How do I tell my PT...

[Guest guest]

that I'm scared of the dilators??

I know it sounds really immature, but seriously, the dilators give me

so much anxiety, it's almost not worth it to me. Every time i look at

them, or get ready to use them, i get so shaky and jittery-just about

every time now, when i use them, i cry, because i know they're going

to hurt! and once they're in, i just stew angrily about how much they

hurt and how much this sucks, which just makes me flare.

I feel like the biggest wussy-failure. I know these things hurt, and

that so many women on here have it so much worse, that i just need to

suck it up and get over my anxiety with them, but I'm having the

hardest time. And the worst part is just how much my PT pushes me to

use it. She'll make comments like " well, you know, sex is one of the

biggest parts of a relationship-it's what so many couples fight over,

when it's not here. don't you want to have a good honeymoon? " (i'm

getting married in october) when i tell her that i'm not using them

regularly, or that they hurt. but honestly, the pain there,

especially when it's something being forced inside, feels like such a

violation...i know i need to get better, because it's driving my

fiance nuts, and all this talk from everyone, from my PT to my

parents, about how important sex is and how " wrong I am for depriving

him of it " is making me crazy, but it makes me so resentful and

anxious when i use them...ugh! and at this point, i'm flaring so

badly from being sick (i've got a bug) and being scared of them that i

can't use them, and i know my PT's going to give me that awful

disapproving look when i tell her i haven't used them in like, a week

and a half...

I just don't know what to do. I know I shouldn't be afraid of her

reaction, because this is my healing process and it'll happen at it's

own pace, and that everyone needs these stupid dilators and i just

need to stop being a baby, but it's so hard! Words of wisdom would be

very much appreciated

Beth

[Guest guest]

Hi Beth, I am shocked at how everyone is treating you. In my pain, I don't know how different it is then yours, I can't imagine shoving something up there like that it sounds like some kind of extreme torture. I think if someone had pain somewhere else like their shoulder or back they would tell them to not stress it but just because this area has to do with sex and with it so many expectations you have to force something that is sore and irritated??? Sorry but that is strange to me. Maybe I am missing something here but I think it is terrible how everyone is putting so much pressure on you and it sounds like none of them comprehend this kind of pain. Just my two cents. BauktiBeth wrote: that I'm scared of the dilators??I know it sounds really immature, but seriously, the dilators give meso much anxiety, it's almost not worth it to me. Every time i look atthem, or get ready to use them, i get so shaky and jittery-just aboutevery time now, when i use them, i cry, because i know they're goingto hurt! and once they're in, i just stew angrily about how much theyhurt and how much this sucks, which just makes me flare.I feel like the biggest wussy-failure. I know these things hurt, andthat so many women on here have it so much worse, that i just need tosuck it up and get over my anxiety with them, but I'm having thehardest time. And the worst part is just how much my PT pushes me touse it.

She'll make comments like "well, you know, sex is one of thebiggest parts of a relationship-it's what so many couples fight over,when it's not here. don't you want to have a good honeymoon?" (i'mgetting married in october) when i tell her that i'm not using themregularly, or that they hurt. but honestly, the pain there,especially when it's something being forced inside, feels like such aviolation...i know i need to get better, because it's driving myfiance nuts, and all this talk from everyone, from my PT to myparents, about how important sex is and how "wrong I am for deprivinghim of it" is making me crazy, but it makes me so resentful andanxious when i use them...ugh! and at this point, i'm flaring sobadly from being sick (i've got a bug) and being scared of them that ican't use them, and i know my PT's going to give me that awfuldisapproving look when i tell her i haven't used them in like, a weekand a

half...I just don't know what to do. I know I shouldn't be afraid of herreaction, because this is my healing process and it'll happen at it'sown pace, and that everyone needs these stupid dilators and i justneed to stop being a baby, but it's so hard! Words of wisdom would bevery much appreciated :(Beth

[Guest guest]

DO NOT force yourself to use the dialators if you are having this reaction. Your PT is essentially your employee and you need to treat her like one. It is her job to help you relax about this. Please tell her this at the next appointment before you even get undressed. If you begin to associate your vagina with anxiety and fear, you will associate sex with anxiety and fear and be in a bad cycle. Can you use a little valium or xanax to get you through the first dialator experiences? Lindsey

[Guest guest]

Beth: you are in control of your body. It is a free country here in the

USA, Lou, is what my doctor tells me. So if you do NOT feel

comfortable, dont do it. Follow your gut. That is the wisest word I can

give you, Beth....love, ML

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we

will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Galatians 6:9, New International Version