Re: BPD improving with age?

September 30, 2011

Hi everyone,

I'm new to this group and have been reading as many threads as I could over the

past few days ... All the time amazed that there are so many people who share my

twilight zone life. I realize, through the various threads, that my BPD mother

(nada is. Very new teem for me) is very high functioning but I have suffered

many of the same behaviours you all have - to a lesser or greater degree. What

got me so fascinated by this thread is that my life has significantly improved

over the last three years.

First up, it might have something to do with going into therapy three years ago

(!) but there is also a distinct lessening of my mother's queen/witch times. She

has always had waif elements but these have become the norm and have even

lessened. For me the reasons are also to do with her being ill with a bad back

three years ago. She ended up in hospital (a nada in hospital is truly horrific

experience - I ended up visiting four times a day just to make sure she wasn't

kicked out by the nurses, all of whom she had taken against). While there she

was put on very heavy medication - morphine based - which she was on for nearly

two months. After this, her short term memory began to go very quickly and now,

while she doesn't have full blown dementia, it's as if the fire has gone out.

Of course, the fact that three years of therapy means that I take less and less

sh*t is also very helpful.

My nada has lived with me for the past ten years and until the last three I only

thought that her death would bring me any relief. Now, however, we muddle along

better than at any time since I was a small child. It doesn't make up for the

deep deep wounds and scars that I bear but I am slowly (oh so slowly) trying to

heal.

I think this group is just wonderful - if for nothing other than the validation

it brings that we are not the mad ones and that we are not alone.

Thanks for listening.

Anne

> > > >

> > > > Hi

> > > >

> > > > A lot of the posts I read here detail extreme behavior from the nada.

Mine was extreme to me when I was a child, but hasn't been that way in a long

time. Part of the problem with growing up with this is that you assume it's your

fault (especially when she tells you everything is your fault) and that you are

the crazy one.

> > > >

> > > > Her behavior is relatively normal-ish now. Her issues still show up, but

they are much milder. Because of this I question even more, since I can't talk

about recent crazy-behavior. And BPD doesn't go away, right?

> > > >

> > > > Then I found this, on the website of a Phd.

> > > > http://www.jwoodphd.com/borderline_personality_disorder.htm

> > > >

> > > > " Borderline personality disorder is an illness of young people, and

usually begins in adolescence or youth. About 80% of patients are women. BPD is

usually chronic, and severe problems often continue to be present for many

years. About one out of ten patients eventually succeed in committing suicide.

However, in the 90% who do not kill themselves, borderline pathology tends to

" burn out " in middle age, and most patients function significantly better by the

ages of thirty-five to forty. The mechanism for this improvement is unknown.

However, other disorders associated with impulsivity, such as antisocial

personality and substance abuse, also tend to burn out around the same age. "

> > > >

> > > > So, maybe that explains why she's better now, and doesn't invalidate my

memories of the past.

> > > >

> > > > My nada is in her 60's. My sympathies to those of you who are still

dealing with it with an elderly parent. Probably the KO's whose nadas are better

aren't on this list as much, it's mostly lifers here. But anyway it was helpful

to me to read this, so I thought I'd post it.

> > > >

> > > > Terri

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

September 30, 2011

Hi Anne,

Welcome to the Group.

That is so wonderful that you are experiencing an improvement in your nada's

behaviors over the last 3 years, that is truly a kind of miracle in my opinion.

My guess is that perhaps a combination of your gaining knowledge in therapy

about how to handle her bpd behaviors, and the medications she was on/is on (?)

might have something to do with it.

My Sister commented to me that when our nada is supervised so that she regularly

takes her antipsychotic med and her anti-violence med (I'm not sure what that

one is, possibly an anti-anxiety med?) that our nada is like... the best version

of herself. (My nada was diagnosed with Alzheimer's dementia a few months ago.

She was formally diagnosed with bpd earlier in her life, twice.)

The improved behavior is like a small miracle, frankly, according to Sister.

Our nada was mostly a Queen and Witch when we were growing up, but gradually

added more Waify behaviors as she aged.

Nada was and is very non-compliant on her own and refused to take any of the

mood-stabilizing prescriptions she'd been given in earlier years. Sister really

noticed the difference when nada was first given a mood stabilizer several years

ago. Sister made a point of commenting to me how much nicer it was to be around

nada when she was taking that med, but nada refused to have it renewed and

refused to continue taking it.

Then as nada's Alzheimer's symptoms began showing up, and she began

hallucinating pretty much constantly, nada apparently also refused to take the

antipsychotic med although she swore to Sister and her psychiatrist that yes,

she was taking the med. Later nada confessed that she was convinced that the

doctor and Sister were trying to poison her with that med. So, since nada has

been living in the residential care facility and has very careful nursing

supervision (they actually make sure she is swallowing her meds) that she has

shown this behavioral improvement, and a great lessening in the hallucinating.

From personal experience, I can tell you that morphine is a powerful drug, it

really does kill even severe pain, and it has psychotrophic side effects. I was

on morphine for a couple of days in the hospital after having a total

hysterectomy, and I was having very realistic hallucinations that talking purple

poodles would come into my room and put their little paws on my bed, cock their

heads, and ask me how I was feeling. I'm pretty sure that they must have

actually been the nurses, but I have to say I missed the talking poodles when

they didn't come in to see me any longer, after I'd been switched to a different

med as the post-op pain lessened.

Anyway. I'm very glad that you are finding a good way of managing your

relationship with your nada, particularly as you have her living with you and

you are her care-giver; whatever it is that's working for you is good. That's

what we're all trying to find, is a path to peace and healing that works for us.

-Annie

> > > > >

> > > > > Hi

> > > > >

> > > > > A lot of the posts I read here detail extreme behavior from the nada.

Mine was extreme to me when I was a child, but hasn't been that way in a long

time. Part of the problem with growing up with this is that you assume it's your

fault (especially when she tells you everything is your fault) and that you are

the crazy one.

> > > > >

> > > > > Her behavior is relatively normal-ish now. Her issues still show up,

but they are much milder. Because of this I question even more, since I can't

talk about recent crazy-behavior. And BPD doesn't go away, right?

> > > > >

> > > > > Then I found this, on the website of a Phd.

> > > > > http://www.jwoodphd.com/borderline_personality_disorder.htm

> > > > >

> > > > > " Borderline personality disorder is an illness of young people, and