Co-worker aggravation

[Guest guest]

After I got to work this morning, I found in my physical inbox a print out of

the most recent donation appeal with lots of red marks and a post-it on it from

a co-worker in communications. She had red marked a whole bunch of stylistic

things that I wasn't aware of or that I and the three other readers hadn't

caught. The appeal went out almost two weeks ago. The post it was all gushy and

saying: " Hi and BOSS, I found some typos and had some questions about

phrasing. Just FYI. " And then it had on there are request for me to circulate it

to my boss after I had read it.

So a little back story. I have been with this organization all of three months

and this was the first time I had been through the appeal creation process with

them. As I worked on the appeal, all the people who should have been around to

assist me, including her, went on two or even three weeks vacation. It was

EXTREMELY stressful, especially because the graphic designer was this passive

aggressive guy who has been there forever and took almost 10 days longer than he

was supposed to in finishing the job. So the appeal went out later than I wanted

it to as well.

I was brought in to rebuild their development program and establish new

procedures, etc., because their way isn't working (actually they don't have a

" way " they really have no program at all). Whenever I approach said co-worker

about changing the bulk email schedule or whatever, she basically just says " no,

this is how we've always done it " . Well, missy, how you've always done it isn't

going to work for me and we have to figure out how to make this work for both of

us, because I am responsible for a lot of revenue and you aren't.

So as you can, see (oh, I didn't say that above, just thought it), I am rather

pissed off. I'm not pissed off that she has some stylistic concerns; I'm pissed

off that she couldn't come talk to me and say " hey, I know you are new, I

noticed some things that were different in the appeal. Can we go over the style

guide so I can get you up to date? " No, what she did was basically try to

" correct " my work like a school student and then pass it on to my supervisor. To

me, she is overstepping my boundaries and stepping all over my toes (which she

has been doing since basically day 1) and trying to control my department. She

clearly thinks that my department should have certain priorities that are not

what I believe those priorities are.

I took the paper out of my inbox, wrote on the post it " please see me about

this. " And put it directly back in her box. My intention is to say

(paraphrasing) " listen, I believe you had a good intention with this, but it was

very off-putting to me, even somewhat insulting. If you want to go over the

style guide with me or if you found typos, you should discuss this WITH ME, not

stick a red-lined copy in my inbox like I'm someone's assistant. If there is a

style guide that this does not adhere to, then you should have forwarded that to

me or mentioned it to me in any of the countless director's meetings we have sat

in that I have mentioned this appeal. I have a lot of projects on my desk right

now, and I have specific priorities for my department. I get the feeling that

you think I should have different priorities, but it's my department and I get

to set those priorities, not you. An example of this is the bulk email schedule,

which you point blankly refused to modify when I suggested I wanted to modify

it, as if you get to determine when development communications go out. We have

to be able to work together and compromise on the scheduling of these projects,

but I am responsible for this revenue and if I have to take it to our boss, I

will. "

FYI, this co-worker has shown herself to be very controlling, and she takes on

way more projects than she can handle, then tries to control everyone. I

probably won't say it exactly like above, but I need to get across to her that

she needs to work with me, not against me, which is what it seems like she's

doing now. It seems to me like she's trying to control me and my department, and

that does not jive for me. Things are different in Development, and she is going

to have to adjust to it. Period.

Thoughts, anyone?

[Guest guest]

It sounds like you are a manger of some sort, new to the company, and have found

that one person that has been around forever, thinks she know everything, and

wants to help you be perfect like her. It sounds like she is also a manager of

a different department, or someone of responsibility that is not greater than

yours. If this be the case, I would appease her. You are too new with the

company to start rubbing people the wrong way. She may not technically be your

senior, but she does have seniority. You may be absolutely right about

everything you think about her, but she has been around a long time and the

company will not appreciate you being confrontational with her. It is not your

job. If you are a manager, the company wants to see you be able to work well

with people, even if they are a pain.

If this co-worker is in any way your senior in management, you need to " do as

you are told. " This was hard for me to learn. I would see something I

disagreed with and got all upset about it and insisted on change. Upper

management is insulted when subordinates try to tell them what to do. It is

like calling them stupid. Take it from someone who has rubbed a lot of people

the wrong way at work.

It is better to consider yourself the stupid one, especially when you are the

new kid. Assume that things are the way they are for a reason and that you just

don't understand everything yet. Open our heart and make willing your mind to

learn from those who have been there a while. After you " pay your dues, " so to

speak, they will be more open to what you have to say. Most companies like to

see someone hold their peace for at least one year.

>

> After I got to work this morning, I found in my physical inbox a print out of

the most recent donation appeal with lots of red marks and a post-it on it from

a co-worker in communications. She had red marked a whole bunch of stylistic

things that I wasn't aware of or that I and the three other readers hadn't

caught. The appeal went out almost two weeks ago. The post it was all gushy and

saying: " Hi and BOSS, I found some typos and had some questions about

phrasing. Just FYI. " And then it had on there are request for me to circulate it

to my boss after I had read it.

>

> So a little back story. I have been with this organization all of three months

and this was the first time I had been through the appeal creation process with

them. As I worked on the appeal, all the people who should have been around to

assist me, including her, went on two or even three weeks vacation. It was

EXTREMELY stressful, especially because the graphic designer was this passive

aggressive guy who has been there forever and took almost 10 days longer than he

was supposed to in finishing the job. So the appeal went out later than I wanted

it to as well.

>

> I was brought in to rebuild their development program and establish new

procedures, etc., because their way isn't working (actually they don't have a

" way " they really have no program at all). Whenever I approach said co-worker

about changing the bulk email schedule or whatever, she basically just says " no,

this is how we've always done it " . Well, missy, how you've always done it isn't

going to work for me and we have to figure out how to make this work for both of

us, because I am responsible for a lot of revenue and you aren't.

>

> So as you can, see (oh, I didn't say that above, just thought it), I am rather

pissed off. I'm not pissed off that she has some stylistic concerns; I'm pissed

off that she couldn't come talk to me and say " hey, I know you are new, I

noticed some things that were different in the appeal. Can we go over the style

guide so I can get you up to date? " No, what she did was basically try to

" correct " my work like a school student and then pass it on to my supervisor. To

me, she is overstepping my boundaries and stepping all over my toes (which she

has been doing since basically day 1) and trying to control my department. She

clearly thinks that my department should have certain priorities that are not

what I believe those priorities are.

>

> I took the paper out of my inbox, wrote on the post it " please see me about

this. " And put it directly back in her box. My intention is to say

(paraphrasing) " listen, I believe you had a good intention with this, but it was

very off-putting to me, even somewhat insulting. If you want to go over the

style guide with me or if you found typos, you should discuss this WITH ME, not

stick a red-lined copy in my inbox like I'm someone's assistant. If there is a

style guide that this does not adhere to, then you should have forwarded that to

me or mentioned it to me in any of the countless director's meetings we have sat

in that I have mentioned this appeal. I have a lot of projects on my desk right

now, and I have specific priorities for my department. I get the feeling that

you think I should have different priorities, but it's my department and I get

to set those priorities, not you. An example of this is the bulk email schedule,

which you point blankly refused to modify when I suggested I wanted to modify

it, as if you get to determine when development communications go out. We have

to be able to work together and compromise on the scheduling of these projects,

but I am responsible for this revenue and if I have to take it to our boss, I

will. "

>

> FYI, this co-worker has shown herself to be very controlling, and she takes on

way more projects than she can handle, then tries to control everyone. I

probably won't say it exactly like above, but I need to get across to her that

she needs to work with me, not against me, which is what it seems like she's

doing now. It seems to me like she's trying to control me and my department, and

that does not jive for me. Things are different in Development, and she is going

to have to adjust to it. Period.

>

> Thoughts, anyone?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

With all due respect, , she is not my senior in any way. Further more, I

was specifically not brought in to do as I was told. I am a director, the same

level as her, and I am in an independent department that is responsible for a

lot of revenue. Her department is only an expense. I was brought in to bring in

new ways to raise money and build up their program. So I'm sorry but I feel like

your advice does not work in this situation. I appreciate it though. She is not

my senior and I have as much if not more weigh than her. She does not have the

right to dictate department priorities to me.

> >

> > After I got to work this morning, I found in my physical inbox a print out

of the most recent donation appeal with lots of red marks and a post-it on it

from a co-worker in communications. She had red marked a whole bunch of

stylistic things that I wasn't aware of or that I and the three other readers

hadn't caught. The appeal went out almost two weeks ago. The post it was all

gushy and saying: " Hi and BOSS, I found some typos and had some questions

about phrasing. Just FYI. " And then it had on there are request for me to

circulate it to my boss after I had read it.

> >

> > So a little back story. I have been with this organization all of three

months and this was the first time I had been through the appeal creation

process with them. As I worked on the appeal, all the people who should have

been around to assist me, including her, went on two or even three weeks

vacation. It was EXTREMELY stressful, especially because the graphic designer

was this passive aggressive guy who has been there forever and took almost 10

days longer than he was supposed to in finishing the job. So the appeal went out

later than I wanted it to as well.

> >

> > I was brought in to rebuild their development program and establish new

procedures, etc., because their way isn't working (actually they don't have a

" way " they really have no program at all). Whenever I approach said co-worker

about changing the bulk email schedule or whatever, she basically just says " no,

this is how we've always done it " . Well, missy, how you've always done it isn't

going to work for me and we have to figure out how to make this work for both of

us, because I am responsible for a lot of revenue and you aren't.

> >

> > So as you can, see (oh, I didn't say that above, just thought it), I am

rather pissed off. I'm not pissed off that she has some stylistic concerns; I'm

pissed off that she couldn't come talk to me and say " hey, I know you are new, I

noticed some things that were different in the appeal. Can we go over the style

guide so I can get you up to date? " No, what she did was basically try to

" correct " my work like a school student and then pass it on to my supervisor. To

me, she is overstepping my boundaries and stepping all over my toes (which she

has been doing since basically day 1) and trying to control my department. She

clearly thinks that my department should have certain priorities that are not

what I believe those priorities are.

> >

> > I took the paper out of my inbox, wrote on the post it " please see me about

this. " And put it directly back in her box. My intention is to say

(paraphrasing) " listen, I believe you had a good intention with this, but it was

very off-putting to me, even somewhat insulting. If you want to go over the

style guide with me or if you found typos, you should discuss this WITH ME, not

stick a red-lined copy in my inbox like I'm someone's assistant. If there is a

style guide that this does not adhere to, then you should have forwarded that to

me or mentioned it to me in any of the countless director's meetings we have sat

in that I have mentioned this appeal. I have a lot of projects on my desk right

now, and I have specific priorities for my department. I get the feeling that

you think I should have different priorities, but it's my department and I get

to set those priorities, not you. An example of this is the bulk email schedule,

which you point blankly refused to modify when I suggested I wanted to modify

it, as if you get to determine when development communications go out. We have

to be able to work together and compromise on the scheduling of these projects,

but I am responsible for this revenue and if I have to take it to our boss, I

will. "

> >

> > FYI, this co-worker has shown herself to be very controlling, and she takes

on way more projects than she can handle, then tries to control everyone. I

probably won't say it exactly like above, but I need to get across to her that

she needs to work with me, not against me, which is what it seems like she's

doing now. It seems to me like she's trying to control me and my department, and

that does not jive for me. Things are different in Development, and she is going

to have to adjust to it. Period.

> >

> > Thoughts, anyone?

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I say go amanda go amanda - some people MUST see that they don't intimidate

you!!!!! I've had to do things like this many times, and usually I walk away

with more respect. Last week, the owner of my company needed to discuss

something with me. He opened the conversation by calling me an idiot (I

don't take it personally, because he treats everyone this way). Still, I

grabbed my purse and said, " its been really nice talking to you, let me know

when you are ready to not call names. "

He started to giggle, in and admiring way, and said " ok ok " then we had a

great conversation.

If I were you, i'd also say " Giving me this after the thing went out is NOT

constructive criticism. If you give it to me at a time when I can

incorporate it, I will thank you. After the due date, its totally unhelpful

to me on the project. "

I'd be willing to bet the note alone is enough - she will probably never

come see you. You will end up seeking her out to discuss it.

> **

>

>

> With all due respect, , she is not my senior in any way. Further more,

> I was specifically not brought in to do as I was told. I am a director, the

> same level as her, and I am in an independent department that is responsible

> for a lot of revenue. Her department is only an expense. I was brought in to

> bring in new ways to raise money and build up their program. So I'm sorry

> but I feel like your advice does not work in this situation. I appreciate it

> though. She is not my senior and I have as much if not more weigh than her.

> She does not have the right to dictate department priorities to me.

>

>

>

>

>

> > >

> > > After I got to work this morning, I found in my physical inbox a print

> out of the most recent donation appeal with lots of red marks and a post-it

> on it from a co-worker in communications. She had red marked a whole bunch

> of stylistic things that I wasn't aware of or that I and the three other

> readers hadn't caught. The appeal went out almost two weeks ago. The post it

> was all gushy and saying: " Hi and BOSS, I found some typos and had

> some questions about phrasing. Just FYI. " And then it had on there are

> request for me to circulate it to my boss after I had read it.

> > >

> > > So a little back story. I have been with this organization all of three

> months and this was the first time I had been through the appeal creation

> process with them. As I worked on the appeal, all the people who should have

> been around to assist me, including her, went on two or even three weeks

> vacation. It was EXTREMELY stressful, especially because the graphic

> designer was this passive aggressive guy who has been there forever and took

> almost 10 days longer than he was supposed to in finishing the job. So the

> appeal went out later than I wanted it to as well.

> > >

> > > I was brought in to rebuild their development program and establish new

> procedures, etc., because their way isn't working (actually they don't have

> a " way " they really have no program at all). Whenever I approach said

> co-worker about changing the bulk email schedule or whatever, she basically

> just says " no, this is how we've always done it " . Well, missy, how you've

> always done it isn't going to work for me and we have to figure out how to

> make this work for both of us, because I am responsible for a lot of revenue

> and you aren't.

> > >

> > > So as you can, see (oh, I didn't say that above, just thought it), I am

> rather pissed off. I'm not pissed off that she has some stylistic concerns;

> I'm pissed off that she couldn't come talk to me and say " hey, I know you

> are new, I noticed some things that were different in the appeal. Can we go

> over the style guide so I can get you up to date? " No, what she did was

> basically try to " correct " my work like a school student and then pass it on

> to my supervisor. To me, she is overstepping my boundaries and stepping all

> over my toes (which she has been doing since basically day 1) and trying to

> control my department. She clearly thinks that my department should have

> certain priorities that are not what I believe those priorities are.

> > >

> > > I took the paper out of my inbox, wrote on the post it " please see me

> about this. " And put it directly back in her box. My intention is to say

> (paraphrasing) " listen, I believe you had a good intention with this, but it

> was very off-putting to me, even somewhat insulting. If you want to go over

> the style guide with me or if you found typos, you should discuss this WITH

> ME, not stick a red-lined copy in my inbox like I'm someone's assistant. If

> there is a style guide that this does not adhere to, then you should have

> forwarded that to me or mentioned it to me in any of the countless

> director's meetings we have sat in that I have mentioned this appeal. I have

> a lot of projects on my desk right now, and I have specific priorities for

> my department. I get the feeling that you think I should have different

> priorities, but it's my department and I get to set those priorities, not

> you. An example of this is the bulk email schedule, which you point blankly

> refused to modify when I suggested I wanted to modify it, as if you get to

> determine when development communications go out. We have to be able to work

> together and compromise on the scheduling of these projects, but I am

> responsible for this revenue and if I have to take it to our boss, I will. "

> > >

> > > FYI, this co-worker has shown herself to be very controlling, and she

> takes on way more projects than she can handle, then tries to control

> everyone. I probably won't say it exactly like above, but I need to get

> across to her that she needs to work with me, not against me, which is what

> it seems like she's doing now. It seems to me like she's trying to control

> me and my department, and that does not jive for me. Things are different in

> Development, and she is going to have to adjust to it. Period.

> > >

> > > Thoughts, anyone?

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanls, Girlscout. I hate that I've been thinking about it all nightt, but ii

know that I want to be straightforward but noot confrontational about it. I like

your comment, GS. Ii don't tthink she intends to be controling or hostile, but

is just so high strung, you know. Imm basically going to explain it from my

point of you, and how I know she doesn't mean to undermine me, but (as u say GS)

that it is not constructive or helpful to put a redlined copy in my box well

after the deadline. A more constructive approach would have been to talk to me

directly and offer to go over the style guide with me.

I didn't agree with ' advice but he was right in suggesting that I not open

an argument with her. But honestly, if I just let her walk all over me and piss

me off, I wont be able to be productive. I'd rather have a constructive

discussion about how we can work together.

> > > >

> > > > After I got to work this morning, I found in my physical inbox a print

> > out of the most recent donation appeal with lots of red marks and a post-it

> > on it from a co-worker in communications. She had red marked a whole bunch

> > of stylistic things that I wasn't aware of or that I and the three other

> > readers hadn't caught. The appeal went out almost two weeks ago. The post it

> > was all gushy and saying: " Hi and BOSS, I found some typos and had

> > some questions about phrasing. Just FYI. " And then it had on there are

> > request for me to circulate it to my boss after I had read it.

> > > >

> > > > So a little back story. I have been with this organization all of three

> > months and this was the first time I had been through the appeal creation

> > process with them. As I worked on the appeal, all the people who should have

> > been around to assist me, including her, went on two or even three weeks

> > vacation. It was EXTREMELY stressful, especially because the graphic

> > designer was this passive aggressive guy who has been there forever and took

> > almost 10 days longer than he was supposed to in finishing the job. So the

> > appeal went out later than I wanted it to as well.

> > > >

> > > > I was brought in to rebuild their development program and establish new

> > procedures, etc., because their way isn't working (actually they don't have

> > a " way " they really have no program at all). Whenever I approach said

> > co-worker about changing the bulk email schedule or whatever, she basically

> > just says " no, this is how we've always done it " . Well, missy, how you've

> > always done it isn't going to work for me and we have to figure out how to

> > make this work for both of us, because I am responsible for a lot of revenue

> > and you aren't.

> > > >

> > > > So as you can, see (oh, I didn't say that above, just thought it), I am

> > rather pissed off. I'm not pissed off that she has some stylistic concerns;

> > I'm pissed off that she couldn't come talk to me and say " hey, I know you

> > are new, I noticed some things that were different in the appeal. Can we go

> > over the style guide so I can get you up to date? " No, what she did was

> > basically try to " correct " my work like a school student and then pass it on

> > to my supervisor. To me, she is overstepping my boundaries and stepping all

> > over my toes (which she has been doing since basically day 1) and trying to

> > control my department. She clearly thinks that my department should have

> > certain priorities that are not what I believe those priorities are.

> > > >

> > > > I took the paper out of my inbox, wrote on the post it " please see me

> > about this. " And put it directly back in her box. My intention is to say

> > (paraphrasing) " listen, I believe you had a good intention with this, but it

> > was very off-putting to me, even somewhat insulting. If you want to go over

> > the style guide with me or if you found typos, you should discuss this WITH

> > ME, not stick a red-lined copy in my inbox like I'm someone's assistant. If

> > there is a style guide that this does not adhere to, then you should have

> > forwarded that to me or mentioned it to me in any of the countless

> > director's meetings we have sat in that I have mentioned this appeal. I have

> > a lot of projects on my desk right now, and I have specific priorities for

> > my department. I get the feeling that you think I should have different

> > priorities, but it's my department and I get to set those priorities, not

> > you. An example of this is the bulk email schedule, which you point blankly

> > refused to modify when I suggested I wanted to modify it, as if you get to

> > determine when development communications go out. We have to be able to work

> > together and compromise on the scheduling of these projects, but I am

> > responsible for this revenue and if I have to take it to our boss, I will. "

> > > >

> > > > FYI, this co-worker has shown herself to be very controlling, and she

> > takes on way more projects than she can handle, then tries to control

> > everyone. I probably won't say it exactly like above, but I need to get

> > across to her that she needs to work with me, not against me, which is what

> > it seems like she's doing now. It seems to me like she's trying to control

> > me and my department, and that does not jive for me. Things are different in

> > Development, and she is going to have to adjust to it. Period.

> > > >

> > > > Thoughts, anyone?

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Let us know how it goes! You are going to rock it!!!!

> **

>

>

> Thanls, Girlscout. I hate that I've been thinking about it all nightt, but

> ii know that I want to be straightforward but noot confrontational about it.

> I like your comment, GS. Ii don't tthink she intends to be controling or

> hostile, but is just so high strung, you know. Imm basically going to

> explain it from my point of you, and how I know she doesn't mean to

> undermine me, but (as u say GS) that it is not constructive or helpful to

> put a redlined copy in my box well after the deadline. A more constructive

> approach would have been to talk to me directly and offer to go over the

> style guide with me.

>

> I didn't agree with ' advice but he was right in suggesting that I not

> open an argument with her. But honestly, if I just let her walk all over me

> and piss me off, I wont be able to be productive. I'd rather have a

> constructive discussion about how we can work together.

>

>

>

>

>

> > > > >

> > > > > After I got to work this morning, I found in my physical inbox a

> print

> > > out of the most recent donation appeal with lots of red marks and a

> post-it

> > > on it from a co-worker in communications. She had red marked a whole

> bunch

> > > of stylistic things that I wasn't aware of or that I and the three

> other

> > > readers hadn't caught. The appeal went out almost two weeks ago. The

> post it

> > > was all gushy and saying: " Hi and BOSS, I found some typos and

> had

> > > some questions about phrasing. Just FYI. " And then it had on there are

> > > request for me to circulate it to my boss after I had read it.

> > > > >

> > > > > So a little back story. I have been with this organization all of

> three

> > > months and this was the first time I had been through the appeal

> creation

> > > process with them. As I worked on the appeal, all the people who should

> have

> > > been around to assist me, including her, went on two or even three

> weeks

> > > vacation. It was EXTREMELY stressful, especially because the graphic

> > > designer was this passive aggressive guy who has been there forever and

> took

> > > almost 10 days longer than he was supposed to in finishing the job. So

> the

> > > appeal went out later than I wanted it to as well.

> > > > >

> > > > > I was brought in to rebuild their development program and establish

> new

> > > procedures, etc., because their way isn't working (actually they don't

> have

> > > a " way " they really have no program at all). Whenever I approach said

> > > co-worker about changing the bulk email schedule or whatever, she

> basically

> > > just says " no, this is how we've always done it " . Well, missy, how

> you've

> > > always done it isn't going to work for me and we have to figure out how

> to

> > > make this work for both of us, because I am responsible for a lot of

> revenue

> > > and you aren't.

> > > > >

> > > > > So as you can, see (oh, I didn't say that above, just thought it),

> I am

> > > rather pissed off. I'm not pissed off that she has some stylistic

> concerns;

> > > I'm pissed off that she couldn't come talk to me and say " hey, I know

> you

> > > are new, I noticed some things that were different in the appeal. Can

> we go

> > > over the style guide so I can get you up to date? " No, what she did was

> > > basically try to " correct " my work like a school student and then pass

> it on

> > > to my supervisor. To me, she is overstepping my boundaries and stepping

> all

> > > over my toes (which she has been doing since basically day 1) and

> trying to

> > > control my department. She clearly thinks that my department should

> have

> > > certain priorities that are not what I believe those priorities are.

> > > > >

> > > > > I took the paper out of my inbox, wrote on the post it " please see

> me

> > > about this. " And put it directly back in her box. My intention is to

> say

> > > (paraphrasing) " listen, I believe you had a good intention with this,

> but it

> > > was very off-putting to me, even somewhat insulting. If you want to go

> over

> > > the style guide with me or if you found typos, you should discuss this

> WITH

> > > ME, not stick a red-lined copy in my inbox like I'm someone's

> assistant. If

> > > there is a style guide that this does not adhere to, then you should

> have

> > > forwarded that to me or mentioned it to me in any of the countless

> > > director's meetings we have sat in that I have mentioned this appeal. I

> have

> > > a lot of projects on my desk right now, and I have specific priorities

> for

> > > my department. I get the feeling that you think I should have different

> > > priorities, but it's my department and I get to set those priorities,

> not

> > > you. An example of this is the bulk email schedule, which you point

> blankly

> > > refused to modify when I suggested I wanted to modify it, as if you get

> to

> > > determine when development communications go out. We have to be able to

> work

> > > together and compromise on the scheduling of these projects, but I am

> > > responsible for this revenue and if I have to take it to our boss, I

> will. "

> > > > >

> > > > > FYI, this co-worker has shown herself to be very controlling, and

> she

> > > takes on way more projects than she can handle, then tries to control

> > > everyone. I probably won't say it exactly like above, but I need to get

> > > across to her that she needs to work with me, not against me, which is

> what

> > > it seems like she's doing now. It seems to me like she's trying to

> control

> > > me and my department, and that does not jive for me. Things are

> different in

> > > Development, and she is going to have to adjust to it. Period.

> > > > >

> > > > > Thoughts, anyone?

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I am trying to calm myself down so I can have an effective conversation. I am

going to try and focus on " this is my work style, and if you have feedback, this

is the best way to give it " rather than anything confrontational. I would

certainly like to confront her about it, but I'm not sure that would help me in

the long run. I will hint that she was out-of-line, but I am going to try and

stick to " this is how I would prefer you give me feedback and when " . Basically

stating the boundaries with her and giving her another chance. I hate having to

manipulate her in that way, but she has the whole control freak, over achiever

thing going on and if I say what I really want to say, I have a feeling she

will just shut down and we won't be able to work together.

I will let you know how it goes today.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > After I got to work this morning, I found in my physical inbox a

> > print

> > > > out of the most recent donation appeal with lots of red marks and a

> > post-it

> > > > on it from a co-worker in communications. She had red marked a whole

> > bunch

> > > > of stylistic things that I wasn't aware of or that I and the three

> > other

> > > > readers hadn't caught. The appeal went out almost two weeks ago. The

> > post it

> > > > was all gushy and saying: " Hi and BOSS, I found some typos and

> > had

> > > > some questions about phrasing. Just FYI. " And then it had on there are

> > > > request for me to circulate it to my boss after I had read it.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > So a little back story. I have been with this organization all of

> > three

> > > > months and this was the first time I had been through the appeal

> > creation

> > > > process with them. As I worked on the appeal, all the people who should

> > have

> > > > been around to assist me, including her, went on two or even three

> > weeks

> > > > vacation. It was EXTREMELY stressful, especially because the graphic

> > > > designer was this passive aggressive guy who has been there forever and

> > took

> > > > almost 10 days longer than he was supposed to in finishing the job. So

> > the

> > > > appeal went out later than I wanted it to as well.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I was brought in to rebuild their development program and establish

> > new

> > > > procedures, etc., because their way isn't working (actually they don't

> > have

> > > > a " way " they really have no program at all). Whenever I approach said

> > > > co-worker about changing the bulk email schedule or whatever, she

> > basically

> > > > just says " no, this is how we've always done it " . Well, missy, how

> > you've

> > > > always done it isn't going to work for me and we have to figure out how

> > to

> > > > make this work for both of us, because I am responsible for a lot of

> > revenue

> > > > and you aren't.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > So as you can, see (oh, I didn't say that above, just thought it),

> > I am

> > > > rather pissed off. I'm not pissed off that she has some stylistic

> > concerns;

> > > > I'm pissed off that she couldn't come talk to me and say " hey, I know

> > you

> > > > are new, I noticed some things that were different in the appeal. Can

> > we go

> > > > over the style guide so I can get you up to date? " No, what she did was

> > > > basically try to " correct " my work like a school student and then pass

> > it on

> > > > to my supervisor. To me, she is overstepping my boundaries and stepping

> > all

> > > > over my toes (which she has been doing since basically day 1) and

> > trying to

> > > > control my department. She clearly thinks that my department should

> > have

> > > > certain priorities that are not what I believe those priorities are.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I took the paper out of my inbox, wrote on the post it " please see

> > me

> > > > about this. " And put it directly back in her box. My intention is to

> > say

> > > > (paraphrasing) " listen, I believe you had a good intention with this,

> > but it

> > > > was very off-putting to me, even somewhat insulting. If you want to go

> > over

> > > > the style guide with me or if you found typos, you should discuss this

> > WITH

> > > > ME, not stick a red-lined copy in my inbox like I'm someone's

> > assistant. If

> > > > there is a style guide that this does not adhere to, then you should

> > have

> > > > forwarded that to me or mentioned it to me in any of the countless

> > > > director's meetings we have sat in that I have mentioned this appeal. I

> > have

> > > > a lot of projects on my desk right now, and I have specific priorities

> > for

> > > > my department. I get the feeling that you think I should have different

> > > > priorities, but it's my department and I get to set those priorities,

> > not

> > > > you. An example of this is the bulk email schedule, which you point

> > blankly

> > > > refused to modify when I suggested I wanted to modify it, as if you get

> > to

> > > > determine when development communications go out. We have to be able to

> > work

> > > > together and compromise on the scheduling of these projects, but I am

> > > > responsible for this revenue and if I have to take it to our boss, I

> > will. "

> > > > > >

> > > > > > FYI, this co-worker has shown herself to be very controlling, and

> > she

> > > > takes on way more projects than she can handle, then tries to control

> > > > everyone. I probably won't say it exactly like above, but I need to get

> > > > across to her that she needs to work with me, not against me, which is

> > what

> > > > it seems like she's doing now. It seems to me like she's trying to

> > control

> > > > me and my department, and that does not jive for me. Things are

> > different in

> > > > Development, and she is going to have to adjust to it. Period.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Thoughts, anyone?

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

It sounds like you are afraid. It would sound silly if I said , " just don't be

afraid. " Emotions don't work that way. If you are afraid, there is a reason.

You may feel intimidated by her, even if you know this is illogical. Feelings

are not logical.

I can't help but think that, if you do this right, this co-worker could turn out

to be your greatest asset. Remember, when you set boundaries, she doesn't

necessarily need to know about them. You know who you are and how you do

things. The most affective boundaries are those that strengthen your own

identity and integrity. You can't control her, but you have absolute control of

yourself and how you respond to her. This is not off topic, this is what we all

deal with in the aftermath of being raised by BP parents. I find it amazing how

functional we are to each other on this list, considering our inherent issues

with boundaries.

You have a good balance plan. Trust yourself and also be open to opportunity

for good things to happen with this co-worker. We are all behind you.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > After I got to work this morning, I found in my physical inbox a

> > > print

> > > > > out of the most recent donation appeal with lots of red marks and a

> > > post-it

> > > > > on it from a co-worker in communications. She had red marked a whole

> > > bunch

> > > > > of stylistic things that I wasn't aware of or that I and the three

> > > other

> > > > > readers hadn't caught. The appeal went out almost two weeks ago. The

> > > post it

> > > > > was all gushy and saying: " Hi and BOSS, I found some typos and

> > > had

> > > > > some questions about phrasing. Just FYI. " And then it had on there are

> > > > > request for me to circulate it to my boss after I had read it.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > So a little back story. I have been with this organization all of

> > > three

> > > > > months and this was the first time I had been through the appeal

> > > creation

> > > > > process with them. As I worked on the appeal, all the people who

should

> > > have

> > > > > been around to assist me, including her, went on two or even three

> > > weeks

> > > > > vacation. It was EXTREMELY stressful, especially because the graphic

> > > > > designer was this passive aggressive guy who has been there forever

and

> > > took

> > > > > almost 10 days longer than he was supposed to in finishing the job. So

> > > the

> > > > > appeal went out later than I wanted it to as well.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I was brought in to rebuild their development program and

establish

> > > new

> > > > > procedures, etc., because their way isn't working (actually they don't

> > > have

> > > > > a " way " they really have no program at all). Whenever I approach said

> > > > > co-worker about changing the bulk email schedule or whatever, she

> > > basically

> > > > > just says " no, this is how we've always done it " . Well, missy, how

> > > you've

> > > > > always done it isn't going to work for me and we have to figure out

how

> > > to

> > > > > make this work for both of us, because I am responsible for a lot of

> > > revenue

> > > > > and you aren't.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > So as you can, see (oh, I didn't say that above, just thought it),

> > > I am

> > > > > rather pissed off. I'm not pissed off that she has some stylistic

> > > concerns;

> > > > > I'm pissed off that she couldn't come talk to me and say " hey, I know

> > > you

> > > > > are new, I noticed some things that were different in the appeal. Can

> > > we go

> > > > > over the style guide so I can get you up to date? " No, what she did

was

> > > > > basically try to " correct " my work like a school student and then pass

> > > it on

> > > > > to my supervisor. To me, she is overstepping my boundaries and

stepping

> > > all

> > > > > over my toes (which she has been doing since basically day 1) and

> > > trying to

> > > > > control my department. She clearly thinks that my department should

> > > have

> > > > > certain priorities that are not what I believe those priorities are.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I took the paper out of my inbox, wrote on the post it " please see

> > > me

> > > > > about this. " And put it directly back in her box. My intention is to

> > > say

> > > > > (paraphrasing) " listen, I believe you had a good intention with this,

> > > but it

> > > > > was very off-putting to me, even somewhat insulting. If you want to go

> > > over

> > > > > the style guide with me or if you found typos, you should discuss this

> > > WITH

> > > > > ME, not stick a red-lined copy in my inbox like I'm someone's

> > > assistant. If

> > > > > there is a style guide that this does not adhere to, then you should

> > > have

> > > > > forwarded that to me or mentioned it to me in any of the countless

> > > > > director's meetings we have sat in that I have mentioned this appeal.

I

> > > have

> > > > > a lot of projects on my desk right now, and I have specific priorities

> > > for

> > > > > my department. I get the feeling that you think I should have

different

> > > > > priorities, but it's my department and I get to set those priorities,

> > > not

> > > > > you. An example of this is the bulk email schedule, which you point

> > > blankly

> > > > > refused to modify when I suggested I wanted to modify it, as if you

get

> > > to

> > > > > determine when development communications go out. We have to be able

to

> > > work

> > > > > together and compromise on the scheduling of these projects, but I am

> > > > > responsible for this revenue and if I have to take it to our boss, I

> > > will. "

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > FYI, this co-worker has shown herself to be very controlling, and

> > > she

> > > > > takes on way more projects than she can handle, then tries to control

> > > > > everyone. I probably won't say it exactly like above, but I need to

get

> > > > > across to her that she needs to work with me, not against me, which is

> > > what

> > > > > it seems like she's doing now. It seems to me like she's trying to

> > > control

> > > > > me and my department, and that does not jive for me. Things are

> > > different in

> > > > > Development, and she is going to have to adjust to it. Period.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Thoughts, anyone?

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

I am afraid of her. She is aggressive and intimidating. She is loud and

forceful, and so yes, I'm afraid. But you're right, there is no reason for me to

be afraid. I can only control me.

Okay, here goes...

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > After I got to work this morning, I found in my physical inbox a

> > > > print

> > > > > > out of the most recent donation appeal with lots of red marks and a

> > > > post-it

> > > > > > on it from a co-worker in communications. She had red marked a whole

> > > > bunch

> > > > > > of stylistic things that I wasn't aware of or that I and the three

> > > > other

> > > > > > readers hadn't caught. The appeal went out almost two weeks ago. The

> > > > post it

> > > > > > was all gushy and saying: " Hi and BOSS, I found some typos

and

> > > > had

> > > > > > some questions about phrasing. Just FYI. " And then it had on there

are

> > > > > > request for me to circulate it to my boss after I had read it.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > So a little back story. I have been with this organization all

of

> > > > three

> > > > > > months and this was the first time I had been through the appeal

> > > > creation

> > > > > > process with them. As I worked on the appeal, all the people who

should

> > > > have

> > > > > > been around to assist me, including her, went on two or even three

> > > > weeks

> > > > > > vacation. It was EXTREMELY stressful, especially because the graphic

> > > > > > designer was this passive aggressive guy who has been there forever

and

> > > > took

> > > > > > almost 10 days longer than he was supposed to in finishing the job.

So

> > > > the

> > > > > > appeal went out later than I wanted it to as well.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > I was brought in to rebuild their development program and

establish

> > > > new

> > > > > > procedures, etc., because their way isn't working (actually they

don't

> > > > have

> > > > > > a " way " they really have no program at all). Whenever I approach

said

> > > > > > co-worker about changing the bulk email schedule or whatever, she

> > > > basically

> > > > > > just says " no, this is how we've always done it " . Well, missy, how

> > > > you've

> > > > > > always done it isn't going to work for me and we have to figure out

how

> > > > to

> > > > > > make this work for both of us, because I am responsible for a lot of

> > > > revenue

> > > > > > and you aren't.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > So as you can, see (oh, I didn't say that above, just thought

it),

> > > > I am

> > > > > > rather pissed off. I'm not pissed off that she has some stylistic

> > > > concerns;

> > > > > > I'm pissed off that she couldn't come talk to me and say " hey, I

know

> > > > you

> > > > > > are new, I noticed some things that were different in the appeal.

Can

> > > > we go

> > > > > > over the style guide so I can get you up to date? " No, what she did

was

> > > > > > basically try to " correct " my work like a school student and then

pass

> > > > it on

> > > > > > to my supervisor. To me, she is overstepping my boundaries and

stepping

> > > > all

> > > > > > over my toes (which she has been doing since basically day 1) and

> > > > trying to

> > > > > > control my department. She clearly thinks that my department should

> > > > have

> > > > > > certain priorities that are not what I believe those priorities are.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > I took the paper out of my inbox, wrote on the post it " please

see

> > > > me

> > > > > > about this. " And put it directly back in her box. My intention is to

> > > > say

> > > > > > (paraphrasing) " listen, I believe you had a good intention with

this,

> > > > but it

> > > > > > was very off-putting to me, even somewhat insulting. If you want to

go

> > > > over

> > > > > > the style guide with me or if you found typos, you should discuss

this

> > > > WITH

> > > > > > ME, not stick a red-lined copy in my inbox like I'm someone's

> > > > assistant. If

> > > > > > there is a style guide that this does not adhere to, then you should

> > > > have

> > > > > > forwarded that to me or mentioned it to me in any of the countless

> > > > > > director's meetings we have sat in that I have mentioned this

appeal. I

> > > > have

> > > > > > a lot of projects on my desk right now, and I have specific

priorities

> > > > for

> > > > > > my department. I get the feeling that you think I should have

different

> > > > > > priorities, but it's my department and I get to set those

priorities,

> > > > not

> > > > > > you. An example of this is the bulk email schedule, which you point

> > > > blankly

> > > > > > refused to modify when I suggested I wanted to modify it, as if you

get

> > > > to

> > > > > > determine when development communications go out. We have to be able

to

> > > > work

> > > > > > together and compromise on the scheduling of these projects, but I

am

> > > > > > responsible for this revenue and if I have to take it to our boss, I

> > > > will. "

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > FYI, this co-worker has shown herself to be very controlling,

and

> > > > she

> > > > > > takes on way more projects than she can handle, then tries to

control

> > > > > > everyone. I probably won't say it exactly like above, but I need to

get

> > > > > > across to her that she needs to work with me, not against me, which

is

> > > > what

> > > > > > it seems like she's doing now. It seems to me like she's trying to

> > > > control

> > > > > > me and my department, and that does not jive for me. Things are

> > > > different in

> > > > > > Development, and she is going to have to adjust to it. Period.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > Thoughts, anyone?

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

[Guest guest]

Update:

I spoke with her; we discussed getting her in on the process as the final copy

editor, and she understood how it could have come off that way. I explained that

it's just a work style thing, she said she would try to accommodate that way.

She seemed to think I was taking it a little personally, but she understood how,

being new to the organization, I could have taken it the way I did. So we are

all good.

>

> After I got to work this morning, I found in my physical inbox a print out of

the most recent donation appeal with lots of red marks and a post-it on it from

a co-worker in communications. She had red marked a whole bunch of stylistic

things that I wasn't aware of or that I and the three other readers hadn't

caught. The appeal went out almost two weeks ago. The post it was all gushy and

saying: " Hi and BOSS, I found some typos and had some questions about

phrasing. Just FYI. " And then it had on there are request for me to circulate it

to my boss after I had read it.

>

> So a little back story. I have been with this organization all of three months

and this was the first time I had been through the appeal creation process with

them. As I worked on the appeal, all the people who should have been around to

assist me, including her, went on two or even three weeks vacation. It was

EXTREMELY stressful, especially because the graphic designer was this passive

aggressive guy who has been there forever and took almost 10 days longer than he

was supposed to in finishing the job. So the appeal went out later than I wanted

it to as well.

>

> I was brought in to rebuild their development program and establish new

procedures, etc., because their way isn't working (actually they don't have a

" way " they really have no program at all). Whenever I approach said co-worker

about changing the bulk email schedule or whatever, she basically just says " no,

this is how we've always done it " . Well, missy, how you've always done it isn't

going to work for me and we have to figure out how to make this work for both of

us, because I am responsible for a lot of revenue and you aren't.

>

> So as you can, see (oh, I didn't say that above, just thought it), I am rather

pissed off. I'm not pissed off that she has some stylistic concerns; I'm pissed

off that she couldn't come talk to me and say " hey, I know you are new, I

noticed some things that were different in the appeal. Can we go over the style

guide so I can get you up to date? " No, what she did was basically try to

" correct " my work like a school student and then pass it on to my supervisor. To

me, she is overstepping my boundaries and stepping all over my toes (which she

has been doing since basically day 1) and trying to control my department. She

clearly thinks that my department should have certain priorities that are not

what I believe those priorities are.

>

> I took the paper out of my inbox, wrote on the post it " please see me about

this. " And put it directly back in her box. My intention is to say

(paraphrasing) " listen, I believe you had a good intention with this, but it was

very off-putting to me, even somewhat insulting. If you want to go over the

style guide with me or if you found typos, you should discuss this WITH ME, not

stick a red-lined copy in my inbox like I'm someone's assistant. If there is a

style guide that this does not adhere to, then you should have forwarded that to

me or mentioned it to me in any of the countless director's meetings we have sat

in that I have mentioned this appeal. I have a lot of projects on my desk right

now, and I have specific priorities for my department. I get the feeling that

you think I should have different priorities, but it's my department and I get

to set those priorities, not you. An example of this is the bulk email schedule,

which you point blankly refused to modify when I suggested I wanted to modify

it, as if you get to determine when development communications go out. We have

to be able to work together and compromise on the scheduling of these projects,

but I am responsible for this revenue and if I have to take it to our boss, I

will. "

>

> FYI, this co-worker has shown herself to be very controlling, and she takes on

way more projects than she can handle, then tries to control everyone. I

probably won't say it exactly like above, but I need to get across to her that

she needs to work with me, not against me, which is what it seems like she's

doing now. It seems to me like she's trying to control me and my department, and

that does not jive for me. Things are different in Development, and she is going

to have to adjust to it. Period.

>

> Thoughts, anyone?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I am proud of you. Go girl, be you!

> >

> > After I got to work this morning, I found in my physical inbox a print out

of the most recent donation appeal with lots of red marks and a post-it on it

from a co-worker in communications. She had red marked a whole bunch of

stylistic things that I wasn't aware of or that I and the three other readers

hadn't caught. The appeal went out almost two weeks ago. The post it was all

gushy and saying: " Hi and BOSS, I found some typos and had some questions

about phrasing. Just FYI. " And then it had on there are request for me to

circulate it to my boss after I had read it.

> >

> > So a little back story. I have been with this organization all of three

months and this was the first time I had been through the appeal creation

process with them. As I worked on the appeal, all the people who should have

been around to assist me, including her, went on two or even three weeks

vacation. It was EXTREMELY stressful, especially because the graphic designer

was this passive aggressive guy who has been there forever and took almost 10

days longer than he was supposed to in finishing the job. So the appeal went out

later than I wanted it to as well.

> >

> > I was brought in to rebuild their development program and establish new

procedures, etc., because their way isn't working (actually they don't have a

" way " they really have no program at all). Whenever I approach said co-worker

about changing the bulk email schedule or whatever, she basically just says " no,

this is how we've always done it " . Well, missy, how you've always done it isn't

going to work for me and we have to figure out how to make this work for both of

us, because I am responsible for a lot of revenue and you aren't.

> >

> > So as you can, see (oh, I didn't say that above, just thought it), I am

rather pissed off. I'm not pissed off that she has some stylistic concerns; I'm

pissed off that she couldn't come talk to me and say " hey, I know you are new, I

noticed some things that were different in the appeal. Can we go over the style

guide so I can get you up to date? " No, what she did was basically try to

" correct " my work like a school student and then pass it on to my supervisor. To

me, she is overstepping my boundaries and stepping all over my toes (which she

has been doing since basically day 1) and trying to control my department. She

clearly thinks that my department should have certain priorities that are not

what I believe those priorities are.

> >

> > I took the paper out of my inbox, wrote on the post it " please see me about

this. " And put it directly back in her box. My intention is to say

(paraphrasing) " listen, I believe you had a good intention with this, but it was

very off-putting to me, even somewhat insulting. If you want to go over the

style guide with me or if you found typos, you should discuss this WITH ME, not

stick a red-lined copy in my inbox like I'm someone's assistant. If there is a

style guide that this does not adhere to, then you should have forwarded that to

me or mentioned it to me in any of the countless director's meetings we have sat

in that I have mentioned this appeal. I have a lot of projects on my desk right

now, and I have specific priorities for my department. I get the feeling that

you think I should have different priorities, but it's my department and I get

to set those priorities, not you. An example of this is the bulk email schedule,

which you point blankly refused to modify when I suggested I wanted to modify

it, as if you get to determine when development communications go out. We have

to be able to work together and compromise on the scheduling of these projects,

but I am responsible for this revenue and if I have to take it to our boss, I

will. "

> >

> > FYI, this co-worker has shown herself to be very controlling, and she takes

on way more projects than she can handle, then tries to control everyone. I

probably won't say it exactly like above, but I need to get across to her that

she needs to work with me, not against me, which is what it seems like she's

doing now. It seems to me like she's trying to control me and my department, and

that does not jive for me. Things are different in Development, and she is going

to have to adjust to it. Period.

> >

> > Thoughts, anyone?

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

YAY !!!! And she now knows that if she pulls this bullshit with you

that you will call her on it - so she probably won't do it again. If she

does - she has been warned!

> **

>

>

> I am proud of you. Go girl, be you!

>

>

>

> > >

> > > After I got to work this morning, I found in my physical inbox a print

> out of the most recent donation appeal with lots of red marks and a post-it

> on it from a co-worker in communications. She had red marked a whole bunch

> of stylistic things that I wasn't aware of or that I and the three other

> readers hadn't caught. The appeal went out almost two weeks ago. The post it

> was all gushy and saying: " Hi and BOSS, I found some typos and had

> some questions about phrasing. Just FYI. " And then it had on there are

> request for me to circulate it to my boss after I had read it.

> > >

> > > So a little back story. I have been with this organization all of three

> months and this was the first time I had been through the appeal creation

> process with them. As I worked on the appeal, all the people who should have

> been around to assist me, including her, went on two or even three weeks

> vacation. It was EXTREMELY stressful, especially because the graphic

> designer was this passive aggressive guy who has been there forever and took

> almost 10 days longer than he was supposed to in finishing the job. So the

> appeal went out later than I wanted it to as well.

> > >

> > > I was brought in to rebuild their development program and establish new

> procedures, etc., because their way isn't working (actually they don't have

> a " way " they really have no program at all). Whenever I approach said

> co-worker about changing the bulk email schedule or whatever, she basically

> just says " no, this is how we've always done it " . Well, missy, how you've

> always done it isn't going to work for me and we have to figure out how to

> make this work for both of us, because I am responsible for a lot of revenue

> and you aren't.

> > >

> > > So as you can, see (oh, I didn't say that above, just thought it), I am

> rather pissed off. I'm not pissed off that she has some stylistic concerns;

> I'm pissed off that she couldn't come talk to me and say " hey, I know you

> are new, I noticed some things that were different in the appeal. Can we go

> over the style guide so I can get you up to date? " No, what she did was

> basically try to " correct " my work like a school student and then pass it on

> to my supervisor. To me, she is overstepping my boundaries and stepping all

> over my toes (which she has been doing since basically day 1) and trying to

> control my department. She clearly thinks that my department should have

> certain priorities that are not what I believe those priorities are.

> > >

> > > I took the paper out of my inbox, wrote on the post it " please see me

> about this. " And put it directly back in her box. My intention is to say

> (paraphrasing) " listen, I believe you had a good intention with this, but it

> was very off-putting to me, even somewhat insulting. If you want to go over

> the style guide with me or if you found typos, you should discuss this WITH

> ME, not stick a red-lined copy in my inbox like I'm someone's assistant. If

> there is a style guide that this does not adhere to, then you should have

> forwarded that to me or mentioned it to me in any of the countless

> director's meetings we have sat in that I have mentioned this appeal. I have

> a lot of projects on my desk right now, and I have specific priorities for

> my department. I get the feeling that you think I should have different

> priorities, but it's my department and I get to set those priorities, not

> you. An example of this is the bulk email schedule, which you point blankly

> refused to modify when I suggested I wanted to modify it, as if you get to

> determine when development communications go out. We have to be able to work

> together and compromise on the scheduling of these projects, but I am

> responsible for this revenue and if I have to take it to our boss, I will. "

> > >

> > > FYI, this co-worker has shown herself to be very controlling, and she

> takes on way more projects than she can handle, then tries to control

> everyone. I probably won't say it exactly like above, but I need to get

> across to her that she needs to work with me, not against me, which is what

> it seems like she's doing now. It seems to me like she's trying to control

> me and my department, and that does not jive for me. Things are different in

> Development, and she is going to have to adjust to it. Period.

> > >

> > > Thoughts, anyone?

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Honestly, it was good that I had a conversation with her. She had no idea I

would take it offensively, because they are just a much smaller organization (I

came from a MUCH bigger, like 12x bigger organization) and I guess they give

each other a head's up on things like that all the time. She said she wasn't

sure how to deal with it (although like I said, she is a control freak) because

no one was in my position for so long, she wasn't sure who to talk to about the

" errors " she found. We worked together the rest of the day and it was no big

deal. Maybe I was over-reacting, but in the end, she and I, I think, will work

better together because we are on the same page now. And I think the fact that I

said, " you should be the final copy editor and line of approval before these

things go to the printer so that the message is in line with our branding, etc. "

made her happy. I think she also understood that I was frustrated because here I

was, working on this thing, and everyone who should have helped was on vacation

so I had to wing it.

When I mentioned she needed to give me feedback before, not after, she said

" well, I didn't see it before it went out " and I said " well, you and everyone

else was on vacation and I was here trying to figure it out on my own... " and I

think she got the hint that her timing was very bad.

Anyhow, it was a little blip in feeling out a new working relationship, and I

see that she didn't mean anything by it, and I think she understands that I'm in

charge of my department, so, it's all good.

I must say though, I am VERY glad that when I felt like my boundaries were being

crossed, I talked to the offender about it. I realize it's much better to just

sit down and figure out how we can best work together than for me to get pissed

about something. I can only imagine if I had let stuff like this continue

without standing my ground that eventually I would just burst and really do some

damage. It's much better to express ourselves (after we've calmed down, of

course) and try to work out our differences with people than just " play nice " .

Playing nice is what I did with nada all those years, trying to make her happy.

Anyways, thanks for your support everyone.

> > > >

> > > > After I got to work this morning, I found in my physical inbox a print

> > out of the most recent donation appeal with lots of red marks and a post-it

> > on it from a co-worker in communications. She had red marked a whole bunch

> > of stylistic things that I wasn't aware of or that I and the three other

> > readers hadn't caught. The appeal went out almost two weeks ago. The post it

> > was all gushy and saying: " Hi and BOSS, I found some typos and had

> > some questions about phrasing. Just FYI. " And then it had on there are

> > request for me to circulate it to my boss after I had read it.

> > > >

> > > > So a little back story. I have been with this organization all of three

> > months and this was the first time I had been through the appeal creation

> > process with them. As I worked on the appeal, all the people who should have

> > been around to assist me, including her, went on two or even three weeks

> > vacation. It was EXTREMELY stressful, especially because the graphic

> > designer was this passive aggressive guy who has been there forever and took

> > almost 10 days longer than he was supposed to in finishing the job. So the

> > appeal went out later than I wanted it to as well.

> > > >

> > > > I was brought in to rebuild their development program and establish new

> > procedures, etc., because their way isn't working (actually they don't have

> > a " way " they really have no program at all). Whenever I approach said

> > co-worker about changing the bulk email schedule or whatever, she basically

> > just says " no, this is how we've always done it " . Well, missy, how you've

> > always done it isn't going to work for me and we have to figure out how to

> > make this work for both of us, because I am responsible for a lot of revenue

> > and you aren't.

> > > >

> > > > So as you can, see (oh, I didn't say that above, just thought it), I am

> > rather pissed off. I'm not pissed off that she has some stylistic concerns;

> > I'm pissed off that she couldn't come talk to me and say " hey, I know you

> > are new, I noticed some things that were different in the appeal. Can we go

> > over the style guide so I can get you up to date? " No, what she did was

> > basically try to " correct " my work like a school student and then pass it on

> > to my supervisor. To me, she is overstepping my boundaries and stepping all

> > over my toes (which she has been doing since basically day 1) and trying to

> > control my department. She clearly thinks that my department should have

> > certain priorities that are not what I believe those priorities are.

> > > >

> > > > I took the paper out of my inbox, wrote on the post it " please see me

> > about this. " And put it directly back in her box. My intention is to say

> > (paraphrasing) " listen, I believe you had a good intention with this, but it

> > was very off-putting to me, even somewhat insulting. If you want to go over

> > the style guide with me or if you found typos, you should discuss this WITH

> > ME, not stick a red-lined copy in my inbox like I'm someone's assistant. If

> > there is a style guide that this does not adhere to, then you should have

> > forwarded that to me or mentioned it to me in any of the countless

> > director's meetings we have sat in that I have mentioned this appeal. I have

> > a lot of projects on my desk right now, and I have specific priorities for

> > my department. I get the feeling that you think I should have different

> > priorities, but it's my department and I get to set those priorities, not

> > you. An example of this is the bulk email schedule, which you point blankly

> > refused to modify when I suggested I wanted to modify it, as if you get to

> > determine when development communications go out. We have to be able to work

> > together and compromise on the scheduling of these projects, but I am

> > responsible for this revenue and if I have to take it to our boss, I will. "

> > > >

> > > > FYI, this co-worker has shown herself to be very controlling, and she

> > takes on way more projects than she can handle, then tries to control

> > everyone. I probably won't say it exactly like above, but I need to get

> > across to her that she needs to work with me, not against me, which is what

> > it seems like she's doing now. It seems to me like she's trying to control

> > me and my department, and that does not jive for me. Things are different in

> > Development, and she is going to have to adjust to it. Period.

> > > >

> > > > Thoughts, anyone?

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>