Re: Have you ever thought now things will bebetter ?

[Guest guest]

I am new to this forum, but can totalally understand as I'm there

now. I'm at the point of NC but just can't bring myself to cut

it yet.

Steph

Re: Have you ever thought " now

things will bebetter " ?

Coco,

I hear you. I think it's ingrained for us to crave our parent's

love. It

takes a lot to accept it isn't going to happen. Good luck!

On Mon, Sep 12, 2011 at 4:13 AM, runfree29

wrote:

**

Hi everyone,

I realise more and more that it is difficult for me to stay on

this forum

for too long. I feel like I can read and sometimes post, for a

period of

time, then I need to take a break.

I think it is because it is difficult for me, but I know it is

also very

helpful.

I thank everyone of the members who take the time to share their

experience

here. It is very helpful.

I wanted to ask you something. Do you ever go through phases

where you

non-consciously think " now, it's gonna be ok " , or " now things

might be

getting better " ?

I have done a few years of life changing therapy, worked hard to

get some

of the anger out, and understand my BP Mom, learn to set

boundaries, and

protect myself.

It is an ongoing work but my life has changed from say, 5 years

ago.

A few months ago, I had a major argument with my BP Mom which

caused me to

go NC for the first time with my parents.

We started communicating again after her birthday, end of

august, but it is

still light communication, and I vowed to myself that I would

not take

verbal abuse anymore.

We have talked a few times since the NC period, and the last

time,

yesterday, I had a tiny reminder of her BP/NPD way of thinking,

even though

the conversation remained calm.

That tiny reminder caused me to get sad for a couple hours after

our

conversation. And then I realised, once more, that a part of me

unconsciously thought " the storm has passed, things might get

better from

now on " .

It is something I have gone through many many times.

And it is startling to me, because I am doing therapy, have read

many

books, but I still sometimes catch myself being

disapointed/surprised/hurt

when I see the BP behavior showing its ugly face again.

I hope that one day I will find a place, where I will be able to

have a

relationship with my BP Mom (not a close one, I guess) and I

will be able to

NOT be surprised or hurt when she acts out after a period of

calm.

It's like I need the awareness, on a permanent basis, that she

is who she

is. I can never for my own safety " forget " it.

Have you guys gone through something like this?

Have you gone past it? Do you still struggle with it?

Thanks for your input.

Coco