Guest guest Posted September 1, 2011 Report Share Posted September 1, 2011 I had a long, somewhat disturbing dream last night. Of course, I was doing the " rescuing " , making sure a group of people and pets were getting somewhere important (very Children of Men). For those of you whose BPD parents have passed away, this may be a tough read. Soo, back tot the dream... Lots of crazy stuff happened, but the part that I wasn't expecting included nada. In my dream, she committed suicide and I found out, then went through all sorts of emotions, but did not collect the body. I avoided her even in her death. By happenstance, I met up with nada's spirit in an alleyway(who looked like the normal her) and it was the healthy/awesome/nice version of her without the BPD. She (nada's spirit) started the conversation with a very normal and joyful, " Hey! There you are! What's up? " I stared at her, bewildered, and said, " Uh, mom, you know you're dead right? " and explained that she had killed herself. She looked over her shoulder toward the house she just came from and said " Oh, really? I guess that was bound to happen. Crap. That's why the house smells. " We walked toward the house together (which isn't the house I grew up in/her house) and indeed, the smell of death was rank. I felt detached and grossed out by the concept of nada's body laying in there, but in a way, it was the BPD nada...not my mother. The good version of my mother (in spirit form) stood beside me. We both shrugged, turned, and walked away from the house. There was a " well, someone will notice the smell and call the police eventually " unspoken decision. I can't remember what exactly happened with her through the rest of the dream, but she was a fully functional, smart, independent and reliable spirit-person. I think I delegated an important task to her and continued on my journey. It was like the awful things about her died a horrible, depressing death and the wonderful version of her remained to bring light to the world. I woke up feeling confused and guilty. I know this dream comes from a few things. Talking about stuff on the boards here is one of them, for sure...Dredging things up. I felt guilty because I felt relief in the dream. I felt guilty because I didn't take responsibility for disposing of her body or selling the home or anything. I felt guilty because the idea of death makes far more sense to me than the idea of BPD estrangement. I know it's all a dream, but there's nowhere else I can share this or make sense of it other than here. Have any of you had similar dreams? Experiences? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 1, 2011 Report Share Posted September 1, 2011 For those of us that believe in spirit ghosts (wondering spirits), I wonder out loud if people with BPD are able to shed some of their BPD after leaving they body, like krcanada85 describes in his dream. BPD is partly biologically based. What a powerful dream. This may be a little off topic, but some professionals believe that dead loved ones can sometimes be with us in our dreams for a while before they cross over. Maybe a person with BPD might choose to stay a while in order to take care of unfinished business, which the disorder prevented. Again, off topic, but personally, after sampling a good amount of paranormal research and having had a few real experiences myself, I am a believer in the spirit as being separate from the physical body and I believe it lives on after death. Perhaps we all will eventually get to meet our parents without their BPD, even if we have to wait until the after life. What is on the " other side. " I guess there is only one way to find the answer to that question; wait our turn. > > I had a long, somewhat disturbing dream last night. Of course, I was doing the " rescuing " , making sure a group of people and pets were getting somewhere important (very Children of Men). > > For those of you whose BPD parents have passed away, this may be a tough read. > > Soo, back tot the dream... Lots of crazy stuff happened, but the part that I wasn't expecting included nada. In my dream, she committed suicide and I found out, then went through all sorts of emotions, but did not collect the body. I avoided her even in her death. By happenstance, I met up with nada's spirit in an alleyway(who looked like the normal her) and it was the healthy/awesome/nice version of her without the BPD. She (nada's spirit) started the conversation with a very normal and joyful, " Hey! There you are! What's up? " I stared at her, bewildered, and said, " Uh, mom, you know you're dead right? " and explained that she had killed herself. She looked over her shoulder toward the house she just came from and said " Oh, really? I guess that was bound to happen. Crap. That's why the house smells. " We walked toward the house together (which isn't the house I grew up in/her house) and indeed, the smell of death was rank. I felt detached and grossed out by the concept of nada's body laying in there, but in a way, it was the BPD nada...not my mother. The good version of my mother (in spirit form) stood beside me. We both shrugged, turned, and walked away from the house. There was a " well, someone will notice the smell and call the police eventually " unspoken decision. > > I can't remember what exactly happened with her through the rest of the dream, but she was a fully functional, smart, independent and reliable spirit-person. I think I delegated an important task to her and continued on my journey. It was like the awful things about her died a horrible, depressing death and the wonderful version of her remained to bring light to the world. > > I woke up feeling confused and guilty. I know this dream comes from a few things. Talking about stuff on the boards here is one of them, for sure...Dredging things up. I felt guilty because I felt relief in the dream. I felt guilty because I didn't take responsibility for disposing of her body or selling the home or anything. I felt guilty because the idea of death makes far more sense to me than the idea of BPD estrangement. > > I know it's all a dream, but there's nowhere else I can share this or make sense of it other than here. Have any of you had similar dreams? Experiences? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 1, 2011 Report Share Posted September 1, 2011 Thanks for your thoughts. Nada is alive in real life. I guess I should have said that part too. That very reason makes me wonder if she has followed through with her recurring threat (something I spend too much energy wondering about, probably). When I have dreams like this, it makes me so uneasy because I wonder which parts have truth to them.... It felt better to write it out, though. > > > > I had a long, somewhat disturbing dream last night. Of course, I was doing the " rescuing " , making sure a group of people and pets were getting somewhere important (very Children of Men). > > > > For those of you whose BPD parents have passed away, this may be a tough read. > > > > Soo, back tot the dream... Lots of crazy stuff happened, but the part that I wasn't expecting included nada. In my dream, she committed suicide and I found out, then went through all sorts of emotions, but did not collect the body. I avoided her even in her death. By happenstance, I met up with nada's spirit in an alleyway(who looked like the normal her) and it was the healthy/awesome/nice version of her without the BPD. She (nada's spirit) started the conversation with a very normal and joyful, " Hey! There you are! What's up? " I stared at her, bewildered, and said, " Uh, mom, you know you're dead right? " and explained that she had killed herself. She looked over her shoulder toward the house she just came from and said " Oh, really? I guess that was bound to happen. Crap. That's why the house smells. " We walked toward the house together (which isn't the house I grew up in/her house) and indeed, the smell of death was rank. I felt detached and grossed out by the concept of nada's body laying in there, but in a way, it was the BPD nada...not my mother. The good version of my mother (in spirit form) stood beside me. We both shrugged, turned, and walked away from the house. There was a " well, someone will notice the smell and call the police eventually " unspoken decision. > > > > I can't remember what exactly happened with her through the rest of the dream, but she was a fully functional, smart, independent and reliable spirit-person. I think I delegated an important task to her and continued on my journey. It was like the awful things about her died a horrible, depressing death and the wonderful version of her remained to bring light to the world. > > > > I woke up feeling confused and guilty. I know this dream comes from a few things. Talking about stuff on the boards here is one of them, for sure...Dredging things up. I felt guilty because I felt relief in the dream. I felt guilty because I didn't take responsibility for disposing of her body or selling the home or anything. I felt guilty because the idea of death makes far more sense to me than the idea of BPD estrangement. > > > > I know it's all a dream, but there's nowhere else I can share this or make sense of it other than here. Have any of you had similar dreams? Experiences? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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