Re : Re: Summer vacation is coming

[Guest guest]

Dear Annie,

Thank you so much for posting this link, this article is amazing and very

helpful !!!!

Dear C,

Protect yourself and your children.Â

Nadas will always play on our guilt to make us come to see them or make the link

back with them. You are the parent. You are the only one who knows what is best

for you and your child.

I think toxic persons stay toxic person even when they get older.Â

If we decide to keep relationship with them we must do it in a way to protect

ourselves and to keep our independance.

I know we adult children we are sad that we couldn't have a loving mother like

other people, and now we can't have for our children a loving grand-mother like

other people have.

But as we say in french " Mieux vaut être seul que mal accompagné ! " = " Better

to be alone than to be in bad compagnies ! "

Nadas empeach us to put boundaries. I think we could bear nadas in our lifes

only if me manage to put strict boundaries they should respect, and if they

can't respect these boundaries then we have no other choices for us and our

children to break all contacts.Â

I think it is never good to be trapped at nada's homes, I think it is better to

keep independance by for example sleeping in an hotel or having your own car.

Maybe you can already decide exactely how many days you want to stay there, fix

these days and stay firm about them. And to be sure not to change your mind, you

can fix just after them something else planned, then your nada won't be able to

make your stay longer because you have something else planned just after ?

Hope this help.

Have a peaceful Weekend.

Natacha

XXXX

________________________________

De : Alice Spiedon

À : " WTOAdultChildren1 " <WTOAdultChildren1 >

Envoyé le : Samedi 14 avril 2012 14h54

Objet : Re: Re: Summer vacation is coming

Â

Annie: Thanks for posting that article. Loved it!

Without regard for the humanity of your child, that child becomes a tool in the

hand of your NPD parent to hurt you. This will always result in moral and/or

emotional harm being done to your child as well.Â

OMG! How true is that?Â

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Friday, April 13, 2012 11:11 AM

Subject: Re: Summer vacation is coming

Â

Hi Cme,

You weren't put on this earth to be your nada's emotional punching bag or her

emotional toilet, and neither was your child. You have the right to protect

yourself and your son from an abusive person. Sharing DNA with someone doesn't

give them a free pass to treat you like sh*t.

You don't have to explain or defend your decision to *anybody*. Your nada does

not have to understand or approve that you are only coming for a very short

visit and that you are staying in a nearby hotel this time. This is the best

you can do, and its more than OK. (And more than she deserves, in my opinion.)

The fact that you want to visit your nada *at all* is a gracious act of

humanitarianism on your part in my opinion and your super-human generosity is

completely lost on your nada, who should be grateful that you are willing to

even speak to her. But, she is operating at a three-year-old's level of

emotional intelligence (three year olds are not capable of empathy, selflessness

or compassion; they are very narcissistic and demanding, and don't comprehend

feeling personal responsibility, or remorse, and if you can get them to

apologize I'm not convinced a three year old even understands what that is.)

Your kindness and generosity in even considering keeping your nada in your life

is lost on her. (The phrase " throwing pearls before swine " comes to mind.)

If your extended family of origin is pressuring you in some way, you have the

right to not discuss the issue with them, either. Its not their business. You

don't owe them an explanation, and you don't need their approval. As in: " I've

made my decision and its not open for further discussion. This is the best I can

do. Thank you for understanding. "

That's my opinion anyway. I hope you will find whatever solution works best for

you and your son, whatever choice that is.

-Annie

PS: Here is the link to an article at the blog " Narcissists Suck " about

protecting kids from emotionally abusive npd grandparents. I like what

Valerious has to say on the subject.

http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/search/label/Narcissist%20Grandparents

>

> I have been reading thru the thread started by anonymousa56 with interest. I

just had a conversation with my own nada. She realizes on some level that she

effed up when she was out here last.

>

> For those of you that are new to recap, my husband passed away almost 5 months

ago and while nada was here for just four days, she managed to make it all about

her and use that time to get revenge on myself for a past offense (her opinion)

and also to hurt her grandson who should have been her first concern by

belittling his needs after he had just lost his daddy.

>

> Nada called me yesterday and essentially DEMANDED to know WHEN I was coming

out to visit and if I was going to stay with her. I have always stayed with her

in the past for at least a portion of my visits. My dad had bought a travel

trailer for me to stay in during some of my longer trips home when he and then

nada's husband were sick. I came home two summers in a row and stayed six weeks

each time.

>

> I have realized that if I want any chance of maintaining any type of

relationship with her, that I don't think I can stay with her again. She uses

the time that she has me " trapped " either in a car or in her house, to harrang

and harrass me about what she considers to be my past " wrongs " against her. The

fact that she couldn't make it thru an extremely brief visit just after my

husbands death without doing the things that she did, made me realize how bad

she has gotten and realize too that I need to keep a bigger distance/boundary if

I want to keep talking to her.

>

> any more words to help me get that across from my WTO family will be received

with gratitude.

>

> C

>