Re: Have you ever thought now things will be better ?

[Guest guest]

Oddly, I'm at the opposite end of your situation. Back when I was still in

contact with nada, it would surprise me and catch me off guard when my nada was

able to be kind and thoughtful, and when she was able to do that it would lull

me into a false sense of security and I'd let my guard down. And then she'd

" zing " me.

So, eventually I went No Contact. I'm one of those for whom NC works best; I was

never able to achieve an effective level of emotional detachment that would let

me be around nada without being devastated/sucker-punched by her twists and

turns of mood and thought.

Now that my nada has also been diagnosed formally with Alzheimer's and is no

longer able to live independently, I'm reconsidering resuming contact because I

do pity her, but I haven't yet done it.

-Annie

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> I realise more and more that it is difficult for me to stay on this forum for

too long. I feel like I can read and sometimes post, for a period of time, then

I need to take a break.

> I think it is because it is difficult for me, but I know it is also very

helpful.

> I thank everyone of the members who take the time to share their experience

here. It is very helpful.

>

> I wanted to ask you something. Do you ever go through phases where you

non-consciously think " now, it's gonna be ok " , or " now things might be getting

better " ?

>

> I have done a few years of life changing therapy, worked hard to get some of

the anger out, and understand my BP Mom, learn to set boundaries, and protect

myself.

> It is an ongoing work but my life has changed from say, 5 years ago.

> A few months ago, I had a major argument with my BP Mom which caused me to go

NC for the first time with my parents.

> We started communicating again after her birthday, end of august, but it is

still light communication, and I vowed to myself that I would not take verbal

abuse anymore.

>

> We have talked a few times since the NC period, and the last time, yesterday,

I had a tiny reminder of her BP/NPD way of thinking, even though the

conversation remained calm.

>

> That tiny reminder caused me to get sad for a couple hours after our

conversation. And then I realised, once more, that a part of me unconsciously

thought " the storm has passed, things might get better from now on " .

>

> It is something I have gone through many many times.

> And it is startling to me, because I am doing therapy, have read many books,

but I still sometimes catch myself being disapointed/surprised/hurt when I see

the BP behavior showing its ugly face again.

>

> I hope that one day I will find a place, where I will be able to have a

relationship with my BP Mom (not a close one, I guess) and I will be able to NOT

be surprised or hurt when she acts out after a period of calm.

>

> It's like I need the awareness, on a permanent basis, that she is who she is.

I can never for my own safety " forget " it.

>

> Have you guys gone through something like this?

> Have you gone past it? Do you still struggle with it?

>

> Thanks for your input.

>

> Coco

>