Thoughts on therapy/counselling

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts on the subject of

therapy/counselling. I know that peple usually say It's a good thing but I'm

wondering if everyone's found it helpful or not.

I live in Britain and I've been offered counselling on the NHS but I've never

been to anything like that and I'm a little unsure what to expect and also a

little nervous.

I guess the main thing I'm nervous about is that she would tell me that being NC

with my borderline father is wrong, especially as I'm living with my mother in

the same house as him. Speaking to him ever again is the last thing I want in

the world.

I don't like the idea of another person maybe being patronising and acting like

an expert on my feelings.

I am firm that I don't want medication and I'm not sure how much pressure I'll

be under about that.

Like I say I don't really know what to expect but these are some of the things

I'm worried about.

Actually I don't know the difference between therapy and counselling.

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Im going through a difficult time in my life, my father died less than a year

ago who I loved dearly. We have had to take my mom who I knew from the

beginning is a handful. I made the decision to get counselling as I had never

dealt with anything like this. Why counseling is good is that you can unload

your 'stuff' - getting out what is bothering you gives you some relief as human

beings, we cannot keep all this bottled up inside and not expect to explode.

You dont want to have a meltdown and you can seriously become ill from all the

stress. Im watching it right now with my mom for different reasons, her losing

my father and the depression has come from it has caused so many ailments that

we are now working thru. I also have a family to raise and work and if I didnt

go get counseling, who knows when and where I would crack and who I would

accidentally take it out on. I have since signed up to a psychologist who has

helped me to understand how our brain works and what I can do to begin changing

my way of thinking - what I can control and what I cant. Its very theraputic -

and also doing research and reading up on your issue helps you to know that you

are not alone, others out there are suffering the same. As a result of getting

counselling/therapy, I am able to keep my emotions in check and slowly move

forward thru what is a difficult and challenging time in my life. I plan to get

my brother to do the same as he has suffered pain as I have growing up.

I hope this helps you.

>

> Hi,

> I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts on the subject of

> therapy/counselling. I know that peple usually say It's a good thing but I'm

> wondering if everyone's found it helpful or not.

> I live in Britain and I've been offered counselling on the NHS but I've never

> been to anything like that and I'm a little unsure what to expect and also a

> little nervous.

>

> I guess the main thing I'm nervous about is that she would tell me that being

NC

> with my borderline father is wrong, especially as I'm living with my mother in

> the same house as him. Speaking to him ever again is the last thing I want in

> the world.

> I don't like the idea of another person maybe being patronising and acting

like

> an expert on my feelings.

> I am firm that I don't want medication and I'm not sure how much pressure I'll

> be under about that.

> Like I say I don't really know what to expect but these are some of the things

> I'm worried about.

> Actually I don't know the difference between therapy and counselling.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

In my own case, if I could afford psychotherapy, I'd look for a psychologist who

has experience with or specializes in one of the following:

*the adult survivors of mentally ill/personality-disordered parents

*the adult survivors of child abuse

*those with post traumatic stress disorder, needing trauma recovery

*the adult survivors of alcoholic/drug addicted parents

The types of damage inflicted in these cases are similar.

Your therapy will depend on your assessment: your formal diagnosis; its up to

your psychologist and/or your psychiatrist to determine whether or not talk

therapy or both talk and drug therapy will best serve your needs.

Here is the link to an article that explains the differences between

psychiatrists and clinical psychologists, and the main types of talk therapy

they provide.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinical_psychology

When I am in a position to afford therapy, I plan to ask my regular doctor, my

general practitioner, to recommend two or three psychologists in my area who

specialize in trauma recovery, for me to interview.

Here is a link to an article that describes the differences between

psychiatrists, psychologists, and other types of mental health workers, showing

the types of degrees that are necessary to practice each one.

These articles are mainly about mental health professionals and their

qualifications and services in the USA, though. It might be organized

differently in the UK.

-Annie

>

> Hi,

> I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts on the subject of

> therapy/counselling. I know that peple usually say It's a good thing but I'm

> wondering if everyone's found it helpful or not.

> I live in Britain and I've been offered counselling on the NHS but I've never

> been to anything like that and I'm a little unsure what to expect and also a

> little nervous.

>

> I guess the main thing I'm nervous about is that she would tell me that being

NC

> with my borderline father is wrong, especially as I'm living with my mother in

> the same house as him. Speaking to him ever again is the last thing I want in

> the world.

> I don't like the idea of another person maybe being patronising and acting

like

> an expert on my feelings.

> I am firm that I don't want medication and I'm not sure how much pressure I'll

> be under about that.

> Like I say I don't really know what to expect but these are some of the things

> I'm worried about.

> Actually I don't know the difference between therapy and counselling.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Doh! Here is the second link, that describes the differences between the

various kinds of trained and licensed mental health workers:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mental_health_professional

It all boils down to the amount of training and licensing a mental health worker

has, and it can range from about a decade of schooling and training for a double

doctorate for psychiatrists, to a few years of training and an MSW for a social

worker, to practically no schooling, training or licensing at all for

non-traditional kinds of therapists.

You are the consumer, so I suggest some reading about the various kinds of

therapy and therapists so you can determine what type of help you think will

best suit your own needs.

-Annie

> >

> > Hi,

> > I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts on the subject of

> > therapy/counselling. I know that peple usually say It's a good thing but I'm

> > wondering if everyone's found it helpful or not.

> > I live in Britain and I've been offered counselling on the NHS but I've

never

> > been to anything like that and I'm a little unsure what to expect and also a

> > little nervous.

> >

> > I guess the main thing I'm nervous about is that she would tell me that

being NC

> > with my borderline father is wrong, especially as I'm living with my mother

in

> > the same house as him. Speaking to him ever again is the last thing I want

in

> > the world.

> > I don't like the idea of another person maybe being patronising and acting

like

> > an expert on my feelings.

> > I am firm that I don't want medication and I'm not sure how much pressure

I'll

> > be under about that.

> > Like I say I don't really know what to expect but these are some of the

things

> > I'm worried about.

> > Actually I don't know the difference between therapy and counselling.

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I googled " What's the difference between counseling and theray " and this is what

came up: " I view the term counseling to mean that a short-term and very focused

approach is taken toward solving the client's problems. I view the term

psychotherapy to mean that a long-term and more in-depth approach is taken. (The

term therapy is simply an abbreviated version of the term psychotherapy.) "

Hopefully this helps.

I have been in therapy for 2 years now (I have PTSD due to childhood abuse). A

good therapist will never be patronizing, judgmental or condescending. I live in

the USA and go to 2 different private therapists (one of them specializes in

PTSD)and am not familiar with your NHS so don't know if you have a choice as to

who you see. If you can it is very important that you find that is familiar in

working with clients who have similar difficulties. I assume pertaining to

having a BPD parent?

After seeing my primary therapist for several months he diagnosed me with PTSD.

He isn't experienced in the latest therapies for this, so suggested that I find

a therapist who specialized in PTSD, while still continuing to seeing him. It

was excellent advice ;o) I believe the same is true with any issue we have, the

therapist must be experienced in that particular area for us to gain the most

benefit in our time with them.

2 years is a long time to be in therapy, but after a lifetime of abuse they keep

reminding me that I can't undo the damage in a brief time. It has been the

hardest work I have ever done and well worth the time, effort and expense.

The other aspect of therapy is that you must trust and feel a connection with

your therapist. Trust is a huge issue for me as I assume it would be with most

children of a BPD. It took time for me to be able to trust and open up with my

primary T. I trusted my PTSD therapist almost immediately, but that was due to

months of therapy before she and I even started working together as well as the

fact that she specialized in trauma.

All this to say, that I know therapy has helped me and would highly recommend it

to anybody who is open to making changes in themselves. We can't change our BPD,

we can only change how we respond to them.

>

> Hi,

> I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts on the subject of

> therapy/counselling. I know that peple usually say It's a good thing but I'm

> wondering if everyone's found it helpful or not.

> I live in Britain and I've been offered counselling on the NHS but I've never

> been to anything like that and I'm a little unsure what to expect and also a

> little nervous.

>

> I guess the main thing I'm nervous about is that she would tell me that being

NC

> with my borderline father is wrong, especially as I'm living with my mother in

> the same house as him. Speaking to him ever again is the last thing I want in

> the world.

> I don't like the idea of another person maybe being patronising and acting

like

> an expert on my feelings.

> I am firm that I don't want medication and I'm not sure how much pressure I'll

> be under about that.

> Like I say I don't really know what to expect but these are some of the things

> I'm worried about.

> Actually I don't know the difference between therapy and counselling.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Great advice Annie ;o)

> >

> > Hi,

> > I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts on the subject of

> > therapy/counselling. I know that peple usually say It's a good thing but I'm

> > wondering if everyone's found it helpful or not.

> > I live in Britain and I've been offered counselling on the NHS but I've

never

> > been to anything like that and I'm a little unsure what to expect and also a

> > little nervous.

> >

> > I guess the main thing I'm nervous about is that she would tell me that

being NC

> > with my borderline father is wrong, especially as I'm living with my mother

in

> > the same house as him. Speaking to him ever again is the last thing I want

in

> > the world.

> > I don't like the idea of another person maybe being patronising and acting

like

> > an expert on my feelings.

> > I am firm that I don't want medication and I'm not sure how much pressure

I'll

> > be under about that.

> > Like I say I don't really know what to expect but these are some of the

things

> > I'm worried about.

> > Actually I don't know the difference between therapy and counselling.

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

, all these concerns are completely understandable. As loud of an advocate

for therapy as you all know that I am, I will admit it is not for everyone. I

think you should at least try it, if it is available to you.

The difference between a therapist and a counselor is the amount of training and

expertise. Therapists are trained in dealing with clinical psychology. They can

develop a treatment plan to include your specific needs. Like a doctor, they

diagnose, then treat. A counselor is not like a doctor, they are not trained to

diagnose, thus are less able to treat any psychological issues that may be

present. Counselors can be a waste of money and time for people that have

specific needs, like the needs an adult child of a BP parent has. They are not

trained to dig systematically for psychological problems. Do your homework to

make sure that you mental health professional has the clinical training and

experience to deal with deeply ingrained childhood issues associated with

childhood trauma and abuse.

A good therapist is not going to tell you anything. I found this very annoying.

All I wanted was answers and all I got in return were questions. If you end up

with a therapist that tries to tell you what to do, get a different therapist.

A therapist job is to listen, not advise.

Many people have very strong feelings about medication. This may be due to a

lack of information, religious beliefs, fear of being stigmatized as being

crazy, or other reasons. You do not have to take any medicines if you don't

want to. However, the research clearly shouts, in a very loud manner, that

those who use medication as part of their treatment plan, while in therapy, make

much faster progress and are much less likely to relapse. If you want to get

the biggest bang for you buck, I would highly recommend talking to your doctor

about medication. But this is your choice. This is also something you can work

out with your therapist, if you choose to. The topic will come up, but it will

not be forced down your throat.

I encourage you as you explore what is best for you. Please post any other

questions that you may have. Many of our members are experienced in therapy and

medication and would like to help you.

>

> Hi,

> I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts on the subject of

> therapy/counselling. I know that peple usually say It's a good thing but I'm

> wondering if everyone's found it helpful or not.

> I live in Britain and I've been offered counselling on the NHS but I've never

> been to anything like that and I'm a little unsure what to expect and also a

> little nervous.

>

> I guess the main thing I'm nervous about is that she would tell me that being

NC

> with my borderline father is wrong, especially as I'm living with my mother in

> the same house as him. Speaking to him ever again is the last thing I want in

> the world.

> I don't like the idea of another person maybe being patronising and acting

like

> an expert on my feelings.

> I am firm that I don't want medication and I'm not sure how much pressure I'll

> be under about that.

> Like I say I don't really know what to expect but these are some of the things

> I'm worried about.

> Actually I don't know the difference between therapy and counselling.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My therapist is amazing. i met her via my work, walked in her office and was

just filled with light and love and that is how I knew she was MY therapist.

She works out of a humble office on a bad side of town, is inexpensive and.

.. .

In my experience, entering therapy was not like starting a new chapter in my

life. It was like throwing away the old book and writing a whole new one. It

has been beautiful. At times hard, but beautiful. And my life has changed a

hellavalot.

> **

>

>

> , all these concerns are completely understandable. As loud of an

> advocate for therapy as you all know that I am, I will admit it is not for

> everyone. I think you should at least try it, if it is available to you.

>

> The difference between a therapist and a counselor is the amount of

> training and expertise. Therapists are trained in dealing with clinical

> psychology. They can develop a treatment plan to include your specific

> needs. Like a doctor, they diagnose, then treat. A counselor is not like a

> doctor, they are not trained to diagnose, thus are less able to treat any

> psychological issues that may be present. Counselors can be a waste of money

> and time for people that have specific needs, like the needs an adult child

> of a BP parent has. They are not trained to dig systematically for

> psychological problems. Do your homework to make sure that you mental health

> professional has the clinical training and experience to deal with deeply

> ingrained childhood issues associated with childhood trauma and abuse.

>

> A good therapist is not going to tell you anything. I found this very

> annoying. All I wanted was answers and all I got in return were questions.

> If you end up with a therapist that tries to tell you what to do, get a

> different therapist. A therapist job is to listen, not advise.

>

> Many people have very strong feelings about medication. This may be due to

> a lack of information, religious beliefs, fear of being stigmatized as being

> crazy, or other reasons. You do not have to take any medicines if you don't

> want to. However, the research clearly shouts, in a very loud manner, that

> those who use medication as part of their treatment plan, while in therapy,

> make much faster progress and are much less likely to relapse. If you want

> to get the biggest bang for you buck, I would highly recommend talking to

> your doctor about medication. But this is your choice. This is also

> something you can work out with your therapist, if you choose to. The topic

> will come up, but it will not be forced down your throat.

>

> I encourage you as you explore what is best for you. Please post any other

> questions that you may have. Many of our members are experienced in therapy

> and medication and would like to help you.

>

>

>

> >

> > Hi,

> > I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts on the subject of

> > therapy/counselling. I know that peple usually say It's a good thing but

> I'm

> > wondering if everyone's found it helpful or not.

> > I live in Britain and I've been offered counselling on the NHS but I've

> never

> > been to anything like that and I'm a little unsure what to expect and

> also a

> > little nervous.

> >

> > I guess the main thing I'm nervous about is that she would tell me that

> being NC

> > with my borderline father is wrong, especially as I'm living with my

> mother in

> > the same house as him. Speaking to him ever again is the last thing I

> want in

> > the world.

> > I don't like the idea of another person maybe being patronising and

> acting like

> > an expert on my feelings.

> > I am firm that I don't want medication and I'm not sure how much pressure

> I'll

> > be under about that.

> > Like I say I don't really know what to expect but these are some of the

> things

> > I'm worried about.

> > Actually I don't know the difference between therapy and counselling.

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Wow! That is quite a testament to the power of good therapy! Happy for you.

K

> > >

> > > Hi,

> > > I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts on the subject of

> > > therapy/counselling. I know that peple usually say It's a good thing but

> > I'm

> > > wondering if everyone's found it helpful or not.

> > > I live in Britain and I've been offered counselling on the NHS but I've

> > never

> > > been to anything like that and I'm a little unsure what to expect and

> > also a

> > > little nervous.

> > >

> > > I guess the main thing I'm nervous about is that she would tell me that

> > being NC

> > > with my borderline father is wrong, especially as I'm living with my

> > mother in

> > > the same house as him. Speaking to him ever again is the last thing I

> > want in

> > > the world.

> > > I don't like the idea of another person maybe being patronising and

> > acting like

> > > an expert on my feelings.

> > > I am firm that I don't want medication and I'm not sure how much pressure

> > I'll

> > > be under about that.

> > > Like I say I don't really know what to expect but these are some of the

> > things

> > > I'm worried about.

> > > Actually I don't know the difference between therapy and counselling.

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Counseling by a mental health professional such as a psychotherapist or

Licensed Professional counselor and psychotherapy are essentially

synonymous.

A few points. No legitimate therapist or counselor is going to tell you

what you MUST do. Instead, infuritatingly at times, they will help you

to discern the best path for healing and mental health for yourself.

Again, no competent counselor is going to patronize you or act as the

expert on your feelings. Rather, they will try to help you discern them,

and thier sources, and deveop strategies for making them managable in

your life. If they acted the way you fear, they would soon be driving a

cab, because no one would come to them for treatment!

As far as medication, it is understandable to be nervous about that. No

one is going to force you on meds. However, if you are depressed, as is

common among us KO s, SSRI s can be very effective in breaking you out

of that cycle of depression so that the therapy and talking things out

can help you to be more balanced, and happy. Doesn t mean you take them

forever, but I would encourage you to say not, I ll not take them, but

rather, show me why I should.

In my case, I was quite hesitant, until my T let me take the Beck

Depression Inventory. She said you take it, I ll let you grade it, then

you tell me what you want to do. I ll shut up about anti depressants

after that. I took it. Wow. Didnt realize how truly depressed I was.

They have made a difference for me.

It is understandable to be nervous, but I promise they won t eat you!

Go to a few sessions and see. You can always quit. Your fears are

understandable. But it seems as if you may be projecting onto a

counselor you ve never met your expectations for how your Nada would

treat you. It is understandable, as they do colour our lives and

emotions.

But we have to find someone to trust as we begin to heal.

I urge you to consider giving it a try.

Doug

>

[Guest guest]

I would only add that the degrees displayed by therapists indicate they type of

schooling they've had, the kinds of training they've had, which can indicate the

years of experience they've had.

Psychologists are doctors with a PhD, but they are not medical doctors.

Psychiatrists are medical doctors (MDs) who then specialize in Psychology and

receive a second doctorate (PhD.) This means they've had quite a lot of

schooling and have years of supervised training in order to receive these

degrees.

Part of selecting a therapist would be asking about their training, and asking

if they've had experience treating the adult children of mentally ill parents

(of personality disordered parents, of alcoholic/druggie parents) if they have

experience with patients needing trauma recovery, what kinds of therapy they

utilize, etc.

But I agree with Doug that talk therapy is essentially like having a guide

through the jungle, helping you reach your goals, not telling you what your

goals are.

My Sister found a great therapist, a psychologist, who also happened to have

been raised by a bpd mother (he shared this with Sister after several sessions)

so he turned out to be a good match for her. Sister went for a couple of years

and made quite a lot of progress in overcoming her misplaced, inappropriate

feelings of shame and guilt, and in gaining understanding that our mother is a

miserable, unhappy person and its not in our power to fill her inner emptiness

and need.

I hope you will find a therapist who is a good match for you, too.

-Annie

>

>

> Counseling by a mental health professional such as a psychotherapist or

> Licensed Professional counselor and psychotherapy are essentially

> synonymous.

>

> A few points. No legitimate therapist or counselor is going to tell you

> what you MUST do. Instead, infuritatingly at times, they will help you

> to discern the best path for healing and mental health for yourself.

> Again, no competent counselor is going to patronize you or act as the

> expert on your feelings. Rather, they will try to help you discern them,

> and thier sources, and deveop strategies for making them managable in

> your life. If they acted the way you fear, they would soon be driving a

> cab, because no one would come to them for treatment!

>

> As far as medication, it is understandable to be nervous about that. No

> one is going to force you on meds. However, if you are depressed, as is

> common among us KO s, SSRI s can be very effective in breaking you out

> of that cycle of depression so that the therapy and talking things out

> can help you to be more balanced, and happy. Doesn t mean you take them

> forever, but I would encourage you to say not, I ll not take them, but

> rather, show me why I should.

>

> In my case, I was quite hesitant, until my T let me take the Beck

> Depression Inventory. She said you take it, I ll let you grade it, then

> you tell me what you want to do. I ll shut up about anti depressants

> after that. I took it. Wow. Didnt realize how truly depressed I was.

> They have made a difference for me.

>

> It is understandable to be nervous, but I promise they won t eat you!

> Go to a few sessions and see. You can always quit. Your fears are

> understandable. But it seems as if you may be projecting onto a

> counselor you ve never met your expectations for how your Nada would

> treat you. It is understandable, as they do colour our lives and

> emotions.

>

> But we have to find someone to trust as we begin to heal.

>

> I urge you to consider giving it a try.

>

> Doug

>

>

> >

[Guest guest]

I see you've had many replies, many with lots of good info, but I'd like to

throw out just a couple of thoughts...

Therapy and counseling are not necessarily the same - In the US (sorry, not sure

about licensing in UK), therapist are psychologists PhDs who go through far more

rigorous training in psychology and neurophysiology than counselors, who tend to

only have Masters degrees. You also have psychiatrists, who are medical doctors

and psychologists, and able to prescribe drugs.

That said, an excellent counselor can probably be just as good as a therapist,

just different training backgrounds. Then, among all those types, you have the

type treatment philosophy each one subscribes to...Sounds daunting, but really -

you just need to interview a few people, pay attention to your feelings about

them, prep questions, talk to them about what they do, and pay attention to

their answers. Then pick the approach that feels right to you, for you.

Personally, when I went looking for a therapist, I called a friend's therapist

for referrals.

(Note- most reputable professionals will not treat close friend or family

members of current patients, unless of course its a relationship therapy) ----

I too was firm on not wanting to be medicated - and never have been, and have

successfully come to the other side of a major depression and PTSD with the help

of talk therapy and EMDR.

That may not be true for everyone, and medication may help, or move things along

more quickly - but I didn't want it, and I didn't need it to do the work I

needed to do.

Happy to talk more if you need more info. Just ask.

>

> Hi,

> I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts on the subject of

> therapy/counselling. I know that peple usually say It's a good thing but I'm

> wondering if everyone's found it helpful or not.

> I live in Britain and I've been offered counselling on the NHS but I've never

> been to anything like that and I'm a little unsure what to expect and also a

> little nervous.

>

> I guess the main thing I'm nervous about is that she would tell me that being

NC

> with my borderline father is wrong, especially as I'm living with my mother in

> the same house as him. Speaking to him ever again is the last thing I want in

> the world.

> I don't like the idea of another person maybe being patronising and acting

like

> an expert on my feelings.

> I am firm that I don't want medication and I'm not sure how much pressure I'll

> be under about that.

> Like I say I don't really know what to expect but these are some of the things

> I'm worried about.

> Actually I don't know the difference between therapy and counselling.

>

>

>