Re: I google my dad now and then

[Guest guest]

Interesting that your fada does these things for a living. Sort of ridiculous

that the world doesn't see what you do, eh?

I can relate. My nada is an adult educator in such topics as:

-conflict management

-public speaking

-business writing

-leadership training

-personality profiling

-communications

While the topics are wildly hypocritical to her nature, she is a VERY good

instructor. Terribly unorganized and unqualified, but she is a good facilitator,

none-the-less. She also has been teaching dance for the last 25 years. She is

the best version of herself... and it is quite the sight when you know her

" other side " .

When I would challenge her on why she didn't act appropriately, she told me

candidly, " I know what to do in a room full of people, when I'm instructing. But

I don't know how to act in other social situations. " Stunning. She sure put on a

good act while instructing but was completely incapable of

seeing/understanding/using those talents in every day life.

What's super-frustrating is people recognize me who were her students (as a

teen, I often co-facilitated or acted as a teacher's assistant to her dance

classes). I ran into two in a row a few weeks back ( " Sooo, how's your mother

doing? " ). Do you ever run into someone who reads your fada's books or takes his

classes?

Those situations are SO confusing. I need to be professional because my own

professionalism and reputation need to be upheld in a similar industry. Bleh.

K

>

> I do Google searches now and then for my fada, to see what kind of books he's

coming out with (so I know whether I should read it to see what he says about

me). He had a couple of websites that went defunct--but this is the first time I

found an active website of his, last night.

>

> He's a professor, and among other things, teaches ethics and leadership.

*rolls eyes.* and this website, which looks like it was made in 1995, is all

about that and homeschooling and raising teens to be leaders. I find it terribly

ironic, coming from him. He's working on a book about how guys can be leaders of

the family, not to exclude women he's planning on a book for them later on. I

can't wait to read what he has to say on the topic *sarcastic.* Especially since

he gave my mom that " How to change your Husband " book.

>

> In the " About Him " section, he talks about how he was the father of 6 kids,

now two have moved out and four still at home. I find it a little bit

confusing...he's still is the father of 6 kids legally speaking, not " was. " And

he talks about Bro#1 and me in such generic terms " successful in our careers. "

WTF. He's still pretending he's in touch with me when he's writing about us.

After all, it would look extremely bad if people found out he disowned me. I

think that's why he tried hard to get me to go back to him by sending flying

monkeys, but I'm too stubborn and am staying NC. No wonder he tried to friend me

on LinkedIn.

>

> So yeah, have fun teaching about family leadership when your idea of " leading "

is controlling every moment of their lives.

>

> Also, I found out, elsewhere online, that he talked a tiny bit about his dad

while growing up. He said his dad's idea of punishment was very LOUD yelling,

pounding on furniture, and then a LONG period of emotional isolation, and fada

talked about it as if it was a natural and perfectly acceptable difference in

family leadership from his mom who sounds like she never raised her voice.

>

> Seriously? If fada's writing is to be trusted, then I can totally see why fada

is the way he is. Doesn't excuse it--people have to choose to overcome their

past and he never did--but it does explain somewhat.

>

> It's just kind of funny to see how he skirts around family issues in trying

hard to present a good face to the public. I suppose I should feel conflicted

like " oh, I was overreacting, he was always normal " but I know better. I know

what's hidden between the lines, what he's not talking about.

>

> Try as I might, though, I can't seem to find pictures of the little ones to

see how they're looking now. The last pictures I have of them are a couple years

old, given to me by a family friend who was disowned earlier this year.

>

> Fada's just trying SO hard to look decent to the public.

>

[Guest guest]

Wow---that's hilarious if it weren't so sad! My fada is a good educator,

too. He loves to teach, and his students like him a lot--gets consistently

high reviews. He's been teaching leadership to people from the military

too, because his university is trying to do the online program thing. I sat

in on one of his classes, once, and it was facilitated quite well.

After fada disowned me, I did sometimes run into other homeschooling

families who spoke highly of him. Being the idiot I was, I told them the

truth, " My dad is mentally ill and emotionally abusive. He disowned me, so I

don't know how they're doing. " I should have said, " Oh, I haven't been in

touch with him in a while... " but in the homeschooling culture in my old

town it would be highly unusual not to know what your family is doing. So, I

failed at professionalism. I'm still pretty outspoken on Facebook where I'm

mostly safe, and I maintain an anonymous blog, and so that helps me to be

professional for these in-person situations.

It got a LOT easier when DH and I moved a couple of states away. NC was

maintained, and I wasn't constantly triggered by memories all over town

anymore.

Thank God I'm not in the same circles as them anymore. It'll just get more

and more awkward for fada as time goes on when he can't trot me out as an

example of leadership and homeschooling, because then the family dynamics

will become incredibly visible.

If I write a book about my experiences (I'm rapidly gathering memories on my

blog), I alternate between waiting a few years before publication, or

publishing it right away, because I don't know what the impact would be on

my fada's professional life.

Have you come up with a good professional way to beg out of those awkward

conversations, yourself?

> **

>

>

> Interesting that your fada does these things for a living. Sort of

> ridiculous that the world doesn't see what you do, eh?

>

> I can relate. My nada is an adult educator in such topics as:

> -conflict management

> -public speaking

> -business writing

> -leadership training

> -personality profiling

> -communications

>

> While the topics are wildly hypocritical to her nature, she is a VERY good

> instructor. Terribly unorganized and unqualified, but she is a good

> facilitator, none-the-less. She also has been teaching dance for the last 25

> years. She is the best version of herself... and it is quite the sight when

> you know her " other side " .

>

> When I would challenge her on why she didn't act appropriately, she told me

> candidly, " I know what to do in a room full of people, when I'm instructing.

> But I don't know how to act in other social situations. " Stunning. She sure

> put on a good act while instructing but was completely incapable of

> seeing/understanding/using those talents in every day life.

>

> What's super-frustrating is people recognize me who were her students (as a

> teen, I often co-facilitated or acted as a teacher's assistant to her dance

> classes). I ran into two in a row a few weeks back ( " Sooo, how's your mother

> doing? " ). Do you ever run into someone who reads your fada's books or takes

> his classes?

>

> Those situations are SO confusing. I need to be professional because my own

> professionalism and reputation need to be upheld in a similar industry.

> Bleh.

>

> K

>

>

>

> >

> > I do Google searches now and then for my fada, to see what kind of books

> he's coming out with (so I know whether I should read it to see what he says

> about me). He had a couple of websites that went defunct--but this is the

> first time I found an active website of his, last night.

> >

> > He's a professor, and among other things, teaches ethics and leadership.

> *rolls eyes.* and this website, which looks like it was made in 1995, is all

> about that and homeschooling and raising teens to be leaders. I find it

> terribly ironic, coming from him. He's working on a book about how guys can

> be leaders of the family, not to exclude women he's planning on a book for

> them later on. I can't wait to read what he has to say on the topic

> *sarcastic.* Especially since he gave my mom that " How to change your

> Husband " book.

> >

> > In the " About Him " section, he talks about how he was the father of 6

> kids, now two have moved out and four still at home. I find it a little bit

> confusing...he's still is the father of 6 kids legally speaking, not " was. "

> And he talks about Bro#1 and me in such generic terms " successful in our

> careers. " WTF. He's still pretending he's in touch with me when he's writing

> about us. After all, it would look extremely bad if people found out he

> disowned me. I think that's why he tried hard to get me to go back to him by

> sending flying monkeys, but I'm too stubborn and am staying NC. No wonder he

> tried to friend me on LinkedIn.

> >

> > So yeah, have fun teaching about family leadership when your idea of

> " leading " is controlling every moment of their lives.

> >

> > Also, I found out, elsewhere online, that he talked a tiny bit about his

> dad while growing up. He said his dad's idea of punishment was very LOUD

> yelling, pounding on furniture, and then a LONG period of emotional

> isolation, and fada talked about it as if it was a natural and perfectly

> acceptable difference in family leadership from his mom who sounds like she

> never raised her voice.

> >

> > Seriously? If fada's writing is to be trusted, then I can totally see why

> fada is the way he is. Doesn't excuse it--people have to choose to overcome

> their past and he never did--but it does explain somewhat.

> >

> > It's just kind of funny to see how he skirts around family issues in

> trying hard to present a good face to the public. I suppose I should feel

> conflicted like " oh, I was overreacting, he was always normal " but I know

> better. I know what's hidden between the lines, what he's not talking about.

>

> >

> > Try as I might, though, I can't seem to find pictures of the little ones

> to see how they're looking now. The last pictures I have of them are a

> couple years old, given to me by a family friend who was disowned earlier

> this year.

> >

> > Fada's just trying SO hard to look decent to the public.

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

That is a great thought, to write a book, yourself, in which you can " speak " to

your siblings, perhaps, someday. I suppose all their access to the Internet is

monitored by bpd dad, as well, so that there is no possibility of them finding

you by Googling you and reading a website or blog of yours. In any case, I

agree with you that when your siblings are finally able to attend college,

perhaps there will be an opportunity for them to meet other, more normalized

people outside of bpd dad's " cult " , and perhaps someday they will want to

contact you. I hope so for all your sakes.

-Annie

> > > >

> > > > > **

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > I do Google searches now and then for my fada, to see what kind of

> > books

> > > > > he's coming out with (so I know whether I should read it to see what

> > he

> > > > says

> > > > > about me). He had a couple of websites that went defunct--but this is

> > the

> > > > > first time I found an active website of his, last night.

> > > > >

> > > > > He's a professor, and among other things, teaches ethics and

> > leadership.

> > > > > *rolls eyes.* and this website, which looks like it was made in 1995,

> > is

> > > > all

> > > > > about that and homeschooling and raising teens to be leaders. I find

> > it

> > > > > terribly ironic, coming from him. He's working on a book about how

> > guys

> > > > can

> > > > > be leaders of the family, not to exclude women he's planning on a

> > book

> > > > for

> > > > > them later on. I can't wait to read what he has to say on the topic

> > > > > *sarcastic.* Especially since he gave my mom that " How to change your

> > > > > Husband " book.

> > > > >

> > > > > In the " About Him " section, he talks about how he was the father of 6

> > > > kids,

> > > > > now two have moved out and four still at home. I find it a little bit

> > > > > confusing...he's still is the father of 6 kids legally speaking, not

> > > > " was. "

> > > > > And he talks about Bro#1 and me in such generic terms " successful in

> > our

> > > > > careers. " WTF. He's still pretending he's in touch with me when he's

> > > > writing

> > > > > about us. After all, it would look extremely bad if people found out

> > he

> > > > > disowned me. I think that's why he tried hard to get me to go back to

> > him

> > > > by

> > > > > sending flying monkeys, but I'm too stubborn and am staying NC. No

> > wonder

> > > > he

> > > > > tried to friend me on LinkedIn.

> > > > >

> > > > > So yeah, have fun teaching about family leadership when your idea of

> > > > > " leading " is controlling every moment of their lives.

> > > > >

> > > > > Also, I found out, elsewhere online, that he talked a tiny bit about

> > his

> > > > > dad while growing up. He said his dad's idea of punishment was very

> > LOUD

> > > > > yelling, pounding on furniture, and then a LONG period of emotional

> > > > > isolation, and fada talked about it as if it was a natural and

> > perfectly

> > > > > acceptable difference in family leadership from his mom who sounds

> > like

> > > > she

> > > > > never raised her voice.

> > > > >

> > > > > Seriously? If fada's writing is to be trusted, then I can totally see

> > why

> > > > > fada is the way he is. Doesn't excuse it--people have to choose to

> > > > overcome

> > > > > their past and he never did--but it does explain somewhat.

> > > > >

> > > > > It's just kind of funny to see how he skirts around family issues in

> > > > trying

> > > > > hard to present a good face to the public. I suppose I should feel

> > > > > conflicted like " oh, I was overreacting, he was always normal " but I

> > know

> > > > > better. I know what's hidden between the lines, what he's not talking

> > > > about.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > Try as I might, though, I can't seem to find pictures of the little

> > ones

> > > > to

> > > > > see how they're looking now. The last pictures I have of them are a

> > > > couple

> > > > > years old, given to me by a family friend who was disowned earlier

> > this

> > > > > year.

> > > > >

> > > > > Fada's just trying SO hard to look decent to the public.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

Holly, have you ever considered posting a " review " of his books? Maybe under a

pseudonym - something like, " this is utter nonsense " - it need not be backed up

by any details that would give you away. You have made lots of excellent points

based on just what he's written. You KNOW he's a crazy, controlling creep.

Wouldn't it be nice to point out his feet of clay to his potential readers?

I know you don't want to endanger your chances of seeing your younger sibs -

maybe I'm just daydreaming here...

>

> I do Google searches now and then for my fada, to see what kind of books he's

coming out with (so I know whether I should read it to see what he says about

me). He had a couple of websites that went defunct--but this is the first time I

found an active website of his, last night.

>

> He's a professor, and among other things, teaches ethics and leadership.

*rolls eyes.* and this website, which looks like it was made in 1995, is all

about that and homeschooling and raising teens to be leaders. I find it terribly

ironic, coming from him. He's working on a book about how guys can be leaders of

the family, not to exclude women he's planning on a book for them later on. I

can't wait to read what he has to say on the topic *sarcastic.* Especially since

he gave my mom that " How to change your Husband " book.

>

> In the " About Him " section, he talks about how he was the father of 6 kids,

now two have moved out and four still at home. I find it a little bit

confusing...he's still is the father of 6 kids legally speaking, not " was. " And

he talks about Bro#1 and me in such generic terms " successful in our careers. "

WTF. He's still pretending he's in touch with me when he's writing about us.

After all, it would look extremely bad if people found out he disowned me. I

think that's why he tried hard to get me to go back to him by sending flying

monkeys, but I'm too stubborn and am staying NC. No wonder he tried to friend me

on LinkedIn.

>

> So yeah, have fun teaching about family leadership when your idea of " leading "

is controlling every moment of their lives.

>

> Also, I found out, elsewhere online, that he talked a tiny bit about his dad

while growing up. He said his dad's idea of punishment was very LOUD yelling,

pounding on furniture, and then a LONG period of emotional isolation, and fada

talked about it as if it was a natural and perfectly acceptable difference in

family leadership from his mom who sounds like she never raised her voice.

>

> Seriously? If fada's writing is to be trusted, then I can totally see why fada

is the way he is. Doesn't excuse it--people have to choose to overcome their

past and he never did--but it does explain somewhat.

>

> It's just kind of funny to see how he skirts around family issues in trying

hard to present a good face to the public. I suppose I should feel conflicted

like " oh, I was overreacting, he was always normal " but I know better. I know

what's hidden between the lines, what he's not talking about.

>

> Try as I might, though, I can't seem to find pictures of the little ones to

see how they're looking now. The last pictures I have of them are a couple years

old, given to me by a family friend who was disowned earlier this year.

>

> Fada's just trying SO hard to look decent to the public.

>

[Guest guest]

I concur. An anonymous review bringing up some of the points about the research

you have found out about him wouldn't necessarily be out of line. But I would

urge you to make sure you are doing it to protect others from falling into his

trap rather than revenge...which is why I would do it. Haha!

> >

> > I do Google searches now and then for my fada, to see what kind of books

he's coming out with (so I know whether I should read it to see what he says

about me). He had a couple of websites that went defunct--but this is the first

time I found an active website of his, last night.

> >

> > He's a professor, and among other things, teaches ethics and leadership.

*rolls eyes.* and this website, which looks like it was made in 1995, is all

about that and homeschooling and raising teens to be leaders. I find it terribly

ironic, coming from him. He's working on a book about how guys can be leaders of

the family, not to exclude women he's planning on a book for them later on. I

can't wait to read what he has to say on the topic *sarcastic.* Especially since

he gave my mom that " How to change your Husband " book.

> >

> > In the " About Him " section, he talks about how he was the father of 6 kids,

now two have moved out and four still at home. I find it a little bit

confusing...he's still is the father of 6 kids legally speaking, not " was. " And

he talks about Bro#1 and me in such generic terms " successful in our careers. "

WTF. He's still pretending he's in touch with me when he's writing about us.

After all, it would look extremely bad if people found out he disowned me. I

think that's why he tried hard to get me to go back to him by sending flying

monkeys, but I'm too stubborn and am staying NC. No wonder he tried to friend me

on LinkedIn.

> >

> > So yeah, have fun teaching about family leadership when your idea of

" leading " is controlling every moment of their lives.

> >

> > Also, I found out, elsewhere online, that he talked a tiny bit about his dad

while growing up. He said his dad's idea of punishment was very LOUD yelling,

pounding on furniture, and then a LONG period of emotional isolation, and fada

talked about it as if it was a natural and perfectly acceptable difference in

family leadership from his mom who sounds like she never raised her voice.

> >

> > Seriously? If fada's writing is to be trusted, then I can totally see why

fada is the way he is. Doesn't excuse it--people have to choose to overcome

their past and he never did--but it does explain somewhat.

> >

> > It's just kind of funny to see how he skirts around family issues in trying

hard to present a good face to the public. I suppose I should feel conflicted

like " oh, I was overreacting, he was always normal " but I know better. I know

what's hidden between the lines, what he's not talking about.

> >

> > Try as I might, though, I can't seem to find pictures of the little ones to

see how they're looking now. The last pictures I have of them are a couple years

old, given to me by a family friend who was disowned earlier this year.

> >

> > Fada's just trying SO hard to look decent to the public.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Oh, yeah, I was pretty much thinking about it from the revenge angle, too.

Bwa-ha-ha....!!!

> > >

> > > I do Google searches now and then for my fada, to see what kind of books

he's coming out with (so I know whether I should read it to see what he says

about me). He had a couple of websites that went defunct--but this is the first

time I found an active website of his, last night.

> > >

> > > He's a professor, and among other things, teaches ethics and leadership.

*rolls eyes.* and this website, which looks like it was made in 1995, is all

about that and homeschooling and raising teens to be leaders. I find it terribly

ironic, coming from him. He's working on a book about how guys can be leaders of

the family, not to exclude women he's planning on a book for them later on. I

can't wait to read what he has to say on the topic *sarcastic.* Especially since

he gave my mom that " How to change your Husband " book.

> > >

> > > In the " About Him " section, he talks about how he was the father of 6

kids, now two have moved out and four still at home. I find it a little bit

confusing...he's still is the father of 6 kids legally speaking, not " was. " And

he talks about Bro#1 and me in such generic terms " successful in our careers. "

WTF. He's still pretending he's in touch with me when he's writing about us.

After all, it would look extremely bad if people found out he disowned me. I

think that's why he tried hard to get me to go back to him by sending flying

monkeys, but I'm too stubborn and am staying NC. No wonder he tried to friend me

on LinkedIn.

> > >

> > > So yeah, have fun teaching about family leadership when your idea of

" leading " is controlling every moment of their lives.

> > >

> > > Also, I found out, elsewhere online, that he talked a tiny bit about his

dad while growing up. He said his dad's idea of punishment was very LOUD

yelling, pounding on furniture, and then a LONG period of emotional isolation,

and fada talked about it as if it was a natural and perfectly acceptable

difference in family leadership from his mom who sounds like she never raised

her voice.

> > >

> > > Seriously? If fada's writing is to be trusted, then I can totally see why

fada is the way he is. Doesn't excuse it--people have to choose to overcome

their past and he never did--but it does explain somewhat.

> > >

> > > It's just kind of funny to see how he skirts around family issues in

trying hard to present a good face to the public. I suppose I should feel

conflicted like " oh, I was overreacting, he was always normal " but I know

better. I know what's hidden between the lines, what he's not talking about.

> > >

> > > Try as I might, though, I can't seem to find pictures of the little ones

to see how they're looking now. The last pictures I have of them are a couple

years old, given to me by a family friend who was disowned earlier this year.

> > >

> > > Fada's just trying SO hard to look decent to the public.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Well, at least one of us should be able to get revenge on their BPD parent! And

the rest of us can enjoy it vicariously!

(Just kidding!)

> > > >

> > > > I do Google searches now and then for my fada, to see what kind of books

he's coming out with (so I know whether I should read it to see what he says

about me). He had a couple of websites that went defunct--but this is the first

time I found an active website of his, last night.

> > > >

> > > > He's a professor, and among other things, teaches ethics and leadership.

*rolls eyes.* and this website, which looks like it was made in 1995, is all

about that and homeschooling and raising teens to be leaders. I find it terribly

ironic, coming from him. He's working on a book about how guys can be leaders of

the family, not to exclude women he's planning on a book for them later on. I

can't wait to read what he has to say on the topic *sarcastic.* Especially since

he gave my mom that " How to change your Husband " book.

> > > >

> > > > In the " About Him " section, he talks about how he was the father of 6

kids, now two have moved out and four still at home. I find it a little bit

confusing...he's still is the father of 6 kids legally speaking, not " was. " And

he talks about Bro#1 and me in such generic terms " successful in our careers. "

WTF. He's still pretending he's in touch with me when he's writing about us.

After all, it would look extremely bad if people found out he disowned me. I

think that's why he tried hard to get me to go back to him by sending flying

monkeys, but I'm too stubborn and am staying NC. No wonder he tried to friend me

on LinkedIn.

> > > >

> > > > So yeah, have fun teaching about family leadership when your idea of

" leading " is controlling every moment of their lives.

> > > >

> > > > Also, I found out, elsewhere online, that he talked a tiny bit about his

dad while growing up. He said his dad's idea of punishment was very LOUD

yelling, pounding on furniture, and then a LONG period of emotional isolation,

and fada talked about it as if it was a natural and perfectly acceptable

difference in family leadership from his mom who sounds like she never raised

her voice.

> > > >

> > > > Seriously? If fada's writing is to be trusted, then I can totally see

why fada is the way he is. Doesn't excuse it--people have to choose to overcome

their past and he never did--but it does explain somewhat.

> > > >

> > > > It's just kind of funny to see how he skirts around family issues in

trying hard to present a good face to the public. I suppose I should feel

conflicted like " oh, I was overreacting, he was always normal " but I know

better. I know what's hidden between the lines, what he's not talking about.

> > > >

> > > > Try as I might, though, I can't seem to find pictures of the little ones

to see how they're looking now. The last pictures I have of them are a couple

years old, given to me by a family friend who was disowned earlier this year.

> > > >

> > > > Fada's just trying SO hard to look decent to the public.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I'll do it!!! I'll post a scathing review for you!!!

> **

>

>

> Well, at least one of us should be able to get revenge on their BPD parent!

> And the rest of us can enjoy it vicariously!

>

> (Just kidding!)

>

>

>

> > > > >

> > > > > I do Google searches now and then for my fada, to see what kind of

> books he's coming out with (so I know whether I should read it to see what

> he says about me). He had a couple of websites that went defunct--but this

> is the first time I found an active website of his, last night.

> > > > >

> > > > > He's a professor, and among other things, teaches ethics and

> leadership. *rolls eyes.* and this website, which looks like it was made in

> 1995, is all about that and homeschooling and raising teens to be leaders. I

> find it terribly ironic, coming from him. He's working on a book about how

> guys can be leaders of the family, not to exclude women he's planning on a

> book for them later on. I can't wait to read what he has to say on the topic

> *sarcastic.* Especially since he gave my mom that " How to change your

> Husband " book.

> > > > >

> > > > > In the " About Him " section, he talks about how he was the father of

> 6 kids, now two have moved out and four still at home. I find it a little

> bit confusing...he's still is the father of 6 kids legally speaking, not

> " was. " And he talks about Bro#1 and me in such generic terms " successful in

> our careers. " WTF. He's still pretending he's in touch with me when he's

> writing about us. After all, it would look extremely bad if people found out

> he disowned me. I think that's why he tried hard to get me to go back to him

> by sending flying monkeys, but I'm too stubborn and am staying NC. No wonder

> he tried to friend me on LinkedIn.

> > > > >

> > > > > So yeah, have fun teaching about family leadership when your idea

> of " leading " is controlling every moment of their lives.

> > > > >

> > > > > Also, I found out, elsewhere online, that he talked a tiny bit

> about his dad while growing up. He said his dad's idea of punishment was

> very LOUD yelling, pounding on furniture, and then a LONG period of

> emotional isolation, and fada talked about it as if it was a natural and

> perfectly acceptable difference in family leadership from his mom who sounds

> like she never raised her voice.

> > > > >

> > > > > Seriously? If fada's writing is to be trusted, then I can totally

> see why fada is the way he is. Doesn't excuse it--people have to choose to

> overcome their past and he never did--but it does explain somewhat.

> > > > >

> > > > > It's just kind of funny to see how he skirts around family issues

> in trying hard to present a good face to the public. I suppose I should feel

> conflicted like " oh, I was overreacting, he was always normal " but I know

> better. I know what's hidden between the lines, what he's not talking about.

>

> > > > >

> > > > > Try as I might, though, I can't seem to find pictures of the little

> ones to see how they're looking now. The last pictures I have of them are a

> couple years old, given to me by a family friend who was disowned earlier

> this year.

> > > > >

> > > > > Fada's just trying SO hard to look decent to the public.

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I've debated it for a while--it's like 4 1/2 stars on Amazon, I could put

like a 2 star on there...or 1 star if I'm feeling evil enough .mwahahahaha!

You know what I should talk about in the anonymous review? The fact that my

fada wrote all the bits in the book that my mom supposedly wrote. They

supposedly co-wrote it, my mom wrote personal stories about what it was to

be a homeschooling mother, and people LOVED that in the book. But it was my

dad all the way. my mom didn't see what " she " wrote until the book was

practically published--so she couldn't approve or edit my dad's

ghostwriting. Fada brags about it to relatives as if it was a big joke.

I've always wanted to point out that lie....to me, it feels like my mom

can't even think for herself without fada telling her what to think. It's

not that my mom can't write--she can. She's literate. But it was totally my

dad's style of writing--I know what he sounds like.

bwahahaha...I'm feeling evil....!

On Thu, Sep 15, 2011 at 10:30 PM, Girlscout Cowboy <

girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote:

> I'll do it!!! I'll post a scathing review for you!!!

>

> On Thu, Sep 15, 2011 at 6:43 PM, afldancer

> wrote:

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > Well, at least one of us should be able to get revenge on their BPD

> parent!

> > And the rest of us can enjoy it vicariously!

> >

> > (Just kidding!)

> >

> >

> >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I do Google searches now and then for my fada, to see what kind

> of

> > books he's coming out with (so I know whether I should read it to see

> what

> > he says about me). He had a couple of websites that went defunct--but

> this

> > is the first time I found an active website of his, last night.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > He's a professor, and among other things, teaches ethics and

> > leadership. *rolls eyes.* and this website, which looks like it was made

> in

> > 1995, is all about that and homeschooling and raising teens to be

> leaders. I

> > find it terribly ironic, coming from him. He's working on a book about

> how

> > guys can be leaders of the family, not to exclude women he's planning on

> a

> > book for them later on. I can't wait to read what he has to say on the

> topic

> > *sarcastic.* Especially since he gave my mom that " How to change your

> > Husband " book.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > In the " About Him " section, he talks about how he was the father

> of

> > 6 kids, now two have moved out and four still at home. I find it a little

> > bit confusing...he's still is the father of 6 kids legally speaking, not

> > " was. " And he talks about Bro#1 and me in such generic terms " successful

> in

> > our careers. " WTF. He's still pretending he's in touch with me when he's

> > writing about us. After all, it would look extremely bad if people found

> out

> > he disowned me. I think that's why he tried hard to get me to go back to

> him

> > by sending flying monkeys, but I'm too stubborn and am staying NC. No

> wonder

> > he tried to friend me on LinkedIn.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > So yeah, have fun teaching about family leadership when your idea

> > of " leading " is controlling every moment of their lives.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Also, I found out, elsewhere online, that he talked a tiny bit

> > about his dad while growing up. He said his dad's idea of punishment was

> > very LOUD yelling, pounding on furniture, and then a LONG period of

> > emotional isolation, and fada talked about it as if it was a natural and

> > perfectly acceptable difference in family leadership from his mom who

> sounds

> > like she never raised her voice.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Seriously? If fada's writing is to be trusted, then I can totally

> > see why fada is the way he is. Doesn't excuse it--people have to choose

> to

> > overcome their past and he never did--but it does explain somewhat.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > It's just kind of funny to see how he skirts around family issues

> > in trying hard to present a good face to the public. I suppose I should

> feel

> > conflicted like " oh, I was overreacting, he was always normal " but I know

> > better. I know what's hidden between the lines, what he's not talking

> about.

> >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Try as I might, though, I can't seem to find pictures of the

> little

> > ones to see how they're looking now. The last pictures I have of them are

> a

> > couple years old, given to me by a family friend who was disowned earlier

> > this year.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Fada's just trying SO hard to look decent to the public.

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Here's an idea that may keep you more anonymous; write a review in which you ask

many pointed but more general questions, such as

" How do you handle discipline " , and

" Kids need to be exposed to other kids and adults in order to become properly

socialized, to develop people skills and self-esteem, to develop healthy

friendships with peers, to participate in team sports, and to learn tolerance:

that not everyone thinks and feels exactly the same way, and that is normal and

OK. How do you handle these important educational and emotional growth issues

when you home-school only your own children, exclusively? "

Or you could go ahead and mess with his head more directly, and ask:

" How often do your children interact with their older sibs who are out on their

own, and with members of your extended family? "

Or mention that:

" I've noticed that some parts of this book, the stories about being a

home-schooling mother, seem to be in your style of writing instead of from

another person's hand and mind; did you just create that part or did you

re-write your wife's work? If so, why? "

Bwa ha ha ha haaa.

-Annie

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I do Google searches now and then for my fada, to see what kind

> > of

> > > books he's coming out with (so I know whether I should read it to see

> > what

> > > he says about me). He had a couple of websites that went defunct--but

> > this

> > > is the first time I found an active website of his, last night.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > He's a professor, and among other things, teaches ethics and

> > > leadership. *rolls eyes.* and this website, which looks like it was made

> > in

> > > 1995, is all about that and homeschooling and raising teens to be

> > leaders. I

> > > find it terribly ironic, coming from him. He's working on a book about

> > how

> > > guys can be leaders of the family, not to exclude women he's planning on

> > a

> > > book for them later on. I can't wait to read what he has to say on the

> > topic

> > > *sarcastic.* Especially since he gave my mom that " How to change your

> > > Husband " book.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > In the " About Him " section, he talks about how he was the father

> > of

> > > 6 kids, now two have moved out and four still at home. I find it a little

> > > bit confusing...he's still is the father of 6 kids legally speaking, not

> > > " was. " And he talks about Bro#1 and me in such generic terms " successful

> > in

> > > our careers. " WTF. He's still pretending he's in touch with me when he's

> > > writing about us. After all, it would look extremely bad if people found

> > out

> > > he disowned me. I think that's why he tried hard to get me to go back to

> > him

> > > by sending flying monkeys, but I'm too stubborn and am staying NC. No

> > wonder

> > > he tried to friend me on LinkedIn.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > So yeah, have fun teaching about family leadership when your idea

> > > of " leading " is controlling every moment of their lives.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Also, I found out, elsewhere online, that he talked a tiny bit

> > > about his dad while growing up. He said his dad's idea of punishment was

> > > very LOUD yelling, pounding on furniture, and then a LONG period of

> > > emotional isolation, and fada talked about it as if it was a natural and

> > > perfectly acceptable difference in family leadership from his mom who

> > sounds

> > > like she never raised her voice.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Seriously? If fada's writing is to be trusted, then I can totally

> > > see why fada is the way he is. Doesn't excuse it--people have to choose

> > to

> > > overcome their past and he never did--but it does explain somewhat.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > It's just kind of funny to see how he skirts around family issues

> > > in trying hard to present a good face to the public. I suppose I should

> > feel

> > > conflicted like " oh, I was overreacting, he was always normal " but I know

> > > better. I know what's hidden between the lines, what he's not talking

> > about.

> > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Try as I might, though, I can't seem to find pictures of the

> > little

> > > ones to see how they're looking now. The last pictures I have of them are

> > a

> > > couple years old, given to me by a family friend who was disowned earlier

> > > this year.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Fada's just trying SO hard to look decent to the public.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

" I've noticed that some parts of this book, the stories about being a

home-schooling mother, seem to be in your style of writing instead of from

another person's hand and mind; did you just create that part or did you

re-write your wife's work? If so, why? "

That question is PERFECT! That might get people thinking. bwahahaha.

Now, to make a new Gmail account to make me look like a homeschooling

mother....lol.

On Fri, Sep 16, 2011 at 11:12 AM, anuria67854 wrote:

> **

>

>

> Here's an idea that may keep you more anonymous; write a review in which

> you ask many pointed but more general questions, such as

>

> " How do you handle discipline " , and

>

> " Kids need to be exposed to other kids and adults in order to become

> properly socialized, to develop people skills and self-esteem, to develop

> healthy friendships with peers, to participate in team sports, and to learn

> tolerance: that not everyone thinks and feels exactly the same way, and that

> is normal and OK. How do you handle these important educational and

> emotional growth issues when you home-school only your own children,

> exclusively? "

>

> Or you could go ahead and mess with his head more directly, and ask:

>

> " How often do your children interact with their older sibs who are out on

> their own, and with members of your extended family? "

>

> Or mention that:

>

> " I've noticed that some parts of this book, the stories about being a

> home-schooling mother, seem to be in your style of writing instead of from

> another person's hand and mind; did you just create that part or did you

> re-write your wife's work? If so, why? "

>

> Bwa ha ha ha haaa.

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > I do Google searches now and then for my fada, to see what

> kind

> > > of

> > > > books he's coming out with (so I know whether I should read it to see

> > > what

> > > > he says about me). He had a couple of websites that went defunct--but

> > > this

> > > > is the first time I found an active website of his, last night.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > He's a professor, and among other things, teaches ethics and

> > > > leadership. *rolls eyes.* and this website, which looks like it was

> made

> > > in

> > > > 1995, is all about that and homeschooling and raising teens to be

> > > leaders. I

> > > > find it terribly ironic, coming from him. He's working on a book

> about

> > > how

> > > > guys can be leaders of the family, not to exclude women he's planning

> on

> > > a

> > > > book for them later on. I can't wait to read what he has to say on

> the

> > > topic

> > > > *sarcastic.* Especially since he gave my mom that " How to change your

> > > > Husband " book.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > In the " About Him " section, he talks about how he was the

> father

> > > of

> > > > 6 kids, now two have moved out and four still at home. I find it a

> little

> > > > bit confusing...he's still is the father of 6 kids legally speaking,

> not

> > > > " was. " And he talks about Bro#1 and me in such generic terms

> " successful

> > > in

> > > > our careers. " WTF. He's still pretending he's in touch with me when

> he's

> > > > writing about us. After all, it would look extremely bad if people

> found

> > > out

> > > > he disowned me. I think that's why he tried hard to get me to go back

> to

> > > him

> > > > by sending flying monkeys, but I'm too stubborn and am staying NC. No

> > > wonder

> > > > he tried to friend me on LinkedIn.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > So yeah, have fun teaching about family leadership when your

> idea

> > > > of " leading " is controlling every moment of their lives.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > Also, I found out, elsewhere online, that he talked a tiny

> bit

> > > > about his dad while growing up. He said his dad's idea of punishment

> was

> > > > very LOUD yelling, pounding on furniture, and then a LONG period of

> > > > emotional isolation, and fada talked about it as if it was a natural

> and

> > > > perfectly acceptable difference in family leadership from his mom who

> > > sounds

> > > > like she never raised her voice.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > Seriously? If fada's writing is to be trusted, then I can

> totally

> > > > see why fada is the way he is. Doesn't excuse it--people have to

> choose

> > > to

> > > > overcome their past and he never did--but it does explain somewhat.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > It's just kind of funny to see how he skirts around family

> issues

> > > > in trying hard to present a good face to the public. I suppose I

> should

> > > feel

> > > > conflicted like " oh, I was overreacting, he was always normal " but I

> know

> > > > better. I know what's hidden between the lines, what he's not talking

> > > about.

> > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > Try as I might, though, I can't seem to find pictures of the

> > > little

> > > > ones to see how they're looking now. The last pictures I have of them

> are

> > > a

> > > > couple years old, given to me by a family friend who was disowned

> earlier

> > > > this year.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > Fada's just trying SO hard to look decent to the public.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Keep in mind that as an npd person who is glib and charming, he will probably

offer a facile explanation if he answers that question at all; probably

something like, " Oh, my wife and I edit and revise each other's writing all the

time, so this book is a composite of both our styles; that's why it seems as

though its from one hand. " Point, game, and match to npd dad.

Its really hard to out-con a skilled con artist.

I'd use the opportunity instead to get him to talk about himself; its not hard

to get a megalomaniac to talk about himself. Ask him to give more details and

expand on his beliefs and methods in an effort to see whether he is

self-contradictory, or evasive, or is outright lying. Why? The more

information you have, the better. Knowledge is power.

You never know: something in his ramblings may give you an idea or opportunity

to see or make contact with your siblings, possibly.

-Annie

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > I do Google searches now and then for my fada, to see what

> > kind

> > > > of

> > > > > books he's coming out with (so I know whether I should read it to see

> > > > what

> > > > > he says about me). He had a couple of websites that went defunct--but

> > > > this

> > > > > is the first time I found an active website of his, last night.

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > He's a professor, and among other things, teaches ethics and

> > > > > leadership. *rolls eyes.* and this website, which looks like it was

> > made

> > > > in

> > > > > 1995, is all about that and homeschooling and raising teens to be

> > > > leaders. I

> > > > > find it terribly ironic, coming from him. He's working on a book

> > about

> > > > how

> > > > > guys can be leaders of the family, not to exclude women he's planning

> > on

> > > > a

> > > > > book for them later on. I can't wait to read what he has to say on

> > the

> > > > topic

> > > > > *sarcastic.* Especially since he gave my mom that " How to change your

> > > > > Husband " book.

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > In the " About Him " section, he talks about how he was the

> > father

> > > > of

> > > > > 6 kids, now two have moved out and four still at home. I find it a

> > little

> > > > > bit confusing...he's still is the father of 6 kids legally speaking,

> > not

> > > > > " was. " And he talks about Bro#1 and me in such generic terms

> > " successful

> > > > in

> > > > > our careers. " WTF. He's still pretending he's in touch with me when

> > he's

> > > > > writing about us. After all, it would look extremely bad if people

> > found

> > > > out

> > > > > he disowned me. I think that's why he tried hard to get me to go back

> > to

> > > > him

> > > > > by sending flying monkeys, but I'm too stubborn and am staying NC. No

> > > > wonder

> > > > > he tried to friend me on LinkedIn.

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > So yeah, have fun teaching about family leadership when your

> > idea

> > > > > of " leading " is controlling every moment of their lives.

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > Also, I found out, elsewhere online, that he talked a tiny

> > bit

> > > > > about his dad while growing up. He said his dad's idea of punishment

> > was

> > > > > very LOUD yelling, pounding on furniture, and then a LONG period of

> > > > > emotional isolation, and fada talked about it as if it was a natural

> > and

> > > > > perfectly acceptable difference in family leadership from his mom who

> > > > sounds

> > > > > like she never raised her voice.

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > Seriously? If fada's writing is to be trusted, then I can

> > totally

> > > > > see why fada is the way he is. Doesn't excuse it--people have to

> > choose

> > > > to

> > > > > overcome their past and he never did--but it does explain somewhat.

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > It's just kind of funny to see how he skirts around family

> > issues

> > > > > in trying hard to present a good face to the public. I suppose I

> > should

> > > > feel

> > > > > conflicted like " oh, I was overreacting, he was always normal " but I

> > know

> > > > > better. I know what's hidden between the lines, what he's not talking

> > > > about.

> > > > >

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > Try as I might, though, I can't seem to find pictures of the

> > > > little

> > > > > ones to see how they're looking now. The last pictures I have of them

> > are

> > > > a

> > > > > couple years old, given to me by a family friend who was disowned

> > earlier

> > > > > this year.

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > Fada's just trying SO hard to look decent to the public.

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

Good point, Annie--that's exactly the way he would respond.

Hmm...definitely will ponder on that. At the very least, his website and

blog (that he hasn't updated in a couple months) helps me to gather even the

info he already posted, for my own writings.

Granted, he may be like the dad in the House Rules memoir--and create a

whole website refuting the book. But that would also show so perfectly

exactly how he is.

On a similar note, I need to read more about gaslighting.

On Fri, Sep 16, 2011 at 12:11 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

> **

>

>

> Keep in mind that as an npd person who is glib and charming, he will

> probably offer a facile explanation if he answers that question at all;

> probably something like, " Oh, my wife and I edit and revise each other's

> writing all the time, so this book is a composite of both our styles; that's

> why it seems as though its from one hand. " Point, game, and match to npd

> dad.

>

> Its really hard to out-con a skilled con artist.

>

> I'd use the opportunity instead to get him to talk about himself; its not

> hard to get a megalomaniac to talk about himself. Ask him to give more

> details and expand on his beliefs and methods in an effort to see whether he

> is self-contradictory, or evasive, or is outright lying. Why? The more

> information you have, the better. Knowledge is power.

> You never know: something in his ramblings may give you an idea or

> opportunity to see or make contact with your siblings, possibly.

>

>

> -Annie

>

>

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > I do Google searches now and then for my fada, to see

> what

> > > kind

> > > > > of

> > > > > > books he's coming out with (so I know whether I should read it to

> see

> > > > > what

> > > > > > he says about me). He had a couple of websites that went

> defunct--but

> > > > > this

> > > > > > is the first time I found an active website of his, last night.

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > He's a professor, and among other things, teaches ethics

> and

> > > > > > leadership. *rolls eyes.* and this website, which looks like it

> was

> > > made

> > > > > in

> > > > > > 1995, is all about that and homeschooling and raising teens to be

> > > > > leaders. I

> > > > > > find it terribly ironic, coming from him. He's working on a book

> > > about

> > > > > how

> > > > > > guys can be leaders of the family, not to exclude women he's

> planning

> > > on

> > > > > a

> > > > > > book for them later on. I can't wait to read what he has to say

> on

> > > the

> > > > > topic

> > > > > > *sarcastic.* Especially since he gave my mom that " How to change

> your

> > > > > > Husband " book.

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > In the " About Him " section, he talks about how he was the

> > > father

> > > > > of

> > > > > > 6 kids, now two have moved out and four still at home. I find it

> a

> > > little

> > > > > > bit confusing...he's still is the father of 6 kids legally

> speaking,

> > > not

> > > > > > " was. " And he talks about Bro#1 and me in such generic terms

> > > " successful

> > > > > in

> > > > > > our careers. " WTF. He's still pretending he's in touch with me

> when

> > > he's

> > > > > > writing about us. After all, it would look extremely bad if

> people

> > > found

> > > > > out

> > > > > > he disowned me. I think that's why he tried hard to get me to go

> back

> > > to

> > > > > him

> > > > > > by sending flying monkeys, but I'm too stubborn and am staying

> NC. No

> > > > > wonder

> > > > > > he tried to friend me on LinkedIn.

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > So yeah, have fun teaching about family leadership when

> your

> > > idea

> > > > > > of " leading " is controlling every moment of their lives.

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > Also, I found out, elsewhere online, that he talked a

> tiny

> > > bit

> > > > > > about his dad while growing up. He said his dad's idea of

> punishment

> > > was

> > > > > > very LOUD yelling, pounding on furniture, and then a LONG period

> of

> > > > > > emotional isolation, and fada talked about it as if it was a

> natural

> > > and

> > > > > > perfectly acceptable difference in family leadership from his mom

> who

> > > > > sounds

> > > > > > like she never raised her voice.

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > Seriously? If fada's writing is to be trusted, then I can

> > > totally

> > > > > > see why fada is the way he is. Doesn't excuse it--people have to

> > > choose

> > > > > to

> > > > > > overcome their past and he never did--but it does explain

> somewhat.

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > It's just kind of funny to see how he skirts around

> family

> > > issues

> > > > > > in trying hard to present a good face to the public. I suppose I

> > > should

> > > > > feel

> > > > > > conflicted like " oh, I was overreacting, he was always normal "

> but I

> > > know

> > > > > > better. I know what's hidden between the lines, what he's not

> talking

> > > > > about.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > Try as I might, though, I can't seem to find pictures of

> the

> > > > > little

> > > > > > ones to see how they're looking now. The last pictures I have of

> them

> > > are

> > > > > a

> > > > > > couple years old, given to me by a family friend who was disowned

> > > earlier

> > > > > > this year.

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > Fada's just trying SO hard to look decent to the public.

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

[Guest guest]

Those situations still make me highly uncomfortable, but I'm getting used to not

saying much and redirecting conversation. Like so:

" (small talk)...So, how's your mom doing? "

Me: " Fine, I imagine. I haven't talked to her in a while. What are you up to

these days? "

" (momentary confused look)Oh...I'm doing well, I've just been (insert polite

version of life summary here). "

Me: " Cool, well good luck with that! (insert goodbye pleasantry here) "

When people ask for more detail - THAT is when it gets ugly/difficult. That

being said, it's now the person asking who is being rude because it's a social

rule to not press for more information...but some people are dense. If the

person used to know her well, then I will give the " we're both very busy people "

excuse. If they don't, I may feel more comfortable explaining that she is

mentally ill and she is not part of my life.

Now, my nada isn't a published author, but she is respected in some circles

still. By her own doing, those circles are getting smaller each year. I'm hoping

that eventually I won't have people asking about her.

I sometimes wonder if I'm missing out on business connections from some people

because of their experience with my nada - positive and negative. It's

complicated because I don't want them to think negatively of me or judge me

based on her.

Do normal people judge adult children based on the personalities of their

parent? I would think yes, but maybe I'm wrong.

K

> > >

> > > I do Google searches now and then for my fada, to see what kind of books

> > he's coming out with (so I know whether I should read it to see what he says

> > about me). He had a couple of websites that went defunct--but this is the

> > first time I found an active website of his, last night.

> > >

> > > He's a professor, and among other things, teaches ethics and leadership.

> > *rolls eyes.* and this website, which looks like it was made in 1995, is all

> > about that and homeschooling and raising teens to be leaders. I find it

> > terribly ironic, coming from him. He's working on a book about how guys can

> > be leaders of the family, not to exclude women he's planning on a book for

> > them later on. I can't wait to read what he has to say on the topic

> > *sarcastic.* Especially since he gave my mom that " How to change your

> > Husband " book.

> > >

> > > In the " About Him " section, he talks about how he was the father of 6

> > kids, now two have moved out and four still at home. I find it a little bit

> > confusing...he's still is the father of 6 kids legally speaking, not " was. "

> > And he talks about Bro#1 and me in such generic terms " successful in our

> > careers. " WTF. He's still pretending he's in touch with me when he's writing

> > about us. After all, it would look extremely bad if people found out he

> > disowned me. I think that's why he tried hard to get me to go back to him by

> > sending flying monkeys, but I'm too stubborn and am staying NC. No wonder he

> > tried to friend me on LinkedIn.

> > >

> > > So yeah, have fun teaching about family leadership when your idea of

> > " leading " is controlling every moment of their lives.

> > >

> > > Also, I found out, elsewhere online, that he talked a tiny bit about his

> > dad while growing up. He said his dad's idea of punishment was very LOUD

> > yelling, pounding on furniture, and then a LONG period of emotional

> > isolation, and fada talked about it as if it was a natural and perfectly

> > acceptable difference in family leadership from his mom who sounds like she

> > never raised her voice.

> > >

> > > Seriously? If fada's writing is to be trusted, then I can totally see why

> > fada is the way he is. Doesn't excuse it--people have to choose to overcome

> > their past and he never did--but it does explain somewhat.

> > >

> > > It's just kind of funny to see how he skirts around family issues in

> > trying hard to present a good face to the public. I suppose I should feel

> > conflicted like " oh, I was overreacting, he was always normal " but I know

> > better. I know what's hidden between the lines, what he's not talking about.

> >

> > >

> > > Try as I might, though, I can't seem to find pictures of the little ones

> > to see how they're looking now. The last pictures I have of them are a

> > couple years old, given to me by a family friend who was disowned earlier

> > this year.

> > >

> > > Fada's just trying SO hard to look decent to the public.

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, it must be weird to read about yourself in a way that's absolutely not

true. You must feel like screaming " DON'T believe a word of it!! "

>

> I do Google searches now and then for my fada, to see what kind of books he's

coming out with (so I know whether I should read it to see what he says about

me). He had a couple of websites that went defunct--but this is the first time I

found an active website of his, last night.

>

> He's a professor, and among other things, teaches ethics and leadership.

*rolls eyes.* and this website, which looks like it was made in 1995, is all

about that and homeschooling and raising teens to be leaders. I find it terribly

ironic, coming from him. He's working on a book about how guys can be leaders of

the family, not to exclude women he's planning on a book for them later on. I

can't wait to read what he has to say on the topic *sarcastic.* Especially since

he gave my mom that " How to change your Husband " book.

>

> In the " About Him " section, he talks about how he was the father of 6 kids,

now two have moved out and four still at home. I find it a little bit

confusing...he's still is the father of 6 kids legally speaking, not " was. " And

he talks about Bro#1 and me in such generic terms " successful in our careers. "

WTF. He's still pretending he's in touch with me when he's writing about us.

After all, it would look extremely bad if people found out he disowned me. I

think that's why he tried hard to get me to go back to him by sending flying

monkeys, but I'm too stubborn and am staying NC. No wonder he tried to friend me

on LinkedIn.

>

> So yeah, have fun teaching about family leadership when your idea of " leading "

is controlling every moment of their lives.

>

> Also, I found out, elsewhere online, that he talked a tiny bit about his dad

while growing up. He said his dad's idea of punishment was very LOUD yelling,

pounding on furniture, and then a LONG period of emotional isolation, and fada

talked about it as if it was a natural and perfectly acceptable difference in

family leadership from his mom who sounds like she never raised her voice.

>

> Seriously? If fada's writing is to be trusted, then I can totally see why fada

is the way he is. Doesn't excuse it--people have to choose to overcome their

past and he never did--but it does explain somewhat.

>

> It's just kind of funny to see how he skirts around family issues in trying

hard to present a good face to the public. I suppose I should feel conflicted

like " oh, I was overreacting, he was always normal " but I know better. I know

what's hidden between the lines, what he's not talking about.

>

> Try as I might, though, I can't seem to find pictures of the little ones to

see how they're looking now. The last pictures I have of them are a couple years

old, given to me by a family friend who was disowned earlier this year.

>

> Fada's just trying SO hard to look decent to the public.

>

[Guest guest]

Me, too, I know of many homeschooling families and individuals who enjoyed the

experience and are solid, balanced people. I've also met others whose level of

control over what their kids listened to, who they talked to, was over the top.

It was scary.

>

> Same here. Despite the fact that my dad is, well, BPD/NPD, I actually

> enjoyed homeschooling. I know several great homeschooling families whose

> kids are probably gifted, and they do wonderfully. My husband homeschooled

> too--accredited distance program because he started highschool at 9, having

> progressed quickly through public school. I also know many other

> homeschooling families whose fathers or mothers are worse than my dad. So,

> yes, it's a double-edged sword.

>

> And yes, you've perceived correctly, Annie, and that's why I'm sad for my

> siblings.I've done all I can--I, DH, and a family friend (who recently got

> disowned) have all called CPS that I know of. According to my dad's blog,

> and judging from what the family friend said, my dad decided to cut out all

> extraneous activities and focus on schooling and family. That scares me,

> because it sounds even more like a prison now.

>

> On the bright side, Sister #1 is in 8th grade now, so it won't be too long

> before she starts going to community college, and hopefully meet some people

> there.

>

> A friend suggested that I should put my writings into a book and dedicate it

> to my siblings so that if they ever go to the library and stumble across it,

> they can see that I've escaped and maybe they'll get courage to contact me

> via a PO box. That sounds like fantasy thinking, but it's a nice thought.

>

> Hope is really what we all have

>

>

[Guest guest]

I home-schooled DD from the beginning until she got into a limited access

college program and it was a fantastic experience for both of us. But we knew

some over-the-top loonies who were home-schooling at the same time. Of course,

if their children had been in school they would have been getting the same dose

of insanity nights and weekends, so.....

Em

> Me, too, I know of many homeschooling families and individuals who enjoyed the

experience and are solid, balanced people. I've also met others whose level of

control over what their kids listened to, who they talked to, was over the top.

It was scary.

[Guest guest]

I think people's responses really tell whether or not they are safe. One of my

dearest friends, who now lives too far away to visit often, actually used to

work with my nada, and she really liked her. Nada, at the time, had good work

ethic and was very devoted to her job and was good at it. My friend also thought

nada was very sweet (nada has been a waif/hermit with dangerous tinges of queen

in there). I always was like, well, if you like her, you can have her. When nada

had her psychotic rage in December, and I went NC. I contacted said friend and

explained to her that I had to break contact with nada because she had had this

huge raging fit and was very abusive to me. I asked said friend to not give out

any info on me to nada, and said I'm sorry to ask you to do this.

Friend proved herself true by saying: " oh wow! I'm so sorry. Don't worry, I

won't give out any information. I hope you're okay. "

That confirmed to me that my friend was a safe person. If they don't question or

me or recognize that it's none of their business, I truly appreciate them as a

person. When people get nosy, I write them off as unsafe, period. I don't take

chances anymore.

> > > >

> > > > I do Google searches now and then for my fada, to see what kind of books

> > > he's coming out with (so I know whether I should read it to see what he

says

> > > about me). He had a couple of websites that went defunct--but this is the

> > > first time I found an active website of his, last night.

> > > >

> > > > He's a professor, and among other things, teaches ethics and leadership.

> > > *rolls eyes.* and this website, which looks like it was made in 1995, is

all

> > > about that and homeschooling and raising teens to be leaders. I find it

> > > terribly ironic, coming from him. He's working on a book about how guys

can

> > > be leaders of the family, not to exclude women he's planning on a book for

> > > them later on. I can't wait to read what he has to say on the topic

> > > *sarcastic.* Especially since he gave my mom that " How to change your

> > > Husband " book.

> > > >

> > > > In the " About Him " section, he talks about how he was the father of 6

> > > kids, now two have moved out and four still at home. I find it a little

bit

> > > confusing...he's still is the father of 6 kids legally speaking, not

" was. "

> > > And he talks about Bro#1 and me in such generic terms " successful in our

> > > careers. " WTF. He's still pretending he's in touch with me when he's

writing

> > > about us. After all, it would look extremely bad if people found out he

> > > disowned me. I think that's why he tried hard to get me to go back to him

by

> > > sending flying monkeys, but I'm too stubborn and am staying NC. No wonder

he

> > > tried to friend me on LinkedIn.

> > > >

> > > > So yeah, have fun teaching about family leadership when your idea of

> > > " leading " is controlling every moment of their lives.

> > > >

> > > > Also, I found out, elsewhere online, that he talked a tiny bit about his

> > > dad while growing up. He said his dad's idea of punishment was very LOUD

> > > yelling, pounding on furniture, and then a LONG period of emotional

> > > isolation, and fada talked about it as if it was a natural and perfectly

> > > acceptable difference in family leadership from his mom who sounds like

she

> > > never raised her voice.

> > > >

> > > > Seriously? If fada's writing is to be trusted, then I can totally see

why

> > > fada is the way he is. Doesn't excuse it--people have to choose to

overcome

> > > their past and he never did--but it does explain somewhat.

> > > >

> > > > It's just kind of funny to see how he skirts around family issues in

> > > trying hard to present a good face to the public. I suppose I should feel

> > > conflicted like " oh, I was overreacting, he was always normal " but I know

> > > better. I know what's hidden between the lines, what he's not talking

about.

> > >

> > > >

> > > > Try as I might, though, I can't seem to find pictures of the little ones

> > > to see how they're looking now. The last pictures I have of them are a

> > > couple years old, given to me by a family friend who was disowned earlier

> > > this year.

> > > >

> > > > Fada's just trying SO hard to look decent to the public.

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I was homeschooled growing up until 9th grade, and I think it did put me ahead

academically despite nada losing interest in 7th-8th grade. I taught myself

science, english/language arts, and history/social studies those 2 years and my

dad helped me with the math part. Though I think it helped me with booksmarts,

being stuck at home with nada was I'm sure much worse in the long run than

anything she was afraid I'd encounter in public school. I really could have used

the social outlet.

That being said, I'd still be an advocate for balanced, mentally healthy

families to homeschool so long as they provide the socialization outside the

family somehow. It's sad how something that can be positive is manipulated and

abused by mentally ill parents. But then, I guess that's the very definition of

a mentally ill parent, isn't it?

Subject: Re: I google my dad now and then

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Friday, September 16, 2011, 12:49 PM

 

Me, too, I know of many homeschooling families and individuals who enjoyed

the experience and are solid, balanced people. I've also met others whose level

of control over what their kids listened to, who they talked to, was over the

top. It was scary.

>

> Same here. Despite the fact that my dad is, well, BPD/NPD, I actually

> enjoyed homeschooling. I know several great homeschooling families whose

> kids are probably gifted, and they do wonderfully. My husband homeschooled

> too--accredited distance program because he started highschool at 9, having

> progressed quickly through public school. I also know many other

> homeschooling families whose fathers or mothers are worse than my dad. So,

> yes, it's a double-edged sword.

>

> And yes, you've perceived correctly, Annie, and that's why I'm sad for my

> siblings.I've done all I can--I, DH, and a family friend (who recently got

> disowned) have all called CPS that I know of. According to my dad's blog,

> and judging from what the family friend said, my dad decided to cut out all

> extraneous activities and focus on schooling and family. That scares me,

> because it sounds even more like a prison now.

>

> On the bright side, Sister #1 is in 8th grade now, so it won't be too long

> before she starts going to community college, and hopefully meet some people

> there.

>

> A friend suggested that I should put my writings into a book and dedicate it

> to my siblings so that if they ever go to the library and stumble across it,

> they can see that I've escaped and maybe they'll get courage to contact me

> via a PO box. That sounds like fantasy thinking, but it's a nice thought.

>

> Hope is really what we all have

>

>