Understanding the Borderline Mother - Where to start?

[Guest guest]

Hello,

I read this board as the spouse of a BPD (but soon to leave) to learn from you

all how to help my kids, 18 & 20, learn how to deal with their mom. Mom is very

high functioning, I have discussed BPD with them, they seem to understand that

she is ape-shit crazy at times, etc....

I recently gave UTBM to the oldest after I read it a bit ago. She does not have

a lot of extra reading time being at University with a heavy course load (she is

planning on being a therapist maybe). She is taking some fairly high level psych

classes, so gets the big picture fairly well.

I remember from when I read it, that it seemed HUGE, as in so much info, that is

was almost daunting to read, but great in the end. What I am wondering is this -

Is there a certain part that she might want to start at instead of reading front

to back? I am mostly hoping at this point that she can glean some 'coping

skills' from it. Mostly I see her strugle with getting sucked into defending

herself to moms bullshit little jabs and acusations that mom says " aren't

accusations, there are just the truth " , but rarley are.

I had told the kids at one point " When mom is saying inaccurate things to you,

you need to as politely as possible state 'your truth' about whatever the

situation is, to help you remind yourself that what she says if " off basis " and

remind yourself of reality. Seemed like good advice at the time . Now, I am

trying to get across that now that the kids firmly know when the bullshit is

flying, to just 'Not Engage' or 'Let it Go'. I know, easier said than done. That

kind of sums up what I want her to absorb, how not to let it get to her.

So, with that in mind, is there a good place to jump to in the book? Or any

other books that helped you all with that specific topic?

Thanks,

DKC

[Guest guest]

(((DKC))))

Sorry, this sounds really tough, but I am not sure I can offer any advice. I

don't feel in a position to really, I'm at a very early stage of working this

stuff through myself - I'd recommend speaking to a professional mental health

worker with experience of BDP for some proper advice. My therapist has been

really helpful.

Good luck

Sara

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>

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>

> Hello,

> I read this board as the spouse of a BPD (but soon to leave) to learn from you

all how to help my kids, 18 & 20, learn how to deal with their mom. Mom is very

high functioning, I have discussed BPD with them, they seem to understand that

she is ape-shit crazy at times, etc....

>

> I recently gave UTBM to the oldest after I read it a bit ago. She does not

have a lot of extra reading time being at University with a heavy course load

(she is planning on being a therapist maybe). She is taking some fairly high

level psych classes, so gets the big picture fairly well.

>

> I remember from when I read it, that it seemed HUGE, as in so much info, that

is was almost daunting to read, but great in the end. What I am wondering is

this - Is there a certain part that she might want to start at instead of

reading front to back? I am mostly hoping at this point that she can glean some

'coping skills' from it. Mostly I see her strugle with getting sucked into

defending herself to moms bullshit little jabs and acusations that mom says

" aren't accusations, there are just the truth " , but rarley are.

>

> I had told the kids at one point " When mom is saying inaccurate things to you,

you need to as politely as possible state 'your truth' about whatever the

situation is, to help you remind yourself that what she says if " off basis " and

remind yourself of reality. Seemed like good advice at the time . Now, I am

trying to get across that now that the kids firmly know when the bullshit is

flying, to just 'Not Engage' or 'Let it Go'. I know, easier said than done. That

kind of sums up what I want her to absorb, how not to let it get to her.

>

> So, with that in mind, is there a good place to jump to in the book? Or any

other books that helped you all with that specific topic?

>

> Thanks,

>

> DKC

>

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>