Guest guest Posted August 22, 2011 Report Share Posted August 22, 2011 Ya, I volunteered with CFS (Child and Family Services) for a little while 2 years ago in Oregon. At that time it was legal to back-hand your child, at any time, for any reason, any place, as long as it did not cause a bruise. You could technically back-hand your child in front of a police officer. However, if you did that to anyone else, you would certainly be arrested for assault. If you did this to someone else's child for any reason, you would be arrested. If you did this to a police officer, you would be committing a felony. We need child rights reform, not only in this country, but around the world. It is never OK to hit a child, I don't care what the bible says in one little verse written thousands of years ago. Dobson is a psychopath. It is not OK for anyone to hit anyone, ever! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > This is my first posting too. I am looking for people to understand, > > > > > because everyone that knows by BPD mother are so used to her ways that they > > > > > would never be able to conceptualize " unintended " hurtful ways. I have a > > > > > newborn daughter and my mother is incapable of dealing with the fact that my > > > > > attention is turned from her and onto my daughter. I even sent her a picture > > > > > of my daughter in a text and she replies with " who is this. " She pretends > > > > > she does not recognize her even though it was only a week since she's seen > > > > > her. I tried to express my feelings to her...but she called it " jumping all > > > > > over her. " This was my attempt to be thoughtful and I end up hurt. So I to > > > > > need to learn how to be unaffected by her actions and words. It is hard for > > > > > me because I just now recognized her BPD traits since having a newborn and > > > > > was previously enmeshed with her. Cutting her out of my life is not an > > > > > option, but living with her careless unintentional hurtful ways which she > > > > > always has an excuse for is internally painful. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Chloe..treasure that your sister understands your pain. I am sorry to > > > > > hear about your father...grief is always a painful process. I am thinking > > > > > having some relationship with your mother is best for you son if you can > > > > > find the right balance, boundaries and thick skin. Any tips on developing a > > > > > thick skin with someone you love? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2011 Report Share Posted August 22, 2011 Coincidentally I grew up in Oregon, and the horror that was my childhood was fueled by Dobson's Book " The Strong Willed Child " . I would see it on the counter and my mom would say, 'that book is about you'. I've never read it but I'm sure the first sentence is 'You must physically and emotionally beat down your child's spirit cause God says so'....I have a 2 year old now and needless to say, I will never hit him. > > Ya, I volunteered with CFS (Child and Family Services) for a little while 2 years ago in Oregon. At that time it was legal to back-hand your child, at any time, for any reason, any place, as long as it did not cause a bruise. You could technically back-hand your child in front of a police officer. However, if you did that to anyone else, you would certainly be arrested for assault. If you did this to someone else's child for any reason, you would be arrested. If you did this to a police officer, you would be committing a felony. > > We need child rights reform, not only in this country, but around the world. It is never OK to hit a child, I don't care what the bible says in one little verse written thousands of years ago. Dobson is a psychopath. It is not OK for anyone to hit anyone, ever! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2011 Report Share Posted August 22, 2011 Wow. You're preaching to the choir, brother. I feel exactly the same way. Children are not inanimate objects with no feelings; they are not appliances, possessions, or slaves. If its against the law to assault (threaten harm to) or batter (physical contact with intent to harm) an adult, it should be against the law to assault or batter a child, as far as I'm concerned. Kids need to be accorded the same civil rights of protection as adults. For the record, I was shaken by the shoulders, slapped, and back-handed rather often as a child, which would cause my head to jerk around: back and forth for the shaking, and snapping to the side for the slapping and back-handing, and I wound up with a tendency to get muscle spasms just on the right side of the neck (a " crick in the neck " ) which are very painful. As an adult, I noticed that the spasms would get worse when I was under a great deal of stress, and found out that I actually have a herniated neck disc in that area. Its painful for me to have a startle reaction; I feel it in my neck. It hurts. So, I'm guessing that " just " being backhanded and slapped and shaken might have done this to me; adults who are enraged and possibly dissociated from reality are probably not gauging their blows, or understand how much force they're using, and surely frequency of being hit has some impact on the soft tissues and causes damage over time. Hitting is bad. Its wrong for someone who is twice your height and several times your weight to hit you. Its just wrong. -Annie > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > This is my first posting too. I am looking for people to understand, > > > > > > because everyone that knows by BPD mother are so used to her ways that they > > > > > > would never be able to conceptualize " unintended " hurtful ways. I have a > > > > > > newborn daughter and my mother is incapable of dealing with the fact that my > > > > > > attention is turned from her and onto my daughter. I even sent her a picture > > > > > > of my daughter in a text and she replies with " who is this. " She pretends > > > > > > she does not recognize her even though it was only a week since she's seen > > > > > > her. I tried to express my feelings to her...but she called it " jumping all > > > > > > over her. " This was my attempt to be thoughtful and I end up hurt. So I to > > > > > > need to learn how to be unaffected by her actions and words. It is hard for > > > > > > me because I just now recognized her BPD traits since having a newborn and > > > > > > was previously enmeshed with her. Cutting her out of my life is not an > > > > > > option, but living with her careless unintentional hurtful ways which she > > > > > > always has an excuse for is internally painful. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Chloe..treasure that your sister understands your pain. I am sorry to > > > > > > hear about your father...grief is always a painful process. I am thinking > > > > > > having some relationship with your mother is best for you son if you can > > > > > > find the right balance, boundaries and thick skin. Any tips on developing a > > > > > > thick skin with someone you love? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2011 Report Share Posted August 22, 2011 Any author who advocates physical assault and battery of children as a parenting technique is a monster, in my opinion. But I'm prejudiced in that way, I admit. Good for you for using humane parenting methods and avoiding physical punishments. -Annie > > > > > Coincidentally I grew up in Oregon, and the horror that was my childhood was fueled by Dobson's Book " The Strong Willed Child " . I would see it on the counter and my mom would say, 'that book is about you'. I've never read it but I'm sure the first sentence is 'You must physically and emotionally beat down your child's spirit cause God says so'....I have a 2 year old now and needless to say, I will never hit him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2011 Report Share Posted August 22, 2011 > Dobson is a psychopath. It is not OK for anyone to hit anyone, ever!> AMEN, brother! I couldn't agree with you more. My DH and I were both beaten as children with belts, paddles, wooden spoons, and pretty much anything else that just happened to be laying around and handy whenever our so-called parents decided to unleash their wrath on us. Our childhoods were unfortunately very similar when it came to the abusive methods of *discipline* we endured. We talked about it before we even got pregnant with our DD, and decided that we would NEVER under ANY circumstances lay a hand or anything else on our child and guess what? We never had to. She's 6 years old now, and is one of the most well-behaved children I have ever seen. In fact, we have had total strangers tell us the same thing on more than one occasion. She behaves because she knows that she is respected and loved. She WANTS to behave because she wants to please us, and not because she's afraid of us. We have found that praise is a much better motivator than fear. Both sets of *parents* just laughed when we told them that we planned on using the time-out method of discipline. I remember nada telling me right after my daughter was born, " Well, we'll see when she gets older just how long that will last. Just wait until the terrible two's! " We got the same type of comments from my in-laws. I personally think that the " spare the rod and spoil the child " mentality is pretty common among the baby boomer generation, especially in the South where I was raised. It's the way they were raised, and they stubbornly cling to it. Case in point - your comment about Dr. Dobson brought to mind a very disturbing incident that DH and I witnessed a couple of years ago. At the time, we were attending a church here in Georgia where a large part of the congregation consisted of mostly of folks who were baby-boomer aged and older. I don't remember the whole message, but during his sermon the preacher was attempting to make a point that today's generation is much too spoiled and that it had to do with the fact that their parents were too soft on them. Of course, he referenced the aforementioned scripture. Then, I guess in an attempt to illustrate the literal meaning of it, he recounted a story from his childhood. He said that whenever he misbehaved, he was made to go out in the backyard and cut a green " switch " (branch) off of a bush. He said the reason it had to be a fresh, green one was so it would hurt more and wouldn't break while you were getting beaten with it. He then had to take it inside and bend over while his father whacked him with it. Now the story itself was disturbing enough for me, but that's not the worst part. The MOST disturbing part was that after hearing the preacher's story, almost every one of the older folks in the church clapped and shouted, " AMEN! " Some of them were even standing to their feet and applauding. As I sat there, I felt myself getting nauseous. I looked over at DH and he looked back at me with the same disturbed expression as I gave him. Then, without saying a word to each other, we both promptly stood up and walked out. We stopped by the nursery to collect our daughter and got the HELL out of there. We never went back. My apologies if I offended anyone, but I feel very strongly about this subject! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2011 Report Share Posted August 22, 2011 My nada gave DH and I a copy of Dr. Dobson's parenting book as a gift after my daughter was born. We burned it in the fireplace. > > > > Ya, I volunteered with CFS (Child and Family Services) for a little while 2 years ago in Oregon. At that time it was legal to back-hand your child, at any time, for any reason, any place, as long as it did not cause a bruise. You could technically back-hand your child in front of a police officer. However, if you did that to anyone else, you would certainly be arrested for assault. If you did this to someone else's child for any reason, you would be arrested. If you did this to a police officer, you would be committing a felony. > > > > We need child rights reform, not only in this country, but around the world. It is never OK to hit a child, I don't care what the bible says in one little verse written thousands of years ago. Dobson is a psychopath. It is not OK for anyone to hit anyone, ever! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2011 Report Share Posted August 22, 2011 You guys are awesome. Your daughter is a lucky little girl, to have such compassionate and empathetic parents. Kudos to you for standing up for your principles, it takes a lot of courage and inner strength to buck the prevailing culture. -Annie > > > > > Dobson is a psychopath. It is not OK for anyone to hit anyone, ever!> > > AMEN, brother! I couldn't agree with you more. My DH and I were both beaten as children with belts, paddles, wooden spoons, and pretty much anything else that just happened to be laying around and handy whenever our so-called parents decided to unleash their wrath on us. Our childhoods were unfortunately very similar when it came to the abusive methods of *discipline* we endured. We talked about it before we even got pregnant with our DD, and decided that we would NEVER under ANY circumstances lay a hand or anything else on our child and guess what? We never had to. She's 6 years old now, and is one of the most well-behaved children I have ever seen. In fact, we have had total strangers tell us the same thing on more than one occasion. She behaves because she knows that she is respected and loved. She WANTS to behave because she wants to please us, and not because she's afraid of us. We have found that praise is a much better motivator than fear. > > Both sets of *parents* just laughed when we told them that we planned on using the time-out method of discipline. I remember nada telling me right after my daughter was born, " Well, we'll see when she gets older just how long that will last. Just wait until the terrible two's! " We got the same type of comments from my in-laws. I personally think that the " spare the rod and spoil the child " mentality is pretty common among the baby boomer generation, especially in the South where I was raised. It's the way they were raised, and they stubbornly cling to it. > > Case in point - your comment about Dr. Dobson brought to mind a very disturbing incident that DH and I witnessed a couple of years ago. At the time, we were attending a church here in Georgia where a large part of the congregation consisted of mostly of folks who were baby-boomer aged and older. I don't remember the whole message, but during his sermon the preacher was attempting to make a point that today's generation is much too spoiled and that it had to do with the fact that their parents were too soft on them. Of course, he referenced the aforementioned scripture. Then, I guess in an attempt to illustrate the literal meaning of it, he recounted a story from his childhood. He said that whenever he misbehaved, he was made to go out in the backyard and cut a green " switch " (branch) off of a bush. He said the reason it had to be a fresh, green one was so it would hurt more and wouldn't break while you were getting beaten with it. He then had to take it inside and bend over while his father whacked him with it. > > Now the story itself was disturbing enough for me, but that's not the worst part. The MOST disturbing part was that after hearing the preacher's story, almost every one of the older folks in the church clapped and shouted, " AMEN! " Some of them were even standing to their feet and applauding. As I sat there, I felt myself getting nauseous. I looked over at DH and he looked back at me with the same disturbed expression as I gave him. Then, without saying a word to each other, we both promptly stood up and walked out. We stopped by the nursery to collect our daughter and got the HELL out of there. We never went back. > > My apologies if I offended anyone, but I feel very strongly about this subject! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2011 Report Share Posted August 22, 2011 Thanks for the compliment, Annie! Who knows? Maybe in a couple more generations, they will finally get it. We can only hope. > > You guys are awesome. Your daughter is a lucky little girl, to have such compassionate and empathetic parents. Kudos to you for standing up for your principles, it takes a lot of courage and inner strength to buck the prevailing culture. > -Annie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2011 Report Share Posted August 22, 2011 This is the kind of thing that seriously makes my blood boil. IMO, people who back this kind of legislation are no better than people who backhand their children! Subject: Who can hit who? To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Monday, August 22, 2011, 2:11 PM Ya, I volunteered with CFS (Child and Family Services) for a little while 2 years ago in Oregon. At that time it was legal to back-hand your child, at any time, for any reason, any place, as long as it did not cause a bruise. You could technically back-hand your child in front of a police officer. However, if you did that to anyone else, you would certainly be arrested for assault. If you did this to someone else's child for any reason, you would be arrested. If you did this to a police officer, you would be committing a felony. We need child rights reform, not only in this country, but around the world. It is never OK to hit a child, I don't care what the bible says in one little verse written thousands of years ago. Dobson is a psychopath. It is not OK for anyone to hit anyone, ever! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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