dating????

[Guest guest]

Is anyone on here single? My onset of Vestibulitis was unusual in

that I never had problems having sexual intercourse. My diagnosis

came when I wasn't in a relationship but now I'm terrified of dating

and have no sexual desire as I'm in constant pain whether or not the

area is touched or not. any advice on how to broach dating? I'm 31

and the only single one amongst my friends. Most men my age are

married and I can't imagine many men wanting to enter a relationship

that may never be able to be consumated!!! HELP!!! ANY ADVICE? or

dating experiences? seems that most women are already in marriages

when they are dx.

[Guest guest]

I can TOTALLY relate. I'm 29, just broke up with my long term bf of 7 years, and am single for the first time in forever. I'm also the only single one out of my friends, and have to start all over again. It is so scary, I don't know how to do it either. I had VVS the whole time with my ex-bf, but it got worse the last few years (we actually went for 2 years with no intercourse).I'm in the same boat :-(nicoleTo: VulvarDisorders From: briesjes25@...Date: Sat, 3 May 2008 16:55:42 +0000Subject: dating????

Is anyone on here single? My onset of Vestibulitis was unusual in

that I never had problems having sexual intercourse. My diagnosis

came when I wasn't in a relationship but now I'm terrified of dating

and have no sexual desire as I'm in constant pain whether or not the

area is touched or not. any advice on how to broach dating? I'm 31

and the only single one amongst my friends. Most men my age are

married and I can't imagine many men wanting to enter a relationship

that may never be able to be consumated!!! HELP!!! ANY ADVICE? or

dating experiences? seems that most women are already in marriages

when they are dx.

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[Guest guest]

<Is anyone on here single?>

No hon you're not alone there.... believe me lots of the members are single. *smile* and no doubt struggle with the same situation. *sigh*

I was single when I was at the absolute worse and it was horrible and I understand exactly what you mean... plus had a fantastic sex life previously so I sure knew what I was missing. Nothing could have been worse for me as I thought for sure someone cursed me. *chuckle* Not really, but if they did nothing could have been worse for me. *sigh

I suffered horrible pain for 10 yrs and the last 3 yrs of total celibacy hon.. because the pain was so bad, I even broke off a nice relationship I had because I felt so sorry for him... I really did and he couldn't have been kinder but that's how "I" felt. It was a nice one but not 'the' one either if you know what I mean..

I didn't want to even look at a man for fear he might ask me out on a date. I started dressing down and frumpy and the whole nine yards. Not going around smiling which is my nature but a frown on my face... Don't 'look at me' sorta thing.

And that was not me, but I also was so afraid to even tell my best friend thinking OMG if word got around everyone would think I had some horrible sexual disease and being single, I thought... ''I'll be an old maid for the rest of my life''. sob sob.. People I worked with wondered why I wasn't dating or some probably thought I was lesbian (nothing against it but I'm not) It was terrible, and with the pain and all, eventually the libido itself gets totally shut off like a spigot gets turned off.

The good thing tho with no one in my life I was able to focus only on me and was determined to get well without having to worry or be concerned about someone else.

Eventually though as I was able to finally heal that tissue (and I was a real mess) by using two hormone creams, (estradiol & testosterone) to totally rebuild that tissue, I found when I finally did start dating again and at that 'stage' (I wouldn't bring it up too soon) it was easy to just say ''I've a ''skin condition'' and it happens to be 'there''... it's nothing contagious!! (Immediately that gets said before they run) LOL ''and I've been working diligently on it and I am getting better'', (believe me there was no doubt about that part of it at the time..

And I'd say ''there may be times when I can't perform and others when I'm ok but it's just something you'll have to understand.'' I can tell you I never had anyone run away, most wanted to know all about it, *smile* and things worked out for me but like I said by then I was 99% better too. Before that I just 'knew' I could not afford to get anything even started (or that's how "I" felt about it anyway)... and I know others will say if a guys loves you he'll stick by... and of course that's true but I'm talking about when no one is in your life and starting fresh or do you even start a relationship, I know how hard that is..

But ....I got -re-married two years ago after those 10 yrs of hell and believe me the loving is fantastic and as good as ever. *wink* So have hope hon whatever you do and maybe right now is the time to focus on 'you' getting well.... but believe me indeed there's hope.

Big hugsDee

[Guest guest]

<Is anyone on here single?> Hi,I am 26 and have actually started three different relationships while having this terrible disease. The first guy had erectile dysfunction (we were only 25) cause he took steroids. I didn't know this until after we started dating. He was very supportive, but we were only together for a few months for unrelated issues. The second guy also had ED, which I also didn't know until after we started dating. He had it due to diabetes and we unable to have sex because it was so severe. I just want you to realize that you aren't the only one "putting yourself out there" in terms of dating and sex. You never know what is going on with the guy until you really know each other. And the third guy, who I have been dating for the past 1.5 years is AMAZING. We only had sex the first month we were together because my condition got really bad. So, we haven't had

sex in about 1.5 years, and I don't see that changing soon because the pain with sex is unbearable. He is completely understanding and has never made me feel bad about our situation. He is also my main support system and knows what I am dealing with better then anyone else. He goes with me to dct appointments and I really couldn't ask for a more understanding man. I just wanted to let you know that it IS possible to find a great person, even when you have this condition. Meg

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[Guest guest]

Dee and Meg, your posts are very inspiring, especially to me - having to start over after being in such a long relationship. Deep down, I know that I actually stayed with my ex longer than I might have otherwise b/c I was scared to leave the person who accepted my condition. I couldn't imagine that anyone else ever would. It is so uplifting to know that not only there are men who suffer similar issues to what we have, but also that there are men who want to be in a relationship despite the sexual difficulty. I hope that (when I finally feel ready to actually date) I meet someone who is so understanding. I am pretty terrified about this whole process.nicoleTo: VulvarDisorders From: megsvproblem@...Date: Sun, 4 May 2008 01:10:57 -0700Subject: Re: dating????

<Is anyone on here single?> Hi,I am 26 and have actually started three different relationships while having this terrible disease. The first guy had erectile dysfunction (we were only 25) cause he took steroids. I didn't know this until after we started dating. He was very supportive, but we were only together for a few months for unrelated issues. The second guy also had ED, which I also didn't know until after we started dating. He had it due to diabetes and we unable to have sex because it was so severe. I just want you to realize that you aren't the only one "putting yourself out there" in terms of dating and sex. You never know what is going on with the guy until you really know each other. And the third guy, who I have been dating for the past 1.5 years is AMAZING. We only had sex the first month we were together because my condition got really bad. So, we haven't had

sex in about 1.5 years, and I don't see that changing soon because the pain with sex is unbearable. He is completely understanding and has never made me feel bad about our situation. He is also my main support system and knows what I am dealing with better then anyone else. He goes with me to dct appointments and I really couldn't ask for a more understanding man. I just wanted to let you know that it IS possible to find a great person, even when you have this condition. Meg Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

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[Guest guest]

Dee and Meg, your posts are very inspiring, especially to me - having to start over after being in such a long relationship. Deep down, I know that I actually stayed with my ex longer than I might have otherwise b/c I was scared to leave the person who accepted my condition. I couldn't imagine that anyone else ever would. It is so uplifting to know that not only there are men who suffer similar issues to what we have, but also that there are men who want to be in a relationship despite the sexual difficulty. I hope that (when I finally feel ready to actually date) I meet someone who is so understanding. I am pretty terrified about this whole process.nicoleTo: VulvarDisorders From: megsvproblem@...Date: Sun, 4 May 2008 01:10:57 -0700Subject: Re: dating????

<Is anyone on here single?> Hi,I am 26 and have actually started three different relationships while having this terrible disease. The first guy had erectile dysfunction (we were only 25) cause he took steroids. I didn't know this until after we started dating. He was very supportive, but we were only together for a few months for unrelated issues. The second guy also had ED, which I also didn't know until after we started dating. He had it due to diabetes and we unable to have sex because it was so severe. I just want you to realize that you aren't the only one "putting yourself out there" in terms of dating and sex. You never know what is going on with the guy until you really know each other. And the third guy, who I have been dating for the past 1.5 years is AMAZING. We only had sex the first month we were together because my condition got really bad. So, we haven't had

sex in about 1.5 years, and I don't see that changing soon because the pain with sex is unbearable. He is completely understanding and has never made me feel bad about our situation. He is also my main support system and knows what I am dealing with better then anyone else. He goes with me to dct appointments and I really couldn't ask for a more understanding man. I just wanted to let you know that it IS possible to find a great person, even when you have this condition. Meg Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

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[Guest guest]

awwh

hon.... you will find some one who understands, don't give up that thought. but now its time to focus on you...

It often takes time to adapt to even the idea of it (or worse to think ''what if it's forever') *been there too* and know what a downer that is, but now it's to find 'your' key hon to getting you well.

You'll have to forgive me if you already have, but can you tell us a little more of just what your symptoms are and what you may have tried in the past and for how long it's been going on? Or what physicians may have said it is? That might help us to give you some suggestions. You hang in there hon... we know what you're going thru and definitely understand but there is hope. HugsDee ~

[Guest guest]

There truly are kind caring men in the world, it might take some time

to find a nice guy but they are out there! Just make sure to steer

clear of the young ones, age has a lot to do with it. Guys in their

20's are going to be immature and sex obsessed. Also a lot of men are

satisfied recieving oral sex, vaginal sex doesn't have to be a

necessity in a relationship. You don't need to tell a guy your life

story on a first date (it will take a couple dates to know if you like

him anyway, so why waste your enregy?) If you develop a solid

friendship first then it's safe to explain your medical condition. If

they have developed real feelings for you by then, they will stick

with you.

>

> Is anyone on here single? My onset of Vestibulitis was unusual in

> that I never had problems having sexual intercourse. My diagnosis

> came when I wasn't in a relationship but now I'm terrified of dating

> and have no sexual desire as I'm in constant pain whether or not the

> area is touched or not. any advice on how to broach dating? I'm 31

> and the only single one amongst my friends. Most men my age are

> married and I can't imagine many men wanting to enter a relationship

> that may never be able to be consumated!!! HELP!!! ANY ADVICE? or

> dating experiences? seems that most women are already in marriages

> when they are dx.

>

[Guest guest]

thanks for your advice. even the men in their early 30's can be immature. I ended a relationship for that reason. I didn't have my formal "diagnosis" before ending it, but he was really indifferent to the pain I was feeling and he stopped showing me any affection at all--even kissing or hugging! so I'm going to be really careful this time! definitely want to build a friendship first!lulubuns wrote: There truly are kind caring men in the world, it might take some timeto find a nice guy

but they are out there! Just make sure to steerclear of the young ones, age has a lot to do with it. Guys in their20's are going to be immature and sex obsessed. Also a lot of men aresatisfied recieving oral sex, vaginal sex doesn't have to be anecessity in a relationship. You don't need to tell a guy your lifestory on a first date (it will take a couple dates to know if you likehim anyway, so why waste your enregy?) If you develop a solidfriendship first then it's safe to explain your medical condition. Ifthey have developed real feelings for you by then, they will stickwith you. >> Is anyone on here single? My onset of Vestibulitis was unusual in> that I never had problems having sexual intercourse. My diagnosis> came when I wasn't in a relationship but now

I'm terrified of dating> and have no sexual desire as I'm in constant pain whether or not the> area is touched or not. any advice on how to broach dating? I'm 31> and the only single one amongst my friends. Most men my age are> married and I can't imagine many men wanting to enter a relationship> that may never be able to be consumated!!! HELP!!! ANY ADVICE? or> dating experiences? seems that most women are already in marriages> when they are dx.>

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[Guest guest]

Gotta beg to differ on the younger men - DH was only 25 when we got

married and I got LP and has been AMAZING. I couldn't ask for

anything more. It really just depends on the guy..can't overgeneralize.

Melinda

[Guest guest]

This is the first I've posted in a while,

but I'm also going to disagree about younger men. I'm 20 years old,

and I've had symptoms for maybe 5 years or more. I was diagnosed in

january with LP and a few other issues. I was single when I was

diagnosed. I didn't think there would be anyone out there (especially

after someone i was (mutually) interested in told me he couldn't be in

a relationship without sex--the day after I was diagnosed.)

I met my current boyfriend (who is 21) about 2 months ago, and when

we first started dating, I was really scared to tell him about my

condition. Turns out, he has ulcerative colitis, and is really

understanding and supportive of my pain issues. he drives me to

physical therapy, asks if i'm in pain, and is really sensitive to how

i'm feeling, and cheers me up when i'm worried about our sex life.

You'll find someone great. Don't settle for less.

Cara

>

> Gotta beg to differ on the younger men - DH was only 25 when we got

> married and I got LP and has been AMAZING. I couldn't ask for

> anything more. It really just depends on the guy..can't overgeneralize.

> Melinda

>

[Guest guest]

thanks for the insight. I don't think age matters so much as maturity. Like I said, my boyfriend was in his 30's and couldn't handle having to talk about my "condition." I'm happy that you've met someone so supportive. My mom has colitis and I understand how debilitating that can be. He's blessed to have you as well I'm hopeful there is someone out there for me but I am much better off without my unsympathetic ex.lichdesign wrote: This is the first I've posted in a

while, but I'm also going to disagree about younger men. I'm 20 years old,and I've had symptoms for maybe 5 years or more. I was diagnosed injanuary with LP and a few other issues. I was single when I wasdiagnosed. I didn't think there would be anyone out there (especiallyafter someone i was (mutually) interested in told me he couldn't be ina relationship without sex--the day after I was diagnosed.)I met my current boyfriend (who is 21) about 2 months ago, and whenwe first started dating, I was really scared to tell him about mycondition. Turns out, he has ulcerative colitis, and is reallyunderstanding and supportive of my pain issues. he drives me tophysical therapy, asks if i'm in pain, and is really sensitive to howi'm feeling, and cheers me up when i'm worried about our sex life. You'll find someone great. Don't settle for less. Cara>> Gotta beg to differ on the younger men - DH was only 25 when we got> married and I got LP and has been AMAZING. I couldn't ask for> anything more. It really just depends on the guy..can't overgeneralize.> Melinda>

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