Re : How to bear NC on the long term ?

[Guest guest]

Dear Bill,

7 years ? It's great ! You do very well ! I wish I will manage like you !

I am sorry for you that you don't manage in your love life.

For me it has been total disaster too.

Today with the distance I think I have chosen each time a man who rejects my

love just like my nada was doing.

I think the most hard part for me is the family who has followed her.Â

I think you are right, the most important in NC is that they can't hurt us any

more !

Natacha

________________________________

De : Bill Hade

À : WTOAdultChildren1

Envoyé le : Lundi 16 avril 2012 23h59

Objet : Re: How to bear NC on the long term ?

Â

I maintained NC with mine for 7 years! She did not care to pursue me. I told

her that when she could talk to me without cutting me down, or discounting me, I

would talk to her again. After 7 years, I attempted contact and she did fairly

well, but started to go down that road again. I stopped the conversation and

reminded her of the boundary. Since then, my contact is very limited, but so

are my new injuries from her. It is a much more peaceful existence. I choose

to keep people in my life that build me up (with the exception of the bad

choices of women - until now), and my fiends that love me, more than make up

what my nada took from me. I really don't think I have a mother, which is why

the term nada fits.

Though its not easy, I'm trying to maintain healthy!

Bill Hade

billfunnyman@...

How to bear NC on the long term ?

Dear Friends,

I would like to share this topic with you : How do you feel when you have gone

NC for a while from nada ?

I have gone NC last june and it is now nearly one year.

She has rang my phone many times but I never answered.

Last Christmas she arrived with her husband at my door witout beeing invited and

rang a long time. I think I wouldn't have been strong enough this day, but for

chance I was in my bath, and the time to go out of the bathroom, they had

already left.

I would like to know how people here who have gone NC for a while feel inside.

I thought to go NC would mean the end of every problem. On a way, it is, as I

don't have any new interaction with her, but on another way, it is not, because

I feel more and more guilty first, the more the time pass I feel more and more

rejected by the all family (even before I had cut with nada they were never

coming to see me), and also because the pain from my childhood is still inside

me and it still often hurts, while it is from the past. It is like I have a hole

inside my heart of all what she never gave to me and it is a hole surrended with

sadness all arround it and it is burning inside and the taste is like the taste

of the tears. And I would also add this : I love her ! I love her so deeply ! I

have spent my childhood to be the best in everything to make her love me but I

was never good enough. But I still love her inside. It is like if I still wait

for her love back, while I know at 40 years old now that she will never give to

me this love

(she is sixty today). It is terrible for me to do that, to have gone NC, but

it is to protect myself and my children.

I am also afraid that one day she will trap me again. This is my second time of

NC. I hope this time I will be strong enough never to fall down again.

The first time was during one year and a half, then she trapped me when my

Grand-Mother was dying, she made my Grand-mother beg me for a " reconciliation "

between her daughter and her grand-daughter and I couldn't refuse this to my

dying Grand-Mother.

I don't think nada could trap me again because my true Mummy, my Grand-Mother

has gone, so now I have noone to please to be ever forced to switch back with

nada.

How to get rid with the feeling of guiltiness to have abandonned my nada and to

empeach her to see her grand-children ? I feel like I am the worst daughter

possible, what she is probably certainly saying to all my family members.

I thought to share all these thoughts with all of you, because the more I read

all your posts, the more I realize how much we are going through kind of similar

things in our lifes, and except people of this group and my own children, noone

really understand what I am going through.

In the past I have not been always responding to every kind e-mail I received,

partly because english is not my native language and sometimes there are so many

e-mails here that I really don't manage. Sometimes also because here I live hard

things with my elder child who is also BDP and when it's too hard, I disconnect

from internet. Sometimes also when some people are too kinds with me, I feel so

conforted, but I don't know what to answer. I have never received that from my

mother and I really don't know what to say ! It makes me feel awfull.

I ask sincerely forgiveness to all the kind people I didn't manage to answer to.

Thank you for your kind and conforting words and please forgive me.

Actually I feel awfull, because I have spent nearly all my life to deal with BDP

nada, and now I have to deal with BDP son, I think life is unfair. My heart is

crying inside.

God bless you all.

Take all very good care of yourselves.

Natacha

XXXXX