Why do narcissists/ borderline snoop?

[Guest guest]

There are some bpd narcissistic people on the edges of my life and they

always seem to be watching others. Any theories on what's going on with

this? They only care and love themselves yet they watch and watch. Why

don't they just go find a mirror instead?

[Guest guest]

It might be a control thing--it was with fada. I think that's why I was so

paranoid he would track me down and try to confront me in person (like my

mom did after I refused to play along with fada's disowning). Fortunately,

he hasn't, because it's SO obvious I'm the one in the wrong (sarcasm

alert).

It helps narcs feel like they're important if they have people to watch and

be in control of.

On Mon, Apr 16, 2012 at 4:19 PM, Millicent Kunstler <

millicentkunstler@...> wrote:

> **

>

>

> There are some bpd narcissistic people on the edges of my life and they

> always seem to be watching others. Any theories on what's going on with

> this? They only care and love themselves yet they watch and watch. Why

> don't they just go find a mirror instead?

>

>

[Guest guest]

CONTROL! It is always about control.

>

> There are some bpd narcissistic people on the edges of my life and they

> always seem to be watching others. Any theories on what's going on with

> this? They only care and love themselves yet they watch and watch. Why

> don't they just go find a mirror instead?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much for your input. I really appreciate. I guess it must be a

control thing but it seems to take up so much of their time!

[Guest guest]

I'd say it is often a combination of feeling like they have more

control when they know other people's personal business and can

potentially use it for their own benefit, a sense that everyone

else is doing the same to them, and a general lack of

understanding about the separation between us and them. My nada

is convinced that everyone is always paying attention to her.

She thinks the people at the mall are actively looking at what

she's wearing and judging whether it is good enough or not. She

thinks that's normal, so she does it to everyone around her.

When it comes to more personal things, they tend to think that

it is their right to know everything about everyone's personal

business and since people don't necessarily tell them willingly,

they need to snoop to get it.

At 05:19 PM 04/16/2012 Millicent Kunstler wrote:

>There are some bpd narcissistic people on the edges of my life

>and they

>always seem to be watching others. Any theories on what's going

>on with

>this? They only care and love themselves yet they watch and

>watch. Why

>don't they just go find a mirror instead?

>

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

I was just thinking, why do they do anything? To feel superior. " Oh,

they're doing something so stupid, haha look how stupid/poor/inferior they

are. "

Thank you for your ideas.

> **

>

>

> I'd say it is often a combination of feeling like they have more

> control when they know other people's personal business and can

> potentially use it for their own benefit, a sense that everyone

> else is doing the same to them, and a general lack of

> understanding about the separation between us and them. My nada

> is convinced that everyone is always paying attention to her.

> She thinks the people at the mall are actively looking at what

> she's wearing and judging whether it is good enough or not. She

> thinks that's normal, so she does it to everyone around her.

> When it comes to more personal things, they tend to think that

> it is their right to know everything about everyone's personal

> business and since people don't necessarily tell them willingly,

> they need to snoop to get it.

>

>

> At 05:19 PM 04/16/2012 Millicent Kunstler wrote:

> >There are some bpd narcissistic people on the edges of my life

> >and they

> >always seem to be watching others. Any theories on what's going

> >on with

> >this? They only care and love themselves yet they watch and

> >watch. Why

> >don't they just go find a mirror instead?

> >

>

> --

> Katrina

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

One of the diagnostic criteria for bpd is that they have no core sense of self;

there is a big empty hole where a " me, myself " ought to be, so they latch onto

other people, gain an identity from a friend, child, favorite actor, etc., and

live vicariously through that person. Its sad, frustrating and even scary to

discover that someone is obsessed with you and sort of " stalking " you,

particularly if you know that that person is mentally ill.

I recall reading at one of the anti-stalking support groups that most obsessive

stalkers have a personality disorder of some kind; somehow that didn't surprise

me.

-Annie

>

> Thanks so much for your input. I really appreciate. I guess it must be a

> control thing but it seems to take up so much of their time!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I was thinking about that too Annie. They're so empty and bored looking for

a living tv show to watch . . .

On Mon, Apr 16, 2012 at 6:17 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

> **

>

>

> One of the diagnostic criteria for bpd is that they have no core sense of

> self; there is a big empty hole where a " me, myself " ought to be, so they

> latch onto other people, gain an identity from a friend, child, favorite

> actor, etc., and live vicariously through that person. Its sad, frustrating

> and even scary to discover that someone is obsessed with you and sort of

> " stalking " you, particularly if you know that that person is mentally ill.

>

> I recall reading at one of the anti-stalking support groups that most

> obsessive stalkers have a personality disorder of some kind; somehow that

> didn't surprise me.

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> >

> > Thanks so much for your input. I really appreciate. I guess it must be a

> > control thing but it seems to take up so much of their time!

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I think this must be a major, common behavior among BPD/NPDs. It is, of

course, about control, and manipulation.

It gives them ammunition for their gas-lighting and propaganda campaigns

which are the sum and substance of their emotional lives.

I can't even begin to count the times my Nada has claimed to have some

psychic pipeline to the " truth, " or, has either flat out said, or more

insidiously, implied, that someone near and dear to me has betrayed a

private conversation, and told her things I said to them, in confidence. It

has always been her favorite method of destroying other peoples

relationships, and kept our family torn apart.

Because other people are not " real " to PDs, they feel free to use others

like hand puppets, and experience no guilt what-so-ever about putting

their own words into the mouths of others. However, to do so credibly, the

PD knows they must have some correct information, thus, they snoop, to to

give credibility to their lies and manipulations.

They do it for sport, they do it for pleasure, they do it because they

can. It gives them a tremendous rush of control, and they will use anything

they can to hurt you, if you peeve them.

In their mind, you deserve it, and if you protest, they will tell you

that you are paranoid, that you don't know what is in your own best

interests, you don't know what you are talking about, that no-one has been

talking about you, but if they had been, it would be because you were

morally defective in some way, and they were just concerned about you, or

the well-being of those around you, and see, other people think there is

something wrong with you, too!

BPD/NPDs are chronically screwing with other peoples heads, because they

enjoy it. It absolutely destroys the recipient from the inside out. It is

perverse, insidious and evil, and most of us, including many mental health,

legal, medical and religious professionals have a terrible time recognizing

and then addressing the nature of the disorder.

There now, feel better now that the truth is out? Mommy understands

how it is, come give her a hug, promise to be good, and she hopes we won't

have to mention this again!

PDs are like the old Pinocchio story in reverse, and somewhat twisted.

Pinocchio was a marionette who wanted to become a real person, just like

all the other people around him, with all of the attending joys and

heartbreaks of being flesh and blood.

BPD/NPDs see *themselves* as the only person who is real, and has feelings

and rights, and that everyone else is " made of wood, " and basically

unworthy of consideration. If you irritate them, or fail to full-fill their

needs and expectations, you will be punished, either thru guilt, shame,

or whatever they surmise will hurt you the most. In their mind, you deserve

it.

Its not the monsters under the bed, whom we had to fear, it may have

been the one who came to kiss us goodnight.

Warm Regards, Sunspot

On Mon, Apr 16, 2012 at 5:51 PM, Millicent Kunstler <

millicentkunstler@...> wrote:

> **

>

>

> Thanks so much for your input. I really appreciate. I guess it must be a

> control thing but it seems to take up so much of their time!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sunspot. Thank you so much. This was so interesting and kind of scary.

Really thanks for all your input everybody. I have an N neighbor who snoops

and calls the authorities if she has " concerns " for my welfare. And my

friend's parents and two siblings watch and watch and I just am a bit

overwhelmed how much time Ns n bpds commit to spying. It must be so boring

for them. So hard to understand why self involved people would be so

interested in others. These people are so weird!

> I think this must be a major, common behavior among BPD/NPDs. It is, of

> course, about control, and manipulation.

>

> It gives them ammunition for their gas-lighting and propaganda campaigns

> which are the sum and substance of their emotional lives.

>

> I can't even begin to count the times my Nada has claimed to have some

> psychic pipeline to the " truth, " or, has either flat out said, or more

> insidiously, implied, that someone near and dear to me has betrayed a

> private conversation, and told her things I said to them, in confidence. It

> has always been her favorite method of destroying other peoples

> relationships, and kept our family torn apart.

>

> Because other people are not " real " to PDs, they feel free to use others

> like hand puppets, and experience no guilt what-so-ever about putting

> their own words into the mouths of others. However, to do so credibly, the

> PD knows they must have some correct information, thus, they snoop, to to

> give credibility to their lies and manipulations.

>

> They do it for sport, they do it for pleasure, they do it because they

> can. It gives them a tremendous rush of control, and they will use anything

> they can to hurt you, if you peeve them.

>

> In their mind, you deserve it, and if you protest, they will tell you

> that you are paranoid, that you don't know what is in your own best

> interests, you don't know what you are talking about, that no-one has been

> talking about you, but if they had been, it would be because you were

> morally defective in some way, and they were just concerned about you, or

> the well-being of those around you, and see, other people think there is

> something wrong with you, too!

>

> BPD/NPDs are chronically screwing with other peoples heads, because they

> enjoy it. It absolutely destroys the recipient from the inside out. It is

> perverse, insidious and evil, and most of us, including many mental health,

> legal, medical and religious professionals have a terrible time recognizing

> and then addressing the nature of the disorder.

>

> There now, feel better now that the truth is out? Mommy understands

> how it is, come give her a hug, promise to be good, and she hopes we won't

> have to mention this again!

>

> PDs are like the old Pinocchio story in reverse, and somewhat twisted.

> Pinocchio was a marionette who wanted to become a real person, just like

> all the other people around him, with all of the attending joys and

> heartbreaks of being flesh and blood.

> BPD/NPDs see *themselves* as the only person who is real, and has feelings

> and rights, and that everyone else is " made of wood, " and basically

> unworthy of consideration. If you irritate them, or fail to full-fill their

> needs and expectations, you will be punished, either thru guilt, shame,

> or whatever they surmise will hurt you the most. In their mind, you deserve

> it.

>

> Its not the monsters under the bed, whom we had to fear, it may have

> been the one who came to kiss us goodnight.

>

> Warm Regards, Sunspot

>

> On Mon, Apr 16, 2012 at 5:51 PM, Millicent Kunstler <

> millicentkunstler@...> wrote:

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > Thanks so much for your input. I really appreciate. I guess it must be a

> > control thing but it seems to take up so much of their time!

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

It sounds like your neighbor might particularly enjoying

creating drama and a feeling of importance that comes from

making calls to the authorities.

At 07:41 PM 04/16/2012 Millicent Kunstler wrote:

>Sunspot. Thank you so much. This was so interesting and kind of

>scary.

>Really thanks for all your input everybody. I have an N

>neighbor who snoops

>and calls the authorities if she has " concerns " for my welfare.

>And my

>friend's parents and two siblings watch and watch and I just am

>a bit

>overwhelmed how much time Ns n bpds commit to spying. It must

>be so boring

>for them. So hard to understand why self involved people would

>be so

>interested in others. These people are so weird!

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

That's a good call. One time my garbage can was flopping around in the wind

and I had no idea. Her husband angrily knocked on my door and almost threw

it at me. And we have no relationship whatsoever. So I figured she kept

getting him worked up about the garbage can until he had to take it out on

someone. I do not know these people but they watch . . . There is something

exciting about snooping. It's a sort of lurid naughty thrill.

> **

>

>

> It sounds like your neighbor might particularly enjoying

> creating drama and a feeling of importance that comes from

> making calls to the authorities.

>

> At 07:41 PM 04/16/2012 Millicent Kunstler wrote:

> >Sunspot. Thank you so much. This was so interesting and kind of

> >scary.

> >Really thanks for all your input everybody. I have an N

> >neighbor who snoops

> >and calls the authorities if she has " concerns " for my welfare.

> >And my

> >friend's parents and two siblings watch and watch and I just am

> >a bit

> >overwhelmed how much time Ns n bpds commit to spying. It must

> >be so boring

> >for them. So hard to understand why self involved people would

> >be so

> >interested in others. These people are so weird!

>

> --

> Katrina

>

>

>