Guest guest Posted September 16, 2011 Report Share Posted September 16, 2011 It's crunch time for my husband. He's been receiving unemployment since December of 2009. Then of course over the summer he decides to go back to school. Allow me to give a little background about this situation for those who don't know. My husband got fired on the grounds of gender discrimination. In August of 2009, he was in the hospital and had kidney stone surgery. In the call center life, employers find it best for employees to circulate to other teams after so many months. While my husband was in the hospital, he was put on CASSIE'S team. She ruined my life. From the minute this took place, she tried to write him up for being in the hospital. Unfortunately for CASSIE, my husband had enough personal paid and unpaid time to be off. So when he returned to work, she couldn't touch him! Still, she did other things to hurt him. When my husband had follow up appointments with the urologist, she made him come to work for a half hour on purpose so he would be late for every appointment, then once we showed up late, we would have to beg the nurse to take him back first because if my husband wasn't back at work in two hours, she would fire him. He had two appointments and a follow up surgery. She almost didn't let him off for the surgery, but my husband went over her head and since he had 48 hours of paid personal time, he was free to have the surgery to remove the stint. After that, he returned to work with no problems. He even got offered a promotion by the company. When this happened, CASSIE wrote him up for some bogus claim. Every single time my husband won an award, CASSIE wrote him up for another bogus claim. He had the HIGHEST stats on the team. CASSIE even wrote him up for that. Let's fast forward to November 10th, a Tuesday. My husband's dad, my fnl, had surgery on his knee. My husband requested four hours of his paid personal time so he could be at the hospital, which was fine. Once that time was up, I took him to work. I was going to go to aerobics, but my mnl threw a god awful fit because she didn't know when they would release my fnl, so I sat in the parking lot fuming, and after all that, they kept him overnight. So my mnl asked me to go pick up her prescriptions in B'ville. I was grateful to get away from the hospital so I went to pick up the prescriptions and ran into a traffic jam. As I'm turning around in the " Hooters " parking lot, my phone rings. I pull into a space and answer it. It's my husband saying that he had just been fired. So I'm crying, I called my pastor sobbing, and I go pick my husband up. (He's forced to wait outside because CASSIE insisted on it, and I was twenty minutes away and he's out in the cold.) So I pick up my husband and go back to the hospital and instead of telling my mnl and fnl that he was terminated, we said that he got " green time, " even though there would be no more green. My husband posted it on Facebook once we returned home that night, knowing that my mnl would not see it before he told her. So the next day, we pick them up from the hospital. My fnl announces that he finally got his release papers. So did my husband. We told them about it, and we lived on next to nothing during the month of November. In December, there was a hearing at the unemployment office. CASSIE was there. She wouldn't even speak to my husband. She just bad mouthed him like he wasn't there, and she brought a CD even though the judge was not furnished this " evidence " . My husband brought in all of his awards and the write ups he received after each one. He was angry that CASSIE had tried to set him up with unfurnished evidence. The other employees were nice to him, and the judge granted unemployment. I'm not quite over it because of all the hell I've been through since then. Because of the unfair termination, we lost insurance coverage. We lost medical, vision and dental. (My teeth are in such horrible shape because we can't afford to go to the dentist anymore.) We lost discounted prescriptions, and I have health problems, but that doesn't matter. And of course our money has been STRETCHED to almost nothing most months, and our landlord raised the rent, but he still won't exterminate or fix anything. We almost got evicted, and since then, it seems like he doesn't feel obligated to do anything even though we haven't missed a rent payment since the hearing. I didn't publicly announce the possible eviction. And my husband decided to go to school, which heaped all the stress on me to go get a job because he saw no money from the student loans. So when I got a job, well, I won't rehash that. So, as I mentioned before, my husband was granted unemployment in December of 2009. It is now September of 2011, which means he's had extensions and emergency benefits. In October, that's it. October 12th is his last unemployment check. I have applied for jobs since March of this year and only received three interviews. I have interviewed for three jobs in my field, and one person looked at me point blank and said, " You're just not going to work. " I asked her why, and she snootily said, " You just won't. " So I asked for my resume back. *lol* So it's crunch time. My husband had one interview. The company promised to contact him in two weeks to say whether or not he had the job. Even if he has the job, there's no guarantee they will work around his school schedule. (I still can't believe he went back to school. He swears up and down that things will be better in our future because of it. I hope for his sake that he's right about that.) So no jobs, Services won't hire me for anything probably because of the incident with the towing company which WAS NOT MY FAULT. It doesn't matter to them, but atleast they dropped the towing company as a client. Services is a joke anyway. I kept begging them to help me, to reassign me while I worked at that horrible towing place, and they wouldn't help me. F(orget) them. So with no unemployment checks coming in and neither of us having a job, we're going to face another possible eviction. That just leaves one move we can make, and that's to move back in with my husband's parents. There are many cons to this, but there's a bit of good news…my fnl's brother is getting a very large dumpster and he's throwing everything with no use or value out (no matter what my mnl says), including newspapers and magazines. Then, he's going to put up a storage building in the back yard to put things that my in-law's cannot part with, (like the shotgun shell loader even though my fnl has no business using it or flying his plane, which is kept in a hangar elsewhere,) and my fnl's brother is locking it and giving us the key so we can regulate what goes in or gets taken out! And he's paying for all of the repairs on sinks, bathrooms, toilets, floors, and other necessary repairs. And he's putting in a laundry in the kitchen and, he's going to come inspect the house every three months. He's done putting up with their mess. My fnl is dying and since my mnl wants him home so bad and refuses to get treatment for his dementia, my fnl's brother said this is how it has to be, or else my fnl will not come home. I think it's a fair trade, since my mnl refuses to admit her husband has Lewy Body Dementia. And she won't be the sole caretaker either because once the house is cleaned, home health will come and work with him daily, maybe even stay overnight at times. So their bedroom will be moved downstairs to their spare room, that has a working door. Their computer is junk anyway, so it may be put into storage because I know my mnl will want to keep it. Okay, pros and cons list. Let's start with the positives. THE PROS: 1. No rent or utilities, which means we can pay off the bills we've gotten behind on. We will be responsible for our mobile phone bills. His parents would more than likely buy the groceries. 2. The entire upstairs would be ours. 3. There cannot be any boxes, newspapers, magazines that are not up to date in either part of the house. There are storage closets and trash cans for those things. 4. There will be a laundry (washer and dryer) on the premises. (Our washer and dryer broke down over the summer.) 5. The sinks, stove, shower, and toilets will work. No more begging a landlord to fix something when he seems to ignore us. 6. Two words: TWO BATHROOMS! 7. No more centipedes! (They see maybe one or two per year, which I can deal with and that's only in the downstairs bathroom.) 8. No more struggling with where holiday dinners/gatherings can take place (because we won't have an upstairs apartment with a stove that doesn't work anymore) or dragging every ingredient to cook with to another house. (I'm the one that's expected to cook for some reason.) 9. Closer to my husband's school. 10. Getting a job would be optional for me (since I can't seem to find one.) 11. More time to work on my book/search for a publisher, etc. My basic needs would be met, and maybe we can put back money for medical/dental/etc. 12. We could keep our two pets. 13. Two words: Two Cars. 14. My uncle-in-law will inspect the house every three months. For every reaction, there is an equal and opposite reaction. THE CONS: 1. We trade struggling to pay rent and utilities to struggling for privacy. 2. My husband will still need a job. (He would rather focus on school and I would rather focus on punching him right in the face if he heaps any further stress on me.) 3. I would have to be the cleaning police because nobody will pick up after themselves. I love my husband, but I get no help around the apartment we have now without begging and pleading and reminding him how tired and unhealthy I am and how my OCD no longer overrules my physical capacity to do these things, but it doesn't matter. And I'll be taking care of three children instead of just one. 4. If people do visit, which rarely happens at our own place as it stands, I'll have to explain the old people in the house and I'm sure they will want to visit with us. Some of my friends don't mind at all, but I'm not sure others would like that. 5. My friend and her parents, who live five minutes away from my in-law's house, her parents will expect me to take her back and forth when they can't, and since I might not have a job, I'm sure I won't be able to find an excuse to get out of it ( " I don't want to " isn't enough these days) because no matter how many times I say no, it means YES. I don't get it, but if I say " no, " it means " yes. " (For example, a woman kept asking me to take a bunny because her son was allergic, I said no for over a month, but after finding nobody to take a pet bunny, she begged and pleaded and cried and said her son's allergies were getting worse until I finally said, " Fine, but I'm getting rid of it the first chance I get. " They bring the bunny over, they visit, we really like this family and their son, and we make plans, I fall in love with the bunny and the next day, it dies!!!! No matter how many times I scream " NO, " I am ignored and then forced into something I don't want to do, and this is why I don't get involved in anything. If I stay home and write my book, I tell my characters what to do, they don't tell me what to do.) 6. My mother-in-law (mnl) has (mild) BPD (but can still drive a person just as insane as some of those with severe BPD if there is a difference in degrees.) and she's primarily the waif, and the hermit is her secondary. So again, three children: A) The Oldest Child, who wants more responsibility, but throws a fit whenever I give it to him (my husband). The Middle Child, who whines because the oldest child gets to do everything and the baby doesn't have to do anything (my mnl). C) The Baby, who doesn't understand what's going on, but needs constant attention and care (my fnl). 7. I would be cooking dinners for four. While that's not always such a bad thing, it can be rather tiring because I would have to fix two separate meals since my fnl has irritable bowel disease. 8. No central air. (We have one wall air conditioner since the electric was shut off during the hottest part of the summer, but we would have to buy two more.) 9. We would have to put our couch and dining room table downstairs because they don't have a dining room table and their couch is broken and falling in. 10. Three Words: Two More Cats. (Our cats might not get along or interact well or worse.) 11. We trade one set of stressors for another. 12. I might slowly go insane. (My needs always come last, and I figure it would be the same story there.) 13. We would probably live there for a year (or until the day we die, whichever comes first.) So there you have it. The pros win, but my question is, who would really be winning in this situation. (Charlie Sheen, maybe, but not us.) I'm so screwed. 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Guest guest Posted September 16, 2011 Report Share Posted September 16, 2011 Whew! You lay out the case, pros and cons very well. There is that philosophical belief that the universe puts things in our path for a reason. This move sounds like it is the only financial option available to you, unless your husband is willing to quit school. You indicate that boundaries are not your strong point--here is a perfect opportunity for you to set boundaries, communicate them to all involved, including the consequences if they are not followed. Get everyone to sign a contract if need be. You already have written down the pitfalls, now write down what you need to have happen in order to keep sane--through fnl's demise and your DH's schooling. The cats, IDK. It all depends on your cats--most of them can't understand the word 'no' unlike humans--who understand the word 'no' but also understand when they can manipulate someone out of sticking to their 'no.' Maybe your sanity is actually dependent on you sticking to 'no.'? The worst that can happen is you will be perceived as a big meany. But I'd rather be a big meany than a pushover that no one respects. Good luck, hun! > > It's crunch time for my husband. He's been receiving unemployment since December of 2009. Then of course over the summer he decides to go back to school. Allow me to give a little background about this situation for those who don't know. > > My husband got fired on the grounds of gender discrimination. In August of 2009, he was in the hospital and had kidney stone surgery. In the call center life, employers find it best for employees to circulate to other teams after so many months. While my husband was in the hospital, he was put on CASSIE'S team. She ruined my life. From the minute this took place, she tried to write him up for being in the hospital. Unfortunately for CASSIE, my husband had enough personal paid and unpaid time to be off. So when he returned to work, she couldn't touch him! Still, she did other things to hurt him. When my husband had follow up appointments with the urologist, she made him come to work for a half hour on purpose so he would be late for every appointment, then once we showed up late, we would have to beg the nurse to take him back first because if my husband wasn't back at work in two hours, she would fire him. He had two appointments and a follow up surgery. She almost didn't let him off for the surgery, but my husband went over her head and since he had 48 hours of paid personal time, he was free to have the surgery to remove the stint. After that, he returned to work with no problems. He even got offered a promotion by the company. When this happened, CASSIE wrote him up for some bogus claim. Every single time my husband won an award, CASSIE wrote him up for another bogus claim. He had the HIGHEST stats on the team. CASSIE even wrote him up for that. > > Let's fast forward to November 10th, a Tuesday. My husband's dad, my fnl, had surgery on his knee. My husband requested four hours of his paid personal time so he could be at the hospital, which was fine. Once that time was up, I took him to work. I was going to go to aerobics, but my mnl threw a god awful fit because she didn't know when they would release my fnl, so I sat in the parking lot fuming, and after all that, they kept him overnight. So my mnl asked me to go pick up her prescriptions in B'ville. I was grateful to get away from the hospital so I went to pick up the prescriptions and ran into a traffic jam. As I'm turning around in the " Hooters " parking lot, my phone rings. I pull into a space and answer it. It's my husband saying that he had just been fired. So I'm crying, I called my pastor sobbing, and I go pick my husband up. (He's forced to wait outside because CASSIE insisted on it, and I was twenty minutes away and he's out in the cold.) So I pick up my husband and go back to the hospital and instead of telling my mnl and fnl that he was terminated, we said that he got " green time, " even though there would be no more green. My husband posted it on Facebook once we returned home that night, knowing that my mnl would not see it before he told her. So the next day, we pick them up from the hospital. My fnl announces that he finally got his release papers. So did my husband. We told them about it, and we lived on next to nothing during the month of November. > > In December, there was a hearing at the unemployment office. CASSIE was there. She wouldn't even speak to my husband. She just bad mouthed him like he wasn't there, and she brought a CD even though the judge was not furnished this " evidence " . My husband brought in all of his awards and the write ups he received after each one. He was angry that CASSIE had tried to set him up with unfurnished evidence. The other employees were nice to him, and the judge granted unemployment. > > I'm not quite over it because of all the hell I've been through since then. Because of the unfair termination, we lost insurance coverage. We lost medical, vision and dental. (My teeth are in such horrible shape because we can't afford to go to the dentist anymore.) We lost discounted prescriptions, and I have health problems, but that doesn't matter. And of course our money has been STRETCHED to almost nothing most months, and our landlord raised the rent, but he still won't exterminate or fix anything. We almost got evicted, and since then, it seems like he doesn't feel obligated to do anything even though we haven't missed a rent payment since the hearing. I didn't publicly announce the possible eviction. And my husband decided to go to school, which heaped all the stress on me to go get a job because he saw no money from the student loans. So when I got a job, well, I won't rehash that. > > So, as I mentioned before, my husband was granted unemployment in December of 2009. It is now September of 2011, which means he's had extensions and emergency benefits. In October, that's it. October 12th is his last unemployment check. I have applied for jobs since March of this year and only received three interviews. I have interviewed for three jobs in my field, and one person looked at me point blank and said, " You're just not going to work. " I asked her why, and she snootily said, " You just won't. " So I asked for my resume back. *lol* > > So it's crunch time. My husband had one interview. The company promised to contact him in two weeks to say whether or not he had the job. Even if he has the job, there's no guarantee they will work around his school schedule. (I still can't believe he went back to school. He swears up and down that things will be better in our future because of it. I hope for his sake that he's right about that.) So no jobs, Services won't hire me for anything probably because of the incident with the towing company which WAS NOT MY FAULT. It doesn't matter to them, but atleast they dropped the towing company as a client. Services is a joke anyway. I kept begging them to help me, to reassign me while I worked at that horrible towing place, and they wouldn't help me. F(orget) them. > > So with no unemployment checks coming in and neither of us having a job, we're going to face another possible eviction. That just leaves one move we can make, and that's to move back in with my husband's parents. There are many cons to this, but there's a bit of good news…my fnl's brother is getting a very large dumpster and he's throwing everything with no use or value out (no matter what my mnl says), including newspapers and magazines. Then, he's going to put up a storage building in the back yard to put things that my in-law's cannot part with, (like the shotgun shell loader even though my fnl has no business using it or flying his plane, which is kept in a hangar elsewhere,) and my fnl's brother is locking it and giving us the key so we can regulate what goes in or gets taken out! And he's paying for all of the repairs on sinks, bathrooms, toilets, floors, and other necessary repairs. And he's putting in a laundry in the kitchen and, he's going to come inspect the house every three months. He's done putting up with their mess. My fnl is dying and since my mnl wants him home so bad and refuses to get treatment for his dementia, my fnl's brother said this is how it has to be, or else my fnl will not come home. I think it's a fair trade, since my mnl refuses to admit her husband has Lewy Body Dementia. And she won't be the sole caretaker either because once the house is cleaned, home health will come and work with him daily, maybe even stay overnight at times. So their bedroom will be moved downstairs to their spare room, that has a working door. Their computer is junk anyway, so it may be put into storage because I know my mnl will want to keep it. > > Okay, pros and cons list. Let's start with the positives. > > THE PROS: > > 1. No rent or utilities, which means we can pay off the bills we've gotten behind on. We will be responsible for our mobile phone bills. His parents would more than likely buy the groceries. > > 2. The entire upstairs would be ours. > > 3. There cannot be any boxes, newspapers, magazines that are not up to date in either part of the house. There are storage closets and trash cans for those things. > > 4. There will be a laundry (washer and dryer) on the premises. (Our washer and dryer broke down over the summer.) > > 5. The sinks, stove, shower, and toilets will work. No more begging a landlord to fix something when he seems to ignore us. > > 6. Two words: TWO BATHROOMS! > > 7. No more centipedes! (They see maybe one or two per year, which I can deal with and that's only in the downstairs bathroom.) > > 8. No more struggling with where holiday dinners/gatherings can take place (because we won't have an upstairs apartment with a stove that doesn't work anymore) or dragging every ingredient to cook with to another house. (I'm the one that's expected to cook for some reason.) > > 9. Closer to my husband's school. > > 10. Getting a job would be optional for me (since I can't seem to find one.) > > 11. More time to work on my book/search for a publisher, etc. > My basic needs would be met, and maybe we can put back money for medical/dental/etc. > > 12. We could keep our two pets. > > 13. Two words: Two Cars. > > 14. My uncle-in-law will inspect the house every three months. > > > For every reaction, there is an equal and opposite reaction. > > > THE CONS: > > 1. We trade struggling to pay rent and utilities to struggling for privacy. > > 2. My husband will still need a job. (He would rather focus on school and I would rather focus on punching him right in the face if he heaps any further stress on me.) > > 3. I would have to be the cleaning police because nobody will pick up after themselves. I love my husband, but I get no help around the apartment we have now without begging and pleading and reminding him how tired and unhealthy I am and how my OCD no longer overrules my physical capacity to do these things, but it doesn't matter. And I'll be taking care of three children instead of just one. > > 4. If people do visit, which rarely happens at our own place as it stands, I'll have to explain the old people in the house and I'm sure they will want to visit with us. Some of my friends don't mind at all, but I'm not sure others would like that. > > 5. My friend and her parents, who live five minutes away from my in-law's house, her parents will expect me to take her back and forth when they can't, and since I might not have a job, I'm sure I won't be able to find an excuse to get out of it ( " I don't want to " isn't enough these days) because no matter how many times I say no, it means YES. I don't get it, but if I say " no, " it means " yes. " > > (For example, a woman kept asking me to take a bunny because her son was allergic, I said no for over a month, but after finding nobody to take a pet bunny, she begged and pleaded and cried and said her son's allergies were getting worse until I finally said, " Fine, but I'm getting rid of it the first chance I get. " They bring the bunny over, they visit, we really like this family and their son, and we make plans, I fall in love with the bunny and the next day, it dies!!!! No matter how many times I scream " NO, " I am ignored and then forced into something I don't want to do, and this is why I don't get involved in anything. If I stay home and write my book, I tell my characters what to do, they don't tell me what to do.) > > 6. My mother-in-law (mnl) has (mild) BPD (but can still drive a person just as insane as some of those with severe BPD if there is a difference in degrees.) and she's primarily the waif, and the hermit is her secondary. So again, three children: > > A) The Oldest Child, who wants more responsibility, but throws a fit whenever I give it to him (my husband). > > The Middle Child, who whines because the oldest child gets to do everything and the baby doesn't have to do anything (my mnl). > > C) The Baby, who doesn't understand what's going on, but needs constant attention and care (my fnl). > > 7. I would be cooking dinners for four. While that's not always such a bad thing, it can be rather tiring because I would have to fix two separate meals since my fnl has irritable bowel disease. > > 8. No central air. (We have one wall air conditioner since the electric was shut off during the hottest part of the summer, but we would have to buy two more.) > > 9. We would have to put our couch and dining room table downstairs because they don't have a dining room table and their couch is broken and falling in. > > 10. Three Words: Two More Cats. (Our cats might not get along or interact well or worse.) > > 11. We trade one set of stressors for another. > > 12. I might slowly go insane. (My needs always come last, and I figure it would be the same story there.) > > 13. We would probably live there for a year (or until the day we die, whichever comes first.) > > So there you have it. The pros win, but my question is, who would really be winning in this situation. (Charlie Sheen, maybe, but not us.) > > I'm so screwed. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 16, 2011 Report Share Posted September 16, 2011 I agree with you that the " pros " have it. My main reasons for agreeing are that (a) this is a temporary arrangement; for me a year passes in the blink of an eye. And ( this space-sharing will allow you and your husband to make a big dent in your debts. So I'm cheering for you that you will be able to not just endure but enjoy the good parts of the list you made RE this option, and utilize it to its best advantage. My only suggestion is that before you give a final commitment, that ALL parties involved have a clear understanding *on paper* about how the expenses and chores will be split. Clearly. On paper. (Such as, if you are the full-time cook and housekeeper for the entire household, then, that is your contribution to the household expenses and you don't pay for utilities or groceries, or whatever you guys work out as an equitable and fair trade that all parties agree to.) Cover everything you can possibly think of. Dealing with this stuff now will save a lot of stress-inducing arguments later. I think there are books available RE renter's agreements, and there are probably sites on the Internet with lists of things to discuss before committing to be roommates with another couple. You don't want to get all moved in and then discover that you are expected to pay all the utilities, or some other thing that you didn't expect which undoes the financial advantage which is one of if not *the* main reason you're considering this move. -Annie > > It's crunch time for my husband. He's been receiving unemployment since December of 2009. Then of course over the summer he decides to go back to school. Allow me to give a little background about this situation for those who don't know. > > My husband got fired on the grounds of gender discrimination. In August of 2009, he was in the hospital and had kidney stone surgery. In the call center life, employers find it best for employees to circulate to other teams after so many months. While my husband was in the hospital, he was put on CASSIE'S team. She ruined my life. From the minute this took place, she tried to write him up for being in the hospital. Unfortunately for CASSIE, my husband had enough personal paid and unpaid time to be off. So when he returned to work, she couldn't touch him! Still, she did other things to hurt him. When my husband had follow up appointments with the urologist, she made him come to work for a half hour on purpose so he would be late for every appointment, then once we showed up late, we would have to beg the nurse to take him back first because if my husband wasn't back at work in two hours, she would fire him. He had two appointments and a follow up surgery. She almost didn't let him off for the surgery, but my husband went over her head and since he had 48 hours of paid personal time, he was free to have the surgery to remove the stint. After that, he returned to work with no problems. He even got offered a promotion by the company. When this happened, CASSIE wrote him up for some bogus claim. Every single time my husband won an award, CASSIE wrote him up for another bogus claim. He had the HIGHEST stats on the team. CASSIE even wrote him up for that. > > Let's fast forward to November 10th, a Tuesday. My husband's dad, my fnl, had surgery on his knee. My husband requested four hours of his paid personal time so he could be at the hospital, which was fine. Once that time was up, I took him to work. I was going to go to aerobics, but my mnl threw a god awful fit because she didn't know when they would release my fnl, so I sat in the parking lot fuming, and after all that, they kept him overnight. So my mnl asked me to go pick up her prescriptions in B'ville. I was grateful to get away from the hospital so I went to pick up the prescriptions and ran into a traffic jam. As I'm turning around in the " Hooters " parking lot, my phone rings. I pull into a space and answer it. It's my husband saying that he had just been fired. So I'm crying, I called my pastor sobbing, and I go pick my husband up. (He's forced to wait outside because CASSIE insisted on it, and I was twenty minutes away and he's out in the cold.) So I pick up my husband and go back to the hospital and instead of telling my mnl and fnl that he was terminated, we said that he got " green time, " even though there would be no more green. My husband posted it on Facebook once we returned home that night, knowing that my mnl would not see it before he told her. So the next day, we pick them up from the hospital. My fnl announces that he finally got his release papers. So did my husband. We told them about it, and we lived on next to nothing during the month of November. > > In December, there was a hearing at the unemployment office. CASSIE was there. She wouldn't even speak to my husband. She just bad mouthed him like he wasn't there, and she brought a CD even though the judge was not furnished this " evidence " . My husband brought in all of his awards and the write ups he received after each one. He was angry that CASSIE had tried to set him up with unfurnished evidence. The other employees were nice to him, and the judge granted unemployment. > > I'm not quite over it because of all the hell I've been through since then. Because of the unfair termination, we lost insurance coverage. We lost medical, vision and dental. (My teeth are in such horrible shape because we can't afford to go to the dentist anymore.) We lost discounted prescriptions, and I have health problems, but that doesn't matter. And of course our money has been STRETCHED to almost nothing most months, and our landlord raised the rent, but he still won't exterminate or fix anything. We almost got evicted, and since then, it seems like he doesn't feel obligated to do anything even though we haven't missed a rent payment since the hearing. I didn't publicly announce the possible eviction. And my husband decided to go to school, which heaped all the stress on me to go get a job because he saw no money from the student loans. So when I got a job, well, I won't rehash that. > > So, as I mentioned before, my husband was granted unemployment in December of 2009. It is now September of 2011, which means he's had extensions and emergency benefits. In October, that's it. October 12th is his last unemployment check. I have applied for jobs since March of this year and only received three interviews. I have interviewed for three jobs in my field, and one person looked at me point blank and said, " You're just not going to work. " I asked her why, and she snootily said, " You just won't. " So I asked for my resume back. *lol* > > So it's crunch time. My husband had one interview. The company promised to contact him in two weeks to say whether or not he had the job. Even if he has the job, there's no guarantee they will work around his school schedule. (I still can't believe he went back to school. He swears up and down that things will be better in our future because of it. I hope for his sake that he's right about that.) So no jobs, Services won't hire me for anything probably because of the incident with the towing company which WAS NOT MY FAULT. It doesn't matter to them, but atleast they dropped the towing company as a client. Services is a joke anyway. I kept begging them to help me, to reassign me while I worked at that horrible towing place, and they wouldn't help me. F(orget) them. > > So with no unemployment checks coming in and neither of us having a job, we're going to face another possible eviction. That just leaves one move we can make, and that's to move back in with my husband's parents. There are many cons to this, but there's a bit of good news…my fnl's brother is getting a very large dumpster and he's throwing everything with no use or value out (no matter what my mnl says), including newspapers and magazines. Then, he's going to put up a storage building in the back yard to put things that my in-law's cannot part with, (like the shotgun shell loader even though my fnl has no business using it or flying his plane, which is kept in a hangar elsewhere,) and my fnl's brother is locking it and giving us the key so we can regulate what goes in or gets taken out! And he's paying for all of the repairs on sinks, bathrooms, toilets, floors, and other necessary repairs. And he's putting in a laundry in the kitchen and, he's going to come inspect the house every three months. He's done putting up with their mess. My fnl is dying and since my mnl wants him home so bad and refuses to get treatment for his dementia, my fnl's brother said this is how it has to be, or else my fnl will not come home. I think it's a fair trade, since my mnl refuses to admit her husband has Lewy Body Dementia. And she won't be the sole caretaker either because once the house is cleaned, home health will come and work with him daily, maybe even stay overnight at times. So their bedroom will be moved downstairs to their spare room, that has a working door. Their computer is junk anyway, so it may be put into storage because I know my mnl will want to keep it. > > Okay, pros and cons list. Let's start with the positives. > > THE PROS: > > 1. No rent or utilities, which means we can pay off the bills we've gotten behind on. We will be responsible for our mobile phone bills. His parents would more than likely buy the groceries. > > 2. The entire upstairs would be ours. > > 3. There cannot be any boxes, newspapers, magazines that are not up to date in either part of the house. There are storage closets and trash cans for those things. > > 4. There will be a laundry (washer and dryer) on the premises. (Our washer and dryer broke down over the summer.) > > 5. The sinks, stove, shower, and toilets will work. No more begging a landlord to fix something when he seems to ignore us. > > 6. Two words: TWO BATHROOMS! > > 7. No more centipedes! (They see maybe one or two per year, which I can deal with and that's only in the downstairs bathroom.) > > 8. No more struggling with where holiday dinners/gatherings can take place (because we won't have an upstairs apartment with a stove that doesn't work anymore) or dragging every ingredient to cook with to another house. (I'm the one that's expected to cook for some reason.) > > 9. Closer to my husband's school. > > 10. Getting a job would be optional for me (since I can't seem to find one.) > > 11. More time to work on my book/search for a publisher, etc. > My basic needs would be met, and maybe we can put back money for medical/dental/etc. > > 12. We could keep our two pets. > > 13. Two words: Two Cars. > > 14. My uncle-in-law will inspect the house every three months. > > > For every reaction, there is an equal and opposite reaction. > > > THE CONS: > > 1. We trade struggling to pay rent and utilities to struggling for privacy. > > 2. My husband will still need a job. (He would rather focus on school and I would rather focus on punching him right in the face if he heaps any further stress on me.) > > 3. I would have to be the cleaning police because nobody will pick up after themselves. I love my husband, but I get no help around the apartment we have now without begging and pleading and reminding him how tired and unhealthy I am and how my OCD no longer overrules my physical capacity to do these things, but it doesn't matter. And I'll be taking care of three children instead of just one. > > 4. If people do visit, which rarely happens at our own place as it stands, I'll have to explain the old people in the house and I'm sure they will want to visit with us. Some of my friends don't mind at all, but I'm not sure others would like that. > > 5. My friend and her parents, who live five minutes away from my in-law's house, her parents will expect me to take her back and forth when they can't, and since I might not have a job, I'm sure I won't be able to find an excuse to get out of it ( " I don't want to " isn't enough these days) because no matter how many times I say no, it means YES. I don't get it, but if I say " no, " it means " yes. " > > (For example, a woman kept asking me to take a bunny because her son was allergic, I said no for over a month, but after finding nobody to take a pet bunny, she begged and pleaded and cried and said her son's allergies were getting worse until I finally said, " Fine, but I'm getting rid of it the first chance I get. " They bring the bunny over, they visit, we really like this family and their son, and we make plans, I fall in love with the bunny and the next day, it dies!!!! No matter how many times I scream " NO, " I am ignored and then forced into something I don't want to do, and this is why I don't get involved in anything. If I stay home and write my book, I tell my characters what to do, they don't tell me what to do.) > > 6. My mother-in-law (mnl) has (mild) BPD (but can still drive a person just as insane as some of those with severe BPD if there is a difference in degrees.) and she's primarily the waif, and the hermit is her secondary. So again, three children: > > A) The Oldest Child, who wants more responsibility, but throws a fit whenever I give it to him (my husband). > > The Middle Child, who whines because the oldest child gets to do everything and the baby doesn't have to do anything (my mnl). > > C) The Baby, who doesn't understand what's going on, but needs constant attention and care (my fnl). > > 7. I would be cooking dinners for four. While that's not always such a bad thing, it can be rather tiring because I would have to fix two separate meals since my fnl has irritable bowel disease. > > 8. No central air. (We have one wall air conditioner since the electric was shut off during the hottest part of the summer, but we would have to buy two more.) > > 9. We would have to put our couch and dining room table downstairs because they don't have a dining room table and their couch is broken and falling in. > > 10. Three Words: Two More Cats. (Our cats might not get along or interact well or worse.) > > 11. We trade one set of stressors for another. > > 12. I might slowly go insane. (My needs always come last, and I figure it would be the same story there.) > > 13. We would probably live there for a year (or until the day we die, whichever comes first.) > > So there you have it. The pros win, but my question is, who would really be winning in this situation. (Charlie Sheen, maybe, but not us.) > > I'm so screwed. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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