Re: When was your 'This isn't normal' moment?

[Guest guest]

It would constitute torture under US law, too, I think. DH described it to

me yesterday as a " mock execution, " which makes sense.

I'm still wrapping my head around the fact that this is sadistic and even

torture--we grew up with that as " normal! "

The sad thing is my dad was always harder on the boys, is what my mom and I

used to say (before she completely became this submissive wife kind of in a

fundie way). And " harder " means that they never could live up to his

everchanging standards.

the other sad thing is my dad managed to have six kids to use for his own

gratification....and we all homeschool(ed), and he now works from home. I'm

kind of glad, now, that number 7 was miscarried. Much better to be in heaven

than in a living hell. I wish I could swoop in and save the youngest 4.

The other thing that I'm realizing, besides coming to terms with the fact

that this was such a sadisitcally cruel thing to do to a child, is that my

dad fits in the " witch " subcategory of BPD. I was doing a writeup for my

anonymous blog on the various categories and realized that just yesterday.

> **

>

>

> First, I wanted to say this story made my stomach turn. How awful to do

> that to a child. Second, that kind of treatment - when meted out on an

> ongoing basis - would SURELY constitute torture under UK law if perpetrated

> by an adult against another adult or a non-family member child. Why the XXXX

> is it deemed acceptable when committed against your own child! It really is

> madness.

>

>

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > Recently I have been doing a lot of thinking. I have been NC with

> my nada

> > > > since

> > > > > July (it all went down over a horse, long story, I posted about it

> a

> > > > while ago.)

> > > > > For the most part I have been doing well, with occasional anger

> outbursts

> > > > about

> > > > > the situation in general.

> > > > >

> > > > > I was thinking back about how things were when I was in High

> School, and

> > > > that is

> > > > > when I had my 'This isn't normal' revelation.

> > > > >

> > > > > Freshman year my best friend was over and we were playing video

> games. My

> > > > mom

> > > > > burst into the room and started yelling at me over something

> stupid, I

> > > > don't

> > > > > even remember what it was. Maybe cleaning? As is typical for her,

> it

> > > > spiraled

> > > > > down into what a useless, selfish person I was and how I was never

> going

> > > > to make

> > > > > anything out of my life, etc. All this in front of my friend.

> Literally 5

> > > >

> > > > > minutes later she came back in the room, all cheerful, and told us

> that

> > > > she put

> > > > > a pizza in the oven for us.

> > > > >

> > > > > When she closed the door my best friend started crying and gave me

> a

> > > > hug...and

> > > > > said " You know this isn't normal, right? My mom would never act

> like

> > > > that. "

> > > > >

> > > > > Honestly I didn't think any of it was a big deal, it was par for

> the

> > > > course with

> > > > > nada, but seeing my best friend get upset over it was a very big

> eye

> > > > opener.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > So, what was your 'moment'???

> > > > >

> > > > >

[Guest guest]

I think for me there were a couple times growing up when I knew something wasn't

right (unprovoked rages, punishments not appropriate for age or for situation),

but the clearest one came when I was probably around 11 or so. All my life she's

done the parental alienation thing with my dad. Lines like, " Don't tell your dad

about it. You know how angry he gets, he just flies into a rage and breaks

things. " She basically painted my dad up as this insane rageaholic who would

just flip out with the slightest provocation and get physical with us and any

objects around us. She's accused him of trying to kill her and us (the kids),

breaking my brother's finger, etc. None of it is true. Anyway, I started puberty

around 11 and was pulling away from nada anyway (fights galore!), and I started

challenging her on these statements.

My dad has never EVER hit any of us kids in rage, never done anything that could

be considered physically abusive. He did get pretty angry occasionally but I

think now it's because his normal anger was suppressed by nada just like mine

was. This is the first time I remember seeing such a clear difference between

the behavior I observed and Nada's fear tactics. I used to get so mad that she'd

accuse him of this kind of stuff. That was the first boundary I set with her

about a year ago when I first started learning about BPD.

>

>

>

>

> Recently I have been doing a lot of thinking. I have been NC with my nada

since

> July (it all went down over a horse, long story, I posted about it a while

ago.)

> For the most part I have been doing well, with occasional anger outbursts

about

> the situation in general.

>

> I was thinking back about how things were when I was in High School, and that

is

> when I had my 'This isn't normal' revelation.

>

> Freshman year my best friend was over and we were playing video games. My mom

> burst into the room and started yelling at me over something stupid, I don't

> even remember what it was. Maybe cleaning? As is typical for her, it

spiraled

> down into what a useless, selfish person I was and how I was never going to

make

> anything out of my life, etc. All this in front of my friend. Literally 5

> minutes later she came back in the room, all cheerful, and told us that she

put

> a pizza in the oven for us.

>

> When she closed the door my best friend started crying and gave me a hug...and

> said " You know this isn't normal, right? My mom would never act like that. "

>

> Honestly I didn't think any of it was a big deal, it was par for the course

with

> nada, but seeing my best friend get upset over it was a very big eye opener.

>

>

> So, what was your 'moment'???

>

>