Guest guest Posted September 14, 2011 Report Share Posted September 14, 2011 So, after months of near estrangement with BPD mom and a dishrag dad who refuses to see there is anything wrong with her~~ I received an email late last night from my dad that read " Everything turns to shit eventually. " The only other text was my name at the top and his signature. No other explanation. If I didn't know him better I'd think it was the rambling of a drunk. Things must be pretty bad over there if he attempted to use such pathetic manipulation to get my attention. I answered him indicating I was sorry to hear he was having a bad day yesterday, and told him my door was open if he needed to talk. I'll be damned before running to his rescue--he's always playing the denial game, sacrificing his 'beloved children' to my mother's need to draw blood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 14, 2011 Report Share Posted September 14, 2011 yeah, it sounds like he wants sympathy from you; your nada is probably driving him nuts. i think you handled it perfectly. > > So, after months of near estrangement with BPD mom and a dishrag dad who refuses to see there is anything wrong with her~~ > > I received an email late last night from my dad that read " Everything turns to shit eventually. " The only other text was my name at the top and his signature. No other explanation. If I didn't know him better I'd think it was the rambling of a drunk. > > Things must be pretty bad over there if he attempted to use such pathetic manipulation to get my attention. I answered him indicating I was sorry to hear he was having a bad day yesterday, and told him my door was open if he needed to talk. I'll be damned before running to his rescue--he's always playing the denial game, sacrificing his 'beloved children' to my mother's need to draw blood. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 14, 2011 Report Share Posted September 14, 2011 I hear you. Holding firm and steady against the " pity play " of the Waif persona my nada now wears is a lot more difficult for me than holding firm and steady against the Witch, or even the Queen, because the Waif pulls on one's heartstrings and can ream every ounce of empathy out of your gut. All my life I've had to put up with my nada's Queen and Witch behaviors and eventually I stopped responding to them. How can I care for someone who filled me with terror as a child, who filled me with anger as a teen and young adult, who alienated me from my own self in order to have a relationship with her? Love is entwined with Trust, and my nada has proven to me over and over and over that she uses nice, kind behaviors to lure me in and make me want to be close to her, only in order to get close enough to verbally slit and disembowel me. I eventually grew numb and indifferent to nada's Queen and Witch behaviors. But her Waif persona is relatively new; I haven't built up defenses against pitying her, or the feelings of obligation and guilt to care for an elderly parent. Thing is.... I just realized this: if my dad were still alive, I'd have NO problem with staying in contact with him and visiting him. I would look forward to it; it would be a pleasure. Its a whole 'nother ball of wax with my nada, though. So I can relate to those who have been dealing with a Waif parent; it ain't easy. -Annie > > So, after months of near estrangement with BPD mom and a dishrag dad who refuses to see there is anything wrong with her~~ > > I received an email late last night from my dad that read " Everything turns to shit eventually. " The only other text was my name at the top and his signature. No other explanation. If I didn't know him better I'd think it was the rambling of a drunk. > > Things must be pretty bad over there if he attempted to use such pathetic manipulation to get my attention. I answered him indicating I was sorry to hear he was having a bad day yesterday, and told him my door was open if he needed to talk. I'll be damned before running to his rescue--he's always playing the denial game, sacrificing his 'beloved children' to my mother's need to draw blood. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 14, 2011 Report Share Posted September 14, 2011 I agree, dealing with a waif is so, so much harder, imo. When my nada' s been witchy, it's easy to be angry with her and distance myself. The waif is needy and weepy. My nada's been poring that on lately. I've had to be very strong. > > > > So, after months of near estrangement with BPD mom and a dishrag dad who refuses to see there is anything wrong with her~~ > > > > I received an email late last night from my dad that read " Everything turns to shit eventually. " The only other text was my name at the top and his signature. No other explanation. If I didn't know him better I'd think it was the rambling of a drunk. > > > > Things must be pretty bad over there if he attempted to use such pathetic manipulation to get my attention. I answered him indicating I was sorry to hear he was having a bad day yesterday, and told him my door was open if he needed to talk. I'll be damned before running to his rescue--he's always playing the denial game, sacrificing his 'beloved children' to my mother's need to draw blood. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 14, 2011 Report Share Posted September 14, 2011 This is interesting. I haven't thought much about all of the switching between the types, but I can see it now. I always try to remind myself that she's a crazy person so I don't take it to heart as much. I guess it's reframing the context of the relationship. I put our interactions in parenthesis. Everything that happens within the parenthesis is unreal/shouldn't be taken to heart because it's the Alice in Wonderland nightmare. > > > > > > > > > > > > So, after months of near estrangement with BPD mom and a dishrag > > dad > > > > who refuses to see there is anything wrong with her~~ > > > > > > > > > > > > I received an email late last night from my dad that read > > " Everything > > > > turns to shit eventually. " The only other text was my name at the top > > and > > > > his signature. No other explanation. If I didn't know him better I'd > > think > > > > it was the rambling of a drunk. > > > > > > > > > > > > Things must be pretty bad over there if he attempted to use such > > > > pathetic manipulation to get my attention. I answered him indicating I > > was > > > > sorry to hear he was having a bad day yesterday, and told him my door > > was > > > > open if he needed to talk. I'll be damned before running to his > > rescue--he's > > > > always playing the denial game, sacrificing his 'beloved children' to > > my > > > > mother's need to draw blood. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 15, 2011 Report Share Posted September 15, 2011 YES! Mine, too. My brother TOTALLY buys the waif crap. He doesn't see how she can turn the tears on and off. Scarlett O'Hara!! Ha! Yes, that's my nada. You've already met her. Constant accusations, what have you done for me lately, tears, tears, resentment. Fiddle dee dee. > > That's a good strategy/technique! And particularly good for me because I have witnessed my nada actually switching off the tears and the whiny voice in an instant to flash into Witchy anger and an accusatory tone, then switch back into weepy Waif mode. So, thanks for sharing that, GS! > -Annie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 16, 2011 Report Share Posted September 16, 2011 Update: the bugger never responded to my return email. & they wonder why we aren't the close Brady bunch family--lol. > > So, after months of near estrangement with BPD mom and a dishrag dad who refuses to see there is anything wrong with her~~ > > I received an email late last night from my dad that read " Everything turns to shit eventually. " The only other text was my name at the top and his signature. No other explanation. If I didn't know him better I'd think it was the rambling of a drunk. > > Things must be pretty bad over there if he attempted to use such pathetic manipulation to get my attention. I answered him indicating I was sorry to hear he was having a bad day yesterday, and told him my door was open if he needed to talk. I'll be damned before running to his rescue--he's always playing the denial game, sacrificing his 'beloved children' to my mother's need to draw blood. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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