Guest guest Posted April 15, 2012 Report Share Posted April 15, 2012 Nada sent me another " support " letter this week. it started with her making a snide comment about my boundaries. It was her gloating about how her letters were her sneaking around me wanting to do e-mail. her last letter was so nasty I had nothing productive to say back, so I didn't reply. this letter was nice-ish, or at least Nada normal. she has decided that I am not talking to her on the phone right now becasue I am ashamed of my life's path so she re-assured me that it is fine in classic Nada form. she explained that DH is just like my dad and therefore she understands my marriage difficulties perfectly. I just need to look for non-verbal ways he shows me he loves me (I found this ironic becasue much of her loathing of me was expressed non-verbally all while she told me over and over how much she " loves " me) My dad is cold aloof, and not very affectionate especially with us kids. My DH is NOT like that. and furthermore I am not having problems with that at all. next she told me about when my Dad first started looking for a job and how his PHD made him over-qualified (DH is NOT overqualified for his field) and how hard it was for her. DH has about 6 post-doc offers so far for when he graduates in a few months. I am planning to tell nada where we are going after we decide so in her defense she does not know that. However she has been annoyed about DH going to school so long. Oh wait that's right she is " so proud " yeesh. she then explained that it is ok with her if I decide not to have as many kids as she did, and made lots of excuses for why I don't have to. This is a sore point for her she really wants us to keep giving birth until we can't anymore. sorry Nada I don't need your permission to choose how many kids I have. I guess I can't win. The last letter was scary, but at least she was admitting that me not wanting to talk to her on the phone *might* have something to do with her, now she is reassuring me that she " understands " I don't doubt she is back to claiming to having a " beautiful relationship with all her girls. " Her denial is so perverse. this is usual pattern with her. once she establishes her " support " she feels right about offering advice at will. here it comes. she finished by telling me she hopes I " get it together soon " nice. Meikjn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 15, 2012 Report Share Posted April 15, 2012 Ah...I think nadas and fadas must have taken a class in how to write passive-aggressive letters that know exactly what buttons to push. And I just like how she *knows* you better than you know yourself (aka, " ashamed of your life's path " ) and has the answers to everything that she thinks is the problem. Makes me glad I'm NC with fada. he was similar. For what it's worth, I think it's fantastic that your DH already has several offers. That is just absolutely fantastic If it weren't for the absolute trauma nadas and fadas have put on us KOs, their behavior is just so laughable. > ** > > > Nada sent me another " support " letter this week. it started with her > making a snide comment about my boundaries. It was her gloating about how > her letters were her sneaking around me wanting to do e-mail. her last > letter was so nasty I had nothing productive to say back, so I didn't > reply. > > this letter was nice-ish, or at least Nada normal. she has decided that I > am not talking to her on the phone right now becasue I am ashamed of my > life's path so she re-assured me that it is fine in classic Nada form. > > she explained that DH is just like my dad and therefore she understands my > marriage difficulties perfectly. I just need to look for non-verbal ways he > shows me he loves me (I found this ironic becasue much of her loathing of > me was expressed non-verbally all while she told me over and over how much > she " loves " me) My dad is cold aloof, and not very affectionate especially > with us kids. My DH is NOT like that. and furthermore I am not having > problems with that at all. > > next she told me about when my Dad first started looking for a job and how > his PHD made him over-qualified (DH is NOT overqualified for his field) and > how hard it was for her. DH has about 6 post-doc offers so far for when he > graduates in a few months. I am planning to tell nada where we are going > after we decide so in her defense she does not know that. However she has > been annoyed about DH going to school so long. Oh wait that's right she is > " so proud " yeesh. > > she then explained that it is ok with her if I decide not to have as many > kids as she did, and made lots of excuses for why I don't have to. This is > a sore point for her she really wants us to keep giving birth until we > can't anymore. sorry Nada I don't need your permission to choose how many > kids I have. > > I guess I can't win. The last letter was scary, but at least she was > admitting that me not wanting to talk to her on the phone *might* have > something to do with her, now she is reassuring me that she " understands " I > don't doubt she is back to claiming to having a " beautiful relationship > with all her girls. " Her denial is so perverse. > > this is usual pattern with her. once she establishes her " support " she > feels right about offering advice at will. here it comes. > > she finished by telling me she hopes I " get it together soon " nice. > > Meikjn > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 15, 2012 Report Share Posted April 15, 2012 You can't win if you play nada games. I suggest that you not play this one by not reading your nada's letters. If you feel you must make sure they don't contain anything important, find someone you trust to read them for you and let you know whether there is anything you should know. She knows she's violating your boundaries and she's enjoying the fact that she can do so. If you let her get away with that, she's going to feel she can violate all of your boundaries whenever she chooses. At 07:11 PM 04/15/2012 Meikjn wrote: >Nada sent me another " support " letter this week. it started >with her making a snide comment about my boundaries. It was her >gloating about how her letters were her sneaking around me >wanting to do e-mail. her last letter was so nasty I had >nothing productive to say back, so I didn't reply. > >this letter was nice-ish, or at least Nada normal. she has >decided that I am not talking to her on the phone right now >becasue I am ashamed of my life's path so she re-assured me >that it is fine in classic Nada form. > >she explained that DH is just like my dad and therefore she >understands my marriage difficulties perfectly. I just need to >look for non-verbal ways he shows me he loves me (I found this >ironic becasue much of her loathing of me was expressed >non-verbally all while she told me over and over how much she > " loves " me) My dad is cold aloof, and not very affectionate >especially with us kids. My DH is NOT like that. and >furthermore I am not having problems with that at all. > >next she told me about when my Dad first started looking for a >job and how his PHD made him over-qualified (DH is NOT >overqualified for his field) and how hard it was for her. DH >has about 6 post-doc offers so far for when he graduates in a >few months. I am planning to tell nada where we are going after >we decide so in her defense she does not know that. However she >has been annoyed about DH going to school so long. Oh wait >that's right she is " so proud " yeesh. > >she then explained that it is ok with her if I decide not to >have as many kids as she did, and made lots of excuses for why >I don't have to. This is a sore point for her she really wants >us to keep giving birth until we can't anymore. sorry Nada I >don't need your permission to choose how many kids I have. > >I guess I can't win. The last letter was scary, but at least >she was admitting that me not wanting to talk to her on the >phone *might* have something to do with her, now she is >reassuring me that she " understands " I don't doubt she is back >to claiming to having a " beautiful relationship with all her >girls. " Her denial is so perverse. > >this is usual pattern with her. once she establishes her > " support " she feels right about offering advice at will. here >it comes. > > >she finished by telling me she hopes I " get it together soon " >nice. > >Meikjn -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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