How to bear NC on the long term ?

[Guest guest]

Dear Friends,

I would like to share this topic with you : How do you feel when you have gone

NC for a while from nada ?

I have gone NC last june and it is now nearly one year.

She has rang my phone many times but I never answered.

Last Christmas she arrived with her husband at my door witout beeing invited and

rang a long time. I think I wouldn't have been strong enough this day, but for

chance I was in my bath, and the time to go out of the bathroom, they had

already left.

I would like to know how people here who have gone NC for a while feel inside.

I thought to go NC would mean the end of every problem. On a way, it is, as I

don't have any new interaction with her, but on another way, it is not, because

I feel more and more guilty first, the more the time pass I feel more and more

rejected by the all family (even before I had cut with nada they were never

coming to see me), and also because the pain from my childhood is still inside

me and it still often hurts, while it is from the past. It is like I have a hole

inside my heart of all what she never gave to me and it is a hole surrended with

sadness all arround it and it is burning inside and the taste is like the taste

of the tears. And I would also add this : I love her ! I love her so deeply ! I

have spent my childhood to be the best in everything to make her love me but I

was never good enough. But I still love her inside. It is like if I still wait

for her love back, while I know at 40 years old now that she will never give to

me this love (she is sixty today). It is terrible for me to do that, to have

gone NC, but it is to protect myself and my children.

I am also afraid that one day she will trap me again. This is my second time of

NC. I hope this time I will be strong enough never to fall down again.

The first time was during one year and a half, then she trapped me when my

Grand-Mother was dying, she made my Grand-mother beg me for a " reconciliation "

between her daughter and her grand-daughter and I couldn't refuse this to my

dying Grand-Mother.

I don't think nada could trap me again because my true Mummy, my Grand-Mother

has gone, so now I have noone to please to be ever forced to switch back with

nada.

How to get rid with the feeling of guiltiness to have abandonned my nada and to

empeach her to see her grand-children ? I feel like I am the worst daughter

possible, what she is probably certainly saying to all my family members.

I thought to share all these thoughts with all of you, because the more I read

all your posts, the more I realize how much we are going through kind of similar

things in our lifes, and except people of this group and my own children, noone

really understand what I am going through.

In the past I have not been always responding to every kind e-mail I received,

partly because english is not my native language and sometimes there are so many

e-mails here that I really don't manage. Sometimes also because here I live hard

things with my elder child who is also BDP and when it's too hard, I disconnect

from internet. Sometimes also when some people are too kinds with me, I feel so

conforted, but I don't know what to answer. I have never received that from my

mother and I really don't know what to say ! It makes me feel awfull.

I ask sincerely forgiveness to all the kind people I didn't manage to answer to.

Thank you for your kind and conforting words and please forgive me.

Actually I feel awfull, because I have spent nearly all my life to deal with BDP

nada, and now I have to deal with BDP son, I think life is unfair. My heart is

crying inside.

God bless you all.

Take all very good care of yourselves.

Natacha

XXXXX

[Guest guest]

I maintained NC with mine for 7 years! She did not care to pursue me. I told

her that when she could talk to me without cutting me down, or discounting me, I

would talk to her again. After 7 years, I attempted contact and she did fairly

well, but started to go down that road again. I stopped the conversation and

reminded her of the boundary. Since then, my contact is very limited, but so

are my new injuries from her. It is a much more peaceful existence. I choose

to keep people in my life that build me up (with the exception of the bad

choices of women - until now), and my fiends that love me, more than make up

what my nada took from me. I really don't think I have a mother, which is why

the term nada fits.

Though its not easy, I'm trying to maintain healthy!

Bill Hade

billfunnyman@...

How to bear NC on the long term ?

Dear Friends,

I would like to share this topic with you : How do you feel when you have gone

NC for a while from nada ?

I have gone NC last june and it is now nearly one year.

She has rang my phone many times but I never answered.

Last Christmas she arrived with her husband at my door witout beeing invited and

rang a long time. I think I wouldn't have been strong enough this day, but for

chance I was in my bath, and the time to go out of the bathroom, they had

already left.

I would like to know how people here who have gone NC for a while feel inside.

I thought to go NC would mean the end of every problem. On a way, it is, as I

don't have any new interaction with her, but on another way, it is not, because

I feel more and more guilty first, the more the time pass I feel more and more

rejected by the all family (even before I had cut with nada they were never

coming to see me), and also because the pain from my childhood is still inside

me and it still often hurts, while it is from the past. It is like I have a hole

inside my heart of all what she never gave to me and it is a hole surrended with

sadness all arround it and it is burning inside and the taste is like the taste

of the tears. And I would also add this : I love her ! I love her so deeply ! I

have spent my childhood to be the best in everything to make her love me but I

was never good enough. But I still love her inside. It is like if I still wait

for her love back, while I know at 40 years old now that she will never give to

me this love (she is sixty today). It is terrible for me to do that, to have

gone NC, but it is to protect myself and my children.

I am also afraid that one day she will trap me again. This is my second time of

NC. I hope this time I will be strong enough never to fall down again.

The first time was during one year and a half, then she trapped me when my

Grand-Mother was dying, she made my Grand-mother beg me for a " reconciliation "

between her daughter and her grand-daughter and I couldn't refuse this to my

dying Grand-Mother.

I don't think nada could trap me again because my true Mummy, my Grand-Mother

has gone, so now I have noone to please to be ever forced to switch back with

nada.

How to get rid with the feeling of guiltiness to have abandonned my nada and to

empeach her to see her grand-children ? I feel like I am the worst daughter

possible, what she is probably certainly saying to all my family members.

I thought to share all these thoughts with all of you, because the more I read

all your posts, the more I realize how much we are going through kind of similar

things in our lifes, and except people of this group and my own children, noone

really understand what I am going through.

In the past I have not been always responding to every kind e-mail I received,

partly because english is not my native language and sometimes there are so many

e-mails here that I really don't manage. Sometimes also because here I live hard

things with my elder child who is also BDP and when it's too hard, I disconnect

from internet. Sometimes also when some people are too kinds with me, I feel so

conforted, but I don't know what to answer. I have never received that from my

mother and I really don't know what to say ! It makes me feel awfull.

I ask sincerely forgiveness to all the kind people I didn't manage to answer to.

Thank you for your kind and conforting words and please forgive me.

Actually I feel awfull, because I have spent nearly all my life to deal with BDP

nada, and now I have to deal with BDP son, I think life is unfair. My heart is

crying inside.

God bless you all.

Take all very good care of yourselves.

Natacha

XXXXX

[Guest guest]

I've been NC for 5.5 years now. This Christmas will be 6.

I'm good with it. I think however that it is worse than a death, with a death,

there is closure. There will never be closure for us.

That said, my biggest motivator is my children. I would never wish what she did

to me on them. So I remain solid in my resolve.

I don't feel any guilt. Its taken me a long time to get to this point. But I

deserve to be treated better than she treated me. I deserved an awesome mother,

like the one I am now to my girls. However I do not have one, and just because

she is the woman pushed me out of her vagina it does NOT mean that I owe her

anything but the SAME respect that she shows me. When and if she can ever do

that, maybe (and thats a BIG maybe) I will show her some pictures of my kids.

In the meantime, I don't loose a moment of sleep over her.

Don't get me wrong, I grieve for what *could* have been, and should have been,

but I am coming to accept that it will never be.

>

> Dear Friends,

>

> I would like to share this topic with you : How do you feel when you have gone

NC for a while from nada ?

> I have gone NC last june and it is now nearly one year.

> She has rang my phone many times but I never answered.

> Last Christmas she arrived with her husband at my door witout beeing invited

and rang a long time. I think I wouldn't have been strong enough this day, but

for chance I was in my bath, and the time to go out of the bathroom, they had

already left.

>

> I would like to know how people here who have gone NC for a while feel inside.

> I thought to go NC would mean the end of every problem. On a way, it is, as I

don't have any new interaction with her, but on another way, it is not, because

I feel more and more guilty first, the more the time pass I feel more and more

rejected by the all family (even before I had cut with nada they were never

coming to see me), and also because the pain from my childhood is still inside

me and it still often hurts, while it is from the past. It is like I have a hole

inside my heart of all what she never gave to me and it is a hole surrended with

sadness all arround it and it is burning inside and the taste is like the taste

of the tears. And I would also add this : I love her ! I love her so deeply ! I

have spent my childhood to be the best in everything to make her love me but I

was never good enough. But I still love her inside. It is like if I still wait

for her love back, while I know at 40 years old now that she will never give to

me this love (she is sixty today). It is terrible for me to do that, to have

gone NC, but it is to protect myself and my children.

>

> I am also afraid that one day she will trap me again. This is my second time

of NC. I hope this time I will be strong enough never to fall down again.

> The first time was during one year and a half, then she trapped me when my

Grand-Mother was dying, she made my Grand-mother beg me for a " reconciliation "

between her daughter and her grand-daughter and I couldn't refuse this to my

dying Grand-Mother.

> I don't think nada could trap me again because my true Mummy, my Grand-Mother

has gone, so now I have noone to please to be ever forced to switch back with

nada.

>

> How to get rid with the feeling of guiltiness to have abandonned my nada and

to empeach her to see her grand-children ? I feel like I am the worst daughter

possible, what she is probably certainly saying to all my family members.

>

> I thought to share all these thoughts with all of you, because the more I read

all your posts, the more I realize how much we are going through kind of similar

things in our lifes, and except people of this group and my own children, noone

really understand what I am going through.

>

> In the past I have not been always responding to every kind e-mail I received,

partly because english is not my native language and sometimes there are so many

e-mails here that I really don't manage. Sometimes also because here I live hard

things with my elder child who is also BDP and when it's too hard, I disconnect

from internet. Sometimes also when some people are too kinds with me, I feel so

conforted, but I don't know what to answer. I have never received that from my

mother and I really don't know what to say ! It makes me feel awfull.

> I ask sincerely forgiveness to all the kind people I didn't manage to answer

to. Thank you for your kind and conforting words and please forgive me.

>

> Actually I feel awfull, because I have spent nearly all my life to deal with

BDP nada, and now I have to deal with BDP son, I think life is unfair. My heart

is crying inside.

>

> God bless you all.

> Take all very good care of yourselves.

>

> Natacha

> XXXXX

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Natascha,

Please don't feel bad about not responding to every - one, I'm sure they would

understand as you would, because we know what it's like to be treated unkindly,

so no-one would think badly of you.

If you had to break away from your mum, because she was a wicked person to you

then that is the choice you have, and I'm sure if she was a good and kind mother

then this wouldn't be the case.

Well done for standing firm and protecting yourself and your family, it's not an

easy decision to make. It's sad that your first family of origin show you no

support or make contact with you. Your mother must be a very dominating person.

I think you and Elora are really strong, and even though it's hard to explain it

to others - who probably don't want to understand - you trust yourself and your

own insticts.

It must be very difficult too with a BPD son. But hopefully, with your help, he

can live through it and find happiness.

Remember to put yourself first too sometimes!

All the best wishes to you xxx RB

> >

> > Dear Friends,

> >

> > I would like to share this topic with you : How do you feel when you have

gone NC for a while from nada ?

> > I have gone NC last june and it is now nearly one year.

> > She has rang my phone many times but I never answered.

> > Last Christmas she arrived with her husband at my door witout beeing invited

and rang a long time. I think I wouldn't have been strong enough this day, but

for chance I was in my bath, and the time to go out of the bathroom, they had

already left.

> >

> > I would like to know how people here who have gone NC for a while feel

inside.

> > I thought to go NC would mean the end of every problem. On a way, it is, as

I don't have any new interaction with her, but on another way, it is not,

because I feel more and more guilty first, the more the time pass I feel more

and more rejected by the all family (even before I had cut with nada they were

never coming to see me), and also because the pain from my childhood is still

inside me and it still often hurts, while it is from the past. It is like I have

a hole inside my heart of all what she never gave to me and it is a hole

surrended with sadness all arround it and it is burning inside and the taste is

like the taste of the tears. And I would also add this : I love her ! I love her

so deeply ! I have spent my childhood to be the best in everything to make her

love me but I was never good enough. But I still love her inside. It is like if

I still wait for her love back, while I know at 40 years old now that she will

never give to me this love (she is sixty today). It is terrible for me to do

that, to have gone NC, but it is to protect myself and my children.

> >

> > I am also afraid that one day she will trap me again. This is my second time

of NC. I hope this time I will be strong enough never to fall down again.

> > The first time was during one year and a half, then she trapped me when my

Grand-Mother was dying, she made my Grand-mother beg me for a " reconciliation "

between her daughter and her grand-daughter and I couldn't refuse this to my

dying Grand-Mother.

> > I don't think nada could trap me again because my true Mummy, my

Grand-Mother has gone, so now I have noone to please to be ever forced to switch

back with nada.

> >

> > How to get rid with the feeling of guiltiness to have abandonned my nada and

to empeach her to see her grand-children ? I feel like I am the worst daughter

possible, what she is probably certainly saying to all my family members.

> >

> > I thought to share all these thoughts with all of you, because the more I

read all your posts, the more I realize how much we are going through kind of

similar things in our lifes, and except people of this group and my own

children, noone really understand what I am going through.

> >

> > In the past I have not been always responding to every kind e-mail I

received, partly because english is not my native language and sometimes there

are so many e-mails here that I really don't manage. Sometimes also because here

I live hard things with my elder child who is also BDP and when it's too hard, I

disconnect from internet. Sometimes also when some people are too kinds with me,

I feel so conforted, but I don't know what to answer. I have never received

that from my mother and I really don't know what to say ! It makes me feel

awfull.

> > I ask sincerely forgiveness to all the kind people I didn't manage to answer

to. Thank you for your kind and conforting words and please forgive me.

> >

> > Actually I feel awfull, because I have spent nearly all my life to deal with

BDP nada, and now I have to deal with BDP son, I think life is unfair. My heart

is crying inside.

> >

> > God bless you all.

> > Take all very good care of yourselves.

> >

> > Natacha

> > XXXXX

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Natacha, I'm so sorry for all the hurt and pain you're going through.

What you're doing is natural: you are protecting yourself from a hurtful,toxic

person. Good for you for taking care of yourself.

The painful part is that we DO love our mothers, but to deny ourselves and to

pretend there is no pain, if no way to live.

I don't know if you are in therapy or if you have considered it. I think it

would help you deal with everything, esp now you mentioned your son has BPD as

well. You deserve to be happy and to live your own life out of everyone else's

shadows.

I am not NC with my mother, so I cannot offer much advice there. But I just want

you to know we're here for you and your English is great.

Fiona

>

> Dear Friends,

>

> I would like to share this topic with you : How do you feel when you have gone

NC for a while from nada ?

> I have gone NC last june and it is now nearly one year.

> She has rang my phone many times but I never answered.

> Last Christmas she arrived with her husband at my door witout beeing invited

and rang a long time. I think I wouldn't have been strong enough this day, but

for chance I was in my bath, and the time to go out of the bathroom, they had

already left.

>

> I would like to know how people here who have gone NC for a while feel inside.

> I thought to go NC would mean the end of every problem. On a way, it is, as I

don't have any new interaction with her, but on another way, it is not, because

I feel more and more guilty first, the more the time pass I feel more and more

rejected by the all family (even before I had cut with nada they were never

coming to see me), and also because the pain from my childhood is still inside

me and it still often hurts, while it is from the past. It is like I have a hole

inside my heart of all what she never gave to me and it is a hole surrended with

sadness all arround it and it is burning inside and the taste is like the taste

of the tears. And I would also add this : I love her ! I love her so deeply ! I

have spent my childhood to be the best in everything to make her love me but I

was never good enough. But I still love her inside. It is like if I still wait

for her love back, while I know at 40 years old now that she will never give to

me this love (she is sixty today). It is terrible for me to do that, to have

gone NC, but it is to protect myself and my children.

>

> I am also afraid that one day she will trap me again. This is my second time

of NC. I hope this time I will be strong enough never to fall down again.

> The first time was during one year and a half, then she trapped me when my

Grand-Mother was dying, she made my Grand-mother beg me for a " reconciliation "

between her daughter and her grand-daughter and I couldn't refuse this to my

dying Grand-Mother.

> I don't think nada could trap me again because my true Mummy, my Grand-Mother

has gone, so now I have noone to please to be ever forced to switch back with

nada.

>

> How to get rid with the feeling of guiltiness to have abandonned my nada and

to empeach her to see her grand-children ? I feel like I am the worst daughter

possible, what she is probably certainly saying to all my family members.

>

> I thought to share all these thoughts with all of you, because the more I read

all your posts, the more I realize how much we are going through kind of similar

things in our lifes, and except people of this group and my own children, noone

really understand what I am going through.

>

> In the past I have not been always responding to every kind e-mail I received,

partly because english is not my native language and sometimes there are so many

e-mails here that I really don't manage. Sometimes also because here I live hard

things with my elder child who is also BDP and when it's too hard, I disconnect

from internet. Sometimes also when some people are too kinds with me, I feel so

conforted, but I don't know what to answer. I have never received that from my

mother and I really don't know what to say ! It makes me feel awfull.

> I ask sincerely forgiveness to all the kind people I didn't manage to answer

to. Thank you for your kind and conforting words and please forgive me.

>

> Actually I feel awfull, because I have spent nearly all my life to deal with

BDP nada, and now I have to deal with BDP son, I think life is unfair. My heart

is crying inside.

>

> God bless you all.

> Take all very good care of yourselves.

>

> Natacha

> XXXXX

>