Guest guest Posted August 22, 2011 Report Share Posted August 22, 2011 Hi fellow Annie, Yes; what you have described is exactly what I had to endure with my borderline pd/narcissistic pd " nada " ( " nada " for " not a mom. " ) I had to word things so, so carefully, and I even had to speak very distinctly so that she would not be as likely to misconstrue something I said to her as an insult or criticism. It was as though she was parsing everything I said and LOOKING for an insult, looking for innuendo, for something to get mad at me about. God, it was exhausting. So terribly exhausting. I was always so on edge, nervous, and anxious, and so not spontaneous around my own mother. So not *me*. But that was my " normal. " I'm feeling slightly nauseous just thinking about it. Ugh. -Annie > > In response to the Haircuts thread, specifically 's quote " It wasn't about what I wanted - it was about how I looked, how I made her look. " This resonates with me in a big way. What I say to my mom is frequently misconstrued as being about her in some way. > > - If I say something negative about my brother or sister and something they did that bugs me, I'm criticizing HER for the way she raised them. > > - If I say that I love my house, I'm somehow telling her the I hate hers. > > - If I tell her that I want to take my family on a vacation as a Christmas present, then it gets translated as not wanting to spend holiday time with my FOO. > > At this point in my life, I just wish all the drama would stop. I don't wish anything bad on anyone, but if my parents could just cut me off and declare that I'm dead like some other cultures do, I'd be so much better. > > Annie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2011 Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 Annie, Amen....you took my example about the haircuts and being about nada and brought it to so many other things that I can relate to. It really does affect everything. I feel the same, I am soooooo tired of the games, and feel like I am the only one in my FOO who recognizes them as games. > > In response to the Haircuts thread, specifically 's quote " It wasn't about what I wanted - it was about how I looked, how I made her look. " This resonates with me in a big way. What I say to my mom is frequently misconstrued as being about her in some way. > > - If I say something negative about my brother or sister and something they did that bugs me, I'm criticizing HER for the way she raised them. > > - If I say that I love my house, I'm somehow telling her the I hate hers. > > - If I tell her that I want to take my family on a vacation as a Christmas present, then it gets translated as not wanting to spend holiday time with my FOO. > > At this point in my life, I just wish all the drama would stop. I don't wish anything bad on anyone, but if my parents could just cut me off and declare that I'm dead like some other cultures do, I'd be so much better. > > Annie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2011 Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 " I had to word things so, so carefully, and I even had to speak very distinctly so that she would not be as likely to misconstrue something I said to her as an insult or criticism. " Yes, me too, to this day, I have to be super careful. I was saying to my husband that I just realized recently that my mother is my biggest accuser. She is my prosecutor, waiting for me to say the wrong thing and attack me. The few times I've allowed myself to relax around her I always, ALWAYS regret it within a few days, b/c she would call me to lace into me, point by point, like a closing argument at a trial. > > > > In response to the Haircuts thread, specifically 's quote " It wasn't about what I wanted - it was about how I looked, how I made her look. " This resonates with me in a big way. What I say to my mom is frequently misconstrued as being about her in some way. > > > > - If I say something negative about my brother or sister and something they did that bugs me, I'm criticizing HER for the way she raised them. > > > > - If I say that I love my house, I'm somehow telling her the I hate hers. > > > > - If I tell her that I want to take my family on a vacation as a Christmas present, then it gets translated as not wanting to spend holiday time with my FOO. > > > > At this point in my life, I just wish all the drama would stop. I don't wish anything bad on anyone, but if my parents could just cut me off and declare that I'm dead like some other cultures do, I'd be so much better. > > > > Annie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2011 Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 " if my parents could just cut me off and declare that I'm dead like some other cultures do, I'd be so much better. " sign me up!!!! > ** > > > " I had to word things so, so carefully, and I even had to speak very > distinctly so that she would not be as likely to misconstrue something I > said to her as an insult or criticism. " > > Yes, me too, to this day, I have to be super careful. > > I was saying to my husband that I just realized recently that my mother is > my biggest accuser. She is my prosecutor, waiting for me to say the wrong > thing and attack me. > > The few times I've allowed myself to relax around her I always, ALWAYS > regret it within a few days, b/c she would call me to lace into me, point by > point, like a closing argument at a trial. > > > > > > > > In response to the Haircuts thread, specifically 's quote " It > wasn't about what I wanted - it was about how I looked, how I made her > look. " This resonates with me in a big way. What I say to my mom is > frequently misconstrued as being about her in some way. > > > > > > - If I say something negative about my brother or sister and something > they did that bugs me, I'm criticizing HER for the way she raised them. > > > > > > - If I say that I love my house, I'm somehow telling her the I hate > hers. > > > > > > - If I tell her that I want to take my family on a vacation as a > Christmas present, then it gets translated as not wanting to spend holiday > time with my FOO. > > > > > > At this point in my life, I just wish all the drama would stop. I don't > wish anything bad on anyone, but if my parents could just cut me off and > declare that I'm dead like some other cultures do, I'd be so much better. > > > > > > Annie > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 29, 2011 Report Share Posted August 29, 2011 Annie & Annie - Sounds like my borderline/narcissistic nada. On one of her last outbursts with me (in the presence of my friend, I might add) she screamed frantically at me that I was always calling her " old, fat and ugly " . I've never called her any of those things. Ever in my life. She called HERSELF those things frequently enough to believe that it was my fault, I guess. She wanted to make a spectacle. When I said calmly that she should give me an example of when I said that, she'd say " Well, you may not have said it directly, but that's what you think. You're always making fun of me. " Um, ok... That was the same session that she screamed swears at me because I told her that I couldn't be everything to her (therapist, friend, mother, daughter) and I just wanted to be her daughter. That's comforting. It was good for my friend to witness because he began to " get it " . Still not really, but it was a start. Anyway, yes, VERY exhausting. K > > > > In response to the Haircuts thread, specifically 's quote " It wasn't about what I wanted - it was about how I looked, how I made her look. " This resonates with me in a big way. What I say to my mom is frequently misconstrued as being about her in some way. > > > > - If I say something negative about my brother or sister and something they did that bugs me, I'm criticizing HER for the way she raised them. > > > > - If I say that I love my house, I'm somehow telling her the I hate hers. > > > > - If I tell her that I want to take my family on a vacation as a Christmas present, then it gets translated as not wanting to spend holiday time with my FOO. > > > > At this point in my life, I just wish all the drama would stop. I don't wish anything bad on anyone, but if my parents could just cut me off and declare that I'm dead like some other cultures do, I'd be so much better. > > > > Annie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 29, 2011 Report Share Posted August 29, 2011 Wow---got to this thread late, but it reminds me of fada. He was sure we always hated him even though we adored him like hwas the god of the family. He would take us shopping after his outbursts like shopping therapy, and buy us a bunch of crap at Target. If we didn't want it and we tried to say so as tactfully as possible, he would take it as an insult that we didn't like him. He bought me clothes every fall for school all the way up to high school. " This is nice--what do you think? " It was granny shorts with elastic waistband, and I didn't really want it. Or pants that wasn't my style. But he thought it was nice, so I had to try it on, and if it fit, then he would buy it. If I tried to dissuade him saying I didn't really like the clothes, he would be all hurt and it would be an insult that we didn't like him or appreciate his spending so much money on us. He bought me a Dell laptop for graduation. A year later it was actually coming apart at the seams and had so many other problems, so with my loan refunds I bought a Macbook. He took it as a supreme insult that I didn't like the Dell anymore and that means I hated him. And so on. And so on. well, right now I'm not feeling too kindly toward him, so I guess his fear finally was true. Once I broke away from all the brainwashing, of course > ** > > > Annie & Annie - > > Sounds like my borderline/narcissistic nada. On one of her last outbursts > with me (in the presence of my friend, I might add) she screamed frantically > at me that I was always calling her " old, fat and ugly " . I've never called > her any of those things. Ever in my life. She called HERSELF those things > frequently enough to believe that it was my fault, I guess. She wanted to > make a spectacle. When I said calmly that she should give me an example of > when I said that, she'd say " Well, you may not have said it directly, but > that's what you think. You're always making fun of me. " Um, ok... > > That was the same session that she screamed swears at me because I told her > that I couldn't be everything to her (therapist, friend, mother, daughter) > and I just wanted to be her daughter. That's comforting. It was good for my > friend to witness because he began to " get it " . Still not really, but it was > a start. > > Anyway, yes, VERY exhausting. > > K > > > > > > > > In response to the Haircuts thread, specifically 's quote " It > wasn't about what I wanted - it was about how I looked, how I made her > look. " This resonates with me in a big way. What I say to my mom is > frequently misconstrued as being about her in some way. > > > > > > - If I say something negative about my brother or sister and something > they did that bugs me, I'm criticizing HER for the way she raised them. > > > > > > - If I say that I love my house, I'm somehow telling her the I hate > hers. > > > > > > - If I tell her that I want to take my family on a vacation as a > Christmas present, then it gets translated as not wanting to spend holiday > time with my FOO. > > > > > > At this point in my life, I just wish all the drama would stop. I don't > wish anything bad on anyone, but if my parents could just cut me off and > declare that I'm dead like some other cultures do, I'd be so much better. > > > > > > Annie > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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