Therapeutic relationship and does CBT work for neglect/abuse?

[Guest guest]

Thank-you that makes a lot of sense. And thanks to both and Girlscout...

Girlscout what you said really reached me-thanks.

I understand what you say about developing the relationship rather than being

intellectual and bookish - apparently something I withdraw into as my 'safe

place' and I like the idea of developing a relationship because I don't have any

outside of the family now (trust, fear etc.). However I met a therapist for the

first time today and immediately felt it wasn't going to work. First off as a

young woman I didn't feel confident in her - she seemed to have a lot less

confidence than me but it could have been something exaggerated to put me at

ease because of a forewarning about a dominating mother? Besides having real

trouble at home I went to an all girls school (was bullied) and she reminds me

of them. Secondly the treatment style was CBT which I don't believe will help me

at all as it's about behaviour and because there was a leap for what I call the

surface stuff that doesn't appear cover repression, neglect, abuse....or does

it? I'm sorry if I come across angry and confused...I guess I am.

> >

> > After many many years of being silent I finally went to speak to a

professional

> > today and besides emotional abuse/neglect, enmeshment, hindered development,

a histrionic/needy mother, a mentionwas made of insecure attachment to both

parents due to chaos as well as isolation, self-confidence and more. (I was

unable to grasp the idea of a safe person). I was wondering if anyone knows what

the treatment is for insecure attachment, is there a concept of recovery, and is

there anything I can read to help me understand?

> >

> > Lavender

> >

>

[Guest guest]

When I can afford therapy, I plan to shop for a therapist the way I'd shop for a

car. It took me about 2 months of going to different dealerships and trying

different cars before I decided which kind of car I liked best, then finding a

newer used one in good shape that I could afford. Since a therapist is sort of

like a substitute parent, in a way, and part of the therapeutic process is

allowing yourself to trust the therapist (in a way we should have been able to

trust our parents, but couldn't), I think its important to find one that is a

good match. So if it turns out that this particular therapist isn't a good

match for you, then, it sounds like there's more shopping ahead for you.

And me personally, I plan to look for a therapist who has experience with or

specializes in helping the adult survivors of child abuse / complex ptsd.

At the site I've posted a link to, it recommends finding someone who specializes

in " trauma-focused CBT " .

http://helpguide.org/mental/post_traumatic_stress_disorder_symptoms_treatment.ht\

m

Here is an excerpt:

" Finding a therapist for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

When looking for a therapist for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), seek out

mental health professionals who specialize in the treatment of trauma and PTSD.

You can start by asking your doctor if he or she can provide a referral,

however, he or she may not know therapists with experience treating trauma. You

may also want to ask other trauma survivors for recommendations, or call a local

mental health clinic, psychiatric hospital, or counseling center.

Beyond credentials and experience, it's important to find a PTSD therapist who

makes you feel comfortable and safe, so there is no additional fear or anxiety

about the treatment itself. Trust your gut; if a therapist doesn't feel right,

look for someone else. For therapy to work, you need to feel respected and

understood. "

There is also a link to an article about making an informed choice regarding

EMDR therapy on that page.

-Annie

> > >

> > > After many many years of being silent I finally went to speak to a

professional

> > > today and besides emotional abuse/neglect, enmeshment, hindered

development, a histrionic/needy mother, a mentionwas made of insecure attachment

to both parents due to chaos as well as isolation, self-confidence and more. (I

was unable to grasp the idea of a safe person). I was wondering if anyone knows

what the treatment is for insecure attachment, is there a concept of recovery,

and is there anything I can read to help me understand?

> > >

> > > Lavender

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hey Lavendar, on the topic of looking for a therapist - well, this is how I

found mine. I had in my mind that I wanted to find one. And then - it was

exactly like when I found my home and bought it. I was just going about my

daily life and I looked up. And there was my T. And I knew she was my T. And

she was and is and I've come so so far with her.

When I bought my house it was the same thing. I was walking down the street

and I looked up. I thought " that's my house. " and I then embarked on an 18

month journey to buy it - I had to wait for the price to drop etc.

I don't know if that helps you. But, I think it depends on your personality.

If you take the Myers Briggs it will tell you what you are - i'm an ENFJ.

That means I'm extroverted, I plan, I take in info based on my intuition and

I act based on feelings. Other people taking data and act based on facts.

Its a great way to be - but its not me. Same thing happened with my dog. I

was walking along and saw an airedale terrier when I was about 18. 5 years

later, after I had my house, I went and got MY dog, an airedale terrier.

Ha ha maybe it makes no sense, but I guess my point is you cant force it.

XOXO and good luck

On Tue, Sep 6, 2011 at 1:26 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

> **

>

>

> When I can afford therapy, I plan to shop for a therapist the way I'd shop

> for a car. It took me about 2 months of going to different dealerships and

> trying different cars before I decided which kind of car I liked best, then

> finding a newer used one in good shape that I could afford. Since a

> therapist is sort of like a substitute parent, in a way, and part of the

> therapeutic process is allowing yourself to trust the therapist (in a way we

> should have been able to trust our parents, but couldn't), I think its

> important to find one that is a good match. So if it turns out that this

> particular therapist isn't a good match for you, then, it sounds like

> there's more shopping ahead for you.

>

> And me personally, I plan to look for a therapist who has experience with

> or specializes in helping the adult survivors of child abuse / complex ptsd.

>

>

> At the site I've posted a link to, it recommends finding someone who

> specializes in " trauma-focused CBT " .

>

>

http://helpguide.org/mental/post_traumatic_stress_disorder_symptoms_treatment.ht\

m

>

> Here is an excerpt:

>

> " Finding a therapist for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

>

> When looking for a therapist for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD),

> seek out mental health professionals who specialize in the treatment of

> trauma and PTSD. You can start by asking your doctor if he or she can

> provide a referral, however, he or she may not know therapists with

> experience treating trauma. You may also want to ask other trauma survivors

> for recommendations, or call a local mental health clinic, psychiatric

> hospital, or counseling center.

>

> Beyond credentials and experience, it's important to find a PTSD therapist

> who makes you feel comfortable and safe, so there is no additional fear or

> anxiety about the treatment itself. Trust your gut; if a therapist doesn't

> feel right, look for someone else. For therapy to work, you need to feel

> respected and understood. "

>

> There is also a link to an article about making an informed choice

> regarding EMDR therapy on that page.

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> > > >

> > > > After many many years of being silent I finally went to speak to a

> professional

> > > > today and besides emotional abuse/neglect, enmeshment, hindered

> development, a histrionic/needy mother, a mentionwas made of insecure

> attachment to both parents due to chaos as well as isolation,

> self-confidence and more. (I was unable to grasp the idea of a safe person).

> I was wondering if anyone knows what the treatment is for insecure

> attachment, is there a concept of recovery, and is there anything I can read

> to help me understand?

> > > >

> > > > Lavender

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Lavender, I agree with you that this therapist, as competnet as she may be, may

be a very bad fit for you, simply because of her gender and female personality.

Move on the the next one; waste no time feeling bad about it.

However, I would encourage you to talk about this with your current therapist

before you move on to the next. I think it will be important for you to learn

how to assert yourself and, even though she is not a good fit for you, she is

trained to help a patient transition to a better fit. She can help you and she

will not take it personal. She will likely be very proud of you and anxious to

help.

Try a male therapist for a while, but keep in mind that eventually you may want

to consider spending some time with a female therapist. A female therapist will

bring your issues with females to the surface fast and this is good because,

females are all over the place. Only when you are ready.

> > >

> > > After many many years of being silent I finally went to speak to a

professional

> > > today and besides emotional abuse/neglect, enmeshment, hindered

development, a histrionic/needy mother, a mentionwas made of insecure attachment

to both parents due to chaos as well as isolation, self-confidence and more. (I

was unable to grasp the idea of a safe person). I was wondering if anyone knows

what the treatment is for insecure attachment, is there a concept of recovery,

and is there anything I can read to help me understand?

> > >

> > > Lavender

> > >

> >

>