The end of world war 3

[Guest guest]

Ever since I was a kid, I've imagined what my parents court divorce day would be

like. I always knew it would happen some day. When I was little, still mentally

innocent to the true identity of my mother and the way she really treated my

father, I'd imagine taking my pink little chair and sitting it right in the

middle. That was my way of mentally preparing myself not to really be on

anyone's side. Honestly, I've always really been on my fathers side through

everything especially since he received most of the torture and I was always

there to witness it. He's been my constant in life and the one I could rely on

when it came to the struggles of my Nada. I know he'll do anything for me, he

always has. When I was little, I still knew that divorce was my Mom's worst

nightmare so I would want to be in support of her also but still I knew it would

have to happen someday...

Just didn't know it would take 19 years of terror.

Well, my parents had to go to court a couple days ago for the final proceedings

of the divorce. My Father (who I live with when I'm not away for school) has

been stressing about it all month as I have too because of the types of things I

knew my Nada planned on saying to make him look bad. At first I wasn't going to

go because I didn't want to have to deal with the future of her telling me how

horrible I was to be there and how I'm always on my fathers side and not hers.

I've tried to be on her side in the past but it's really, really X10000 hard.

Being that I'm over 18 and below 21, I had to go in order to " lawfully respond "

to the court about their divorce. Once I got there, the judge who was a female,

asked whether or not I wanted to waiver my rights of being involved in the rest

of the trial or if I wanted to participate in it. At first, I said I wanted to

waiver but then I questioned the judge what exactly my rights would be in

regards to the divorce. She politely explained to me that I could be involved in

issues about finances (my Dad pays for my schooling) and about things that

involved child custody over my younger brother who is almost 17. Knowing the

types of things my Mom was going to say, I chose to be involved.

And as I sat down to be apart of the table my Mom and Dad were separately

sitting at, I slid one extra chair over so that I could be sitting right in the

middle.

But as the trial went on, and I became more and more frustrated by my Mothers

allegations, I slowly scooted closer and closer to my Father. Luckily, we had a

judge who could see right through my Mothers lies. In the beginning of the

trial, my Nada stated that she did not want a divorce, yet through-out the

entire trial my Nada talked about what an abusive person my Dad was and how he

has taken everything away from her and has always been abusive and how he needs

help. I knew the judge found that quit odd.

The main topic discussed was the joint custody and parental rights my parents

would have over my younger brother. Both my parents had agreed to joint custody,

the next discussion was the terms of that joint custody and whether or not my

brother should have a schedule to seeing my Nada. My father and I said that it

should be my brothers right to choose when he wants to see her and that he

shouldn't have to if he didn't want to. My Nada, of course, chose to argue on

this one and took this chance to tell the judge what an unsafe and unhealthy

environment my brother was in. How my brother has dropped out of school and is

extremely depressed because of their split and that my Dad doesn't provide him

enough food or how he's never there and lets him walk around late at night. My

Dad and I spoke up about all of these things, I said how we've all been

emotionally distressed for along time and mostly while my parents were together

and that I believed my brother had been having a hard year but he's okay and

finding his own path now.

When that attempt of my Nada's failed, she requested that my poor 80 year old

Grandma come in as a witness to my brothers poor health since she had visited

with him and I recently. My Nada even gave her a paper written on it what she

was supposed to say to the judge. However, my Grandma knows that her daughter is

not okay and that my brother is fine being with my Dad so she didn't say much

while being questioned.

I was so proud of my Dad, although I think my Dads passiveness has resulted in

some really bad things this was definitely the proper time for him to use it

through out her allegations because it showed that he was a calm and functional

person compared to her.

The fact that my Nada is an undiagnosed bpd was of course never mentioned,

however her true colors showed through out the entire 4 hours of trial. We took

3 breaks due to her random break downs because she wasn't being granted the type

of control she had wanted and she wasn't being seen as the victim which she

practically expressed to the Judge, " she wasn't being heard. " This is due to her

mindset, that her feelings are facts. As my Mom would break down and explain

herself, she did mention that she suffers from depression and PTSD, but she says

the PTSD is caused by my Dad. This bugs me so much sometimes because I know I

have PTSD, and I know it's mostly because of the things she has put me through.

When the discussion of personal property was mentioned and my Dad requested our

baby pictures, my Nada got extremely upset as the judge told her that they

should be given to my Dad so he could pay to make copies of them and given back

to her. Well, this really flipped the lid on my Nada, as I expected, she pretty

much had a panic attack on that idea and had to take a break.

I never cried, through out the whole thing. I hardly ever cry when it comes to

my Nada anymore, that's when my emotional numbness really shocks me sometimes.

Like for the average person, your parents getting a divorce would be upsetting

and sad but not me it was like a dream come true. It's sad, that my Mom's worst

night mare is a dream come true to me.

Even as my Mom got so upset, I just felt angry and defensive but held my

composure and I tried rubbing my Mothers back just to calm her down so it could

continue. I do feel sorry for my Nada very much, I know she just doesn't

understand herself and she doesn't understand other people or the just the world

in general. Her intentions really are good but her inability to control her

emotions and behavior results in horrible outbursts. My Nada asked many times to

leave but the judge always said no.

I really could continue on and on with this but I won't.

In the end, both my Dad and I were satisfied with how things had went due to the

fact that we knew the judge didn't fall for a lot of the things my Nada tried to

say and that my Dad wouldn't be paying her the amount of alimony she requested.

The judge complemented me on how well I kept my composure through out the trial,

expressed to me that she was sorry for the things I must have experienced in the

past and she was proud of how successful I have turned out through the hardships

there must have been. Also, to learn from my experience for my future

relationships. This was so unexpected to me, people do say stuff like that to me

sometimes and for some reason I just always cry. I don't know why, I guess

because I actually feel recognized at points like that and I haven't always felt

recognized for what I've been through because I've masked it all so well all of

my life. No one really knows my inner pain, those who are close to me have a

slight idea but no really knows, not even myself. This complement and the judges

ability to read my Nada, makes me wonder if she knew someone who has BPD?

Now I'm not sure if this is " it " . Is it really over? Finally? Is my world war 3

really over? And may Dad finally be able to pursue his own life the way he

chooses too? I sure hope so. It is starting to feel like it the more steps we

all take. As for my Nada, I'm really just beginning to accept that she may never

really be okay but I sure hope she will end up stronger eventually. I don't

really know.... but I'll continue to hope and try to be more positive about her.

This was just something I felt I could share to you all,

dreams due come true...

Namaste,

Cammisha

[Guest guest]

(((((Cammisha)))))

I'm so glad for you that the ordeal of your parents' divorce is over, finally.

And I'm glad that the judge recognized how maturely you handled yourself during

the court proceedings, and that the judge was kind and thoughtful enough to have

complimented you on it, and offered you compassion for what your growing-up

years were like.

I'm willing to bet that judges see all kinds and types of people come through

their courtroom, and become all too familiar with the typical behaviors and

manipulations of Cluster B personality-disordered people as a result of their

job.

I hope that you will soon be able to put this stressful experience behind you

and concentrate on going forward with your life-plans, and that your recovery

and healing are already underway.

-Annie

>

> Ever since I was a kid, I've imagined what my parents court divorce day would

be like. I always knew it would happen some day. When I was little, still

mentally innocent to the true identity of my mother and the way she really

treated my father, I'd imagine taking my pink little chair and sitting it right

in the middle. That was my way of mentally preparing myself not to really be on

anyone's side. Honestly, I've always really been on my fathers side through

everything especially since he received most of the torture and I was always

there to witness it. He's been my constant in life and the one I could rely on

when it came to the struggles of my Nada. I know he'll do anything for me, he

always has. When I was little, I still knew that divorce was my Mom's worst

nightmare so I would want to be in support of her also but still I knew it would

have to happen someday...

>

> Just didn't know it would take 19 years of terror.

>

> Well, my parents had to go to court a couple days ago for the final

proceedings of the divorce. My Father (who I live with when I'm not away for

school) has been stressing about it all month as I have too because of the types

of things I knew my Nada planned on saying to make him look bad. At first I

wasn't going to go because I didn't want to have to deal with the future of her

telling me how horrible I was to be there and how I'm always on my fathers side

and not hers. I've tried to be on her side in the past but it's really, really

X10000 hard.

[Guest guest]

I went through this at 14. It was ugly. Divorce was not the end of it,

nada being nada. She never let go of it, vilified my Dad to her dying

day. It is odd, of course, divorce IS thier worst nightmare, but they

live in such a way that it was inevitable.

As a BP, it is likely she will be this way the rest of her life. She

can get help, and get better, but she has to

1. Admit she has a problem

2. Seek help

3. Accept it and not turn on her T as soon as the process starts.

It is really hard. I have , of course, read about DBT, and the success

T have seen with it. But in my personal experience, both with Nada, and

with other BP s I know, and with T friends, most BP s experience, at

best, small, incemental changes, not orders of magnitude changes.

Therapists typically will limit the number of BP pts they have because

they are so demanding and exhausting. Some will simply not treat BP s.

My nada was treated by several T, and a psychiatrist, was hospitalized,

all to no avail. The psychiatrist had to demand that she attend T as a

precondition of receiving her Xanix Rx, and even then she gamed it and

avoided and squirmed out of any real change.

We can all argue of course, whether it is the disease or the choice of

the individual that makes them this way. I don t know. I care only as

a matter of curiousity. The end result is that this IS how many of them

act and respond, and very few of them, ( again in my personal

experience, not a sweeping generality) ever become functional within

the bounds of normal, human relationships.

It is very sad for them. And even more sad for us, the collateral

damage: Their children.

Doug

>

> Ever since I was a kid, I've imagined what my parents court divorce

day would be like. I always knew it would happen some day. When I was

little, still mentally innocent to the true identity of my mother and

the way she really treated my father, I'd imagine taking my pink little

chair and sitting it right in the middle. That was my way of mentally

preparing myself not to really be on anyone's side. Honestly, I've

always really been on my fathers side through everything especially

since he received most of the torture and I was always there to witness

it. He's been my constant in life and the one I could rely on when it

came to the struggles of my Nada. I know he'll do anything for me, he

always has. When I was little, I still knew that divorce was my Mom's

worst nightmare so I would want to be in support of her also but still I

knew it would have to happen someday...

>

> Just didn't know it would take 19 years of terror.

>

> Well, my parents had to go to court a couple days ago for the final

proceedings of the divorce. My Father (who I live with when I'm not away

for school) has been stressing about it all month as I have too because

of the types of things I knew my Nada planned on saying to make him look

bad. At first I wasn't going to go because I didn't want to have to deal

with the future of her telling me how horrible I was to be there and how

I'm always on my fathers side and not hers. I've tried to be on her side

in the past but it's really, really X10000 hard.

>

> Being that I'm over 18 and below 21, I had to go in order to " lawfully

respond " to the court about their divorce. Once I got there, the judge

who was a female, asked whether or not I wanted to waiver my rights of

being involved in the rest of the trial or if I wanted to participate in

it. At first, I said I wanted to waiver but then I questioned the judge

what exactly my rights would be in regards to the divorce. She politely

explained to me that I could be involved in issues about finances (my

Dad pays for my schooling) and about things that involved child custody

over my younger brother who is almost 17. Knowing the types of things my

Mom was going to say, I chose to be involved.

>

> And as I sat down to be apart of the table my Mom and Dad were

separately sitting at, I slid one extra chair over so that I could be

sitting right in the middle.

>

> But as the trial went on, and I became more and more frustrated by my

Mothers allegations, I slowly scooted closer and closer to my Father.

Luckily, we had a judge who could see right through my Mothers lies. In

the beginning of the trial, my Nada stated that she did not want a

divorce, yet through-out the entire trial my Nada talked about what an

abusive person my Dad was and how he has taken everything away from her

and has always been abusive and how he needs help. I knew the judge

found that quit odd.

>

> The main topic discussed was the joint custody and parental rights my

parents would have over my younger brother. Both my parents had agreed

to joint custody, the next discussion was the terms of that joint

custody and whether or not my brother should have a schedule to seeing

my Nada. My father and I said that it should be my brothers right to

choose when he wants to see her and that he shouldn't have to if he

didn't want to. My Nada, of course, chose to argue on this one and took

this chance to tell the judge what an unsafe and unhealthy environment

my brother was in. How my brother has dropped out of school and is

extremely depressed because of their split and that my Dad doesn't

provide him enough food or how he's never there and lets him walk around

late at night. My Dad and I spoke up about all of these things, I said

how we've all been emotionally distressed for along time and mostly

while my parents were together and that I believed my brother had been

having a hard year but he's okay and finding his own path now.

>

> When that attempt of my Nada's failed, she requested that my poor 80

year old Grandma come in as a witness to my brothers poor health since

she had visited with him and I recently. My Nada even gave her a paper

written on it what she was supposed to say to the judge. However, my

Grandma knows that her daughter is not okay and that my brother is fine

being with my Dad so she didn't say much while being questioned.

>

> I was so proud of my Dad, although I think my Dads passiveness has

resulted in some really bad things this was definitely the proper time

for him to use it through out her allegations because it showed that he

was a calm and functional person compared to her.

>

> The fact that my Nada is an undiagnosed bpd was of course never

mentioned, however her true colors showed through out the entire 4 hours

of trial. We took 3 breaks due to her random break downs because she

wasn't being granted the type of control she had wanted and she wasn't

being seen as the victim which she practically expressed to the Judge,

" she wasn't being heard. " This is due to her mindset, that her feelings

are facts. As my Mom would break down and explain herself, she did

mention that she suffers from depression and PTSD, but she says the PTSD

is caused by my Dad. This bugs me so much sometimes because I know I

have PTSD, and I know it's mostly because of the things she has put me

through.

>

> When the discussion of personal property was mentioned and my Dad

requested our baby pictures, my Nada got extremely upset as the judge

told her that they should be given to my Dad so he could pay to make

copies of them and given back to her. Well, this really flipped the lid

on my Nada, as I expected, she pretty much had a panic attack on that

idea and had to take a break.

>

> I never cried, through out the whole thing. I hardly ever cry when it

comes to my Nada anymore, that's when my emotional numbness really

shocks me sometimes. Like for the average person, your parents getting a

divorce would be upsetting and sad but not me it was like a dream come

true. It's sad, that my Mom's worst night mare is a dream come true to

me.

>

> Even as my Mom got so upset, I just felt angry and defensive but held

my composure and I tried rubbing my Mothers back just to calm her down

so it could continue. I do feel sorry for my Nada very much, I know she

just doesn't understand herself and she doesn't understand other people

or the just the world in general. Her intentions really are good but her

inability to control her emotions and behavior results in horrible

outbursts. My Nada asked many times to leave but the judge always said

no.

>

> I really could continue on and on with this but I won't.

>

> In the end, both my Dad and I were satisfied with how things had went

due to the fact that we knew the judge didn't fall for a lot of the

things my Nada tried to say and that my Dad wouldn't be paying her the

amount of alimony she requested. The judge complemented me on how well I

kept my composure through out the trial, expressed to me that she was

sorry for the things I must have experienced in the past and she was

proud of how successful I have turned out through the hardships there

must have been. Also, to learn from my experience for my future

relationships. This was so unexpected to me, people do say stuff like

that to me sometimes and for some reason I just always cry. I don't know

why, I guess because I actually feel recognized at points like that and

I haven't always felt recognized for what I've been through because I've

masked it all so well all of my life. No one really knows my inner pain,

those who are close to me have a slight idea but no really knows, not

even myself. This complement and the judges ability to read my Nada,

makes me wonder if she knew someone who has BPD?

>

> Now I'm not sure if this is " it " . Is it really over? Finally? Is my

world war 3 really over? And may Dad finally be able to pursue his own

life the way he chooses too? I sure hope so. It is starting to feel like

it the more steps we all take. As for my Nada, I'm really just beginning

to accept that she may never really be okay but I sure hope she will end

up stronger eventually. I don't really know.... but I'll continue to

hope and try to be more positive about her.

>

> This was just something I felt I could share to you all,

> dreams due come true...

>

> Namaste,

> Cammisha

>