Identity Crisis

[Guest guest]

I came across something this morning that resonated with me and wanted to get

some opinions. Do any of you feel like you have an identity crisis? In other

words, do you feel like you don't know what you want to do with your life, that

nothing (or everything) makes you happy as long as you are busy, and that you

just don't seem to have a particular plan about where your life is going?

When I was growing up, I had a plan to go to college, get a career, get married

and have a baby. After that, there was no plan and I feel like I've been

floundering ever since. My nada always told me how I was going to live my life,

so it was never exactly MY plan, but hers that I was living. Now that I don't

have HER telling me what to do, I have no clue what I should do with myself. I

wind up getting bored, which subsequently leads to depression, and then trying

to everything I can think of (hobbies, jobs, school, business ventures, etc.) to

keep myself from being bored and depressed. I wind up feeling empty and

frustrated.

All of this is so stupid. I have a bachelor's degree, a license in massage

therapy, 20 years of IT experience, management experience, and I'm extremely

well spoken and can handle just about anything you throw my way..... except

boredom and trying to lift my self-esteem out of the gutter when my nada

" strips " me of it.

I'm an awesome mom of two children, including one who has autism, I've been

married for 15 years to a great guy, I'm funny, compassionate, successful,

and.... can't stop stuffing my face with food because I feel so down on myself

after having to deal with my mom's $hit.

What a damn dichotomy. How can I be so great at so many things, yet I haven't a

clue what I want to do with my life? How do I find myself when I feel like I

can't even find my a$$ with both hands? How can I accurately judge what I

should be doing with my life when the world is my oyster and I haven't a clue

which way to turn because my bloody mental navigation system is all screwy?

I've had years of therapy before now, but perhaps it's time for some more now

that I've realized that nada probably has BPD.

Frustrated,

AnnieL

[Guest guest]

Annie,

I can relate to this in many ways. Totally competent and in charge in life,

wonderful family, career, work life, friends.....and all that can be shaken with

one family gathering with nada. Overeating to fill a void I can't seem to fill,

a restlessness that leaves me edgy and an indicisiveness that leaves me

floundering. It is like I am in a fog and can't quite make a decision which way

to go to get out of it.

It drives me crazy and is stupid.

I don't have answers, but have also been thinking I should again go to

counseling to sort out some stuff, as I also have come to think my mother has BP

since the last time I went to counseling.

Hang in there,

>

> I came across something this morning that resonated with me and wanted to get

some opinions. Do any of you feel like you have an identity crisis? In other

words, do you feel like you don't know what you want to do with your life, that

nothing (or everything) makes you happy as long as you are busy, and that you

just don't seem to have a particular plan about where your life is going?

>

> When I was growing up, I had a plan to go to college, get a career, get

married and have a baby. After that, there was no plan and I feel like I've

been floundering ever since. My nada always told me how I was going to live my

life, so it was never exactly MY plan, but hers that I was living. Now that I

don't have HER telling me what to do, I have no clue what I should do with

myself. I wind up getting bored, which subsequently leads to depression, and

then trying to everything I can think of (hobbies, jobs, school, business

ventures, etc.) to keep myself from being bored and depressed. I wind up

feeling empty and frustrated.

>

> All of this is so stupid. I have a bachelor's degree, a license in massage

therapy, 20 years of IT experience, management experience, and I'm extremely

well spoken and can handle just about anything you throw my way..... except

boredom and trying to lift my self-esteem out of the gutter when my nada

" strips " me of it.

>

> I'm an awesome mom of two children, including one who has autism, I've been

married for 15 years to a great guy, I'm funny, compassionate, successful,

and.... can't stop stuffing my face with food because I feel so down on myself

after having to deal with my mom's $hit.

>

> What a damn dichotomy. How can I be so great at so many things, yet I haven't

a clue what I want to do with my life? How do I find myself when I feel like I

can't even find my a$$ with both hands? How can I accurately judge what I

should be doing with my life when the world is my oyster and I haven't a clue

which way to turn because my bloody mental navigation system is all screwy?

>

> I've had years of therapy before now, but perhaps it's time for some more now

that I've realized that nada probably has BPD.

>

> Frustrated,

>

> AnnieL

>

[Guest guest]

Annie,

I can relate to the identity crisis you've described. When I was growing

up, I was told (from the age of 3!) that I would be a secretary (because I

was " too dumb " to do anything else), get married, have children......There

was never any discussion about college, career, or anything.

However, my bro & sister were to go to college, and both did......both

dropped out.

Today I flip flop in happiness, like you........If I'm busy, I'm happy.

Sometimes I feel like the deep roots of rejection in our lives has

developed into an underlying heaviness & sadness, depression, isolation, some

self

pity possibly, and fear. This is what abusers do to you (us). It leaves

us kind of lost sometimes.

I have had my own business for 27 years. I have a wonderful husband, a

nice home, food on the table; sounds like things to be thankful for, yet the

periods of feeling " lost " still occur. I think there's this little person

inside crying out for comfort;

I saw a program yesterday that touched me deeply. It's on the Christian

channel: Paster Connie Weisel was offering a CD/DVD and book on the subject

of " Help for Hurting Women " . I went to her website and ordered the book.

My husband wants me to get the CD. The CD is titled " Walls of

Rejection " . I'm looking forward to getting help.

Hugs,

Laurie

In a message dated 9/6/2011 4:40:06 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

annie2011lewis@... writes:

I came across something this morning that resonated with me and wanted to

get some opinions. Do any of you feel like you have an identity crisis? In

other words, do you feel like you don't know what you want to do with your

life, that nothing (or everything) makes you happy as long as you are busy,

and that you just don't seem to have a particular plan about where your

life is going?

When I was growing up, I had a plan to go to college, get a career, get

married and have a baby. After that, there was no plan and I feel like I've

been floundering ever since. My nada always told me how I was going to live

my life, so it was never exactly MY plan, but hers that I was living. Now

that I don't have HER telling me what to do, I have no clue what I should do

with myself. I wind up getting bored, which subsequently leads to

depression, and then trying to everything I can think of (hobbies, jobs,

school,

business ventures, etc.) to keep myself from being bored and depressed. I

wind up feeling empty and frustrated.

All of this is so stupid. I have a bachelor's degree, a license in massage

therapy, 20 years of IT experience, management experience, and I'm

extremely well spoken and can handle just about anything you throw my way.....

except boredom and trying to lift my self-esteem out of the gutter when my

nada " strips " me of it.

I'm an awesome mom of two children, including one who has autism, I've

been married for 15 years to a great guy, I'm funny, compassionate,

successful, and.... can't stop stuffing my face with food because I feel so

down on

myself after having to deal with my mom's $hit.

What a damn dichotomy. How can I be so great at so many things, yet I

haven't a clue what I want to do with my life? How do I find myself when I feel

like I can't even find my a$$ with both hands? How can I accurately judge

what I should be doing with my life when the world is my oyster and I

haven't a clue which way to turn because my bloody mental navigation system is

all screwy?

I've had years of therapy before now, but perhaps it's time for some more

now that I've realized that nada probably has BPD.

Frustrated,

AnnieL