Advice for Non Parent as they leave the BPD?

September 7, 2011

Hello,

I read here not as a 'kid of a BPD' but as a spouse of a BPD to get your

thoughts on how to help my kids, 18 & 20, deal with BPD mom.

I am planning on leaving for the thrid and final time in the near future, just

need to get a few legal/financial things in line first. I was hoovered back the

last two times by promises of change, blah, blah.... No more. Done. I think I

partially stayed as long as I did because I worried about them being alone with

her negativity (stay to shelter/protect them). I think I also partially came

back as my youngest daughter mostly stayed at home, instead of coming to stay

with me at a relatives as I thought she would. She says that is because I

stopped at home so often (since BPD wife WAS on good behaivior for a while) that

she was comfortable there (at home). I felt 'betrayed' a bit to be honest. The

oldest is off at college, so not as big of issue there.

I am llloking for input from you as people who have 'been there - done that'

type of thing. I guess my questions are these;

1) Should I talk to my youngest and let her know how I felt? In the long run, I

think it will take care of itself, when BPD wife need to move since we will have

to sell the house. It is a VERY nice house if I do say so. The only place the

kids have ever lived, and built by me. I cant blame her for liking it. When we

both are downsized into something more 'normal', I think she would likely stay

with me, but that could easily be a year in this market. The sooner I feel

'comfortable', which would include having daughter around on a regualr basis,

the sooner I would be more resiliant to BPD's crap.

2) What did you Non Parent do or not do that you wish they would have or

wouldn't have? In other words, what should I be aware of from a 'kid of BPD

parents' perspective. Did they talk too much about things, or not enough. Did

they smoother you, or ignore things like life was peachy? That type of thing?

Have to run. thanks for any adivce!

DKC ()

Recommended Posts