Guest guest Posted September 8, 2011 Report Share Posted September 8, 2011 Ok, I just have to share a story about a painfully dumb waif PD I work with. Sorry if this is too complicated. So my boss is a waif. I've been taking an hour a week away from work to go to therapy for a whole year. So this week for whatever reason she noticed I was gone and became very concerned about my health. But I could tell it wasn't genuine caring, concern or empathy. She wanted to start a pity party and have me tell her my deepest problems and then tell me hers and then she would start crying, which she does nearly daily. And then she would run around and cry to people that i have a prob and then milk them for comfort and attention. Thats what she does. My nada did the same when she was in waif mode. Anyway, I'm actually doing really well physically and mentally, though I have my challenges. And of course I wasn't going to say I'd been at mental therapy learning boundaries so I wouldn't murder her. so I changed the subject to break dancing and she got distracted by her own sad and disturbing attempt to imitate a break dancing hamster, and I was happy because my boundary in tact and she forgot what we were even talking about because I was watching her attempt to break dance really badly and she was loving the attention. Anyways. . . I have on simple rule for myself. I don't play dumb forced fun games. No dodge ball, no ping pong, no bowling, no kickball, no poker, no baby shower games etc etc etc. After a lifetime of my competitive and slightly cruel brother and dad competing with me regarding sports and games I just decided when I became an adult and had my own home, income etc that I would never do that ever ever ever again. Childhood trauma - yes most certainly. So almost every year my work goes on a really dumb game outing. I've skipped bowling, adventure sports, ping pong games, competitive eating contests and now they are on this stupid bean bag game combined with drinking. This afternoon they are going to a bar during work time, and they are going to pair off and compete to throw a bean bag in a hole (called corn hole) and then declare a winner, while they get sloppy. I of course called in sick today, in keeping with my no dumb games rule. i would play toss the bean bag with a toddler, but other than that, its a big fat no way in hell. So then it gets funny. Waif boss texted, super concerned oh what is wrong what did the doctor say etc etc. I told her the doctor said I have a SEVERE corn allergy (the game is called corn hole). She texts back " oh no what did you eat, do you have hives? " I don't know if I should laugh or hit myself in the forehead and groan. Can she really be this dumb, after I nearly quit my job when she tried to force me to go bowling?????? Dear lord My boyfriend says she will go talk to someone else and tell them, and they will start to laugh and laugh and laugh and then she will catch on. So I'm gonna wait and see. Something about the waif/hermit personality makes them kinda gullible. I'm tempted to respond and tell her I have uncontrollable but silent flatulence or something. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2011 Report Share Posted September 8, 2011 I like the way you think. I used to work for a large, multinational corporation that was (for a while) really into that whole " team-building " corporate-morale-boosting " we're all just one big family " kind of thing, and they would attempt " forced recreation " on us, such as going on retreats to play games together as you describe. I actually got reprimanded for dodging stuff like that, accused of not being a " good team player " and such. So I learned to disappear more discretely. But like you, I basically said " screw it " . If a huge corporate " dialogue " was announced, where our entire division was supposed to spend 2 or 3 hours assemble at a huge arena to hear the CEO speak, I just went home! I did my job well, was regularly given raises and promotions, so, I figured that as long as I was making my boss look good, my free time was my own. So, good for you. Maybe someone will clue waif boss into what you meant by claiming you have a " corn allergy. " (And do they even realize that " corn-holing " is a euphemism for anal sex? I doubt it.) -Annie > > Ok, I just have to share a story about a painfully dumb waif PD I work with. > Sorry if this is too complicated. > > So my boss is a waif. I've been taking an hour a week away from work to go > to therapy for a whole year. > > So this week for whatever reason she noticed I was gone and became very > concerned about my health. But I could tell it wasn't genuine caring, > concern or empathy. She wanted to start a pity party and have me tell her my > deepest problems and then tell me hers and then she would start crying, > which she does nearly daily. And then she would run around and cry to people > that i have a prob and then milk them for comfort and attention. Thats what > she does. My nada did the same when she was in waif mode. > > Anyway, I'm actually doing really well physically and mentally, though I > have my challenges. And of course I wasn't going to say I'd been at mental > therapy learning boundaries so I wouldn't murder her. so I changed the > subject to break dancing and she got distracted by her own sad and > disturbing attempt to imitate a break dancing hamster, and I was happy > because my boundary in tact and she forgot what we were even talking about > because I was watching her attempt to break dance really badly and she was > loving the attention. > > Anyways. . . I have on simple rule for myself. I don't play dumb forced fun > games. No dodge ball, no ping pong, no bowling, no kickball, no poker, no > baby shower games etc etc etc. After a lifetime of my competitive and > slightly cruel brother and dad competing with me regarding sports and games > I just decided when I became an adult and had my own home, income etc that I > would never do that ever ever ever again. Childhood trauma - yes most > certainly. > > So almost every year my work goes on a really dumb game outing. I've skipped > bowling, adventure sports, ping pong games, competitive eating contests and > now they are on this stupid bean bag game combined with drinking. This > afternoon they are going to a bar during work time, and they are going to > pair off and compete to throw a bean bag in a hole (called corn hole) and > then declare a winner, while they get sloppy. > > I of course called in sick today, in keeping with my no dumb games rule. i > would play toss the bean bag with a toddler, but other than that, its a big > fat no way in hell. > > So then it gets funny. Waif boss texted, super concerned oh what is wrong > what did the doctor say etc etc. I told her the doctor said I have a SEVERE > corn allergy (the game is called corn hole). She texts back " oh no what did > you eat, do you have hives? " > > I don't know if I should laugh or hit myself in the forehead and groan. > > Can she really be this dumb, after I nearly quit my job when she tried to > force me to go bowling?????? Dear lord > > My boyfriend says she will go talk to someone else and tell them, and they > will start to laugh and laugh and laugh and then she will catch on. So I'm > gonna wait and see. > > Something about the waif/hermit personality makes them kinda gullible. > > I'm tempted to respond and tell her I have uncontrollable but silent > flatulence or something. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2011 Report Share Posted September 8, 2011 This made me laugh. The corn things was funny. Me, I like dumb games. I like watching dumb videos on you-tube with my daughter. Playing dumb harmless jokes on people. Sometimes I enjoy acting dumb, just for the fun of it. I would probably drive you nuts in a very short amount of time. I have noticed I have this affect on some people. If you don't mind me asking, why do people like me drive you away so efficiently? We just want to have fun with you and it makes us sad when we can't. How can us " dumb " people be friends with you " no dumb zone " people? Can you share a little more about how our behavior triggers you and things that might help us trigger you less? > > Ok, I just have to share a story about a painfully dumb waif PD I work with. > Sorry if this is too complicated. > > So my boss is a waif. I've been taking an hour a week away from work to go > to therapy for a whole year. > > So this week for whatever reason she noticed I was gone and became very > concerned about my health. But I could tell it wasn't genuine caring, > concern or empathy. She wanted to start a pity party and have me tell her my > deepest problems and then tell me hers and then she would start crying, > which she does nearly daily. And then she would run around and cry to people > that i have a prob and then milk them for comfort and attention. Thats what > she does. My nada did the same when she was in waif mode. > > Anyway, I'm actually doing really well physically and mentally, though I > have my challenges. And of course I wasn't going to say I'd been at mental > therapy learning boundaries so I wouldn't murder her. so I changed the > subject to break dancing and she got distracted by her own sad and > disturbing attempt to imitate a break dancing hamster, and I was happy > because my boundary in tact and she forgot what we were even talking about > because I was watching her attempt to break dance really badly and she was > loving the attention. > > Anyways. . . I have on simple rule for myself. I don't play dumb forced fun > games. No dodge ball, no ping pong, no bowling, no kickball, no poker, no > baby shower games etc etc etc. After a lifetime of my competitive and > slightly cruel brother and dad competing with me regarding sports and games > I just decided when I became an adult and had my own home, income etc that I > would never do that ever ever ever again. Childhood trauma - yes most > certainly. > > So almost every year my work goes on a really dumb game outing. I've skipped > bowling, adventure sports, ping pong games, competitive eating contests and > now they are on this stupid bean bag game combined with drinking. This > afternoon they are going to a bar during work time, and they are going to > pair off and compete to throw a bean bag in a hole (called corn hole) and > then declare a winner, while they get sloppy. > > I of course called in sick today, in keeping with my no dumb games rule. i > would play toss the bean bag with a toddler, but other than that, its a big > fat no way in hell. > > So then it gets funny. Waif boss texted, super concerned oh what is wrong > what did the doctor say etc etc. I told her the doctor said I have a SEVERE > corn allergy (the game is called corn hole). She texts back " oh no what did > you eat, do you have hives? " > > I don't know if I should laugh or hit myself in the forehead and groan. > > Can she really be this dumb, after I nearly quit my job when she tried to > force me to go bowling?????? Dear lord > > My boyfriend says she will go talk to someone else and tell them, and they > will start to laugh and laugh and laugh and then she will catch on. So I'm > gonna wait and see. > > Something about the waif/hermit personality makes them kinda gullible. > > I'm tempted to respond and tell her I have uncontrollable but silent > flatulence or something. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2011 Report Share Posted September 8, 2011 The anal sex aspect adds a whole nother dimension to the disturbingness of it all, dont you think??? I tend to think that these dumb games were thought up by someone who didn't provide much to the organization. People aren't getting along? Lets do a drumming exercise so they can learn about team work. The drumming exercise (we really did about 4 years ago)- which sadly I didn't see coming so I couldn't dodge - was SO LAME!!! And the thing is, I can drum pretty damn well and so they forced me up there first thing. And yeah, I've been in bands before - and they didn't get along either, so NO this doesn't teach me anything! Anyway, I started to notice this year that sometimes us mavericks who say - no I'm not gonna do that- end up getting more respect, better assignments, and a lot of folks who don't want to get corn holed either are grateful to us for saying " that's lame " . My office is very irreverent - ad agencies are often that way - so yeah, they know what corn holing really is. HA HA. I bet waif boss doesn't know though. Thanks for the support, Annie. God help us and this stupid corporate team building. On Thu, Sep 8, 2011 at 12:35 PM, anuria67854 wrote: > ** > > > I like the way you think. I used to work for a large, multinational > corporation that was (for a while) really into that whole " team-building " > corporate-morale-boosting " we're all just one big family " kind of thing, and > they would attempt " forced recreation " on us, such as going on retreats to > play games together as you describe. I actually got reprimanded for dodging > stuff like that, accused of not being a " good team player " and such. So I > learned to disappear more discretely. But like you, I basically said " screw > it " . If a huge corporate " dialogue " was announced, where our entire division > was supposed to spend 2 or 3 hours assemble at a huge arena to hear the CEO > speak, I just went home! I did my job well, was regularly given raises and > promotions, so, I figured that as long as I was making my boss look good, my > free time was my own. > > So, good for you. Maybe someone will clue waif boss into what you meant by > claiming you have a " corn allergy. " (And do they even realize that > " corn-holing " is a euphemism for anal sex? I doubt it.) > > -Annie > > > > > > > Ok, I just have to share a story about a painfully dumb waif PD I work > with. > > Sorry if this is too complicated. > > > > So my boss is a waif. I've been taking an hour a week away from work to > go > > to therapy for a whole year. > > > > So this week for whatever reason she noticed I was gone and became very > > concerned about my health. But I could tell it wasn't genuine caring, > > concern or empathy. She wanted to start a pity party and have me tell her > my > > deepest problems and then tell me hers and then she would start crying, > > which she does nearly daily. And then she would run around and cry to > people > > that i have a prob and then milk them for comfort and attention. Thats > what > > she does. My nada did the same when she was in waif mode. > > > > Anyway, I'm actually doing really well physically and mentally, though I > > have my challenges. And of course I wasn't going to say I'd been at > mental > > therapy learning boundaries so I wouldn't murder her. so I changed the > > subject to break dancing and she got distracted by her own sad and > > disturbing attempt to imitate a break dancing hamster, and I was happy > > because my boundary in tact and she forgot what we were even talking > about > > because I was watching her attempt to break dance really badly and she > was > > loving the attention. > > > > Anyways. . . I have on simple rule for myself. I don't play dumb forced > fun > > games. No dodge ball, no ping pong, no bowling, no kickball, no poker, no > > baby shower games etc etc etc. After a lifetime of my competitive and > > slightly cruel brother and dad competing with me regarding sports and > games > > I just decided when I became an adult and had my own home, income etc > that I > > would never do that ever ever ever again. Childhood trauma - yes most > > certainly. > > > > So almost every year my work goes on a really dumb game outing. I've > skipped > > bowling, adventure sports, ping pong games, competitive eating contests > and > > now they are on this stupid bean bag game combined with drinking. This > > afternoon they are going to a bar during work time, and they are going to > > pair off and compete to throw a bean bag in a hole (called corn hole) and > > then declare a winner, while they get sloppy. > > > > I of course called in sick today, in keeping with my no dumb games rule. > i > > would play toss the bean bag with a toddler, but other than that, its a > big > > fat no way in hell. > > > > So then it gets funny. Waif boss texted, super concerned oh what is wrong > > what did the doctor say etc etc. I told her the doctor said I have a > SEVERE > > corn allergy (the game is called corn hole). She texts back " oh no what > did > > you eat, do you have hives? " > > > > I don't know if I should laugh or hit myself in the forehead and groan. > > > > Can she really be this dumb, after I nearly quit my job when she tried to > > force me to go bowling?????? Dear lord > > > > My boyfriend says she will go talk to someone else and tell them, and > they > > will start to laugh and laugh and laugh and then she will catch on. So > I'm > > gonna wait and see. > > > > Something about the waif/hermit personality makes them kinda gullible. > > > > I'm tempted to respond and tell her I have uncontrollable but silent > > flatulence or something. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2011 Report Share Posted September 8, 2011 No, I'm good with certain dumb stuff. I am very silly, I like to joke around for short times etc etc. But if its competitive then I will take off. Also, if its something that I was abused with as a kid - for example - my dog was hit with a garden hose before I got him - so he is terrified of hoses. I was hit with balls, thrown at my head, face, body over and over and over. So if there is throwing of balls involved in anything - I'm outta there. I also don't like to waste time. I'm striving constantly to reach my goals. So if you want me to spend 3 hours playing a dumb game, where people are going to compete with me, hit me with things, and become increasingly drunk so that their boundaries drop, i'm not in any way shape or form going to show up. Also, if they wanted to do a team builder that used my skills, I'd be totally down for it. If they wanted me to cook, or dance, or sew, or train an animal, or write something, I'd probably do it. But where they are focusing on skills I've gone out of my way to avoid, there is no way. Another thing they have done is aggressive competitive stuff where injury was very likely. One of my friends lost all the skin on his right hip and leg because they raced down a mountain on skateboard type deals. My body is a bit fragile and i'm not under any circumstances going to risk getting hurt and being unable to dance or do yoga or the things I love for weeks or months because of their extremely stupid and meaningless competitions. > ** > > > This made me laugh. The corn things was funny. > > Me, I like dumb games. I like watching dumb videos on you-tube with my > daughter. Playing dumb harmless jokes on people. Sometimes I enjoy acting > dumb, just for the fun of it. > > I would probably drive you nuts in a very short amount of time. I have > noticed I have this affect on some people. > > If you don't mind me asking, why do people like me drive you away so > efficiently? We just want to have fun with you and it makes us sad when we > can't. How can us " dumb " people be friends with you " no dumb zone " people? > Can you share a little more about how our behavior triggers you and things > that might help us trigger you less? > > > > > > > Ok, I just have to share a story about a painfully dumb waif PD I work > with. > > Sorry if this is too complicated. > > > > So my boss is a waif. I've been taking an hour a week away from work to > go > > to therapy for a whole year. > > > > So this week for whatever reason she noticed I was gone and became very > > concerned about my health. But I could tell it wasn't genuine caring, > > concern or empathy. She wanted to start a pity party and have me tell her > my > > deepest problems and then tell me hers and then she would start crying, > > which she does nearly daily. And then she would run around and cry to > people > > that i have a prob and then milk them for comfort and attention. Thats > what > > she does. My nada did the same when she was in waif mode. > > > > Anyway, I'm actually doing really well physically and mentally, though I > > have my challenges. And of course I wasn't going to say I'd been at > mental > > therapy learning boundaries so I wouldn't murder her. so I changed the > > subject to break dancing and she got distracted by her own sad and > > disturbing attempt to imitate a break dancing hamster, and I was happy > > because my boundary in tact and she forgot what we were even talking > about > > because I was watching her attempt to break dance really badly and she > was > > loving the attention. > > > > Anyways. . . I have on simple rule for myself. I don't play dumb forced > fun > > games. No dodge ball, no ping pong, no bowling, no kickball, no poker, no > > baby shower games etc etc etc. After a lifetime of my competitive and > > slightly cruel brother and dad competing with me regarding sports and > games > > I just decided when I became an adult and had my own home, income etc > that I > > would never do that ever ever ever again. Childhood trauma - yes most > > certainly. > > > > So almost every year my work goes on a really dumb game outing. I've > skipped > > bowling, adventure sports, ping pong games, competitive eating contests > and > > now they are on this stupid bean bag game combined with drinking. This > > afternoon they are going to a bar during work time, and they are going to > > pair off and compete to throw a bean bag in a hole (called corn hole) and > > then declare a winner, while they get sloppy. > > > > I of course called in sick today, in keeping with my no dumb games rule. > i > > would play toss the bean bag with a toddler, but other than that, its a > big > > fat no way in hell. > > > > So then it gets funny. Waif boss texted, super concerned oh what is wrong > > what did the doctor say etc etc. I told her the doctor said I have a > SEVERE > > corn allergy (the game is called corn hole). She texts back " oh no what > did > > you eat, do you have hives? " > > > > I don't know if I should laugh or hit myself in the forehead and groan. > > > > Can she really be this dumb, after I nearly quit my job when she tried to > > force me to go bowling?????? Dear lord > > > > My boyfriend says she will go talk to someone else and tell them, and > they > > will start to laugh and laugh and laugh and then she will catch on. So > I'm > > gonna wait and see. > > > > Something about the waif/hermit personality makes them kinda gullible. > > > > I'm tempted to respond and tell her I have uncontrollable but silent > > flatulence or something. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2011 Report Share Posted September 8, 2011 Yes, inserting things into " the corn-hole " has a kinky quality to it, imho. And yes, my own theory is that these " let's all play together " corporate bonding exercises are thought up by those who have no actual part in creating the product that the company sells or the service it provides. There was one of these two-day things that I could NOT get out of (they bussed us there) but that " forced fun " event ended up actually being fun because (a) it was in a very nice hotel and ( I got paired up with the very uncreative and clueless salesmen and marketing people that usually made my job a living hell, and I basically got to show them what my department did: make something out of nothing. The task was to create a new product that would appeal to a specific target group that was described to us, and a campaign to promote our new product. While they mostly just sat there, I was able to come up with an idea and take the bits of paper, styrofoam and other kindergarden-level arts and crafts materials and actually make a working prototype of a product that didn't exist before, and come up with a slogan to sell it. We won! -Annie > > > > > > Ok, I just have to share a story about a painfully dumb waif PD I work > > with. > > > Sorry if this is too complicated. > > > > > > So my boss is a waif. I've been taking an hour a week away from work to > > go > > > to therapy for a whole year. > > > > > > So this week for whatever reason she noticed I was gone and became very > > > concerned about my health. But I could tell it wasn't genuine caring, > > > concern or empathy. She wanted to start a pity party and have me tell her > > my > > > deepest problems and then tell me hers and then she would start crying, > > > which she does nearly daily. And then she would run around and cry to > > people > > > that i have a prob and then milk them for comfort and attention. Thats > > what > > > she does. My nada did the same when she was in waif mode. > > > > > > Anyway, I'm actually doing really well physically and mentally, though I > > > have my challenges. And of course I wasn't going to say I'd been at > > mental > > > therapy learning boundaries so I wouldn't murder her. so I changed the > > > subject to break dancing and she got distracted by her own sad and > > > disturbing attempt to imitate a break dancing hamster, and I was happy > > > because my boundary in tact and she forgot what we were even talking > > about > > > because I was watching her attempt to break dance really badly and she > > was > > > loving the attention. > > > > > > Anyways. . . I have on simple rule for myself. I don't play dumb forced > > fun > > > games. No dodge ball, no ping pong, no bowling, no kickball, no poker, no > > > baby shower games etc etc etc. After a lifetime of my competitive and > > > slightly cruel brother and dad competing with me regarding sports and > > games > > > I just decided when I became an adult and had my own home, income etc > > that I > > > would never do that ever ever ever again. Childhood trauma - yes most > > > certainly. > > > > > > So almost every year my work goes on a really dumb game outing. I've > > skipped > > > bowling, adventure sports, ping pong games, competitive eating contests > > and > > > now they are on this stupid bean bag game combined with drinking. This > > > afternoon they are going to a bar during work time, and they are going to > > > pair off and compete to throw a bean bag in a hole (called corn hole) and > > > then declare a winner, while they get sloppy. > > > > > > I of course called in sick today, in keeping with my no dumb games rule. > > i > > > would play toss the bean bag with a toddler, but other than that, its a > > big > > > fat no way in hell. > > > > > > So then it gets funny. Waif boss texted, super concerned oh what is wrong > > > what did the doctor say etc etc. I told her the doctor said I have a > > SEVERE > > > corn allergy (the game is called corn hole). She texts back " oh no what > > did > > > you eat, do you have hives? " > > > > > > I don't know if I should laugh or hit myself in the forehead and groan. > > > > > > Can she really be this dumb, after I nearly quit my job when she tried to > > > force me to go bowling?????? Dear lord > > > > > > My boyfriend says she will go talk to someone else and tell them, and > > they > > > will start to laugh and laugh and laugh and then she will catch on. So > > I'm > > > gonna wait and see. > > > > > > Something about the waif/hermit personality makes them kinda gullible. > > > > > > I'm tempted to respond and tell her I have uncontrollable but silent > > > flatulence or something. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2011 Report Share Posted September 8, 2011 I think I understand,especially when you mentioned people getting drunk and dropping their sense of healthy boundaries. Let me know if I got this right, when people act dumb, just to be dumb and stupid, does it remind you of times in the past when people where violating your boundaries? Like when people get drunk or when kids were doing mean things to you and laughing. Silly and funny are ok. However, if I act dumb (immature type stuff), do you associate me with something bad in your past? If this be the case, I totally get it. It makes perfect sense. > > > > > > Ok, I just have to share a story about a painfully dumb waif PD I work > > with. > > > Sorry if this is too complicated. > > > > > > So my boss is a waif. I've been taking an hour a week away from work to > > go > > > to therapy for a whole year. > > > > > > So this week for whatever reason she noticed I was gone and became very > > > concerned about my health. But I could tell it wasn't genuine caring, > > > concern or empathy. She wanted to start a pity party and have me tell her > > my > > > deepest problems and then tell me hers and then she would start crying, > > > which she does nearly daily. And then she would run around and cry to > > people > > > that i have a prob and then milk them for comfort and attention. Thats > > what > > > she does. My nada did the same when she was in waif mode. > > > > > > Anyway, I'm actually doing really well physically and mentally, though I > > > have my challenges. And of course I wasn't going to say I'd been at > > mental > > > therapy learning boundaries so I wouldn't murder her. so I changed the > > > subject to break dancing and she got distracted by her own sad and > > > disturbing attempt to imitate a break dancing hamster, and I was happy > > > because my boundary in tact and she forgot what we were even talking > > about > > > because I was watching her attempt to break dance really badly and she > > was > > > loving the attention. > > > > > > Anyways. . . I have on simple rule for myself. I don't play dumb forced > > fun > > > games. No dodge ball, no ping pong, no bowling, no kickball, no poker, no > > > baby shower games etc etc etc. After a lifetime of my competitive and > > > slightly cruel brother and dad competing with me regarding sports and > > games > > > I just decided when I became an adult and had my own home, income etc > > that I > > > would never do that ever ever ever again. Childhood trauma - yes most > > > certainly. > > > > > > So almost every year my work goes on a really dumb game outing. I've > > skipped > > > bowling, adventure sports, ping pong games, competitive eating contests > > and > > > now they are on this stupid bean bag game combined with drinking. This > > > afternoon they are going to a bar during work time, and they are going to > > > pair off and compete to throw a bean bag in a hole (called corn hole) and > > > then declare a winner, while they get sloppy. > > > > > > I of course called in sick today, in keeping with my no dumb games rule. > > i > > > would play toss the bean bag with a toddler, but other than that, its a > > big > > > fat no way in hell. > > > > > > So then it gets funny. Waif boss texted, super concerned oh what is wrong > > > what did the doctor say etc etc. I told her the doctor said I have a > > SEVERE > > > corn allergy (the game is called corn hole). She texts back " oh no what > > did > > > you eat, do you have hives? " > > > > > > I don't know if I should laugh or hit myself in the forehead and groan. > > > > > > Can she really be this dumb, after I nearly quit my job when she tried to > > > force me to go bowling?????? Dear lord > > > > > > My boyfriend says she will go talk to someone else and tell them, and > > they > > > will start to laugh and laugh and laugh and then she will catch on. So > > I'm > > > gonna wait and see. > > > > > > Something about the waif/hermit personality makes them kinda gullible. > > > > > > I'm tempted to respond and tell her I have uncontrollable but silent > > > flatulence or something. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2011 Report Share Posted September 8, 2011 PDFF - YES I do associate that with being violated in the past. I hate to say it, but particularly playing games with men is triggering to me. Because they so often revert to the bra snapping, hair pulling stupid behavior of late childhood and early adolescence. Add in the emotional immaturity found in my office plus drinking and yep - you have a recipe for me running away screaming. Annie, that work project sounds more fun to be because its creative and at least it is related somewhat to your work - whereas bowling or chucking bean bags at a hole - - - i just don't see how that is related to my work with journalists in any way shape or form. " And yes, my own theory is that these " let's all play together " corporate bonding exercises are thought up by those who have no actual part in creating the product that the company sells or the service it provides, " and this is SOOO True. you know, a couple of weeks ago I went to a baseball game with my coworkers. I went because 1) I actually like them 2) I find the ball field a relaxing place to work with my hands (embroidery and crochet) and 3) there is no expectation for how long I will stay. it is the type of thing where I have more autonomy and I can suit it to my needs. However, forcing me to pair off with someone and then be available for my turn for a full 3 hour period, and then listen to the cat calls and trash talking and watching them get sloppy - yeah I'm not into it. In fact, i can't think of many things I WOULDN " t do to get out of it. I'd even consider setting something on fire so that I'd have to run away and put out the fire. It freaks me out that much! In my parent's religion, the young people did forced fun things like this every single week together. It was enough to drive me to develop a very very deep complex about it. I had to hula hoop at an international retreat for a big hotel chain last winter. I did it - but I never learned to hula hoop as a kid, or cartwheel, or do other normal kid things like that. i looked around the room and everyone hated it, except the two early 20s girls who rememberd how from being kids and who won (and who looked totally slutty in the process). i asked an older man how long he had been going to those - 10 years. I asked why he had never tried to improve at hula hooping knowing he would be doing it at every meeting for his whole career. he said he didn't want to learn because it was stupid. HA HA HA I'm with him. Though I have to say, I'd probably practice if I knew I would have to do it at the start of every meeting for the rest of my career. Or I'd get a new job. > ** > > > I think I understand,especially when you mentioned people getting drunk and > dropping their sense of healthy boundaries. Let me know if I got this right, > when people act dumb, just to be dumb and stupid, does it remind you of > times in the past when people where violating your boundaries? Like when > people get drunk or when kids were doing mean things to you and laughing. > > Silly and funny are ok. However, if I act dumb (immature type stuff), do > you associate me with something bad in your past? If this be the case, I > totally get it. It makes perfect sense. > > > > > > > > > > > Ok, I just have to share a story about a painfully dumb waif PD I > work > > > with. > > > > Sorry if this is too complicated. > > > > > > > > So my boss is a waif. I've been taking an hour a week away from work > to > > > go > > > > to therapy for a whole year. > > > > > > > > So this week for whatever reason she noticed I was gone and became > very > > > > concerned about my health. But I could tell it wasn't genuine caring, > > > > concern or empathy. She wanted to start a pity party and have me tell > her > > > my > > > > deepest problems and then tell me hers and then she would start > crying, > > > > which she does nearly daily. And then she would run around and cry to > > > people > > > > that i have a prob and then milk them for comfort and attention. > Thats > > > what > > > > she does. My nada did the same when she was in waif mode. > > > > > > > > Anyway, I'm actually doing really well physically and mentally, > though I > > > > have my challenges. And of course I wasn't going to say I'd been at > > > mental > > > > therapy learning boundaries so I wouldn't murder her. so I changed > the > > > > subject to break dancing and she got distracted by her own sad and > > > > disturbing attempt to imitate a break dancing hamster, and I was > happy > > > > because my boundary in tact and she forgot what we were even talking > > > about > > > > because I was watching her attempt to break dance really badly and > she > > > was > > > > loving the attention. > > > > > > > > Anyways. . . I have on simple rule for myself. I don't play dumb > forced > > > fun > > > > games. No dodge ball, no ping pong, no bowling, no kickball, no > poker, no > > > > baby shower games etc etc etc. After a lifetime of my competitive and > > > > slightly cruel brother and dad competing with me regarding sports and > > > games > > > > I just decided when I became an adult and had my own home, income etc > > > that I > > > > would never do that ever ever ever again. Childhood trauma - yes most > > > > certainly. > > > > > > > > So almost every year my work goes on a really dumb game outing. I've > > > skipped > > > > bowling, adventure sports, ping pong games, competitive eating > contests > > > and > > > > now they are on this stupid bean bag game combined with drinking. > This > > > > afternoon they are going to a bar during work time, and they are > going to > > > > pair off and compete to throw a bean bag in a hole (called corn hole) > and > > > > then declare a winner, while they get sloppy. > > > > > > > > I of course called in sick today, in keeping with my no dumb games > rule. > > > i > > > > would play toss the bean bag with a toddler, but other than that, its > a > > > big > > > > fat no way in hell. > > > > > > > > So then it gets funny. Waif boss texted, super concerned oh what is > wrong > > > > what did the doctor say etc etc. I told her the doctor said I have a > > > SEVERE > > > > corn allergy (the game is called corn hole). She texts back " oh no > what > > > did > > > > you eat, do you have hives? " > > > > > > > > I don't know if I should laugh or hit myself in the forehead and > groan. > > > > > > > > Can she really be this dumb, after I nearly quit my job when she > tried to > > > > force me to go bowling?????? Dear lord > > > > > > > > My boyfriend says she will go talk to someone else and tell them, and > > > they > > > > will start to laugh and laugh and laugh and then she will catch on. > So > > > I'm > > > > gonna wait and see. > > > > > > > > Something about the waif/hermit personality makes them kinda > gullible. > > > > > > > > I'm tempted to respond and tell her I have uncontrollable but silent > > > > flatulence or something. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2011 Report Share Posted September 8, 2011 She sounds like a complete lunatic. Break-dancing hamster imitation? Beanbag games? Criminey, we have one potluck lunch a year during Thanksgiving week, and I try to figure out how to avoid THAT. (Why, oh why, do we have to eat a 3,000 calorie turkey dinner two days before we eat - another 3,000 calorie turkey dinner?) I join you in abhorrence of " forced " social levity. Work is work. Friends are friends. > > Ok, I just have to share a story about a painfully dumb waif PD I work with. > Sorry if this is too complicated. > > So my boss is a waif. I've been taking an hour a week away from work to go > to therapy for a whole year. > > So this week for whatever reason she noticed I was gone and became very > concerned about my health. But I could tell it wasn't genuine caring, > concern or empathy. She wanted to start a pity party and have me tell her my > deepest problems and then tell me hers and then she would start crying, > which she does nearly daily. And then she would run around and cry to people > that i have a prob and then milk them for comfort and attention. Thats what > she does. My nada did the same when she was in waif mode. > > Anyway, I'm actually doing really well physically and mentally, though I > have my challenges. And of course I wasn't going to say I'd been at mental > therapy learning boundaries so I wouldn't murder her. so I changed the > subject to break dancing and she got distracted by her own sad and > disturbing attempt to imitate a break dancing hamster, and I was happy > because my boundary in tact and she forgot what we were even talking about > because I was watching her attempt to break dance really badly and she was > loving the attention. > > Anyways. . . I have on simple rule for myself. I don't play dumb forced fun > games. No dodge ball, no ping pong, no bowling, no kickball, no poker, no > baby shower games etc etc etc. After a lifetime of my competitive and > slightly cruel brother and dad competing with me regarding sports and games > I just decided when I became an adult and had my own home, income etc that I > would never do that ever ever ever again. Childhood trauma - yes most > certainly. > > So almost every year my work goes on a really dumb game outing. I've skipped > bowling, adventure sports, ping pong games, competitive eating contests and > now they are on this stupid bean bag game combined with drinking. This > afternoon they are going to a bar during work time, and they are going to > pair off and compete to throw a bean bag in a hole (called corn hole) and > then declare a winner, while they get sloppy. > > I of course called in sick today, in keeping with my no dumb games rule. i > would play toss the bean bag with a toddler, but other than that, its a big > fat no way in hell. > > So then it gets funny. Waif boss texted, super concerned oh what is wrong > what did the doctor say etc etc. I told her the doctor said I have a SEVERE > corn allergy (the game is called corn hole). She texts back " oh no what did > you eat, do you have hives? " > > I don't know if I should laugh or hit myself in the forehead and groan. > > Can she really be this dumb, after I nearly quit my job when she tried to > force me to go bowling?????? Dear lord > > My boyfriend says she will go talk to someone else and tell them, and they > will start to laugh and laugh and laugh and then she will catch on. So I'm > gonna wait and see. > > Something about the waif/hermit personality makes them kinda gullible. > > I'm tempted to respond and tell her I have uncontrollable but silent > flatulence or something. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2011 Report Share Posted September 8, 2011 pdff, the other thing is that it's forced recreation. You're being forced to hang out with people being dumb who aren't necessarily your friends. I love being silly with my friends. I have pretty cool co-workers now and we regularly do what we call " stoop beer " . Someone goes and buys beer and we hang out on the porch at the office drinking it. Not everyone drinks but we just hang out on the porch chatting. At my old work though, while I respected my co-workers, most of them were not people I wanted to hang out with or have personal relationships with. Like GS, there are some things that could be categorized as dumb or silly or immature that trigger painful things from my childhood and memories of the abuse I suffered. There's no reason I should have to spend my free time with people who do that. > > > > Ok, I just have to share a story about a painfully dumb waif PD I work with. > > Sorry if this is too complicated. > > > > So my boss is a waif. I've been taking an hour a week away from work to go > > to therapy for a whole year. > > > > So this week for whatever reason she noticed I was gone and became very > > concerned about my health. But I could tell it wasn't genuine caring, > > concern or empathy. She wanted to start a pity party and have me tell her my > > deepest problems and then tell me hers and then she would start crying, > > which she does nearly daily. And then she would run around and cry to people > > that i have a prob and then milk them for comfort and attention. Thats what > > she does. My nada did the same when she was in waif mode. > > > > Anyway, I'm actually doing really well physically and mentally, though I > > have my challenges. And of course I wasn't going to say I'd been at mental > > therapy learning boundaries so I wouldn't murder her. so I changed the > > subject to break dancing and she got distracted by her own sad and > > disturbing attempt to imitate a break dancing hamster, and I was happy > > because my boundary in tact and she forgot what we were even talking about > > because I was watching her attempt to break dance really badly and she was > > loving the attention. > > > > Anyways. . . I have on simple rule for myself. I don't play dumb forced fun > > games. No dodge ball, no ping pong, no bowling, no kickball, no poker, no > > baby shower games etc etc etc. After a lifetime of my competitive and > > slightly cruel brother and dad competing with me regarding sports and games > > I just decided when I became an adult and had my own home, income etc that I > > would never do that ever ever ever again. Childhood trauma - yes most > > certainly. > > > > So almost every year my work goes on a really dumb game outing. I've skipped > > bowling, adventure sports, ping pong games, competitive eating contests and > > now they are on this stupid bean bag game combined with drinking. This > > afternoon they are going to a bar during work time, and they are going to > > pair off and compete to throw a bean bag in a hole (called corn hole) and > > then declare a winner, while they get sloppy. > > > > I of course called in sick today, in keeping with my no dumb games rule. i > > would play toss the bean bag with a toddler, but other than that, its a big > > fat no way in hell. > > > > So then it gets funny. Waif boss texted, super concerned oh what is wrong > > what did the doctor say etc etc. I told her the doctor said I have a SEVERE > > corn allergy (the game is called corn hole). She texts back " oh no what did > > you eat, do you have hives? " > > > > I don't know if I should laugh or hit myself in the forehead and groan. > > > > Can she really be this dumb, after I nearly quit my job when she tried to > > force me to go bowling?????? Dear lord > > > > My boyfriend says she will go talk to someone else and tell them, and they > > will start to laugh and laugh and laugh and then she will catch on. So I'm > > gonna wait and see. > > > > Something about the waif/hermit personality makes them kinda gullible. > > > > I'm tempted to respond and tell her I have uncontrollable but silent > > flatulence or something. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 9, 2011 Report Share Posted September 9, 2011 GS, my favorite line of your post was, " she got distracted by her own sad and > disturbing attempt to imitate a break dancing hamster " My mom is like that - not break dancing like a hamster - she gets nosy and intrusive and likes to know what's bothering people, what diseases they have. In her case, though, it's not to spread it or get sympathy - she doesn't repeat what she finds out to other people (not b/c she's noble, but b/c she's a waif; she's afraid that someone will repeat what she said incorrectly and then she'll get in trouble, etc); I think she likes to know what's going on with other people to give herself more things to be scared of. With waifs, I find there's a lot of catastrophizing and triangulation. Like your boss, my nada would repeat whatever I told her in confidence (e.g., if I mentioned something about my period, I would find out later, she told my father and brother). Except she would put spin on the story to make it bigger. I love how you handled your boss!! She needs to focus on her own problems. Fiona > > Ok, I just have to share a story about a painfully dumb waif PD I work with. > Sorry if this is too complicated. > > So my boss is a waif. I've been taking an hour a week away from work to go > to therapy for a whole year. > > So this week for whatever reason she noticed I was gone and became very > concerned about my health. But I could tell it wasn't genuine caring, > concern or empathy. She wanted to start a pity party and have me tell her my > deepest problems and then tell me hers and then she would start crying, > which she does nearly daily. And then she would run around and cry to people > that i have a prob and then milk them for comfort and attention. Thats what > she does. My nada did the same when she was in waif mode. > > Anyway, I'm actually doing really well physically and mentally, though I > have my challenges. And of course I wasn't going to say I'd been at mental > therapy learning boundaries so I wouldn't murder her. so I changed the > subject to break dancing and she got distracted by her own sad and > disturbing attempt to imitate a break dancing hamster, and I was happy > because my boundary in tact and she forgot what we were even talking about > because I was watching her attempt to break dance really badly and she was > loving the attention. > > Anyways. . . I have on simple rule for myself. I don't play dumb forced fun > games. No dodge ball, no ping pong, no bowling, no kickball, no poker, no > baby shower games etc etc etc. After a lifetime of my competitive and > slightly cruel brother and dad competing with me regarding sports and games > I just decided when I became an adult and had my own home, income etc that I > would never do that ever ever ever again. Childhood trauma - yes most > certainly. > > So almost every year my work goes on a really dumb game outing. I've skipped > bowling, adventure sports, ping pong games, competitive eating contests and > now they are on this stupid bean bag game combined with drinking. This > afternoon they are going to a bar during work time, and they are going to > pair off and compete to throw a bean bag in a hole (called corn hole) and > then declare a winner, while they get sloppy. > > I of course called in sick today, in keeping with my no dumb games rule. i > would play toss the bean bag with a toddler, but other than that, its a big > fat no way in hell. > > So then it gets funny. Waif boss texted, super concerned oh what is wrong > what did the doctor say etc etc. I told her the doctor said I have a SEVERE > corn allergy (the game is called corn hole). She texts back " oh no what did > you eat, do you have hives? " > > I don't know if I should laugh or hit myself in the forehead and groan. > > Can she really be this dumb, after I nearly quit my job when she tried to > force me to go bowling?????? Dear lord > > My boyfriend says she will go talk to someone else and tell them, and they > will start to laugh and laugh and laugh and then she will catch on. So I'm > gonna wait and see. > > Something about the waif/hermit personality makes them kinda gullible. > > I'm tempted to respond and tell her I have uncontrollable but silent > flatulence or something. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 9, 2011 Report Share Posted September 9, 2011 Thanks Fiona I think maybe waif boss is worrying about something - she has health beliefs that I find very strange. She very rarely goes to the doctor. She even told me that she changed her daughter's dosage of anti-depressants!!!! And the kid (well, young adult) was in bad shape!!!!! I think she is too narcissitic to really care about me - so I am always looking for the alternative, hidden goal she is working toward. My guess is that either she 1) wants to tell me how she never sleeps and is always too " stirred up " to relax. To that I always say, there are a lot of good options for getting help with that, call your doctor. Or 2) she wants to talk about her daughter's problems. Her daughter moved back home after finishing college I think a full year ago. She has no job prospeccts and is miserable. Waif boss just wants to have a pity party about it - if she really wanted to help I think she would 1) stop messing with her daughter's meds 2) get the family to a family therapist and just in short do everything that we do here. Her daughter is also eshewing regular medicine, and is on this bizzarre diet. I know a lot of folks have had luck treating their issues with altenative medicine and I have too. What I find strange though, is blaming ALL your problems on diet. I mean, if we could really treat major depression or anxiety disorder or schizophrenia by avoiding gluten - - would those diseases even exist any more? I all for a healthy lifestyle, but what I see is people SPLITTING food. X food is ALL bad ALL time And X other food is ALL good All the time. Its an oversimplification, and I don't think it helps. In W.B.'s daughter's case I actually think the weird diet is a manefestation of her mental illness, rather than a cure. Anyway, yeah, I think waif boss' goal is to start a pity party and have me tell her all my dirt. She will then cry and expect me to help her deal with her feelings about MY problems. She will then tell me her problems and I will also have to prop her up for that. She will then go and whisper to everyone she knows about my problems, cry, and take their sympathy and support. My nada did that exact thing ALL the time. I've seen waif boss do it alot. Half the time, she is drawing someone else into her pity party and then coming back to cry to me about it. The thing is too, she will excuse someone's horrible horrible behavior based on something like a hang nail, a minor surgery, a child's illness. I get that, but I don't bring my problems to work - and I expect othersr to do the same. A bad person will ALWAYS have an excuse for EVERYTHING, and its one of my tools to track identify them. She does makes and believes lame excuses for herself too. An hour late to a really important meeting? " Oh, I couldn't sleep. Oh well, at least the big boss wasn't there. Don't tell, kay " UMMM, no not okay. Not okay at all. I think its her job to deal with her problems so that she can be productive, be a good mom, a good friend and a good boss. I don't think its ok to have a severe anxiety disorder and act like you have no options when you are an upper middle class income woman with great health insurance. Ok that was a rant - sometimes I just want to SLAP her. On Fri, Sep 9, 2011 at 6:35 AM, Fiona <hermitsdaughter @yahoo.com> wrote: > ** > > > GS, my favorite line of your post was, " she got distracted by her own sad > and > > > disturbing attempt to imitate a break dancing hamster " > > My mom is like that - not break dancing like a hamster - she gets nosy and > intrusive and likes to know what's bothering people, what diseases they > have. In her case, though, it's not to spread it or get sympathy - she > doesn't repeat what she finds out to other people (not b/c she's noble, but > b/c she's a waif; she's afraid that someone will repeat what she said > incorrectly and then she'll get in trouble, etc); I think she likes to know > what's going on with other people to give herself more things to be scared > of. > > With waifs, I find there's a lot of catastrophizing and triangulation. Like > your boss, my nada would repeat whatever I told her in confidence (e.g., if > I mentioned something about my period, I would find out later, she told my > father and brother). Except she would put spin on the story to make it > bigger. > > I love how you handled your boss!! She needs to focus on her own problems. > > Fiona > > > > > > > Ok, I just have to share a story about a painfully dumb waif PD I work > with. > > Sorry if this is too complicated. > > > > So my boss is a waif. I've been taking an hour a week away from work to > go > > to therapy for a whole year. > > > > So this week for whatever reason she noticed I was gone and became very > > concerned about my health. But I could tell it wasn't genuine caring, > > concern or empathy. She wanted to start a pity party and have me tell her > my > > deepest problems and then tell me hers and then she would start crying, > > which she does nearly daily. And then she would run around and cry to > people > > that i have a prob and then milk them for comfort and attention. Thats > what > > she does. My nada did the same when she was in waif mode. > > > > Anyway, I'm actually doing really well physically and mentally, though I > > have my challenges. And of course I wasn't going to say I'd been at > mental > > therapy learning boundaries so I wouldn't murder her. so I changed the > > subject to break dancing and she got distracted by her own sad and > > disturbing attempt to imitate a break dancing hamster, and I was happy > > because my boundary in tact and she forgot what we were even talking > about > > because I was watching her attempt to break dance really badly and she > was > > loving the attention. > > > > Anyways. . . I have on simple rule for myself. I don't play dumb forced > fun > > games. No dodge ball, no ping pong, no bowling, no kickball, no poker, no > > baby shower games etc etc etc. After a lifetime of my competitive and > > slightly cruel brother and dad competing with me regarding sports and > games > > I just decided when I became an adult and had my own home, income etc > that I > > would never do that ever ever ever again. Childhood trauma - yes most > > certainly. > > > > So almost every year my work goes on a really dumb game outing. I've > skipped > > bowling, adventure sports, ping pong games, competitive eating contests > and > > now they are on this stupid bean bag game combined with drinking. This > > afternoon they are going to a bar during work time, and they are going to > > pair off and compete to throw a bean bag in a hole (called corn hole) and > > then declare a winner, while they get sloppy. > > > > I of course called in sick today, in keeping with my no dumb games rule. > i > > would play toss the bean bag with a toddler, but other than that, its a > big > > fat no way in hell. > > > > So then it gets funny. Waif boss texted, super concerned oh what is wrong > > what did the doctor say etc etc. I told her the doctor said I have a > SEVERE > > corn allergy (the game is called corn hole). She texts back " oh no what > did > > you eat, do you have hives? " > > > > I don't know if I should laugh or hit myself in the forehead and groan. > > > > Can she really be this dumb, after I nearly quit my job when she tried to > > force me to go bowling?????? Dear lord > > > > My boyfriend says she will go talk to someone else and tell them, and > they > > will start to laugh and laugh and laugh and then she will catch on. So > I'm > > gonna wait and see. > > > > Something about the waif/hermit personality makes them kinda gullible. > > > > I'm tempted to respond and tell her I have uncontrollable but silent > > flatulence or something. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 9, 2011 Report Share Posted September 9, 2011 I would not be able to handle having a waif boss like yours; I have a very, very low tolerance for adults who act like little children. Fortunately I don't run into them often. Oddly, I actually enjoy being around real children; their behaviors are normal for their age and level of emotional maturity, and I find their curiosity, their intelligence and other good qualities so charming that it makes their annoying behaviors tolerable. But for me its like fingernails on a blackboard to be around an adult who acts like that, as you describe your boss behaving. Gah!!! -Annie > > > > > > Ok, I just have to share a story about a painfully dumb waif PD I work > > with. > > > Sorry if this is too complicated. > > > > > > So my boss is a waif. I've been taking an hour a week away from work to > > go > > > to therapy for a whole year. > > > > > > So this week for whatever reason she noticed I was gone and became very > > > concerned about my health. But I could tell it wasn't genuine caring, > > > concern or empathy. She wanted to start a pity party and have me tell her > > my > > > deepest problems and then tell me hers and then she would start crying, > > > which she does nearly daily. And then she would run around and cry to > > people > > > that i have a prob and then milk them for comfort and attention. Thats > > what > > > she does. My nada did the same when she was in waif mode. > > > > > > Anyway, I'm actually doing really well physically and mentally, though I > > > have my challenges. And of course I wasn't going to say I'd been at > > mental > > > therapy learning boundaries so I wouldn't murder her. so I changed the > > > subject to break dancing and she got distracted by her own sad and > > > disturbing attempt to imitate a break dancing hamster, and I was happy > > > because my boundary in tact and she forgot what we were even talking > > about > > > because I was watching her attempt to break dance really badly and she > > was > > > loving the attention. > > > > > > Anyways. . . I have on simple rule for myself. I don't play dumb forced > > fun > > > games. No dodge ball, no ping pong, no bowling, no kickball, no poker, no > > > baby shower games etc etc etc. After a lifetime of my competitive and > > > slightly cruel brother and dad competing with me regarding sports and > > games > > > I just decided when I became an adult and had my own home, income etc > > that I > > > would never do that ever ever ever again. Childhood trauma - yes most > > > certainly. > > > > > > So almost every year my work goes on a really dumb game outing. I've > > skipped > > > bowling, adventure sports, ping pong games, competitive eating contests > > and > > > now they are on this stupid bean bag game combined with drinking. This > > > afternoon they are going to a bar during work time, and they are going to > > > pair off and compete to throw a bean bag in a hole (called corn hole) and > > > then declare a winner, while they get sloppy. > > > > > > I of course called in sick today, in keeping with my no dumb games rule. > > i > > > would play toss the bean bag with a toddler, but other than that, its a > > big > > > fat no way in hell. > > > > > > So then it gets funny. Waif boss texted, super concerned oh what is wrong > > > what did the doctor say etc etc. I told her the doctor said I have a > > SEVERE > > > corn allergy (the game is called corn hole). She texts back " oh no what > > did > > > you eat, do you have hives? " > > > > > > I don't know if I should laugh or hit myself in the forehead and groan. > > > > > > Can she really be this dumb, after I nearly quit my job when she tried to > > > force me to go bowling?????? Dear lord > > > > > > My boyfriend says she will go talk to someone else and tell them, and > > they > > > will start to laugh and laugh and laugh and then she will catch on. So > > I'm > > > gonna wait and see. > > > > > > Something about the waif/hermit personality makes them kinda gullible. > > > > > > I'm tempted to respond and tell her I have uncontrollable but silent > > > flatulence or something. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 9, 2011 Report Share Posted September 9, 2011 LOL GS, oh my. I'm so sorry you have to put up with this woman, but try to look at the bright side... at least she's good for a chuckle? hehe. I happen to like your clever response too. Corn allergy, that's brilliant =) Keep on putting up your boundaries, keep on doing good by you, for you! Mia On Thu, Sep 8, 2011 at 2:14 PM, Girlscout Cowboy <girlscout.cowboy@... > wrote: > > > Ok, I just have to share a story about a painfully dumb waif PD I work > with. > Sorry if this is too complicated. > > So my boss is a waif. I've been taking an hour a week away from work to go > to therapy for a whole year. > > So this week for whatever reason she noticed I was gone and became very > concerned about my health. But I could tell it wasn't genuine caring, > concern or empathy. She wanted to start a pity party and have me tell her > my > deepest problems and then tell me hers and then she would start crying, > which she does nearly daily. And then she would run around and cry to > people > that i have a prob and then milk them for comfort and attention. Thats what > she does. My nada did the same when she was in waif mode. > > Anyway, I'm actually doing really well physically and mentally, though I > have my challenges. And of course I wasn't going to say I'd been at mental > therapy learning boundaries so I wouldn't murder her. so I changed the > subject to break dancing and she got distracted by her own sad and > disturbing attempt to imitate a break dancing hamster, and I was happy > because my boundary in tact and she forgot what we were even talking about > because I was watching her attempt to break dance really badly and she was > loving the attention. > > Anyways. . . I have on simple rule for myself. I don't play dumb forced fun > games. No dodge ball, no ping pong, no bowling, no kickball, no poker, no > baby shower games etc etc etc. After a lifetime of my competitive and > slightly cruel brother and dad competing with me regarding sports and games > I just decided when I became an adult and had my own home, income etc that > I > would never do that ever ever ever again. Childhood trauma - yes most > certainly. > > So almost every year my work goes on a really dumb game outing. I've > skipped > bowling, adventure sports, ping pong games, competitive eating contests and > now they are on this stupid bean bag game combined with drinking. This > afternoon they are going to a bar during work time, and they are going to > pair off and compete to throw a bean bag in a hole (called corn hole) and > then declare a winner, while they get sloppy. > > I of course called in sick today, in keeping with my no dumb games rule. i > would play toss the bean bag with a toddler, but other than that, its a big > fat no way in hell. > > So then it gets funny. Waif boss texted, super concerned oh what is wrong > what did the doctor say etc etc. I told her the doctor said I have a SEVERE > corn allergy (the game is called corn hole). She texts back " oh no what did > you eat, do you have hives? " > > I don't know if I should laugh or hit myself in the forehead and groan. > > Can she really be this dumb, after I nearly quit my job when she tried to > force me to go bowling?????? Dear lord > > My boyfriend says she will go talk to someone else and tell them, and they > will start to laugh and laugh and laugh and then she will catch on. So I'm > gonna wait and see. > > Something about the waif/hermit personality makes them kinda gullible. > > I'm tempted to respond and tell her I have uncontrollable but silent > flatulence or something. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 9, 2011 Report Share Posted September 9, 2011 Annie, I feel the same as you...I CANNOT tolerate an adult who acts babyish or childish. That job should be left for real babies and real children. I had a medical procedure a few days ago...unlike my mom's imagined procedures...and i was nauseous and throwing up. She laughed a little when i was throwing up and told me i should eat something acidic to calm my stomach. This is my mom. Amy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 9, 2011 Report Share Posted September 9, 2011 Oh, and I have no problems with my adult friends being silly around me & me being silly around them. They're my friends. And sometimes It's nice to just be goofy!! But it's HUGELY different being around, say my fiance or my best friend and acting goofy, or being FORCED into it in a work situation. I always hated those things, because as someone else said, work is work and friends are friends. Yes, I've made friends with people I work with, but when I'm at work, I'm there to work. Be professional. We can be silly on the side. And I also loathe being around drunk people. My nada wasn't an alcoholic either, but I hate being around drunkards. So any time people from work have wanted to " go hang at the bar " , I've suddenly been very busy that evening. Plus, I hardly ever drink. And when I do it's literally A drink, not 2, 6, or 11. Yuck. I can absolutely see how you would be uncomfortable in a situation like that. I sure would be. Mia > LOL GS, oh my. I'm so sorry you have to put up with this woman, but try to > look at the bright side... at least she's good for a chuckle? hehe. > > I happen to like your clever response too. Corn allergy, that's brilliant > =) > > Keep on putting up your boundaries, keep on doing good by you, for you! > > Mia > > On Thu, Sep 8, 2011 at 2:14 PM, Girlscout Cowboy < > girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote: > >> >> >> Ok, I just have to share a story about a painfully dumb waif PD I work >> with. >> Sorry if this is too complicated. >> >> So my boss is a waif. I've been taking an hour a week away from work to go >> to therapy for a whole year. >> >> So this week for whatever reason she noticed I was gone and became very >> concerned about my health. But I could tell it wasn't genuine caring, >> concern or empathy. She wanted to start a pity party and have me tell her >> my >> deepest problems and then tell me hers and then she would start crying, >> which she does nearly daily. And then she would run around and cry to >> people >> that i have a prob and then milk them for comfort and attention. Thats >> what >> she does. My nada did the same when she was in waif mode. >> >> Anyway, I'm actually doing really well physically and mentally, though I >> have my challenges. And of course I wasn't going to say I'd been at mental >> therapy learning boundaries so I wouldn't murder her. so I changed the >> subject to break dancing and she got distracted by her own sad and >> disturbing attempt to imitate a break dancing hamster, and I was happy >> because my boundary in tact and she forgot what we were even talking about >> because I was watching her attempt to break dance really badly and she was >> loving the attention. >> >> Anyways. . . I have on simple rule for myself. I don't play dumb forced >> fun >> games. No dodge ball, no ping pong, no bowling, no kickball, no poker, no >> baby shower games etc etc etc. After a lifetime of my competitive and >> slightly cruel brother and dad competing with me regarding sports and >> games >> I just decided when I became an adult and had my own home, income etc that >> I >> would never do that ever ever ever again. Childhood trauma - yes most >> certainly. >> >> So almost every year my work goes on a really dumb game outing. I've >> skipped >> bowling, adventure sports, ping pong games, competitive eating contests >> and >> now they are on this stupid bean bag game combined with drinking. This >> afternoon they are going to a bar during work time, and they are going to >> pair off and compete to throw a bean bag in a hole (called corn hole) and >> then declare a winner, while they get sloppy. >> >> I of course called in sick today, in keeping with my no dumb games rule. i >> would play toss the bean bag with a toddler, but other than that, its a >> big >> fat no way in hell. >> >> So then it gets funny. Waif boss texted, super concerned oh what is wrong >> what did the doctor say etc etc. I told her the doctor said I have a >> SEVERE >> corn allergy (the game is called corn hole). She texts back " oh no what >> did >> you eat, do you have hives? " >> >> I don't know if I should laugh or hit myself in the forehead and groan. >> >> Can she really be this dumb, after I nearly quit my job when she tried to >> force me to go bowling?????? Dear lord >> >> My boyfriend says she will go talk to someone else and tell them, and they >> will start to laugh and laugh and laugh and then she will catch on. So I'm >> gonna wait and see. >> >> Something about the waif/hermit personality makes them kinda gullible. >> >> I'm tempted to respond and tell her I have uncontrollable but silent >> flatulence or something. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 9, 2011 Report Share Posted September 9, 2011 My condolences on having a mother who laughs at you when you're throwing up. How sadistic is that? Wow. -Annie > > Annie, I feel the same as you...I CANNOT tolerate an adult who acts babyish or childish. That job should be left for real babies and real children. > > > I had a medical procedure a few days ago...unlike my mom's imagined procedures...and i was nauseous and throwing up. > She laughed a little when i was throwing up and told me i should eat something acidic to calm my stomach. > > > This is my mom. > > > Amy > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 9, 2011 Report Share Posted September 9, 2011 afldancer, I appreciate you and girlscout sharing this stuff with me, because I truly did not understand how my behavior was affecting people like you. I just assumed that you just didn't like me. Now I understand that I need to be sensitive when I am around someone that reacts negatively to " dumb " behavior. I have noticed that dumb type behavior is mostly a man thing and that it is usually females that sometimes develop strong feelings about it. Now I know why and it makes perfect sense. I also agree that no one should feel like they are required to do extracurricular activities with their co-workers. I don't have strong feelings about it, but I don't like the idea and can see how someone might have strong feelings about it. I have been made to feel like management frowned on my non-participation. I am a single parent and it is harder for me to get to these things during off hours. I try to make the Christmas party, but can't always swing it. Some managers interpret this as me not caring about the company and me not being a true team player, even though I give 110% at work. This is not fair. One thing I do is communicated with my manager about these things and assure him or her that I do appreciate the company's efforts, that I like my job and co-workers, but that there is a good reason I cannot attend something off hours. I think it is perfectly ok to make something up, because it is none of their business in the first place. Usually there is alcohol at these events and I just tell them I am alcoholic. They don't seem to like that I put my family before work, so this works most of the time. They seem to respect and admire my resolve to stay sober, even though secretly, I am not an alcoholic. > > > > > > Ok, I just have to share a story about a painfully dumb waif PD I work with. > > > Sorry if this is too complicated. > > > > > > So my boss is a waif. I've been taking an hour a week away from work to go > > > to therapy for a whole year. > > > > > > So this week for whatever reason she noticed I was gone and became very > > > concerned about my health. But I could tell it wasn't genuine caring, > > > concern or empathy. She wanted to start a pity party and have me tell her my > > > deepest problems and then tell me hers and then she would start crying, > > > which she does nearly daily. And then she would run around and cry to people > > > that i have a prob and then milk them for comfort and attention. Thats what > > > she does. My nada did the same when she was in waif mode. > > > > > > Anyway, I'm actually doing really well physically and mentally, though I > > > have my challenges. And of course I wasn't going to say I'd been at mental > > > therapy learning boundaries so I wouldn't murder her. so I changed the > > > subject to break dancing and she got distracted by her own sad and > > > disturbing attempt to imitate a break dancing hamster, and I was happy > > > because my boundary in tact and she forgot what we were even talking about > > > because I was watching her attempt to break dance really badly and she was > > > loving the attention. > > > > > > Anyways. . . I have on simple rule for myself. I don't play dumb forced fun > > > games. No dodge ball, no ping pong, no bowling, no kickball, no poker, no > > > baby shower games etc etc etc. After a lifetime of my competitive and > > > slightly cruel brother and dad competing with me regarding sports and games > > > I just decided when I became an adult and had my own home, income etc that I > > > would never do that ever ever ever again. Childhood trauma - yes most > > > certainly. > > > > > > So almost every year my work goes on a really dumb game outing. I've skipped > > > bowling, adventure sports, ping pong games, competitive eating contests and > > > now they are on this stupid bean bag game combined with drinking. This > > > afternoon they are going to a bar during work time, and they are going to > > > pair off and compete to throw a bean bag in a hole (called corn hole) and > > > then declare a winner, while they get sloppy. > > > > > > I of course called in sick today, in keeping with my no dumb games rule. i > > > would play toss the bean bag with a toddler, but other than that, its a big > > > fat no way in hell. > > > > > > So then it gets funny. Waif boss texted, super concerned oh what is wrong > > > what did the doctor say etc etc. I told her the doctor said I have a SEVERE > > > corn allergy (the game is called corn hole). She texts back " oh no what did > > > you eat, do you have hives? " > > > > > > I don't know if I should laugh or hit myself in the forehead and groan. > > > > > > Can she really be this dumb, after I nearly quit my job when she tried to > > > force me to go bowling?????? Dear lord > > > > > > My boyfriend says she will go talk to someone else and tell them, and they > > > will start to laugh and laugh and laugh and then she will catch on. So I'm > > > gonna wait and see. > > > > > > Something about the waif/hermit personality makes them kinda gullible. > > > > > > I'm tempted to respond and tell her I have uncontrollable but silent > > > flatulence or something. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 10, 2011 Report Share Posted September 10, 2011 Re: Drive you away..... Pdff, Every successful comedian understands that they must accurately assess the perceptions of their audience. . . These so-called " games " are often opportunities to indulge in hostile, sadistic, passive aggressive behaviors, masquerading as " fun " . Add control and manipulation into that mix, and you'll have a *really* good time. Among the war games of the Native Americans was a particularly shameful attack, ( referred to as " counting coo " ,) wherein a member of the opposing team was struck and smudged with a padded stick dipped in tar/soot . While this was in no way physically injurious, it left the recipient shamed, thus inflicting an emotional and spiritual wound . What one person, (usually the perpetrator) perceives as " dumb, harmless jokes, may be perceived by the recipient as a hostile, passive aggressive attack. (counting coo) The one thing that you could do that would trigger others less, is for you to limit your " dumb " jokes, games and pranks to those, who, like yourself, who enjoy that kind of thing. These kinds of jokes are best shared between *very* close friends, who understand each others motives and foibles intimately, and are not appropriate for professional, or casual acquaintances. A great many things may be humerous, and yet not appropriate for the moment at hand. However, and more to the point, *if *I was someone who felt the need to indulge in such behaviors, I would worry less about others " triggers' " and would spend some quality time examining my needs and motivations for indulging in such behaviors. Personally, I walk away from, or shut inauthentic, game players, who take on a mantle of stupidity just for " fun. " I want them out of my life as fast as I can. I don't like them, or think their pranks are funny, cute, endearing or clever. The " Dumb " game is, in my perception, a reprehensible and dishonest form of control and manipulation. I trust such players to be predatory and manipulative, controlling, reliably labile, and duplicitous, and those are their good points. But, thats just me. If they don't want me to walk away from them, and shut them out. don't play " dumb " games. But my guess is, such people already know this already know this, and simply enjoy pushing the point. Sunspot > ** > > > This made me laugh. The corn things was funny. > > Me, I like dumb games. I like watching dumb videos on you-tube with my > daughter. Playing dumb harmless jokes on people. Sometimes I enjoy acting > dumb, just for the fun of it. > > I would probably drive you nuts in a very short amount of time. I have > noticed I have this affect on some people. > > If you don't mind me asking, why do people like me drive you away so > efficiently? We just want to have fun with you and it makes us sad when we > can't. How can us " dumb " people be friends with you " no dumb zone " people? > Can you share a little more about how our behavior triggers you and things > that might help us trigger you less? > > > > > > > Ok, I just have to share a story about a painfully dumb waif PD I work > with. > > Sorry if this is too complicated. > > > > So my boss is a waif. I've been taking an hour a week away from work to > go > > to therapy for a whole year. > > > > So this week for whatever reason she noticed I was gone and became very > > concerned about my health. But I could tell it wasn't genuine caring, > > concern or empathy. She wanted to start a pity party and have me tell her > my > > deepest problems and then tell me hers and then she would start crying, > > which she does nearly daily. And then she would run around and cry to > people > > that i have a prob and then milk them for comfort and attention. Thats > what > > she does. My nada did the same when she was in waif mode. > > > > Anyway, I'm actually doing really well physically and mentally, though I > > have my challenges. And of course I wasn't going to say I'd been at > mental > > therapy learning boundaries so I wouldn't murder her. so I changed the > > subject to break dancing and she got distracted by her own sad and > > disturbing attempt to imitate a break dancing hamster, and I was happy > > because my boundary in tact and she forgot what we were even talking > about > > because I was watching her attempt to break dance really badly and she > was > > loving the attention. > > > > Anyways. . . I have on simple rule for myself. I don't play dumb forced > fun > > games. No dodge ball, no ping pong, no bowling, no kickball, no poker, no > > baby shower games etc etc etc. After a lifetime of my competitive and > > slightly cruel brother and dad competing with me regarding sports and > games > > I just decided when I became an adult and had my own home, income etc > that I > > would never do that ever ever ever again. Childhood trauma - yes most > > certainly. > > > > So almost every year my work goes on a really dumb game outing. I've > skipped > > bowling, adventure sports, ping pong games, competitive eating contests > and > > now they are on this stupid bean bag game combined with drinking. This > > afternoon they are going to a bar during work time, and they are going to > > pair off and compete to throw a bean bag in a hole (called corn hole) and > > then declare a winner, while they get sloppy. > > > > I of course called in sick today, in keeping with my no dumb games rule. > i > > would play toss the bean bag with a toddler, but other than that, its a > big > > fat no way in hell. > > > > So then it gets funny. Waif boss texted, super concerned oh what is wrong > > what did the doctor say etc etc. I told her the doctor said I have a > SEVERE > > corn allergy (the game is called corn hole). She texts back " oh no what > did > > you eat, do you have hives? " > > > > I don't know if I should laugh or hit myself in the forehead and groan. > > > > Can she really be this dumb, after I nearly quit my job when she tried to > > force me to go bowling?????? Dear lord > > > > My boyfriend says she will go talk to someone else and tell them, and > they > > will start to laugh and laugh and laugh and then she will catch on. So > I'm > > gonna wait and see. > > > > Something about the waif/hermit personality makes them kinda gullible. > > > > I'm tempted to respond and tell her I have uncontrollable but silent > > flatulence or something. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 10, 2011 Report Share Posted September 10, 2011 redbatrock, I was surprised at the intensity of your post. I won't try to guess as to your reasons for this intensity because I don't want to get you upset at me. You challenge me to, " worry less about others " triggers' " and would spend some quality time examining my needs and motivations for indulging in such behaviors. " I do not think " Dumb " means the same thing to me that it does to you. According to your email, " dumb " is something that is extremely abusive, but covert. It is hard top know exactly what you are talking about, because you use a lot of labels, but you don't tell us when those labels mean. When I talk about being dumb, I am talking about acting immature, like a 5 year old would act like with his friends, when they are having a fun together. It is just a man thing. Many men do this and we don't mean to be abusive of mean or any of these other things that you list. Women do this too, but in a " girl " way, and men often find this behavior irritating, but I haven't seen men get really angry about it. This is likely a cultural difference where men are taught to tolerate female behavior and women are more victimized in childhood by boys, thus more sensitive to this immature behavior from males (as described by girlscout and ~I think~ ). And the jokes we play on someone are, like you say, on people we have known for a while. I remember one time finding a sticker on a friends car bumper that said, " I like to f*ck my dog. " When I pointed it out to him, he laughed and knew exactly who did it. He did not even bother removing the sticker. You have been a member of this list ever since I joined and I respect your input. Would you mind explaining in more detail your experiences that caused you to feel so strongly to my post. I have already learn so much and would like to learn more. I don't think there are any bad guys here, just a lack of understanding. > > > > > > Ok, I just have to share a story about a painfully dumb waif PD I work > > with. > > > Sorry if this is too complicated. > > > > > > So my boss is a waif. I've been taking an hour a week away from work to > > go > > > to therapy for a whole year. > > > > > > So this week for whatever reason she noticed I was gone and became very > > > concerned about my health. But I could tell it wasn't genuine caring, > > > concern or empathy. She wanted to start a pity party and have me tell her > > my > > > deepest problems and then tell me hers and then she would start crying, > > > which she does nearly daily. And then she would run around and cry to > > people > > > that i have a prob and then milk them for comfort and attention. Thats > > what > > > she does. My nada did the same when she was in waif mode. > > > > > > Anyway, I'm actually doing really well physically and mentally, though I > > > have my challenges. And of course I wasn't going to say I'd been at > > mental > > > therapy learning boundaries so I wouldn't murder her. so I changed the > > > subject to break dancing and she got distracted by her own sad and > > > disturbing attempt to imitate a break dancing hamster, and I was happy > > > because my boundary in tact and she forgot what we were even talking > > about > > > because I was watching her attempt to break dance really badly and she > > was > > > loving the attention. > > > > > > Anyways. . . I have on simple rule for myself. I don't play dumb forced > > fun > > > games. No dodge ball, no ping pong, no bowling, no kickball, no poker, no > > > baby shower games etc etc etc. After a lifetime of my competitive and > > > slightly cruel brother and dad competing with me regarding sports and > > games > > > I just decided when I became an adult and had my own home, income etc > > that I > > > would never do that ever ever ever again. Childhood trauma - yes most > > > certainly. > > > > > > So almost every year my work goes on a really dumb game outing. I've > > skipped > > > bowling, adventure sports, ping pong games, competitive eating contests > > and > > > now they are on this stupid bean bag game combined with drinking. This > > > afternoon they are going to a bar during work time, and they are going to > > > pair off and compete to throw a bean bag in a hole (called corn hole) and > > > then declare a winner, while they get sloppy. > > > > > > I of course called in sick today, in keeping with my no dumb games rule. > > i > > > would play toss the bean bag with a toddler, but other than that, its a > > big > > > fat no way in hell. > > > > > > So then it gets funny. Waif boss texted, super concerned oh what is wrong > > > what did the doctor say etc etc. I told her the doctor said I have a > > SEVERE > > > corn allergy (the game is called corn hole). She texts back " oh no what > > did > > > you eat, do you have hives? " > > > > > > I don't know if I should laugh or hit myself in the forehead and groan. > > > > > > Can she really be this dumb, after I nearly quit my job when she tried to > > > force me to go bowling?????? Dear lord > > > > > > My boyfriend says she will go talk to someone else and tell them, and > > they > > > will start to laugh and laugh and laugh and then she will catch on. So > > I'm > > > gonna wait and see. > > > > > > Something about the waif/hermit personality makes them kinda gullible. > > > > > > I'm tempted to respond and tell her I have uncontrollable but silent > > > flatulence or something. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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