go head if you want to die, just leave me in Peace!

[Guest guest]

Have you ever said to your Nada something like this when you blow up?

How was the aftermath?

Do you think that it had any positive effect?

sometimes I think my Nada needs to get shocked once in a while by my worlds to

get out ( even for a while) of the numbness and complains that creates ALL the

time with no reason at all!

I would like to hear your opinions to clear my mind.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I feel like if you blow up, you'll be rewarding her. Also, she will have a good

little nugget from you that she can hold onto to prove to herself (and others if

she has any allies) that you are a bad person. My instinct is not to reveal your

emotions - unless you feel totally cool with her bringing it up multiple times

later and playing the victim with you. My guess is that if you are on speaking

terms with her, you may benefit more from adding distance when you feel fed up

with her, rather than stirring up the pot.Â

But if you feel like you really *need* to tell her off, by all means, go for it.

You're not responsible for whatever reaction she has. Just don't expect her to

learn anything from it.... 99% chance that she won't.

Hope that helps!

________________________________

To: " WTOAdultChildren1 " <WTOAdultChildren1 >

Sent: Tuesday, August 30, 2011 8:08 AM

Subject: " go head if you want to die, just leave me in

Peace! "

Â

Have you ever said to your Nada something like this when you blow up?

How was the aftermath?

Do you think that it had any positive effect?

sometimes I think my Nada needs to get shocked once in a while by my worlds to

get out ( even for a while) of the numbness and complains that creates ALL the

time with no reason at all!

I would like to hear your opinions to clear my mind.

[Guest guest]

, hurtful comments do have some immediate benefits sometimes, but in the

long run, they do more harm than good. It harms you more than them. This is

how we all get sucked in. We think that if we do something to " wake them up "

that they will learn no to be so crazy. The problem is that as long as we

perpetuate the dysfunction by being a part of it, the more we become a part of

it and the more resistant to change they (the BP) become.

BPD is a strange disorder to understand. It needs others to join it order for

in to survive. It is like a cult. It cannot exist outside of a social

environment that supplies its needs. BPD needs more than a host; it needs

people to feed on. That is why people with BPD are ofter referred to as

vampires. It is a fitting term, because they literally suck the life out of

you. As long as they don't kill you, you become one of them, but only after

your first feeding. They can only go where they are invited. Holy water

represents boundaries and sunlight represents exposure to the true nature of who

they have become deep inside. I never understood the symbolism of the stake

thru the heart. Maybe someone else will have some insight into this. This

evidential transcends them from immortality to death, which they yearn for, but

fear. I am not sure if that has anything to do with BPD.

As children of BP parents, we didn't get a chance to invite them in, but we do

have the choice to opt out of the dysfunction. I think most of us need

professional help to truly get free from the dysfunctional lifestyle. Books are

great and so is this list, but true change requires someone to show us a

different way of being. We need someone that understand where we have come

from, who we have become, and the struggle we will encounter in our journey to a

different way of being.

You inquiry asked for opinions. Here is mine. We cannot make change the

vampire (the BP). There is nothing we can do to help them, with only on

possible exception; we can change. This effects them on a deep level, because

in takes away a vital component to the disorders existence. The disorder can no

longer feed on you and this creates a momentary weakness in the disorder.

However, most of the time it changes nothing for the disordered one long term.

However, you get to live without being food to the disorder. I think some of us

start down this road thinking that we can somehow help our BP loved one. I know

that was my initial motive. However, what I found out was that I was the one

who desperately needed help. No one took care of me; I was a wreck and I hurt

deeply. It isn't about them, it is about me. I want to live and be alive, not

roam the night as the undead. Let the undead be, but you have a responsibility

to care for yourself. You can live.

>

> Have you ever said to your Nada something like this when you blow up?

> How was the aftermath?

> Do you think that it had any positive effect?

> sometimes I think my Nada needs to get shocked once in a while by my worlds to

get out ( even for a while) of the numbness and complains that creates ALL the

time with no reason at all!

> I would like to hear your opinions to clear my mind.

>

[Guest guest]

I haven't said that to my nada but I did use sarcasm on her once, and it shocked

her so that she stopped saying this negative thing to me that she'd been harping

on for my whole freakin' life. (At least for a few years, anyway.)

I'd asked her to please not keep referring to this physical flaw I have (she

thinks we share this flaw, but that's just her having no boundaries.)

I told her repeatedly that hearing about it and being compared negatively to

other people who are normal made me sad because there's nothing I could do about

it, but nada was obsessed with mentioning this even though it hurt my feelings.

She didn't care, apparently. She'd always find some way to bring it up. But I

reached my tipping point one year and I used very scathing sarcasm to make my

point clear, and she stopped!

So, sarcasm is sort of a more intense way of setting a boundary, I guess.

However, I don't recommend suggesting to someone that they kill themselves,

though. Borderlines are just unstable and impulsive enough to go through with a

serious attempt.

Borderlines have the highest completed suicide rate among the pds.

Instead, what Sister and her son and I agreed to do (before it became clear that

our nada has an even more severe mental illness than personality disorder) was

that if nada should threaten to kill herself, we would call 911 and let them

know that she was threatening suicide, which would get her an involuntary psych

evaluation.

I suggest that its better to set firm boundaries instead of letting nada " get

to " you, and push and prod and poke to the point that you become angry and say

something in anger that isn't productive.

Instead I suggest saying, " Mom, every time you threaten to kill yourself, I'm

going to call 911 (or " I'm going to call your doctor. " ) They can help you, I

can't. I'm not equipped to handle a suicide attempt, they are. I'm not going

to come over, I'm just calling 911 " .

-Annie

>

> Have you ever said to your Nada something like this when you blow up?

> How was the aftermath?

> Do you think that it had any positive effect?

> sometimes I think my Nada needs to get shocked once in a while by my worlds to

get out ( even for a while) of the numbness and complains that creates ALL the

time with no reason at all!

> I would like to hear your opinions to clear my mind.

>

[Guest guest]

So well put. Thank you for the reminder.

> >

> > Have you ever said to your Nada something like this when you blow up?

> > How was the aftermath?

> > Do you think that it had any positive effect?

> > sometimes I think my Nada needs to get shocked once in a while by my worlds

to get out ( even for a while) of the numbness and complains that creates ALL

the time with no reason at all!

> > I would like to hear your opinions to clear my mind.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

" BPD is a strange disorder to understand. It needs others to join it order for

in to survive.

" There is nothing we can do to help them, with only on possible exception; we

can change. This effects them on a deep level, because in takes away a vital

component to the disorders existence. The disorder can no longer feed on you

and this creates a momentary weakness in the disorder. "

I really like this comment and agree whole heartedly. Have I wanted to blow up

at my nada? Absolutely. Have I thought some pretty rotten things about her? Oh

yeah. But I've found more power and strength by staying quiet. It really bugs

her when I don't react to her nonsense.

Examples: when she does one of her pitiful waif games and says she needs time

alone, don't worry about her, she'll be fine. I just respond, " OK, take care and

I'll check back with you in a few days. " Most of the time now she calls me the

very next day.

The other day I took her out to run errands and she told 2 strangers about her

lack of a sex life (my Dad died 3 years ago) and then tried to flirt with a

sales man by saying, " Oh, you're so cute. Do you want to come home with me? "

Those things used to embarrass me. Now I just stand back and let people deal

with it on their own. Then she asks me if I'm embarrassed. I just shrug my

shoulders and talk about something else.

She tries so hard to get a reaction from me but I'm getting better at being

quiet and letting her make a fool of herself. It's not so much fun for her to

play the game alone.