Did you get you're so mature comments as a kid/teen?

[Guest guest]

In my teens, people always assumed I was in my twenties, based on the way I

spoke and the way I reasoned through new ideas. I had many adult friends, and it

was common to be chatting with people 10 years my senior.

The most common conversation around the age of 15-17:

" So, what are you taking " ?

Me: " Taking? "

" In school. What are you taking in school? "

Me: .... " Uh, this semester I have (insert subjects here)... "

" General Studies? "

Me: " Oh. I'm in high school. "

" ...*complete shock/confusion*...Oh. Um....*awkward* I thought you were a lot

older. "

OR (if the person was male) " Oh my god. I'm going to hell. "

I used to be highly amused (and annoyed that they apparently thought youth

are stupid)but now that I'm an adult, I can see that I was absurdly mature for

my age. I learned many skills about running a household and taking care of

myself FAR earlier than most.

Just wondering if any of you also felt that you " grew up quickly " because of

your BPD parent? I find my friends with troublesome childhoods have had a

similar experience. I get annoyed/angry/weirded out by young adults who still

live with their parents or who aren't independent as soon as they turn 18.

Any funny stories to share? Similar experiences?

[Guest guest]

OMG, same here! (and LOL at the " oh my God, I'm going to hell " part. That's

hilarious, if you don't mind me saying so.)

I would be 14 but people thought I was way older. Once, Bro #1 and I were

watching our little siblings in the foyer of the church, walking around

waiting for Mass to start, when a nice old lady came up and asked us how old

*our* kids were. She thought my little brother and I were husband and wife

(EWWWWW) and that our siblings were our kids! (I would have had to be 10-12

years old for the little ones to be born!)

Many times people thought I was 21, 23, 25, when I was only 17.

Thankfully people think I'm about the age I am now--so I'm not looking like

I'm 30 when I'm in my early 20s. That would be kind of disappointing, lol.

> **

>

>

> In my teens, people always assumed I was in my twenties, based on the way I

> spoke and the way I reasoned through new ideas. I had many adult friends,

> and it was common to be chatting with people 10 years my senior.

>

> The most common conversation around the age of 15-17:

>

> " So, what are you taking " ?

> Me: " Taking? "

> " In school. What are you taking in school? "

> Me: .... " Uh, this semester I have (insert subjects here)... "

> " General Studies? "

> Me: " Oh. I'm in high school. "

> " ...*complete shock/confusion*...Oh. Um....*awkward* I thought you were a

> lot older. "

> OR (if the person was male) " Oh my god. I'm going to hell. "

>

> I used to be highly amused (and annoyed that they apparently thought

> youth are stupid)but now that I'm an adult, I can see that I was absurdly

> mature for my age. I learned many skills about running a household and

> taking care of myself FAR earlier than most.

>

> Just wondering if any of you also felt that you " grew up quickly " because

> of your BPD parent? I find my friends with troublesome childhoods have had a

> similar experience. I get annoyed/angry/weirded out by young adults who

> still live with their parents or who aren't independent as soon as they turn

> 18.

>

> Any funny stories to share? Similar experiences?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, happened ALL the time.

But what do you expect from a nada/fada who expects their child to be

perfect in every way? Of course... we grew up quick. We had to.

Which is why I throughly enjoy every moment of random silliness I can get as

an adult now ;-) Couldn't be a kid when I was a kid, so I'll pretend to be

one on occasion even though I'm 33 lol.

Mia

>

>

> In my teens, people always assumed I was in my twenties, based on the way I

> spoke and the way I reasoned through new ideas. I had many adult friends,

> and it was common to be chatting with people 10 years my senior.

>

> The most common conversation around the age of 15-17:

>

> " So, what are you taking " ?

> Me: " Taking? "

> " In school. What are you taking in school? "

> Me: .... " Uh, this semester I have (insert subjects here)... "

> " General Studies? "

> Me: " Oh. I'm in high school. "

> " ...*complete shock/confusion*...Oh. Um....*awkward* I thought you were a

> lot older. "

> OR (if the person was male) " Oh my god. I'm going to hell. "

>

> I used to be highly amused (and annoyed that they apparently thought

> youth are stupid)but now that I'm an adult, I can see that I was absurdly

> mature for my age. I learned many skills about running a household and

> taking care of myself FAR earlier than most.

>

> Just wondering if any of you also felt that you " grew up quickly " because

> of your BPD parent? I find my friends with troublesome childhoods have had a

> similar experience. I get annoyed/angry/weirded out by young adults who

> still live with their parents or who aren't independent as soon as they turn

> 18.

>

> Any funny stories to share? Similar experiences?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Ewww! Hahaha, that's really weird that people thought you and your brother were

a couple...

Yeah, people generally get my age exactly right these days. I've apparently been

acting 26 for 10+ years!

Here's a question... are you annoyed or flattered when people assume you are

younger than you are? I think I'm the only woman in the world who gets annoyed

at being ID'd!

K

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > In my teens, people always assumed I was in my twenties, based on the way I

> > spoke and the way I reasoned through new ideas. I had many adult friends,

> > and it was common to be chatting with people 10 years my senior.

> >

> > The most common conversation around the age of 15-17:

> >

> > " So, what are you taking " ?

> > Me: " Taking? "

> > " In school. What are you taking in school? "

> > Me: .... " Uh, this semester I have (insert subjects here)... "

> > " General Studies? "

> > Me: " Oh. I'm in high school. "

> > " ...*complete shock/confusion*...Oh. Um....*awkward* I thought you were a

> > lot older. "

> > OR (if the person was male) " Oh my god. I'm going to hell. "

> >

> > I used to be highly amused (and annoyed that they apparently thought

> > youth are stupid)but now that I'm an adult, I can see that I was absurdly

> > mature for my age. I learned many skills about running a household and

> > taking care of myself FAR earlier than most.

> >

> > Just wondering if any of you also felt that you " grew up quickly " because

> > of your BPD parent? I find my friends with troublesome childhoods have had a

> > similar experience. I get annoyed/angry/weirded out by young adults who

> > still live with their parents or who aren't independent as soon as they turn

> > 18.

> >

> > Any funny stories to share? Similar experiences?

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Mia -

Agreed! I love doing childish activities or being silly these days. I'm WAY more

carefree now than I was as a child!

K

>

> >

> >

> > In my teens, people always assumed I was in my twenties, based on the way I

> > spoke and the way I reasoned through new ideas. I had many adult friends,

> > and it was common to be chatting with people 10 years my senior.

> >

> > The most common conversation around the age of 15-17:

> >

> > " So, what are you taking " ?

> > Me: " Taking? "

> > " In school. What are you taking in school? "

> > Me: .... " Uh, this semester I have (insert subjects here)... "

> > " General Studies? "

> > Me: " Oh. I'm in high school. "

> > " ...*complete shock/confusion*...Oh. Um....*awkward* I thought you were a

> > lot older. "

> > OR (if the person was male) " Oh my god. I'm going to hell. "

> >

> > I used to be highly amused (and annoyed that they apparently thought

> > youth are stupid)but now that I'm an adult, I can see that I was absurdly

> > mature for my age. I learned many skills about running a household and

> > taking care of myself FAR earlier than most.

> >

> > Just wondering if any of you also felt that you " grew up quickly " because

> > of your BPD parent? I find my friends with troublesome childhoods have had a

> > similar experience. I get annoyed/angry/weirded out by young adults who

> > still live with their parents or who aren't independent as soon as they turn

> > 18.

> >

> > Any funny stories to share? Similar experiences?

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I actually am in my early 20s, and so people guessing that I'm in my 20s is

just fine by me When I grew up, though, I was hoping that strangers'

habits of guessing that I'm 10 years older than I really was wouldn't carry

over into adulthood. I didn't want to be a 23 year old and have people guess

incorrectly that I'm 33, because that would mean that when I'm 40 people

would think I'm 50, and so on...

> **

>

>

> Ewww! Hahaha, that's really weird that people thought you and your brother

> were a couple...

>

> Yeah, people generally get my age exactly right these days. I've apparently

> been acting 26 for 10+ years!

>

> Here's a question... are you annoyed or flattered when people assume you

> are younger than you are? I think I'm the only woman in the world who gets

> annoyed at being ID'd!

>

> K

>

>

> >

> > > **

> > >

> > >

> > > In my teens, people always assumed I was in my twenties, based on the

> way I

> > > spoke and the way I reasoned through new ideas. I had many adult

> friends,

> > > and it was common to be chatting with people 10 years my senior.

> > >

> > > The most common conversation around the age of 15-17:

> > >

> > > " So, what are you taking " ?

> > > Me: " Taking? "

> > > " In school. What are you taking in school? "

> > > Me: .... " Uh, this semester I have (insert subjects here)... "

> > > " General Studies? "

> > > Me: " Oh. I'm in high school. "

> > > " ...*complete shock/confusion*...Oh. Um....*awkward* I thought you were

> a

> > > lot older. "

> > > OR (if the person was male) " Oh my god. I'm going to hell. "

> > >

> > > I used to be highly amused (and annoyed that they apparently thought

> > > youth are stupid)but now that I'm an adult, I can see that I was

> absurdly

> > > mature for my age. I learned many skills about running a household and

> > > taking care of myself FAR earlier than most.

> > >

> > > Just wondering if any of you also felt that you " grew up quickly "

> because

> > > of your BPD parent? I find my friends with troublesome childhoods have

> had a

> > > similar experience. I get annoyed/angry/weirded out by young adults who

> > > still live with their parents or who aren't independent as soon as they

> turn

> > > 18.

> > >

> > > Any funny stories to share? Similar experiences?

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Derp...I completely forgot to answer your question, lol. (I'm kind of sleep

deprived right now.)

I rarely get ID'd, because I don't buy alcohol. But if I did get ID'd, I

would probably be annoyed and flattered at the same time. Annoyed because I

would be so used to people not asking me my age, and flattered because they

actually think I'm young enough to be carded.

I do buy the occasional lotto ticket and nobody ever asks for my ID, I've

noticed. I'm curious if that's an universal thing, or are they supposed to

card me?

> **

>

>

> Ewww! Hahaha, that's really weird that people thought you and your brother

> were a couple...

>

> Yeah, people generally get my age exactly right these days. I've apparently

> been acting 26 for 10+ years!

>

> Here's a question... are you annoyed or flattered when people assume you

> are younger than you are? I think I'm the only woman in the world who gets

> annoyed at being ID'd!

>

> K

>

>

> >

> > > **

> > >

> > >

> > > In my teens, people always assumed I was in my twenties, based on the

> way I

> > > spoke and the way I reasoned through new ideas. I had many adult

> friends,

> > > and it was common to be chatting with people 10 years my senior.

> > >

> > > The most common conversation around the age of 15-17:

> > >

> > > " So, what are you taking " ?

> > > Me: " Taking? "

> > > " In school. What are you taking in school? "

> > > Me: .... " Uh, this semester I have (insert subjects here)... "

> > > " General Studies? "

> > > Me: " Oh. I'm in high school. "

> > > " ...*complete shock/confusion*...Oh. Um....*awkward* I thought you were

> a

> > > lot older. "

> > > OR (if the person was male) " Oh my god. I'm going to hell. "

> > >

> > > I used to be highly amused (and annoyed that they apparently thought

> > > youth are stupid)but now that I'm an adult, I can see that I was

> absurdly

> > > mature for my age. I learned many skills about running a household and

> > > taking care of myself FAR earlier than most.

> > >

> > > Just wondering if any of you also felt that you " grew up quickly "

> because

> > > of your BPD parent? I find my friends with troublesome childhoods have

> had a

> > > similar experience. I get annoyed/angry/weirded out by young adults who

> > > still live with their parents or who aren't independent as soon as they

> turn

> > > 18.

> > >

> > > Any funny stories to share? Similar experiences?

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

My stepmom never thought I was very mature or responsible.  When my parents

divorced, I was 14 at the time, I went to live with my adoptive mom who was

obviously in the middle stages of alzheimers.  According to my brother, the

reason I went  to live with my mom was so  I could take care of her.  Years

later, I am trying to figure out how I went from being repsonsible enough to

take care of a 45 year old woman, to being to stupid to manage my own money or

live on my own.  Those outside the family were always telling my stepmom how

responsible and mature I was, but she acted like they were saying that just to

be nice. 

Janet

 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own

understanding.

 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.

 It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.

Proverbs 3:5-8

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Friday, September 9, 2011 1:00 PM

Subject: Re: Did you get " you're so mature " comments as a

kid/teen?

 

Ewww! Hahaha, that's really weird that people thought you and your brother were

a couple...

Yeah, people generally get my age exactly right these days. I've apparently been

acting 26 for 10+ years!

Here's a question... are you annoyed or flattered when people assume you are

younger than you are? I think I'm the only woman in the world who gets annoyed

at being ID'd!

K

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > In my teens, people always assumed I was in my twenties, based on the way I

> > spoke and the way I reasoned through new ideas. I had many adult friends,

> > and it was common to be chatting with people 10 years my senior.

> >

> > The most common conversation around the age of 15-17:

> >

> > " So, what are you taking " ?

> > Me: " Taking? "

> > " In school. What are you taking in school? "

> > Me: .... " Uh, this semester I have (insert subjects here)... "

> > " General Studies? "

> > Me: " Oh. I'm in high school. "

> > " ...*complete shock/confusion*...Oh. Um....*awkward* I thought you were a

> > lot older. "

> > OR (if the person was male) " Oh my god. I'm going to hell. "

> >

> > I used to be highly amused (and annoyed that they apparently thought

> > youth are stupid)but now that I'm an adult, I can see that I was absurdly

> > mature for my age. I learned many skills about running a household and

> > taking care of myself FAR earlier than most.

> >

> > Just wondering if any of you also felt that you " grew up quickly " because

> > of your BPD parent? I find my friends with troublesome childhoods have had a

> > similar experience. I get annoyed/angry/weirded out by young adults who

> > still live with their parents or who aren't independent as soon as they turn

> > 18.

> >

> > Any funny stories to share? Similar experiences?

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

yes, i got that all the time. " you're so mature. "

usually, they didn't say it to me, they would say it to my parents like i was

their dog.

" she's so well-behaved! "

once, my parents had relatives over and we didn't know them very well and i

heard them asking my father what my brother and i were like. he described my

brother as some kind of anarchist rebel. Me? " she's good, she's very docile. "

i felt even more like a pet when he said that. it sounded like he was satisfied

that i was so manageable and hassle-free.

My T says my parents parentified me, mostly b/c they were not born and raised

here, so they used me mostly to interpret things, to translate to others what

they were saying, etc.

Yay, us! we're so mature!

>

> In my teens, people always assumed I was in my twenties, based on the way I

spoke and the way I reasoned through new ideas. I had many adult friends, and it

was common to be chatting with people 10 years my senior.

>

> The most common conversation around the age of 15-17:

>

> " So, what are you taking " ?

> Me: " Taking? "

> " In school. What are you taking in school? "

> Me: .... " Uh, this semester I have (insert subjects here)... "

> " General Studies? "

> Me: " Oh. I'm in high school. "

> " ...*complete shock/confusion*...Oh. Um....*awkward* I thought you were a lot

older. "

> OR (if the person was male) " Oh my god. I'm going to hell. "

>

> I used to be highly amused (and annoyed that they apparently thought youth

are stupid)but now that I'm an adult, I can see that I was absurdly mature for

my age. I learned many skills about running a household and taking care of

myself FAR earlier than most.

>

> Just wondering if any of you also felt that you " grew up quickly " because of

your BPD parent? I find my friends with troublesome childhoods have had a

similar experience. I get annoyed/angry/weirded out by young adults who still

live with their parents or who aren't independent as soon as they turn 18.

>

> Any funny stories to share? Similar experiences?

>

[Guest guest]

Before marriage my nada had never had any interest in babies or children at all;

she had never cared for a pet, and had never even babysat a child or infant

before she had me at 22, after a year and a half or so of marriage.

Having an actual living infant to take care of freaked her out, I'm speculating.

Nada would occasionally refer vaguely to the fact that dad's mother " had to "

come and stay with the young couple at some point after I was born, to take

care of infant me and show nada how to care for a baby. These story fragments

from nada weren't relayed with fondness or happiness, so I'm guessing nada

might have experienced post-partum depression or even post-partum psychosis for

a while.

(Nada's own parents had oddly taken it into their head to go on a long car-trip

vacation to " see America " during the last weeks of nada's pregnancy with me, and

weren't there when I was born. That's something that I always wondered about,

but now I'm speculating that my theory was correct: my nada had always been the

family bully and her parents were not interested in being around her when she

was pregnant and even more stressed out and verbally abusive than usual, so they

high-tailed it.)

I picked up bits and pieces of my family history over the decades, and at one

point I recall nada saying that her mil who was there to help nada through the

first few months of baby-care, was of the school that believed that you don't

pick up a crying baby, you let the baby cry itself out: picking up a crying baby

was " spoiling " it. So, just another piece of the trauma puzzle.

It turned out that when I was not quite 12 months, I was screaming in pain

because I'd herniated a piece of intestine between two lower-abdominal muscles,

so I was probably allowed to scream myself into hysterics before nada came to

check on me. This herniation resulted in an emergency operation and a second

follow-up procedure about a year later. So for me there was (very likely) even

more trauma RE being left by my mother at the hospital, twice; back then

parents weren't allowed to stay with a baby/small child in their room and could

only visit during visiting hours.

So, to your original point: like you, from the get-go, I was expected to act

like a tiny adult. Until I was 4 I was an only child, and spent most of my time

around nada and other adults. I remember not even liking to be around other

children, they were loud and pushy and wouldn't let me have my turn. So, yeah,

from the beginning I was expected to mirror nada and act like an adult instead

of like the child I was.

-Annie

>

> In my teens, people always assumed I was in my twenties, based on the way I

spoke and the way I reasoned through new ideas. I had many adult friends, and it

was common to be chatting with people 10 years my senior.

>

> The most common conversation around the age of 15-17:

>

> " So, what are you taking " ?

> Me: " Taking? "

> " In school. What are you taking in school? "

> Me: .... " Uh, this semester I have (insert subjects here)... "

> " General Studies? "

> Me: " Oh. I'm in high school. "

> " ...*complete shock/confusion*...Oh. Um....*awkward* I thought you were a lot

older. "

> OR (if the person was male) " Oh my god. I'm going to hell. "

>

> I used to be highly amused (and annoyed that they apparently thought youth

are stupid)but now that I'm an adult, I can see that I was absurdly mature for

my age. I learned many skills about running a household and taking care of

myself FAR earlier than most.

>

> Just wondering if any of you also felt that you " grew up quickly " because of

your BPD parent? I find my friends with troublesome childhoods have had a

similar experience. I get annoyed/angry/weirded out by young adults who still

live with their parents or who aren't independent as soon as they turn 18.

>

> Any funny stories to share? Similar experiences?

>

[Guest guest]

I enjoy fun activities with friends, telling jokes, and being silly... when its

my choice and its mutual and reciprocal.

I think its the " forced camaraderie " events in our work environment and

relentless teasing from someone even if we've expressed that we don't find it

fun, that is objected to by a lot of posters here, probably because both are

inflicted on you without your consent.

-Annie

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > In my teens, people always assumed I was in my twenties, based on the way

I

> > > spoke and the way I reasoned through new ideas. I had many adult friends,

> > > and it was common to be chatting with people 10 years my senior.

> > >

> > > The most common conversation around the age of 15-17:

> > >

> > > " So, what are you taking " ?

> > > Me: " Taking? "

> > > " In school. What are you taking in school? "

> > > Me: .... " Uh, this semester I have (insert subjects here)... "

> > > " General Studies? "

> > > Me: " Oh. I'm in high school. "

> > > " ...*complete shock/confusion*...Oh. Um....*awkward* I thought you were a

> > > lot older. "

> > > OR (if the person was male) " Oh my god. I'm going to hell. "

> > >

> > > I used to be highly amused (and annoyed that they apparently thought

> > > youth are stupid)but now that I'm an adult, I can see that I was absurdly

> > > mature for my age. I learned many skills about running a household and

> > > taking care of myself FAR earlier than most.

> > >

> > > Just wondering if any of you also felt that you " grew up quickly " because

> > > of your BPD parent? I find my friends with troublesome childhoods have had

a

> > > similar experience. I get annoyed/angry/weirded out by young adults who

> > > still live with their parents or who aren't independent as soon as they

turn

> > > 18.

> > >

> > > Any funny stories to share? Similar experiences?

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Since I don't remember much from my childhood, I can't remember if I ever got

this, but I think I did. I remember being expected to " be mature. " Basically,

I was discouraged from ever acting like a child by nada, even when I was

actually a child in every way. I was rewarded when I did not act my age. There

for, it would stand to reason that I probably got comments about it.

One thing I picked up on with nada and my daughter was nada would say " you're so

mature " to my daughter. This bothered me; so I corrected nada, " she is a child

and she acts just like a child her age should act. She will act mature when she

is mature. " nada had significant time with my daughter at the time and I did

not want nada putting pressure on my daughter to grow up faster than what was

natural, so I corrected her every time she said this in front of me. My

daughter was only 6 years old! A 6 year old does not act mature.

Nada stopped saying it in front of me, but I know she said it when I wasn't

around. It was just important to me that my daughter knew that it was ok to be

a child and I reinforced that often in many different ways. When someone tells

a 6 year old child that " you're so mature, " they are telling the child that they

should not to be a child. Sorry, that is not ok with me for my daughter. Of

course now I think she needs to mature a little, but I suppose she will do that

in her own time. I don't want to hurry her. Childhood is so important, maybe

one would be wise to hang on to it as long as possible.

>

> In my teens, people always assumed I was in my twenties, based on the way I

spoke and the way I reasoned through new ideas. I had many adult friends, and it

was common to be chatting with people 10 years my senior.

>

> The most common conversation around the age of 15-17:

>

> " So, what are you taking " ?

> Me: " Taking? "

> " In school. What are you taking in school? "

> Me: .... " Uh, this semester I have (insert subjects here)... "

> " General Studies? "

> Me: " Oh. I'm in high school. "

> " ...*complete shock/confusion*...Oh. Um....*awkward* I thought you were a lot

older. "

> OR (if the person was male) " Oh my god. I'm going to hell. "

>

> I used to be highly amused (and annoyed that they apparently thought youth

are stupid)but now that I'm an adult, I can see that I was absurdly mature for

my age. I learned many skills about running a household and taking care of

myself FAR earlier than most.

>

> Just wondering if any of you also felt that you " grew up quickly " because of

your BPD parent? I find my friends with troublesome childhoods have had a

similar experience. I get annoyed/angry/weirded out by young adults who still

live with their parents or who aren't independent as soon as they turn 18.

>

> Any funny stories to share? Similar experiences?

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, that's a really good point.

I don't have children but it seems to me that it could be very emotionally

satisfying to gift your child a normal childhood experience.

Is this true for you or is it harder to identify and model " normal " as a KO?

> >

> > In my teens, people always assumed I was in my twenties, based on the way I

spoke and the way I reasoned through new ideas. I had many adult friends, and it

was common to be chatting with people 10 years my senior.

> >

> > The most common conversation around the age of 15-17:

> >

> > " So, what are you taking " ?

> > Me: " Taking? "

> > " In school. What are you taking in school? "

> > Me: .... " Uh, this semester I have (insert subjects here)... "

> > " General Studies? "

> > Me: " Oh. I'm in high school. "

> > " ...*complete shock/confusion*...Oh. Um....*awkward* I thought you were a

lot older. "

> > OR (if the person was male) " Oh my god. I'm going to hell. "

> >

> > I used to be highly amused (and annoyed that they apparently thought

youth are stupid)but now that I'm an adult, I can see that I was absurdly mature

for my age. I learned many skills about running a household and taking care of

myself FAR earlier than most.

> >

> > Just wondering if any of you also felt that you " grew up quickly " because of

your BPD parent? I find my friends with troublesome childhoods have had a

similar experience. I get annoyed/angry/weirded out by young adults who still

live with their parents or who aren't independent as soon as they turn 18.

> >

> > Any funny stories to share? Similar experiences?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I remember that feeling of being praised by adults for being so well spoken and

" mature " . Totally true that it felt like I was a dog. I would think, " Well of

course, I am, asshole! You could try talking to me like a human, just for

kicks. "

....I suppose I thought all other kids were like that and some adults were just

too ignorant to bother noticing a youth's intelligence.

One thing nada used to tell us is that we (her, my bro and me) are highly

intelligent and sometimes might be perceived as arrogant. " We are all selfish

people - all three of us. " she would say. One thing I'm glad of is that I was

never directly made to feel stupid by nada - anything

education/intelligence/learning related was praised (Well, except for actual

homework or grades...she didn't show any interest in that stuff). I did grow up

wholeheartedly believing that I am selfish and that is my biggest flaw.

Now,(thank you, therapist)I think that I am NOT selfish, but I learned to look

after myself. It's still an ideological adjustment to believe that I'm not a

'secretly' bad person. I compromise and sacrifice a lot more than I really

noticed before.

....Haha...sorry for the ramble there.

> >

> > In my teens, people always assumed I was in my twenties, based on the way I

spoke and the way I reasoned through new ideas. I had many adult friends, and it

was common to be chatting with people 10 years my senior.

> >

> > The most common conversation around the age of 15-17:

> >

> > " So, what are you taking " ?

> > Me: " Taking? "

> > " In school. What are you taking in school? "

> > Me: .... " Uh, this semester I have (insert subjects here)... "

> > " General Studies? "

> > Me: " Oh. I'm in high school. "

> > " ...*complete shock/confusion*...Oh. Um....*awkward* I thought you were a

lot older. "

> > OR (if the person was male) " Oh my god. I'm going to hell. "

> >

> > I used to be highly amused (and annoyed that they apparently thought

youth are stupid)but now that I'm an adult, I can see that I was absurdly mature

for my age. I learned many skills about running a household and taking care of

myself FAR earlier than most.

> >

> > Just wondering if any of you also felt that you " grew up quickly " because of

your BPD parent? I find my friends with troublesome childhoods have had a

similar experience. I get annoyed/angry/weirded out by young adults who still

live with their parents or who aren't independent as soon as they turn 18.

> >

> > Any funny stories to share? Similar experiences?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Likewise, Holly!

> > >

> > > > **

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > In my teens, people always assumed I was in my twenties, based on the

> > way I

> > > > spoke and the way I reasoned through new ideas. I had many adult

> > friends,

> > > > and it was common to be chatting with people 10 years my senior.

> > > >

> > > > The most common conversation around the age of 15-17:

> > > >

> > > > " So, what are you taking " ?

> > > > Me: " Taking? "

> > > > " In school. What are you taking in school? "

> > > > Me: .... " Uh, this semester I have (insert subjects here)... "

> > > > " General Studies? "

> > > > Me: " Oh. I'm in high school. "

> > > > " ...*complete shock/confusion*...Oh. Um....*awkward* I thought you were

> > a

> > > > lot older. "

> > > > OR (if the person was male) " Oh my god. I'm going to hell. "

> > > >

> > > > I used to be highly amused (and annoyed that they apparently thought

> > > > youth are stupid)but now that I'm an adult, I can see that I was

> > absurdly

> > > > mature for my age. I learned many skills about running a household and

> > > > taking care of myself FAR earlier than most.

> > > >

> > > > Just wondering if any of you also felt that you " grew up quickly "

> > because

> > > > of your BPD parent? I find my friends with troublesome childhoods have

> > had a

> > > > similar experience. I get annoyed/angry/weirded out by young adults who

> > > > still live with their parents or who aren't independent as soon as they

> > turn

> > > > 18.

> > > >

> > > > Any funny stories to share? Similar experiences?

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

krcanada85, that is a good question. The hardest thing for my to do as a KO

parent is be a mature parental figure. Basically, even though I was forced to

grow up faster than was natural, I never truly grew up. I don't think it is

possible to grow up until you are able to be a child. So I got stuck in

childhood, unable to be a child and unable to grow up.

What my daughter needs most from me is a mature adult; that is what I struggle

with the most as KO parent. Being a child with a child is natural for me. We

have lots of fun together, but I have had to improve on my parenting skills. I

do better now that I have had 4 years of therapy. You can't just go to a

parenting class and learn to be a good parent, if you are still a child. I had

to grow up in therapy before I could grasp the concept of being a parent. After

I grew up, the parenting skills that I learned in all my parenting classes

kicked in. I understand my role as a parent better now.

> > >

> > > In my teens, people always assumed I was in my twenties, based on the way

I spoke and the way I reasoned through new ideas. I had many adult friends, and

it was common to be chatting with people 10 years my senior.

> > >

> > > The most common conversation around the age of 15-17:

> > >

> > > " So, what are you taking " ?

> > > Me: " Taking? "

> > > " In school. What are you taking in school? "

> > > Me: .... " Uh, this semester I have (insert subjects here)... "

> > > " General Studies? "

> > > Me: " Oh. I'm in high school. "

> > > " ...*complete shock/confusion*...Oh. Um....*awkward* I thought you were a

lot older. "

> > > OR (if the person was male) " Oh my god. I'm going to hell. "

> > >

> > > I used to be highly amused (and annoyed that they apparently thought

youth are stupid)but now that I'm an adult, I can see that I was absurdly mature

for my age. I learned many skills about running a household and taking care of

myself FAR earlier than most.

> > >

> > > Just wondering if any of you also felt that you " grew up quickly " because

of your BPD parent? I find my friends with troublesome childhoods have had a

similar experience. I get annoyed/angry/weirded out by young adults who still

live with their parents or who aren't independent as soon as they turn 18.

> > >

> > > Any funny stories to share? Similar experiences?

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I think I was extremly delayed socially until towards the end of Jr high.

Then something clicked and I did start getting the " so mature " Stuff. I was

mature in many ways - cuz I was doing nadas job. But with my peers, I was

lost.

> **

>

>

> krcanada85, that is a good question. The hardest thing for my to do as a KO

> parent is be a mature parental figure. Basically, even though I was forced

> to grow up faster than was natural, I never truly grew up. I don't think it

> is possible to grow up until you are able to be a child. So I got stuck in

> childhood, unable to be a child and unable to grow up.

>

> What my daughter needs most from me is a mature adult; that is what I

> struggle with the most as KO parent. Being a child with a child is natural

> for me. We have lots of fun together, but I have had to improve on my

> parenting skills. I do better now that I have had 4 years of therapy. You

> can't just go to a parenting class and learn to be a good parent, if you are

> still a child. I had to grow up in therapy before I could grasp the concept

> of being a parent. After I grew up, the parenting skills that I learned in

> all my parenting classes kicked in. I understand my role as a parent better

> now.

>

> nk i

>

> > > >

> > > > In my teens, people always assumed I was in my twenties, based on the

> way I spoke and the way I reasoned through new ideas. I had many adult

> friends, and it was common to be chatting with people 10 years my senior.

> > > >

> > > > The most common conversation around the age of 15-17:

> > > >

> > > > " So, what are you taking " ?

> > > > Me: " Taking? "

> > > > " In school. What are you taking in school? "

> > > > Me: .... " Uh, this semester I have (insert subjects here)... "

> > > > " General Studies? "

> > > > Me: " Oh. I'm in high school. "

> > > > " ...*complete shock/confusion*...Oh. Um....*awkward* I thought you

> were a lot older. "

> > > > OR (if the person was male) " Oh my god. I'm going to hell. "

> > > >

> > > > I used to be highly amused (and annoyed that they apparently

> thought youth are stupid)but now that I'm an adult, I can see that I was

> absurdly mature for my age. I learned many skills about running a household

> and taking care of myself FAR earlier than most.

> > > >

> > > > Just wondering if any of you also felt that you " grew up quickly "

> because of your BPD parent? I find my friends with troublesome childhoods

> have had a similar experience. I get annoyed/angry/weirded out by young

> adults who still live with their parents or who aren't independent as soon

> as they turn 18.

> > > >

> > > > Any funny stories to share? Similar experiences?

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

This is going to sounds sad, but I am recently learning that there are quite a

few of us (including me) on this board in our 30s, and we all sound a lot

earlier, based on all we've been through. Mia, sorry, I thought both you and GS

were at least 10 to 15 years older than me, but we're all the same age. The

younger ones who come on, in the early 20s, I'm always surprised to hear that

they are so young.

We have all been through too much. I am happy to reclaim my childhood.

I guess the good news is that we are young and still have plenty of time to live

our lives the way we want.

(Apologies if I've offended anyone with my age assumptions. Not my intention.)

>

> >

> >

> > In my teens, people always assumed I was in my twenties, based on the way I

> > spoke and the way I reasoned through new ideas. I had many adult friends,

> > and it was common to be chatting with people 10 years my senior.

> >

> > The most common conversation around the age of 15-17:

> >

> > " So, what are you taking " ?

> > Me: " Taking? "

> > " In school. What are you taking in school? "

> > Me: .... " Uh, this semester I have (insert subjects here)... "

> > " General Studies? "

> > Me: " Oh. I'm in high school. "

> > " ...*complete shock/confusion*...Oh. Um....*awkward* I thought you were a

> > lot older. "

> > OR (if the person was male) " Oh my god. I'm going to hell. "

> >

> > I used to be highly amused (and annoyed that they apparently thought

> > youth are stupid)but now that I'm an adult, I can see that I was absurdly

> > mature for my age. I learned many skills about running a household and

> > taking care of myself FAR earlier than most.

> >

> > Just wondering if any of you also felt that you " grew up quickly " because

> > of your BPD parent? I find my friends with troublesome childhoods have had a

> > similar experience. I get annoyed/angry/weirded out by young adults who

> > still live with their parents or who aren't independent as soon as they turn

> > 18.

> >

> > Any funny stories to share? Similar experiences?

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I was an only child and my nada had so many marriages, boyfriends and lovers

that I was the only constant in her life. She treated me as an adult, expected

me to behave as one too. I had no friends from school because she couldn't stand

the noise kids make. She expected me to be her " friend " and confidant, even if

it meant listening to her talk about her horrible sex life with the various

husbands.

Even now that I am an adult (and then some since I'm pushing 60) she still brags

about how I wasn't like other bratty kids. I knew how to eat spaghetti with a

fork and spoon while I was still in a highchair (what did I have to endure to

learn that pony trick?) and she has a picture of me as a toddler laying on my

tummy looking through a book on brain anatomy. She insists I was reading it. I

doubt that very much.

Growing up I was only around adults and expected to perform for them in one way

or another. I had to sit like a young lady with my feet crossed at the ankles,

play a few tunes on the organ when called upon. In high school she asked me

several times to bake and decorate cakes for her friends. Just weird stuff.

> > On Fri, Sep 9, 2011 at 11:39 AM, krcanada85 <krcanada85@> wrote:

> >

> > > **

> > >

> > >

> > > In my teens, people always assumed I was in my twenties, based on the way

I

> > > spoke and the way I reasoned through new ideas. I had many adult friends,

> > > and it was common to be chatting with people 10 years my senior.

> > >

> > > The most common conversation around the age of 15-17:

> > >

> > > " So, what are you taking " ?

> > > Me: " Taking? "

> > > " In school. What are you taking in school? "

> > > Me: .... " Uh, this semester I have (insert subjects here)... "

> > > " General Studies? "

> > > Me: " Oh. I'm in high school. "

> > > " ...*complete shock/confusion*...Oh. Um....*awkward* I thought you were a

> > > lot older. "

> > > OR (if the person was male) " Oh my god. I'm going to hell. "

> > >

> > > I used to be highly amused (and annoyed that they apparently thought

> > > youth are stupid)but now that I'm an adult, I can see that I was absurdly

> > > mature for my age. I learned many skills about running a household and

> > > taking care of myself FAR earlier than most.

> > >

> > > Just wondering if any of you also felt that you " grew up quickly " because

> > > of your BPD parent? I find my friends with troublesome childhoods have had

a

> > > similar experience. I get annoyed/angry/weirded out by young adults who

> > > still live with their parents or who aren't independent as soon as they

turn

> > > 18.

> > >

> > > Any funny stories to share? Similar experiences?

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Indeed. I joined back when I was 19 or 20--I forget. I'm 23, now. Sometimes

I actually assume people to be much younger than they are, and am surprised

at how old (no offense!) some people are!

We had to act like adults from a young age, and then we have to bear more

memories and pain than many other people our age, so we seem older, I guess.

> **

>

>

> This is going to sounds sad, but I am recently learning that there are

> quite a few of us (including me) on this board in our 30s, and we all sound

> a lot earlier, based on all we've been through. Mia, sorry, I thought both

> you and GS were at least 10 to 15 years older than me, but we're all the

> same age. The younger ones who come on, in the early 20s, I'm always

> surprised to hear that they are so young.

>

> We have all been through too much. I am happy to reclaim my childhood.

>

> I guess the good news is that we are young and still have plenty of time to

> live our lives the way we want.

>

> (Apologies if I've offended anyone with my age assumptions. Not my

> intention.)

>

>

>

>

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > In my teens, people always assumed I was in my twenties, based on the

> way I

> > > spoke and the way I reasoned through new ideas. I had many adult

> friends,

> > > and it was common to be chatting with people 10 years my senior.

> > >

> > > The most common conversation around the age of 15-17:

> > >

> > > " So, what are you taking " ?

> > > Me: " Taking? "

> > > " In school. What are you taking in school? "

> > > Me: .... " Uh, this semester I have (insert subjects here)... "

> > > " General Studies? "

> > > Me: " Oh. I'm in high school. "

> > > " ...*complete shock/confusion*...Oh. Um....*awkward* I thought you were

> a

> > > lot older. "

> > > OR (if the person was male) " Oh my god. I'm going to hell. "

> > >

> > > I used to be highly amused (and annoyed that they apparently thought

> > > youth are stupid)but now that I'm an adult, I can see that I was

> absurdly

> > > mature for my age. I learned many skills about running a household and

> > > taking care of myself FAR earlier than most.

> > >

> > > Just wondering if any of you also felt that you " grew up quickly "

> because

> > > of your BPD parent? I find my friends with troublesome childhoods have

> had a

> > > similar experience. I get annoyed/angry/weirded out by young adults who

> > > still live with their parents or who aren't independent as soon as they

> turn

> > > 18.

> > >

> > > Any funny stories to share? Similar experiences?

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Funny how I used to think being proud of being " mature " was a good thing. It

really sucks to figure out later in life that the thing you were proud of as a

kid were things you never should have done (well, been forced to do). I remember

people thinking I was in my late teens/early twenties when I was only 13. They

thought I was a young-looking 20 something rather than an older-acting

adolescent.

I was always able to take care of my siblings and run a household far better

then nada could; I still am. In fact, at this point I wish she had just gotten

the f*ck out and let me be the parent instead of the wishy-washy " I want the

authority of a parent but not the responsibility. Someone else can have that. "

At least without her there wouldn't have been so many mixed messages.

Subject: Did you get " you're so mature " comments as a

kid/teen?

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Friday, September 9, 2011, 9:39 AM

 

In my teens, people always assumed I was in my twenties, based on the way

I spoke and the way I reasoned through new ideas. I had many adult friends, and

it was common to be chatting with people 10 years my senior.

The most common conversation around the age of 15-17:

" So, what are you taking " ?

Me: " Taking? "

" In school. What are you taking in school? "

Me: .... " Uh, this semester I have (insert subjects here)... "

" General Studies? "

Me: " Oh. I'm in high school. "

" ...*complete shock/confusion*...Oh. Um....*awkward* I thought you were a lot

older. "

OR (if the person was male) " Oh my god. I'm going to hell. "

I used to be highly amused (and annoyed that they apparently thought youth

are stupid)but now that I'm an adult, I can see that I was absurdly mature for

my age. I learned many skills about running a household and taking care of

myself FAR earlier than most.

Just wondering if any of you also felt that you " grew up quickly " because of

your BPD parent? I find my friends with troublesome childhoods have had a

similar experience. I get annoyed/angry/weirded out by young adults who still

live with their parents or who aren't independent as soon as they turn 18.

Any funny stories to share? Similar experiences?

[Guest guest]

Wow, what a deal; you get to be the parent and she gets all the credit. Isn't

parentification great? Not!

>

>

> Subject: Did you get " you're so mature " comments as a

kid/teen?

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Friday, September 9, 2011, 9:39 AM

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>  

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> In my teens, people always assumed I was in my twenties, based on the

way I spoke and the way I reasoned through new ideas. I had many adult friends,

and it was common to be chatting with people 10 years my senior.

>

>

>

> The most common conversation around the age of 15-17:

>

>

>

> " So, what are you taking " ?

>

> Me: " Taking? "

>

> " In school. What are you taking in school? "

>

> Me: .... " Uh, this semester I have (insert subjects here)... "

>

> " General Studies? "

>

> Me: " Oh. I'm in high school. "

>

> " ...*complete shock/confusion*...Oh. Um....*awkward* I thought you were a lot

older. "

>

> OR (if the person was male) " Oh my god. I'm going to hell. "

>

>

>

> I used to be highly amused (and annoyed that they apparently thought youth

are stupid)but now that I'm an adult, I can see that I was absurdly mature for

my age. I learned many skills about running a household and taking care of

myself FAR earlier than most.

>

>

>

> Just wondering if any of you also felt that you " grew up quickly " because of

your BPD parent? I find my friends with troublesome childhoods have had a

similar experience. I get annoyed/angry/weirded out by young adults who still

live with their parents or who aren't independent as soon as they turn 18.

>

>

>

> Any funny stories to share? Similar experiences?

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

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>

[Guest guest]

I felt lost with my peers, too. I had bigger concerns to worry about and it made

me angry that they could go on living their petty teenage lives, as if what

so-and-so wore yesterday ever frigging mattered to the state of the world.

I was always a " floater " type. I had lots of acquaintances and could hang out

with basically any group, but I never *belonged* anywhere. I didn't feel that I

had much in common with anyone.

K

> > > > >

> > > > > In my teens, people always assumed I was in my twenties, based on the

> > way I spoke and the way I reasoned through new ideas. I had many adult

> > friends, and it was common to be chatting with people 10 years my senior.

> > > > >

> > > > > The most common conversation around the age of 15-17:

> > > > >

> > > > > " So, what are you taking " ?

> > > > > Me: " Taking? "

> > > > > " In school. What are you taking in school? "

> > > > > Me: .... " Uh, this semester I have (insert subjects here)... "

> > > > > " General Studies? "

> > > > > Me: " Oh. I'm in high school. "

> > > > > " ...*complete shock/confusion*...Oh. Um....*awkward* I thought you

> > were a lot older. "

> > > > > OR (if the person was male) " Oh my god. I'm going to hell. "

> > > > >

> > > > > I used to be highly amused (and annoyed that they apparently

> > thought youth are stupid)but now that I'm an adult, I can see that I was

> > absurdly mature for my age. I learned many skills about running a household

> > and taking care of myself FAR earlier than most.

> > > > >

> > > > > Just wondering if any of you also felt that you " grew up quickly "

> > because of your BPD parent? I find my friends with troublesome childhoods

> > have had a similar experience. I get annoyed/angry/weirded out by young

> > adults who still live with their parents or who aren't independent as soon

> > as they turn 18.

> > > > >

> > > > > Any funny stories to share? Similar experiences?

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

EXACTLY!

Fortunately for me and unfortunately for my brother, I was the youngest and got

parented mainly by my brother (7 years older). But yeah, same scenario for him.

HE was forced to give me spankings (because Waif nada wasn't " strong enough " to

spank me herself), babysit constantly, cook dinner for nada, etc... He was the

one who attended my parent-teacher interviews. I raised myself an awful lot, but

I'm very grateful for my brother. I didn't see it until I was an adult, but my

life would have been far worse without him.

The good news is that he is very well equipped as a parent now. He's had lots of

practice.

K

>

>

> Subject: Did you get " you're so mature " comments as a

kid/teen?

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Friday, September 9, 2011, 9:39 AM

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Â

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> In my teens, people always assumed I was in my twenties, based on the

way I spoke and the way I reasoned through new ideas. I had many adult friends,

and it was common to be chatting with people 10 years my senior.

>

>

>

> The most common conversation around the age of 15-17:

>

>

>

> " So, what are you taking " ?

>

> Me: " Taking? "

>

> " In school. What are you taking in school? "

>

> Me: .... " Uh, this semester I have (insert subjects here)... "

>

> " General Studies? "

>

> Me: " Oh. I'm in high school. "

>

> " ...*complete shock/confusion*...Oh. Um....*awkward* I thought you were a lot

older. "

>

> OR (if the person was male) " Oh my god. I'm going to hell. "

>

>

>

> I used to be highly amused (and annoyed that they apparently thought youth

are stupid)but now that I'm an adult, I can see that I was absurdly mature for

my age. I learned many skills about running a household and taking care of

myself FAR earlier than most.

>

>

>

> Just wondering if any of you also felt that you " grew up quickly " because of

your BPD parent? I find my friends with troublesome childhoods have had a

similar experience. I get annoyed/angry/weirded out by young adults who still

live with their parents or who aren't independent as soon as they turn 18.

>

>

>

> Any funny stories to share? Similar experiences?

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

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