Re: Horrible Words--For Anuria

[Guest guest]

I'm writing here to validate and agree with Annie's perspective specifically. I

wholeheartedly agree that in some cases, full NC is really the only option for a

healthy and functional life. I also have physical symptoms that manifest when I

am in contact with my nada, of such severity that I miss days of work because of

it. My FOO is in the business of attempting to keep me wholly dependent, both

financially and physically, and if it were up to them, I'd be an adult woman

living at home, with them, with no career to speak of. It was only when I

firmly established nc that I became financially independent and healthy for the

first time, that I began to meet career goals I'd held for decades, and that I

began to experience happiness, for the first time in my life, after more than 35

years.

It needs to be stated that nadas (and fadas and npds) can actually, *physically

condition their children to behave and respond certain ways. If it were simply

a matter of 'rising above' their spin and fog, I might be in contact with them

today. But that is what nada wanted me to believe. She wanted me to think I

could just *take all that she did to me, and never show any reaction except the

ones she wanted. But it's not a matter of sheer force of will. It's not that

simple. Children are biologically designed to be raised by their parents, and

to manifest certain physical attachments to them--which means involuntary and

physical consent to the parents' reality. On top of that, borderlines have a

life-and-death intensity with which they need to force their children to believe

in their own interpretations. Some borderlines have also been lifelong sexual

abusers of their children. In such circumstances, claiming that NC is a

'choice', I find that to be inhumane. Noone should have to make a 'choice' of

living physically incapacitated, without self-realization, without making their

own contribution to the world, just because a mentally ill person happens to be

their biological parent. Rather, it is all the more our duty to fight to find

our particular vocations and contribute them to the world, as our 'parents'

would so resist that happening.

> > > >

> > > > I hate this struggle between self-preservation and self-sacrifice that

our pd

> > > parents force us into.

> > >

> > > Its just not fair.

> > >

> >

>