the 'This isn't normal' moment? / To Kitten

[Guest guest]

,

I had to laugh when I read your aha moment when you were 8 months pregnant and

you had to carry both your mother's bags and your own at that late stage of your

pregnancy b/c nada made it clear she was too old and tired to carry anything.

Unbelievable!

It reminded me of when I was 9 months pregnant, ready to go at any moment, and

my mother calls me with the voice on that I now realize is her normal/everyday

Prosecutor/Accuser voice. It's the voice that used to give me chest pains and

stomach cramps whenever I would pick up the phone and realize it was her. Ugh.

Anyway, I digress...

This was about 7 years ago. The daughter of one of my mother's coworkers was

also ready to give birth at any time. My mother called me to say she'd just had

a conversation with her coworker and it turned out SHE was going to get to be

in the delivery room with HER daughter. " Imagine my embarrassment when she asked

if I was going to be in YOUR delivery room and I had to explain that I hadn't

been asked! "

We had a huge screaming match in which I pointed out to her that her tendency to

start screaming, as she was doing at that moment, was not the kind of atmosphere

I wanted around me when I gave birth and that there was no way she could attend.

She would be called when the baby was born.

It was upsetting, to say the least, to be screamed at like that. I needed a good

10 minutes to force myself to calm down. I cannot imagine barking at a pregnant

woman like that. I'd be afraid she'd go into labor. But as we know...it's all

about them.

I was comparing notes, so to speak, with a friend, about our pregnancies, etc.

At one point, I asked her if her mother was in her delivery room. She said, " oh

no. She asked and I told her only my husband was invited. I didn't want anyone

but him and the dr to see me like that. " I asked her if her mother freaked out.

She said, " no. she understood I needed my space. " I was really impressed by her

mom's response and hope I can be like that, not taking it personally when my

kids need their space with their own families. Sigh.

Fiona

>

>

> I am fascinated that so many people realized that something was wrong while

traveling with their nada, just like me.

>

> I made the mistake of going on a trip with my mom while pregnant to get an

ultrasound so she could see the baby and make her feel more involved in the

pregnancy, I was just sick of hearing her whine. She injured herself and had to

go to the emergency room for something that was not an emergency, and then when

the doctor didn't tell her exactly what she wanted to hear we had to drive to

another emergency room and wait again with her. I understand now that she

couldn't handle me being more helpless than her. Can you picture us, one huge

pregnant girl toting all the bags, forced to wait hand and foot on poor injured

nada. It all blew up when I complained that I had no one to lift my 50 pound bag

since I was 8 months pregnant, and she told ME to " SUCK IT UP " because I had no

idea how SHE felt being old and injured.

>

> That's just so messed up.

> So after that, NO, she couldn't come to the hospital and trigger postpartum

when the baby was born. And I'm still paying for that:-(

>

>

> > >

> > > So, what was your 'moment'???

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!

> **

>

>

> ,

>

> I had to laugh when I read your aha moment when you were 8 months pregnant

> and you had to carry both your mother's bags and your own at that late stage

> of your pregnancy b/c nada made it clear she was too old and tired to carry

> anything. Unbelievable!

>

> It reminded me of when I was 9 months pregnant, ready to go at any moment,

> and my mother calls me with the voice on that I now realize is her

> normal/everyday Prosecutor/Accuser voice. It's the voice that used to give

> me chest pains and stomach cramps whenever I would pick up the phone and

> realize it was her. Ugh. Anyway, I digress...

>

> This was about 7 years ago. The daughter of one of my mother's coworkers

> was also ready to give birth at any time. My mother called me to say she'd

> just had a conversation with her coworker and it turned out SHE was going to

> get to be in the delivery room with HER daughter. " Imagine my embarrassment

> when she asked if I was going to be in YOUR delivery room and I had to

> explain that I hadn't been asked! "

>

> We had a huge screaming match in which I pointed out to her that her

> tendency to start screaming, as she was doing at that moment, was not the

> kind of atmosphere I wanted around me when I gave birth and that there was

> no way she could attend. She would be called when the baby was born.

>

> It was upsetting, to say the least, to be screamed at like that. I needed a

> good 10 minutes to force myself to calm down. I cannot imagine barking at a

> pregnant woman like that. I'd be afraid she'd go into labor. But as we

> know...it's all about them.

>

> I was comparing notes, so to speak, with a friend, about our pregnancies,

> etc. At one point, I asked her if her mother was in her delivery room. She

> said, " oh no. She asked and I told her only my husband was invited. I didn't

> want anyone but him and the dr to see me like that. " I asked her if her

> mother freaked out. She said, " no. she understood I needed my space. " I was

> really impressed by her mom's response and hope I can be like that, not

> taking it personally when my kids need their space with their own families.

> Sigh.

>

> Fiona

>

>

> >

> >

> > I am fascinated that so many people realized that something was wrong

> while traveling with their nada, just like me.

> >

> > I made the mistake of going on a trip with my mom while pregnant to get

> an ultrasound so she could see the baby and make her feel more involved in

> the pregnancy, I was just sick of hearing her whine. She injured herself and

> had to go to the emergency room for something that was not an emergency, and

> then when the doctor didn't tell her exactly what she wanted to hear we had

> to drive to another emergency room and wait again with her. I understand now

> that she couldn't handle me being more helpless than her. Can you picture

> us, one huge pregnant girl toting all the bags, forced to wait hand and foot

> on poor injured nada. It all blew up when I complained that I had no one to

> lift my 50 pound bag since I was 8 months pregnant, and she told ME to " SUCK

> IT UP " because I had no idea how SHE felt being old and injured.

> >

> > That's just so messed up.

> > So after that, NO, she couldn't come to the hospital and trigger

> postpartum when the baby was born. And I'm still paying for that:-(

> >

> >

> > > >

> > > > So, what was your 'moment'???

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

Fiona,

It really is all about them, even when it comes down to your most personal

moment, they still feel entitled. I guess that's why I get dig/guilt birthday

cards every year from her, " maybe next year you will spend your birthday with me "

because my birthday belongs to her. *sigh*

Sounds like your nada does something my nada does, compares the relationship or

situation to other peoples' and then feels jealous.

My mom still brings up all the time that she was 'Left Out' of the birth

process, like the whole point of Labor was for us to have some bonding time and

fulfill some bizarre fantasy of hers that doesn't have anything to do with

getting a baby from point A to point B. That thought is scary enough! So yeah,

only my husband was allowed. And lots of women feel that way, so it's not

unusual to not want a room full of people, or anyone else for that matter

looking at your vagina. Not the birth plan for me, thank you very much!!

I've started to notice that mom always has a 'script' for how certain things are

suppose to go. As for my nada, I think she saw herself holding my hand while we

bonded and had that best friend moment, WTF??!?! It's like she has some

imaginary relationship with me that doesn't really exist that I have to live up

to. And I am the scapegoat so I am always just shocked when I am suppose to

suddenly go from being the bad daughter to being her best friend because she all

of a sudden feels entitled. Weired.

>

> ,

>

> I had to laugh when I read your aha moment when you were 8 months pregnant and

you had to carry both your mother's bags and your own at that late stage of your

pregnancy b/c nada made it clear she was too old and tired to carry anything.

Unbelievable!

>

> It reminded me of when I was 9 months pregnant, ready to go at any moment,

and my mother calls me with the voice on that I now realize is her

normal/everyday Prosecutor/Accuser voice. It's the voice that used to give me

chest pains and stomach cramps whenever I would pick up the phone and realize it

was her. Ugh. Anyway, I digress...

>

> This was about 7 years ago. The daughter of one of my mother's coworkers was

also ready to give birth at any time. My mother called me to say she'd just had

a conversation with her coworker and it turned out SHE was going to get to be

in the delivery room with HER daughter. " Imagine my embarrassment when she asked

if I was going to be in YOUR delivery room and I had to explain that I hadn't

been asked! "

>

> We had a huge screaming match in which I pointed out to her that her tendency

to start screaming, as she was doing at that moment, was not the kind of

atmosphere I wanted around me when I gave birth and that there was no way she

could attend. She would be called when the baby was born.

>

> It was upsetting, to say the least, to be screamed at like that. I needed a

good 10 minutes to force myself to calm down. I cannot imagine barking at a

pregnant woman like that. I'd be afraid she'd go into labor. But as we

know...it's all about them.

>

> I was comparing notes, so to speak, with a friend, about our pregnancies, etc.

At one point, I asked her if her mother was in her delivery room. She said, " oh

no. She asked and I told her only my husband was invited. I didn't want anyone

but him and the dr to see me like that. " I asked her if her mother freaked out.

She said, " no. she understood I needed my space. " I was really impressed by her

mom's response and hope I can be like that, not taking it personally when my

kids need their space with their own families. Sigh.

>

> Fiona

> >

>