Considering Therapy Again

[Guest guest]

I've had some thoughts resurface over the last week about nada. I was doing

really well (see my last post) for a while there, but this has been an unusual

week.

I ran into two different " mutual friends " at festivals this weekend who asked

how my mother was doing. This is a normal question since they were her students

or associates first, then my acquaintances second. I said calmly (I think)to

both: " I'm not sure, I haven't talked to her in a while. But I assume she's

good. How are you? "

One was satisfied with that answer. One was painful to say that to. It was the

second one that I felt my eyes or face betrayed my hesitation and pain. The

second friend, Olga is her name, thinks very highly of nada and I have mixed

emotions about that. I mean, Olga feels that nada helped her in a spiritual way,

which I cannot deny. I just feel sad because while the advice she gave may be

good, my nada is NOT fit to be giving advice to anyone, about anything. I don't

think she knows or will ever accept that nada is quite severely mentally ill.

It's a shame because I like and respect Olga. I don't want to " burst her

bubble " , but it concerns me that she might reach out to nada and get hurt by

her. It bothers me intensely that I can't " save " her or even just express the

truth. It's a very complicated situation because these people are very well

known in my city and in my direct social circles these days. I don't want to

upset anyone - it would be for nothing. Anyway, it just makes me uneasy.

I have a good handle on my life in general, but I keep getting this feeling that

I need to talk to a therapist. I am getting emotionally over-wrought and today's

a day where I just want to go to bed.

Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble. I really am okay with not talking to nada.

It just kills me that she still causes my life to be strained in social

situations with people who used to know her. I hate that I can't just leave her

behind. Far, far behind.