially interested when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "ny what is the matter?" Little ny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'M going to have a wife."

Little ny Knows His Numbers

The math teacher saw that little ny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "ny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little ny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

Little ny's Most Wanted

Little ny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures of the ten most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little ny then asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

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